So, this chapter took a week to get my head around, and a day to write, lol. Always-thanks to my beta, Uglyjacket, who didn't flinch at all when I dumped 10k on her in a single day. Soorryyy, love!
Anyway, about time I mention one of the songs I've been writing, like, all of this fic to, but especially this chapter: Can't Sleep Love by Pentatonix. You know, in case you need a soundtrack to this fic, just put that song on repeat, lol. I know I have.
Anyway, I hope you have fun with this chapter, and I hope you tell me if you did ;)
"And you just agreed?" Minako's incredulous voice admonished her through the speaker.
It was turned on low, of course. Mamoru would be out of the shower any moment, but as of now, she still heard the water rush.
Usagi pursed her lips, leaned close to her mirror and pushed the tiny silver studs – with the array of even tinier, multicolored glass crystals in them making them look like a miniature flower bouquet fresco – carefully into the holes of her ears.
She straightened up and rubbed her hands against the waist of the baby blue A-line fit and flare dress.
It hugged her waist tightly, flaring out at the hips dramatically and fell to her knees, and it twirled prettily and the off the shoulder look emphasized her cleavage in a way that made what little there was of it look alluring and touchable, and the light blue color would look fabulous to the strappy metallic silver pumps that were waiting in the genkan.
She looked good enough to eat, even she knew that.
Even when she was trying to tell herself she'd made the effort for her date within this strange double date from hell…
She picked the phone back up, turned off the speaker, pressed it to her ear, glancing back into the mirror all the while and smoothing out imaginary wrinkles on the dress she'd bought just today with money she really needed to use for more responsible adult things.
"How could I have said no?" Usagi whispered into her phone. "You should have heard Saori on the phone."
"Wait, what?" Minako bit out. "Mamoru didn't even tell you himself?"
Usagi blinked. Frowned. But… he didn't even have the time… Saori called before… when they were still…
"Usagi-chan," Minako said, tone serious and caring and authoritative, the tone she used when Usagi was about to do something dumb and Minako seemed to forget she was not her sworn guardian protector or something. "You're about to go on a date with the engaged man you're in love with and he is not your date."
"You really don't need to remind me of that, I'm well aware…" Usagi grumbled into the phone.
"Well obviously, you're not!"
Outside, she could hear the rush of the water dwindling to a stop, and she held her breath as she heard the noisy, creaking, slide of the door to the shower room, even through her closed door.
"Usagi, you just had a heart-to-heart with Haruto, explaining to him you weren't in a state to date because you're hung up on someone else, and now you're about to embark on another date with some random dude only days later, with the very person you're hung-up on THERE WITH YOU?"
Minako's voice had risen, and it was irrational, she was on the phone, but she was suddenly terrified Mamoru might hear.
"Well?" Minako huffed into her phone, when Usagi didn't reply for a moment. Frozen.
She heard Mamoru's feet pad through the apartment. Knowing, knowing he was just in a towel again.
Then she heard the door to his room click shut, and she exhaled loudly.
"Usagi-chan?" Minako demanded, in all the 'what do you have to say in your defense' tone.
"I'll just be nice and enjoy a fancy meal and never have to see the guy again?" Usagi said.
She could almost hear Minako's argument before she'd even made it. That the guy who was her actual date was not the one she was concerned about, it was the one she couldn't decide to never see again as easily she was concerned about.
But, to her surprise, Minako didn't say it.
"Fine," Minako huffed. "I bought three pints of ice cream and I'm not going out tonight, and even if I fall asleep I'll keep my phone next to me at all times if you need me, but don't expect me to not say 'I told you so.'"
Usagi fell into a smile, met her own reflection in the mirror. She did have the best of friends.
"Thank you, Mina-P…" she whispered.
Minako hrmphed. "Just take care of yourself, ok? It's all I ask."
Usagi nodded, hummed in agreement to it. "I will, I promise."
She could pretty much hear Minako's doubtful frown, but this, again, Minako didn't voice.
In all honesty, Usagi thought, as she pocketed her phone into the small silver clutch, this was probably going to be painful but needed shock therapy.
If she would see Mamoru and Saori happy and on a date, see them as a couple in a romantic environment like this, it might just be the most potent – and painful – cure she needed. Maybe she could get over him then, if she saw up close what he had, what she was jeopardizing with her stupid feelings.
She sighed. Then she frowned at her hair, saw a wrinkle in one of her buns, and redid them. On a whim, she put a very small but pretty hairpin into the crook of one of her buns.
She nodded to herself, steeled herself for impact.
