AN: I finally got my new computer, so my writing has resumed. Because I was so hindered for so long I don't have a single word of the next chapter typed yet, so it may be a little while before I can get back to posting as regularly as before.

I also want to thank everyone for their wonderful feedback! Now that I can, I'll be going back and trying to respond to as many of the questions as I can.

Thanks for reading!

Derek managed to stay awake for close to an hour after Meredith returned to his room before sleep finally claimed him. She had watched as his eyelids gradually became heavier and heavier, his blinks becoming longer and longer, as his already drugged eyes glazed over. And finally, they shut for good. His eyelids flickered, as if he was trying to open them again, and then they relaxed.

He was asleep.

Meredith smiled softly as she sat by his side, holding his right hand with hers and rubbing her left hand up and down his forearm. It calmed her now, to see him peaceful in his sleep. It lessened the pressure she still felt in her chest from her interview that morning.

If you could even call it an interview.

Interrogation was more fitting.

She felt violated. Her experience that day was her experience and no one else's. She didn't want her memories and words and feelings forever recorded in a police file. She didn't even want the memories in her own head anymore. For three days she had managed to suppress the full extent of that day, but now she was raw and exposed. And she wanted nothing more than to turn out the lights and crawl into bed with her husband.

But there were several issues with her deepest longing right now. They were in the ICU, for one. The lights needed to stay on. His family was here, watching. And he was injured. Sharing a bed with him, as much as she wanted it, wasn't feasible right now.

She stroked his forearm one more time, up to the elbow and back to his wrist before stilling her hand, her eyes trained on her husband. His face was more still than normal when he slept. His eyes didn't move under his lids now, and his breaths were shallower than normal; likely a product of the morphine. Or the fact that every movement of his diaphragm and lungs probably hurt like hell.

He was in pain, even if he was doing a good job hiding it. She could see it every time he met her gaze, even through the morphine haze. But he was being brave and strong. For his family. For her.

She smiled softly as she gazed at his face and resisted the temptation to lean forward and run her fingers through his hair. His sleep was shallow right now, and she didn't want to wake him prematurely. The sleep was healing.

Derek was healing.

She closed her eyes and tried to imagine their life in a month's time. He'd be home. Free of wires and tubes and leads. He'd be able to move about freely. He'd still be in pain, but not nearly as much. They'd be able to sleep in the same bed. Their bed. It had really only been a few days since they had slept in the same bed, but it felt like an eternity right now.

It was Saturday now. Derek had been shot on Wednesday. Meredith had wasted Tuesday night trolling for surgeries and working with Shadow Shepherd when she could have spent the night with the real thing. Monday night she had been on call and hadn't gotten home until very late. Derek had been asleep, and by the time she got up in the morning, he was already gone. Sunday night...she couldn't remember. They'd actually spent a few hours together one evening. Had it been Sunday? Saturday maybe?

She sighed and sat back in her chair, hugging her knees up to her chest.

Ten minutes passed. Twenty. Thirty.

Derek continued to sleep, his breaths more shallow than usual, but even. Oh, so even. In. Out. In. Out. Regular and even. And all on his own. She had never been so entranced by the simple act of breathing before.

Ten more minutes elapsed. And then another.

The hour mark was closing in when Jenna finally spoke.

"Meredith, I have to ask. Why is there a spinal tumour drawn on your bedroom wall?"

Meredith blinked and craned her head to meet the questioning eyes of her sister-in-law. "What?"

Jenna offered her a smile. "Mother of all spinal tumours? Above your bed? Appears to be drawn with sharpies?"

Meredith smiled back as her brain processed what was being asked. She shifted in the chair so that she could face Jenna. "Oh, that..." How could she begin to explain that? "Uh, yeah, Derek removed it from a patient last fall."

"Really?" Amelia spoke up. She had been fairly quiet so far. "It's huge. And intricate. Where did he have to cut the cord?"

"He didn't."

"He...he removed it around the cord?"

"Yeah. No nerve damage at all."

