AN: Two chapters in 1 day! You lucky goffik preps!


Chapter 12. (this is an extremely long chapter. I nearly died commentating on this.)

AN: stop f,aing (this girl could put together a dictionary on words she invented and their meanings. It would be thicker than the Oxford Dictionary, just like her. BADUM CHA! Not funny? Oh.) ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat (uh, glad I don't live in America then by the picture you're painting of it!) I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian (because he's a wizard! That's how I know he isn't a Christian! Wait did I understand what she just said? Ugh, I'm starting to think like this retard!) plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! (what the hell…?)

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago (isn't 'Drago' how the French sometimes spell Draco's name for some pointless reason? She can speak French, aww! 'I can't speak French, so I'll let the funky music do the talking, talking, oh…' ok, sorry.) had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly (YAY! OUR YOUNG EMO WRITER SPELT SOMETHING RIGHT! Wait, isn't that Raven girl correcting this? Huh, Tara whatsherface can't even take credit for a word spelled correctly.) against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together. (whaaaaaaaat an idiot.)

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. (Woop, National Screaming Day! !)

"OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" (people actually say 'OMFG' instead of 'Oh My Fucking God'? Apparently Harry does.) and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. (I NEED TO KNOW HOW TO ACHIEVE THIS UNIQUE COLOUR IN ART CLASS.) I stopped.

"How did u know?" (know what? Who won cycle 14 of America's Next Top Model? Pfft, I knew that ages ago.)

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!" (Relax, it's only a TV show!)

"NO!" I ran up closer. (yeah, I wanted Raina to win as well. But you can't have everything in life.)

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me (what the hell? Have you just been walking around with a pentagram on your forehead? Wouldn't just having the cool scar be easier?) and I always cover it up with foundation." (oh, of course. Where would we be without white foundation? Probably somewhere with a lot less pale emos pretending to be vampires. Yep, that's where.) he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" (Voldemort has him bondage. It makes me think of them having a nice bonding session together over tea and crumpets, and maybe Heat magazine.)

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. Snap and Loopin and HAHRID (ooh… nearly!) were there too. They were going to St. Mango's (St. Mango's: Tender Loving Care, for fruit.) after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. (I thought you said HAHRID wasn't a teacher, he was a student? Oh what the hell.) Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. (OH MY GOD. Dumblydore pooped out the video camera? WHY?) I put up my middle finger at them.

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed (aww, snuggle! No, that's creepy.) holding a bouquet of pink roses. "Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, (because 'very' takes such a lot of time and energy to type out.) giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. (you LOVE the colour pink, don't lie!)

Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik. "No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses." (then what the fuck are they? Baby dragons?)

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses. (don't be stupid, Enoby! Why would Hargrid bring you a bouquet of goths?)

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily.

"No you didn't I replied." (Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn't! Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn't! Oh yes I did! Oh no you didn't! Oh look it's raining and snowing outside.)

"You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." (what the fuck has Paris Hilton got to do with any of this?)

Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) (…) to it he added silently. (if he said that silently, you wouldn't be able to hear him..)

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly. (angrily: angry and girly. Enoby's so clever, inventing words of her own.)

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! . (… what…?)

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. (you? Wise? ! –splutters and dies from a laughing fit-)

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!" (I am not even going to begin to evaluate what the hell THAT was about.)

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame floating in the middle of the air. (Oh, of course it did. SILLY ME!) And it was black. (I get it.) Now I knew he wasn't a prep. (what, that's stereotyping if ever I saw it! I know loads of 'preps' that can produce random black flames from pink roses! Actually, I don't, because in England where this is supposedly set WE DON'T HAVE PREPS. OR HOT TOPIC. But clearly that doesn't matter to you, Enoby.)

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" (And Drako is what mentally retarded people call Draco. Enoby can speak French AND mentally-retarded-ish. Shame she can't speak English.)

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame but I could c nothing. (that's because it's a fucking flame, DIMWIT.)

"U c, Enobby," (NOBBY!) Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) (haha piss off!) u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back. (haha, yeah, that's it!) Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. (I'm eating an Easter egg! I don't care if it's 5 days early, we're away in Rome from Thursday to Monday so I won't get a chance to eat my chocolate then.) There was some corset stuff on the front. Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong on them. (And I'm listening to Muse! They're my new favourite band, me thinks… and now my cat is licking my elbow. GET. OFF. YOU. FREAK. OF. NATURE.) I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) (oh, ok, I'll just go fuck off then. –runs away and cries- ) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss. ('.CARE.)

"You look kawai, girl." B'loody Mary said sadly. (what's cute about dressing up like an emo slut?)

"Fangs (geddit) (oh my gawd, piss off!) you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. (FREAK!) I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. (shades? As in, sunglasses? I see, she's going for, 'If I can't see them, they can't see me!' strategy. I grew out of that was I was SIX, Enoby!) I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. (what the hell? Do they do hairdressing classes at Hogwarts now? And wait, he was in the hair of magical magic creatures? Is he a flea?) He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. (I have a question. DO THE TEACHERS EVEN GIVE A TOSS ABOUT ALL THIS? Do they not even wonder why some of their students suck blood from innocent Hufflepuffs and their own wrists? Do they not find that VAGUELY STRANGE at all?)

"Hi." he said in a depressed way.

"Hi back." I said in an wqually said way. (… ok, I don't know about everyone else, but when my friend says 'hi' to me, I say 'hi', not 'hi back.' What's the point?) We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then… we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. (can you imagine what the Hufflepuff was thinking…?)

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. (pfft, yeah you scarred all the Hufflepuffs for life! Remember, most of them still believe in Father Christmas and the tooth fairy.)

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. (you know what Enoby? You are such a preppy slut, it's unbelievable! AAAAAAAARRRGGHHHH! OK. That's out my system now.)

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" (ATTENTION SEEKER!) and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. (more red whites.)

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted. "I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco….Volfemort has him bondage!" (anyone else have major déjà vu? Volfemort sounds like a dog… oh, I saw Voldemort the guinea pig again today! He only bit me twice! I think he's really starting to care! And I named his father Tom Riddle Senior. Though it was a bit awkward when we found out they were both girls.)

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111 (you're the bloody author! Dear me -.- )

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I (oh, lovely! HEY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WRITE MY STORY BECAUSE I'M TOO LAZY TO USE SPELL CHECK AND NOW I'M BLAMING YOU FOR MY LAZINESS and by the way do you know where my sweater is? Raven, don't tell her!)