When she finally emerged and padded out, Mamoru was dressed and sitting in the living room, waiting for her.
She couldn't help but notice the way his eyes widened when he saw her, and he froze a little, and she did an internal fist pump for the dress and then immediately berated her mind for it, telling herself as best she could this dress was not for him.
The exhilaration lasted for all but a second. He didn't comment on her dress, and she swallowed down the disappointment.
He shifted away from her, buttoned up his suit blazer quickly, erratically, and cleared his throat, swallowing. His voice was a little breathy, a little hoarse, when he spoke. "Shall we?" he said.
She nodded meekly. Cleared her own throat when he bent in that gorgeous black suit with the matte colored black lapels and the crisp white shirt and skinny black tie, the fabric across his butt stretching as he bent to put on shiny, classy dress shoes.
She fumbled a bit with putting on her own shoes and fastening the thin clasp around her ankle, and she wobbled a little when she got up. They were high.
She didn't fall though. Instead she blushed bright red because Mamoru had caught her by her bare arms to steady her in the crammed small space of the genkan, and one of her legs was between both of his since she's steadied herself.
She bit her lip, steeled her gut further, tried not to think of the way his hands felt against her bare skin.
He let go of her as if burned, grabbed her fluffy marshmallow of a cream-colored coat and nearly threw it at her.
"Won't you be cold?" he asked, voice strangled, looking pointedly at her legs.
It was chilly in the hallway already, the bright fluorescent glare of the apartment building making the fancy get-up seem silly and overdressed.
"We'll be in and out of the car, right?" Usagi said, not denying him.
He nodded curtly, the atmosphere so weird, and locked the door behind them.
It was a stupid, utterly unnecessary car ride, because the restaurant was literally around the corner, a three or four minute walk away from their apartment building, but Saori's place wasn't, and so they made a ten minute detour that turned to 20 minutes because of traffic in that ridiculous red car to pick her up.
Usagi had climbed into the backseat automatically, reserving the passenger seat for the woman it belonged to, and sat down right behind the driver's seat.
They were silent on the ride, but she could feel Mamoru's eyes on her in the rearview mirror from time to time.
Mamoru got out when they arrived, and Usagi remained in the car. It was a painful sight, watching Mamoru disappear into the entrance of this classy, obviously expensive building, and not re-appear for a while. An even more painful sight when he finally emerged what felt like hours later, looking still so smashing in that classy suit, Saori smiling warmly at her on his arm as they approached the car, in a stunning emerald colored, velvet dress underneath an open, classy, black trench coat that hugged every inch of her body and brought out the color of her beautiful eyes.
Usagi might look good enough to eat. But Saori looked like sex on legs, a very different kind of good to eat, the one that was done with tongues and heaving breaths and gasps and hushed whispers of devotion. Usagi was suddenly very much reminded of the sounds she'd heard coming from the next room, those few weeks back.
Usagi's throat ran dry, willing the painful imagery out of her head.
"Usagi-chan, you look adorable!" Saori gushed at her with bright, sincere eyes, as she leaned back around the passenger seat and reached out to squeeze Usagi's hand that rested on her dimpled knee.
Mamoru went back around the car, got into the driver's seat, and immediately wove them back into the horrid Tokyo rush-hour traffic.
"Not compared to you, I don't," Usagi breathed. She felt Mamoru's frown on her through the rearview mirror again. "You look absolutely stunning, Saori. I wish I could pull that look off."
Saori smiled at her, so warm, so nice. "You know, I wish I could pull off yours? I can give that sentiment right back."
Usagi blinked, surprised, looked back down at her beautiful baby blue dress.
It was cute, wasn't it?
The ride took forever, and Saori started grumbling about how they should just have walked – which she was totally right with, they'd probably have arrived sooner, and so when they finally parked in the parking garage nearest to the restaurant that ended up being about as far away from the restaurant as their apartment building, Mamoru vowed to just leave the car there overnight.
Saori rushed into the restaurant first, hugging a man sitting alone at a table for four in an anthracite suit, apologizing profusely for their delay, before she'd even gotten out of her trench coat.
Kobayashi was one of Saori's friends, so much she'd gathered, and she introduced him to Usagi with warm, affectionate words and a hand on his sleeve.
Both Mamoru and Saori stood weirdly rigid when Kobayashi turned to Usagi with a cheeky smile, light brown and almost auburn hair that fell boyishly into his grinning face, and he decided to greet her with a hug.
Usagi giggled. It did break the ice. He was nice.