"Wow, I knew my brother was good, but that... That's impressive," Jenna said.

Meredith nodded. "Yeah. It took him close to thirty hours."

"Very impressive," Carolyn stated, echoing her daughter, "But why is it on your bedroom wall?"

This made her laugh. It was short and quiet, but still a laugh. "You'd have to ask Derek. He spent ten hours in surgery one day, staring at the tumour. And then he came home and drew it on the wall. The next day he removed it."

"Okay, now I think my brother is crazy," Jenna said.

Meredith shrugged. "Maybe a little."

This made his whole family laugh, quiet and short, as hers had been. But it was nice. Comforting. Normal. As if, for a moment, all six of them could forget they were sitting in an ICU room, staring at Derek's prone form.

"It's a nice house," Kathleen spoke up.

"Thank you," Meredith said quietly. It hadn't been until after she had sent Mark to take the Shepherds home for the night that Meredith had actually realized what she had done. She hadn't been home in several days, but she was pretty sure the house was relatively clean, providing Alex and Lexie hadn't destroyed it since she'd last been home Tuesday morning. But there were...things. Things that were hidden from view, but not hidden away. If the Shepherds snooped, they could find things. Not bad things, but things. Private things. Things she didn't necessarily want to be explaining while Derek wasn't conscious enough to act as a buffer.

"I think Derek mentioned, before, that the house was yours?"

She nodded. "It was my mother's. I was going to sell it when I moved back here, but then..." She shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I changed my mind."

"What are you going to do with it now?"

"Now?"

Carolyn smiled at her and nodded. "Derek said you two were building a house."

Meredith ran her hand over her face as she nodded, trying to waste a few moments as she struggled to make her mind work at its normal processing speed. The house on the cliff. Their dream house.

When she had told Derek she wanted to build their house, they had thrown away the plans he had had drawn up previously and had started from scratch. They had designed every square inch of their dream home as they planned for their future.

Their future.

It was a concept she hadn't thought about in the past few days. She hadn't thought much about the world outside of the hospital. She hadn't thought at all about the future.

The future she still had. The future they still had together.

The house was underway. On the rare occasion she and Derek had had time off together, they had driven out to their land to check the progress. That provided a few additional good memories that hadn't come to mind before.

"A house. Yes," she stammered. "We're building a house. On his land. Our land, I mean." She made a face, knowing she wasn't making a lot of sense. Her emotionally raw and sleep deprived brain was already struggling to complete menial tasks, and now she was trying to make it think about the outside world and the future. And be coherent at the same time.

If Carolyn noticed her struggle, she didn't say anything. "Are you going to keep your house?"

It only took Meredith an extra second to take in the answer. "I...haven't really thought about it. I still have roommates. We tried to get rid of them...the roommates. And we did for a little while, but...they're still here now. I guess we'll just leave the house to them, for now at least."

"How far along is the house?"

"Uh, it should be ready in a couple months..." she trailed off as realization smashed into her. Had she not been sitting down, she may have stumbled. Maybe even fallen down. Collapsed.

She and Derek were building their dream house.

It would be finished soon. She had been looking forward to it; moving into her dream house with her husband. Having his kids. Building their family.

And she had almost ended up all alone with the house.

But it wouldn't have been her dream house anymore.

It wouldn't have meant anything anymore.

Her hands trembled and her chest hitched painfully, but she held her arms tight around her knees to keep her body still. Her throat burned as she sucked in a painful gasp of air, and she closed her eyes.

What would she have done with the house? Would she have moved out there alone?

She wouldn't have been able to sell the land and the house. It would have killed her to know someone else was living there; in the home she and Derek had designed together. The house had their future written all over it. The future that hadn't been guaranteed three days prior.

Her body shuddered before she regained control and found the strength to open her eyes.

Carolyn was staring at her, waiting patiently for her to open her eyes. Her gaze held comfort and understanding.

"Sorry," Meredith murmured, resting her chin on her knee. "I...sorry."

Carolyn nodded solemnly. "You have nothing to apologize for. If anyone understands, it's us."