Mamoru liked Kobayashi. Sure, he was definitely more Saori's friend than his, ever since Saori had met him when they were all in their first year of college, and she and Kobayashi became friends right away, but despite the fact that the two of them were much closer, and there were things that just didn't click between him and Mamoru, he still liked Kobayashi actually.
Right now, he hated him, though, and couldn't stop the fierce glare in his direction, as he sat diagonally opposite of him.
The way he kept glancing at Usagi – at her cleavage.
Mamoru was boiling. Found himself sarcastically cutting into strings of conversation, earning him weird looks.
He'd picked him out, because Usagi would find him boring. Why didn't she find him boring?
Why were they getting along so well? Had Kobayashi always been so easy on the jokes? Was Kobayashi a funny man?
He didn't even notice that Saori, next to him, was sitting more rigidly than usual as well.
Usagi and Kobayashi, though, they seemed to be having the best of time.
That glow and laughter in Usagi's eyes. It had been gone for weeks, it seemed, and now it was back. Because of fucking Kobayashi.
It had first happened when Saori had started discussing the opera they had tickets for after that wine tasting that was scheduled for next month, right around Christmas time.
"Don't you sometimes just wanna strangle them for being so perfect?" Kobayashi had said, leaning over in his seat and mock whispering towards Usagi, while addressing Saori with amused, joking eyes.
Saori had rolled her eyes with that amused bite of her lips that she so often regarded Kobayashi with, but Usagi had erupted. Eyes alight and suddenly full of joy.
"Oh my GOD, YES EXACTLY!" she had yelped, delightedly.
Kobayashi chuckled, straightened up with that gleam still in his eyes and started speaking in that obnoxiously annoyingly high and snooty voice that was supposed to be his nasal imitation of sophistication, swaying side to side. "Look at us, we go to the opera, and we grind our expensive Peruvian coffee beans with our hipster coffee grinders."
Saori only rolled her eyes affectionately, but Usagi puffed and snorted with laughter. "Oh my god the coffee beans! Yes!" she cried.
Or much later, when he had Usagi laughing tears into the table cloth already and he leaned over to her, chuckling with amused eyes and a shrug.
"Anyway, I should maybe mention my dating disability," he'd said to her, almost conspiratorially, leaning to her sideways as he kept cutting his filet.
"Oh?" Usagi had giggled, eyebrows raised, obviously not believing a word the fucking douche was saying being fucking charming.
"Yes," he said, with a theatrical sigh that had Usagi back in giggles, "in the face of a beautiful woman, strange things come out my mouth. But, obviously, with you it's not so bad."
Mamoru snorted in utter disbelief when Saori, across from Kobayashi, slapped Kobayashi's hand on the table. "Kobayashi!" she called out, appalled, and Kobayashi blinked, realizing what he'd said.
But Usagi only giggled around her gnocchi some more, raising both eyebrows in good natured banter. "Right. Um, thaaank you?" she laughed at him.
Kobayashi's eyes were suddenly wide, and he lifted his hands, cutlery in them. "Oh my god, no, that doesn't mean you're not a beautiful woman, I meant – I meant, you know, when you see someone so utterly perfect it almost hurts, but like, with you, you're such comfortable company instead…"
"KOBAYASHI!" Saori yelped and Usagi snorted again, laughter bubbling from her perfect lips.
"… I'm not making this better, am I?" Kobayashi said, ducking.
Saori glared at him, but Usagi just giggled a little more, the sound like bells and personified joy. "You know, I'll take that. Who's perfect anyway? I definitely know I'm not. And it IS hard to be around and compare yourself to!"
Mamoru frowned at her. Hard. How could she— What?!
Kobayashi looked around himself, wiggling his finger at Usagi, but his gaze switching back and forth between Mamoru and Saori almost in accusation. "See? She gets it!"
Mamoru crossed his arms.
Usagi giggled, brushed Kobayashi off with a flick of her wrist. "Well," she said, swallowing a buttery piece of potato pasta quickly with an appreciative sigh that vibrated through him, "I'm also not the best at dating anymore it seems – if that helps you out, I can relate?" she laughed, and it was Kobayashi's time to return the amused 'Oh?' look.
"Yes!" she said, laughing back, "I had beautiful dates only last week, that didn't work out at all, for one, because I tried to force something, um… impossible?"
Mamoru frowned, tried to catch Usagi's eye across from him. Her tone was good natured, but she avoided his gaze studiously.
"I'd also call that a dating fail," she finished.
Kobayashi lay a hand on her arm, looked at her with sincere concern, leaning a little closer.