Meredith nodded against her knees and closed her eyes again. "Thank you."

Another ten minutes passed in solemn silence. Meredith continued to hug her knees tight to her chest as she watched her husband breathe in and out. In and out. In and out.

Eventually, Jenna's voice cut through the silence. "Okay, I have another question. What's with the dead kidney on your nightstand?"

A sob that was mostly a laugh bubbled up from her lungs.

Jenna offered her a smile, happy with herself for bringing the room back to a lighter mood.

"The kidney... There was a domino surgery; six donors and six recipients. Derek used his pull, or whatever, to get one."

"Derek's weird," was Jenna's response.

Meredith shook her head as she laughed again. "No, it was good. Everyone else was very jealous."

The door opened before any further questions could be asked, and Teddy entered the room. "Hello, Shepherds," she greeted, sounding more relaxed than she had been for several days. "How's our patient? Did he actually eat the jello after I left earlier?"

"Not because he wanted to," Carolyn responded. "But he ate it."

"We didn't give him a choice," Kathleen added.

Teddy smiled. "Good. Yang is over at Seattle Pres...helping out. She'll be back in a few hours, but I want to get Derek up and out of bed this morning."

"Already?" Carolyn asked, worriedly.

"Yes. With routine heart surgery I would have wanted him up yesterday, or even the day before. His surgery, while not routine, was started quickly and went well. He needs to get up and start moving around. His lungs sound good, but he's still at risk for pneumonia."

"Shouldn't we at least be waiting until he's out of ICU?"

Teddy shook her head. "In a normal situation I would have moved him yesterday. He's stable and healing well."

"Then why-"

"Several reasons, actually. The first being we're short staffed and we're trying to keep the patients we have in the same areas. The second is...it's more secure in the ICU. We're trying to keep the police away from him for as long as possible. And there have been a few, minor, incidents with reporters trying to get into the hospital. As the Chief of Surgery, we believe he'd be a target for the press."

Jenna sighed. "I wish you'd told us this yesterday. I've been worried there was something you weren't telling us."

Teddy smiled. "Sorry. I keep forgetting I'm dealing with a family of doctors."

Meredith watched quietly as Derek's family asked Teddy several additional questions. She hadn't even realized; hadn't even thought about the fact that Derek was still in the ICU. And it was something she should have noticed. The ICU was for patients who were immediately post-op, unstable or in need of constant observation and care.

Derek didn't meet any of those criteria anymore.

The realization, although it was coming a day or two late, made her breathe easier. He was still at risk for pneumonia, infection and even clots, but his recovery had progressed past the acute stage.

He was doing well; as well as could possibly be expected at this point.

"Grey?" Teddy's voice reached into her awareness. "Grey."

Meredith snapped back into reality. "Sorry, what?" Everyone was staring at her, concerned.

Teddy furrowed her brow. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," she said quickly.

"She gave her statement this morning," Carolyn said softly, as an explanation.

"Were they as insensitive as they were for mine?" Teddy asked.

Meredith tried to offer the older surgeon a soft smile, but it died on her lips. "She was...neutral. But the questions..." She shook her head.

Teddy offered her an understanding smile. "It's over now. Just think about that."

"Thanks."

"Now, why don't you wake up that husband of yours and see if we can get him on his feet."

Meredith turned in her chair and reached for Derek's hand. "Derek?"

His breathing changed slightly, but he didn't wake. His hand remained passive in hers.

She stood and leaned over the side of the bed. "Derek," she said again, before reaching a hand to stroke his cheek.

His eyelids fluttered, and then opened. He blinked twice before his eyes focussed on her.

"Hey," she said softly.

The corners of his lips pulled upwards. "Hey," he whispered back. "'s a good way to wake up."

Meredith smiled and pecked his lips. "Good," she murmured, a bare hint of a memory drifting through her subconscious; of a moment filled with both fear and a sudden swell of optimism. It had been enough for her to lean into the fear; to overcome it.