It caused Mamoru to claw his fingers into the section of table cloth that met his thighs.
Kobayashi's eyes were dead serious as he spoke. "Did he have a husband? Cause I hate when that happens."
Usagi spluttered out in confused giggles. "WHAT?!" she blubbered, and Saori joined her in the same exact exclamation, while Mamoru only rolled his eyes.
Kobayashi leaned back in his seat defensively, lifted his arms in a defensive shrug, his voice rising a little as he hurried to explain to the table. "Ya know, like when you've been subtly flirting with someone for weeks, and wiggling your eyebrows at them a lot and tried to make them laugh, and ask them on a date," he said, waving his hands and Saori started snorting at the mention of wriggling eyebrows as a flirting technique "…and apparently you were so bad at making your intentions clear, you find yourself at beer pong with this beautiful person of your affection, learning she's a lesbian only when later her wife joins you on the fun night out with friends? Because that may have happened to me twice..."
"TWICE?!" Usagi spluttered, laughing.
"Well, I told you I have a dating disability!" he said, laughing himself, and Mamoru fumed inside at the look he gave her. "I can't flirt, and obviously I'm rubbish at letting people know I'm flirting in the first place and I'm ...I like strong women?"
Saori raised a delicate eyebrow at him. "What, are you saying all strong women are LESBIANS?"
"NO!" Kobayashi said, eyes wide, voice rising in nervous defense. "Just that apparently, I have a type that leans in favor of me being in…" he looked at Usagi helplessly who giggled, "…this sort of… well, I mean, Saori is a strong woman and she's not…" he broke off, blushing. "Oh for god's sakes, will you lay off?"
Saori had her hand up in front of her mouth as she giggled.
And then Saori's giggle turned into a smile, and she addressed Usagi in an amused, but gentle voice. "Apparently, Kobayashi's first relationship was with a girl that didn't know she was in a relationship with him."
"At least that's the story he always tells," Mamoru grumbled, but Usagi reacted at the same time.
"What?"
The douche shrugged in that douchy, nice guy way. "Yeah, I found out I wasn't in a relationship, when I learned she had a boyfriend now?"
Usagi giggled right at him this time, throwing Kobayashi an incredulous look, who shrugged again in that 'Oh well' kind of way.
"I mean, this was middle school and my rulebook there might have been slightly off, but we held hands that one time in the dark, and she sat next to me in class so..."
Usagi giggled right out. "Ok, you win," she said, and Kobayashi shot her that infuriating, toothy grin.
"I mean," Kobayashi said, nodding his head towards Saori and him, "we can't always be as perfect and ideal as this infuriatingly good match over there…"
Usagi giggled. "Right."
Mamoru's look darkened.
"Well, us not-so-perfect individuals gotta stick together then, right?" Usagi said with that adorable laughter in her eyes.
Kobayashi chuckled, eyebrows raised. "Ouch, yes, I get it now, that does hurt."
Usagi giggled, and so did Saori. The douche had the whole fucking table charmed.
Since when was Kobayashi so dubious? Was Kobayashi in a gang?
Mamoru glared even harder.
"So, Usagi, tell me," Kobayashi said, changing the topic. "How's living with Chiba Mamoru?"
Mamoru stiffened, and Usagi blinked, and for what felt like the first time this evening, she met his eyes. She was blushing.
"Um… it's really nice?" she said. "Mamoru is a really considerate roommate…"
Saori blinked, perking up. "He is?" She smiled, but it looked sad. Mamoru saw Kobayashi catch that.
"Yes! He…" Usagi said.
Kobayashi interrupted, arm waving and loud, "Nah, don't gimme that curated, nice girl speech. I want dirt on him," he said with a toothy grin.
Saori snorted, amusement back on her cheeks, and she giggled behind her hand. Mamoru lowered his eyebrows in an even deeper glare.
"Um…" Usagi sent him an apologetic look, but then she spoke. "Well, he gets really cross with me when I leave my shit lying around…"
Mamoru puffed up in his chair. "I haven't in weeks!" he interrupted, but she went on.
"…and gets suuuper testy and cross with me sometimes like for NO reason…"
Kobayashi snickered, leaning forward in his chair in glee. Mamoru prousted.
"I… I do have reasons!"
"…and he irons his underwear…"
This time Kobayashi really laughed, and Mamoru glowered. "What, really?" Kobayashi said, slapping his knee like a douche.
"…on Friday nights!"
Mamoru rolled his eyes to Kobayashi's snorting and fist pumping. Even Saori giggled, even if more for the situation than on his expanse.