"How are you feeling, Dr. Shepherd?" Teddy asked.

"'s Derek," he mumbled.

"I'm sorry?"

"My name," he clarified. "I think we're past the formalities."

Teddy nodded. "Okay, Derek, are you ready to get out of that bed?"

"God, yes."

Meredith smiled at this, knowing her husband hated to be so stationary. He was active. And chatty. Two qualities she had once been annoyed by, but now missed desperately.

In what seemed to be one thought, Derek's sisters excused themselves, leaving only Meredith and Carolyn.

Meredith helped Teddy unhook what could be unhooked, and hung Derek's IV and Foley bags on a rolling pole.

"You ready?" Meredith asked as she manoeuvred the back of the bed upright.

He nodded, his eyes closed as he adjusted to being so upright.

"Are you sure, because-"

"I'm ready," he cut her off. "I just need...a second."

"Okay." She squeezed his hand and fell silent.

A minute passed, and then another, before he finally opened her eyes.

"Okay, Derek, you know the drill. Swing your legs over the side of the bed." Teddy had had Derek sit unsupported on the side of the bed the day before.

Meredith blinked backs tears as she watched her husband struggle to move his body in what should be a simple motion. The look in his eyes told her he was in pain, and it was all she could do to stand back and not try to help him. He needed to be able to do this for himself.

When Derek finally had himself in position, he wheezed painfully as his arms wrapped around his abdomen.

Meredith bit down onto her lower lip as she passed him a pillow.

He took it from her and hugged it to his chest. "'s better," he mumbled, still breathing hard, his eyes wrenched shut.

Unable to just watch him be in pain any longer, Meredith cautiously sat beside him and rubbed his back. He didn't acknowledge her presence, but after a minute, the tight muscles under her palm began to relax.

"Derek, do you want me to get a walker?" Teddy asked.

He shook his head.

"Are you sure? There's nothing wrong with needing one."

"No," he said, his voice strained but determined. He opened his eyes. "It's hard to...adjust. But I'm okay."

Teddy nodded. "Okay. When you're ready, lean forward, hold onto the IV pole and stand."

Derek reached for the IV pole, his fingers turning white as he gripped it tightly. He shifted, moving his body forward, towards the edge.

Meredith bit her lips as she watched him, wishing there was something she could do. She had watched hundreds of post op patients, including some of her friends. She had been post op herself. She had experienced the pain. But it hadn't hurt as much as is hurt to watch Derek now.

She thought he would pause at the edge of the bed before standing, but he pushed through the pain. His toes touched the floor, and then his heels. His knees gave slightly as they were asked to support his weight for the first time since he had fallen with the impact of the bullet three day prior, but they held. And he was standing.

Derek sucked in a painful gasp as he stood, hunched against the pillow, the hand gripping the IV pole shaking slightly. Meredith followed his movement, standing as well, still rubbing his back.

Carolyn was spouting off words of encouragement and support, but Meredith stayed silent, knowing Derek was too preoccupied to hear anything.

"Oh," he eventually breathed. His neck straightened and he opened his eyes.

"How does that feel?" Teddy asked, keeping a careful eye on his balance.

"Feels like I weigh a thousand pounds."

Teddy offered him a smile. "That will fade. You're up; that's the hard part. Do you feel up to a couple steps, or do you want to sit first?"

He wanted to sit. Meredith could see it in his eyes, could feel it through his back. The effort it had taken him to stand had exhausted him. He was in pain. But he was Derek Shepherd. He was nothing if he wasn't determined. "I'll...couple steps," he mumbled.

He rolled the IV pole forward about a foot. His body shifted, as if he were trying to decide which foot to move first. And then he moved the IV pole back half the distance.

For a moment, Meredith thought he was going to change his mind and sit, but then he shuffled his left foot forward. And then his right. And then he stopped and breathed hard, his right arm hugging the pillow tight to his chest, supporting his fractured sternum.

"Good," Teddy said, encouraging.

"Walking...harder than I remember."