"… And he takes, these, like, super long showers. I've never met a guy who showers this long, and…"
Mamoru froze. Saori frowned. This was, after all, something she had a perfect estimate on.
"…you think so?" Saori said with a frown… "I don't think he does at all? How long do you shower?"
Usagi blinked, surprised. "But he showers like… at least 40 minutes! Sometimes he…"
Mamoru cleared his throat. "Can we change the subject away from my personal hygiene maybe?" he bit out. Harshly, testily, cross.
"Right," they mumbled, and, "Sorry."
The result was awkward silence that settled the table, right when the waiter arrived with a new bottle of wine. The sound of refilling glasses suddenly sounded boomingly loud.
It was Kobayashi who broke it.
"How long have you lived with Mr. Exciting Friday Night here again, then?" he said, voice forcibly cheery.
Saori chuckled.
"Um… I moved in at the end of August?" Usagi said.
"So, a little under three months?" Kobayashi said, needlessly.
Usagi blinked, caught his eyes in surprise. "…has it really only been three months?"
Mamoru blinked right back at her, when she met his eyes, gaze surprised.
It really had not been that long...
"Wow, yes, I guess," Usagi said, nodding. Then, "And I was really thankful I could move in at such short notice!"
Mamoru almost choked on his wine.
Saori frowned "…hadn't it been planned for weeks prior?" She asked, more at him, than Usagi. Oh god, no. He knew that look. No...
Usagi met his wide, panicked eyes confusedly, reading something in them.
"Um, um, yes! But that, I mean… is rather short notice? Ummm, I mean, the Tokyo real estate market is vicious, you know?" Usagi stuttered, trying to save him.
"Right…" Saori said, swallowing thickly, frowning. She regarded him with a look he knew all too well. Saori was the youngest officer in Japan to ever be promoted to detective, after all. She got it figured out now.
Kobayashi cleared his throat, obviously noticing the minefield. For once, Mamoru was thankful when he spoke.
"So, YouTube, Saori told me, eh?"
"Yep," Usagi said, smiling nervously now, popping another piece of gnocchi into her mouth.
"And you have a voluntary job?"
"Yep."
"So, where do you save the world then?" he asked, smiling.
This was a disaster. Saori would know now, Saori would find out. She'd know his feelings… What were his feelings exactly?
He stared at Usagi, across from him. Stunning, captivatingly perfect Usagi with that glow in her hair and the laughter in her smile, thinking herself weirdly less than perfect.
But that was looks… right? Right? Lust.
And then Usagi spoke, and Mamoru had half a heart attack.
No. Not here. Not now. Don't figure it out here.
"Um," Usagi started, as suddenly everyone looked at her intensely. "I volunteer with this nonprofit association that goes into like, not only orphanages but yeah often orphanages, but also like..." she blushed when she met his shocked gaze, took a sip of wine before she continued "…institutions where there are a lot of kids that come from poor homes or where the parents can't take care of them that well and.. we spend time with them?"
The table had fallen silent, just looking at her. Though he supposed Saori was looking at him, instead.
He was frozen. Completely and utterly frozen, and his heartbeat was in his teeth.
"Oh?" Kobayashi said. Probably more to break the awkward pause at the table than anything else.
"Yeah. Um, we go to like, Odaiba and to arcades and parks and to zoos and petting zoos and, you know? To kid friendly museums and planetariums and the space museum and…" she met his eyes again, then quickly averted them, looking at Kobayashi instead, and scrunched up her nose and cocked her head sideways a little. "I'm actually not THAT good at it because I'm supposed to be like, a responsible adulting guardian, but instead of scolding them when they're loud and reminding them of their schoolwork, I tend to teach them, like, how to throw the popcorn in the superior way and sometimes I get in trouble for that, but I love my kids and I think they like me, too."
Saori and Kobayashi both reacted. Saying things in kind, enamored voices. But… he couldn't hear it. It was all far, far away.
This was… his heart beat wildly. His hands trembled, even when they were in fists at the hem of the table cloth, clenched.
She was perfect. Usagi was the perfect woman. She was an angel in the flesh. She was caring, she was kind, she had the biggest fucking heart on the planet, his heart hurt to, to… and that smile, that sunshine missile of a smile, the way she made him… And those lips, the way they pulled at the corners, and when…
He was breaking apart. Everything felt distant, pain spiked in his head, he felt his breath come short.
"…Mamoru?" Saori's voice sounded far away, as if he was underwater, or behind glass, and she on the other side.
He couldn't breathe, he…
This wasn't just lust.
No. This was something he'd never known before.
His mind snapped through image after image, memory after memory. Usagi's face as she slept in their pillow fort, soft and perfect and burned into his soul, and the exasperated full feeling in his heart because of it. Dinners on the balcony with her giggling softly into her food at him. The goldfish. Her legs clamped around him, as he jumped to the beat of the drums at the autumn matsuri. Her words, her eyes illuminated by the candle light with her skewer in the chocolate fondue.
"That moment…" she breathed, too near, "when you get to know someone, and your entire being gets obsessed with needing to know this person, to be around them… how you can't think of anyone more interesting and important than this one person… and it feels like someone turned on the lights and the sound and the saturation of all the colors when you're with them… and then…" her voice broke off, and he swallowed, before she started again in a voice so urgent, so…
"…and later, the way your hands tremble and your gut hurts and everything hurts because you just need to kiss them, and you dream of them and feel like you can't breathe a second longer that you don't breathe into their mouth and—"
No. This wasn't lust. This was something he had never known. Had not known to recognize.
When had he started feeling this way about her?
He swallowed.
Orphanages. She volunteered at fucking orphanages. Why didn't he of all people know about this before? She was an open book. She was unafraid to talk of anything. He'd watched her go to that job she went to once per week, week after week, and he'd never asked.
He had never asked. He'd went through hours and hours and hours of Minako-interrogation, shared bits and pieces of his love life with Usagi, but HE never asked HER.
Because, somehow, he'd been afraid to know the details, afraid to get too attached if he knew too much.
But god he wanted to know. He needed to know everything about her.
The questions bubbled out of him, suddenly. Interrupting the conversation, ignoring Saori's concerned look, they bubbled out.
"What's the best fictional hero?" he babbled out.
Usagi blinked at him, it turned to slow, amused confusion.
"Rain or snow?" he fired out, without getting an answer to his question.
"Um, rain when I'm inside, snow when I'm outside?" Usagi answered, quite unsure.
Saori gaped at him.
"What fairy tale character do you relate to most?" he breathed. They tumbled out, all the silly, silly questions, but he suddenly needed to KNOW.
Usagi cocked her head, looking at him peculiarly.
"Mamoru…?" Saori asked again. Her voice was small.
It broke him out of it.
It felt like falling. Like returning from a high, distant perch and suddenly he was back in his seat. In this restaurant. Clinking cutlery at the tables around them, the hum of chatter, Saori's hand on his knee.
His eyes found Saori's. She looked concerned. Confused. …Hurt.
His throat constricted, his stomach plummeted.
He needed to tell her. He needed to tell Saori, he needed to…
His hands started trembling again.
Not here. He'd bring her home, and then… tell her calmly. She knew now, did she not? That look? She knew he'd had Usagi move in after she'd told him she wanted to move in. It would not be the biggest shock... it…
Oh god. How could he do this to her?
How did he… how should he…
Somehow, he didn't know how he did it, the mask was back in place. He placed his hands on hers, nodded, smiled reassuringly.
Not here. Not now. She deserved better.
So, he sat back, shut up, let them talk. Smoothed over his face. Managed to stop glaring even when he wanted to rip Usagi away from Kobayashi, wanted to…
Usagi.
He bit the insides of his cheeks. Allowed himself to focus on her only so often, counting down the seconds he did, looked away.
And somehow, he made it through the rest of the night, and they stood outside in the cold, chilly air, Usagi bundled in that adorably fluffy coat, standing next to Kobayashi.
Usagi rubbed her hands together against the surprisingly chill night air, trying to warm them. He buried his hands in his pocket to refrain from trying to do it for her.
"Well…" she said, tucking that stray little lock of hair behind her ear and flicking her eyes up to him "… I'm sure you two wanna spend the night at Saori's?"
His heart skipped a beat. Yes. Yes, this was wise. He'd walk Saori home, come back up, tell her. It was the best decision, he needed to…
Kobayashi turned to Usagi, that infuriating slime bag of a cheeky smile on his face, and he bumped shoulders with her. "Do you need someone to walk you home?" he said and wriggled his fucking flirting eyebrows.
He freaked, he froze, he wanted to jump in and rip Usagi away and behind his back and lock her in a tower and keep her to himself, and it was childish and sexist but his blood boiled and—
"No," came the reply. Harsh and hard.
But it wasn't him who said it…
It was Saori.
She sobered up immediately, tone turning softer, all eyes on her. "I have an early morning. I can walk you to your station if you want, Kobayashi?"