Meredith smiled at this. It was unfair, that the simple act of walking was this difficult, because Derek hadn't done anything to deserve this. He fought for every patient and didn't deserve to be blamed for the death of a patient who had been gone before he had even been called onto the case. But still, Meredith smiled, because Derek was in pain and was struggling to put one foot in front of the other, and yet his personality was still shinning through.

Despite the pain and the struggle and the unfairness of it all, her husband was still her husband. He wasn't hiding from the situation, and he wasn't pretending everything was okay. He was facing it head on. A wave of love and gratitude swelled in her chest. He'd crash eventually; she knew. He always did. He handled things until he just couldn't anymore. And then he crashed. But he was doing awesome, and she knew some part of him knew that. And he would handle things as long as he could. And she would be there when he stopped; she would bridge the gap until he could handle it again.

He shuffled forward another few inches.

"You're doing awesome," she whispered, following his progress.

"Room's bigger than I thought," he whispered back.

"I guess you're not quite ready to make a break for it?"

He exhaled with a hint of laughter as he shuffled forward again and then stopped. "Maybe tomorrow."

She ran her hand along his spine. "Sounds like a plan."

Teddy cleared her throat. "No escape plans. I've never had a patient escape; I'm not about to start now. Plus, I know where you live."

Meredith giggled.

Derek started to laugh, but stopped immediately, wincing at the impact on his breastbone.

Meredith winced with him, running her hand along his spine again. "Okay, no joking right now."

He said nothing, but nodded. After a moment, he pushed onward again, taking three steps before stopping.

"That's great progress," Teddy offered. "How about we turn around and head back to the bed?"

Derek shook his head, before standing up a little straighter. "I can make it to the door."

"I believe you can, but once you get to the door, you have to be able to get back to the bed."

"I can do it."

"Ah, you're going to be one of those patients."

Derek ignored her and took two more steps.

"Derek," Teddy tried again. "You've already surpassed the goal. Don't overdo it."

He hesitated, as if debating the merit of Teddy's words.

Teddy sent Meredith a glance, looking for support. They both knew if Derek overdid things now, it would lead to problems later. It would cause more pain, which would impede his recovery.

Meredith hesitated, not wanting to say the wrong thing. This was the first time Derek had been on his feet. It was a male independence thing; that she didn't get, thought was stupid, but understood was important. She stilled her hand, but continued to rub her thumb back and forth. "Your call," she murmured. "We can go all the way to the door now, or we can go back to the bed and try again in a few hours."

"What would you say to your patient?" Teddy added.

Derek sighed and nodded. "I'll go back, but I'll try again in a few hours."

Meredith had to smile at his tenacity.

It was a slow process; watching Derek slowly shuffle back to the bed. Meredith sighed in relief when he finally sat back down onto the edge of the bed.

"How did that feel?" Teddy asked.

Derek shuddered and wheezed slightly before nodding. "It'll get better." Now that he was seated solidly on the bed he closed both arms around the pillow he held to his chest.

Meredith sat beside him again and ran her hand up his back and neck to his hair. It was matted and she worked at the first set of tangles her fingers came across.

"Derek," Carolyn began, "Do you want to lie down?"

"No," he mumbled, eyes closed, his chin resting on the pillow he hugged to his chest. "Sitting up...is actually kind of okay right now."

"That's good," Teddy said. "Just sitting up is good for you right now."

He nodded.

Teddy smiled and turned to Carolyn. "Mrs. Shepherd, do you want to take a walk?"

Meredith smiled as the two older women left the room.

"Alone at last," Meredith murmured.

"Hmm," was Derek's low response. He was clearly in pain, but was handling it. "It'll still be a while before we can take advantage of the alone time."

Meredith smiled. "That's the last thing on my mind right now."

He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"Shut up," she murmured. "You're alive. That's the only thing that matters right now."

Derek shifted and removed one hand from the pillow to reach for her knee.

Meredith rested her hand on his and threaded their fingers.

"I love you," he said softly.

She sighed and rested her head against his shoulder. "I love you too, Derek, so freaking much."