Mamoru blinked at her, surprised. She met his eyes. They looked…
He nodded. Squeezed her hand, leaned in to kiss her cheek. It was trembling, when his lips touched her skin. He told himself it might be from the cold. Then he swallowed. But with two steps he didn't consciously make, he was at Usagi's side, waving to Saori, and Usagi and Kobayashi barely had time to say goodbye before Saori hurried him down the street.
Only barely.
Kobayashi still kissed Usagi on the cheek, mumbled something against her temple Mamoru tried so hard to hear that made her giggle and blush, and he had never in his life felt the urge to punch Kobayashi in the face before, but there it was.
Instead, he walked her away, Usagi at his side.
And he only then noticed he'd grabbed her hand to lead her away.
He let it drop as if burned.
And for a sudden, irrational, silly moment that he pushed back down immediately, he failed to ignore how right it felt – Saori and Kobayashi walking off together in the one direction, and Usagi and him into the other… going home… together.
He exhaled. He'd bring Usagi home, and then he'd immediately go back to Saori's and … talk.
... Yes. Good plan. Yes.
Somehow Mamoru was looking at her… differently.
Like, not totally. That look was still there in his eyes but somehow… he didn't hide it?
She shook her head. She was seeing ghosts.
Her heels clicked loudly against the asphalt, and with a sudden shudder, she laced her arms together, feeling the goosebumps crawl up her legs as she shivered.
Only a corner, and they would already see their apartment building.
The more she was surprised, when she felt warm fabric wrap loosely around her neck.
She looked up. Stopped. He did, too, finished wrapping his scarf around her.
"Better?" he asked, in an almost breathless voice.
What was that look in his eyes?
She nodded, mutely, and he resumed walking.
"So… how did you… like him?" he asked.
There was something strange in his voice. Something… off. What was it?
She swallowed. Willed back her smile, shoved the confusing thought to the back of her mind. "A lot!" she said with a smile. "He's so sweet! Thank you for introducing me! I think I'll—"
"More than me?" he rushed out. The tone sounded… defeated, almost, and his eyes widened when her eyes met his, looking utterly mortified. The way she always looked whenever stuff came out she just couldn't stop.
Usagi blinked, surprised, wide-eyed.
But they'd arrived at their door, and he shook his head at her in that 'forget it' way, and unlocked it, and pressed the button the elevator before she could begin to work this through.
She looked at him out of the corner of her eye. The way he stood rigid, the way his hands fiddled nervously with the—
Nervous. That's what it was. Chiba frigging Mamoru looked nervous. What—
The elevator dinged, opening its doors to the 11th floor.
He unlocked their door, held it open for her with trembling hands.
She frowned. Was it because of what she'd accidentally said to Saori earlier? Had she gotten him in trouble?
He didn't rush to his room this time, didn't rush away. He wasn't even… weird, or dismissive, or the way he'd been the past few days, ever since…
His hands were in his pockets, and he motioned for her to go in first, and she bent down to unclasp her shoes, and dropped her coat unceremoniously on the narrow dresser, the way he hated.
She exhaled, stepped up from the genkan, unwrapped his scarf slowly from around her neck. Maybe… maybe they could go back to… being civil with each other. Nice. Like before. She was adamant to manage it. She could get over him. Probably! She could learn to spend time with him. Learn to not love him. She was determined.
Mamoru had walked in, but made no motion to take off his shoes, or his coat.
He looked at her wide-eyed. She blinked.
"Um… you coming in?"
He didn't say anything. Turned to the door.
She didn't know what was up. But the way he looked at her in the past few minutes? She didn't wanna lose that.
She spoke before she could think it through.
"We... we could do something together, if you wanted? The night is still young…" Usagi said, kneading her fingers into the soft cashmere of his scarf self-consciously.
He looked at her. Hesitated. Looked at the door.
It looked like he was fighting a battle with himself, and like he was losing.
Then he nodded. "Ok," he whispered.
She found herself back in her room, briefly. What was she doing? She put her head between her legs, counted to three, then…
She jumped up, as if something had bitten her, ripped at the zipper on the side of her dress, yanked it down, ripped at the hem of her dress and pulled it over her head.
Then she stood there, harsh breathing moving her chest up and down, in the middle of the room in her underwear.
What the fuck was wrong with her?
She emerged, minutes later, in her too short but comfortable PJs.
He was waiting in the living room, his eyes flicked at her, surprised. He was still in his suit, of course.
She slipped into the bathroom, washing her face. When she emerged, he was in his cotton sweatpants, too. Standing there.
The ones that rode low on his hips, the ones that would leave that tiny sliver of a gap between the pants and the hem of his black T shirt, whenever he reached up for things.
Fuck. What was she doing?
Her heart hammered.
Alcohol. Alcohol would be her friend now, and ice cream.
She ignored the slight buzz that was already in her system from the wine, and he finally chuckled, finally a normal sound, when she emerged from the kitchen with a pint of ice cream, two spoons and a bottle of champagne that was left over from the last girl's night with Minako and The Bachelor, and finally, she settled down beside him.
His eyes were warm, as he looked at her with a smile.
She flushed. Held out the bottle for him to open.
"Really?" he asked. "More alcohol?"
She shrugged. "The night is young, and so are we?" she said, sheepishly.
"Right," he said with a rather affectionate roll of his eyes, but he opened the bottle. In that professional way, with the small sizzle and the silent kinda pop that he caught with his hand, not the cork almost breaking a window like she mostly did.
He offered it to her, as they sat there, shoulder to shoulder with their backs to his couch on the ugly green rug, and she took a swig right from the bottle, then offered it to him, but he declined, shaking his head.
"So," she asked, "was this a typical date for you?"
He shook his head, frowned briefly. "We… No," he said. "We don't usually get dressed up like this. Just go to that Korean restaurant we've been going to for six years, mostly."
"Oh," Usagi said. Took another swig from the bottle.
"So, it was not, like, your ideal date?" she said.
He snorted rather incredulously. "No. No, it was definitely not."
She frowned at him, and when he caught her look, he… he flushed? And looked away.
When she offered him the bottle again, he took it from her, tipped it up, and took a large swig.
"Well, what is your ideal date?" she asked him, afterwards.
He frowned. Looked at her, looked away. "I don't really … no, I don't know. Read together?"
"Like reading to each other?" Usagi said, opening up the ice cream pint, handing him a spoon. "Aww!"
"Um, no… Well, that sounds nice too, but I meant… read in the same room together. Be productive."
"Oh…" she wrinkled her nose, pulled a face. "Well, that's ghastly."
Mamoru laughed. It was bright and tinkling and infectious, and it made her take another swig from their shared bottle. She was really starting to feel the buzz, and maybe it was better this way.
"Well, what's your ideal date?" he asked, eyes warm. The way he looked at her tonight –
Usagi shrugged, dug her spoon into the ice cream, and talked with it in her mouth. "Kinda like thif?" she said, and wiggled her head around the room. The comfy clothes, the champagne, the ice cream. "Maybe more confetti," she said, swallowing.
He chuckled. "Sorry, don't have any confetti lying around."
"I have confetti in my room, you know? Just say the word."
He chuckled again, chest shaking. "Of course, you have."
When she offered the ice cream again, he took a spoon full, licked at it from the spoon, and she had to look away.
Damn, the alcohol was really starting to kick in.
"So, ice cream, pajamas, and confetti, yes?" Mamoru said, and took a swig from the champagne once the spoon was clean.
"Yep," she shrugged. "Well and—"
She pushed herself to her knees, crawled over to her small, old console and box she had sitting beneath his media board, and started it up.
"What are you—"
"Just wait!" she laughed, and the screen flicked. Yellow characters on black screen, 16-bit music blaring from the speakers.
"Ah," Mamoru said, chuckling. "Street Fighter. Virtual violence, the most romantic of dates."
She grinned at him. The buzz making her heartbeat slow down, making her calmer. Yes. Yes. This was good. She could do this. If only he would not smile at her like that.
"You don't stand a chance," she winked.
He took a large sip from the bottle.
But he took the second gamepad from her anyway.
"Okay, if I win, I get to skip doing chores for two weeks," she said.
"You don't do chores," he deadpanned, immediately.
"Hey!" Usagi huffed, poking him in the arm. "I do do the chores!"
He chuckled, "Yeah, right."
"Ok, then. If I win I get to skip them for four weeks?" she offered.
"What?!" He laughed.
"Well, YOU complained!"
"But … This is not how negotiating works!" he told her, chuckling anyway.
She rolled her eyes.
"And if I win?" Mamoru asked.
"Pft. As if," she snorted.
"I did play this before, you know? I'm friends with Motoki."
"Yeah, right," she snorted once more.
He gave her a look, took a swig from the bottle. She did notice his movements were becoming a little… sloppy. How much had he drunk at the restaurant? Two glasses? Three? She hadn't paid attention.
"Ok, well," she said. Giving in. "I don't know, what do you want?"
He shrugged, threw her that… kind of half-smile she'd never seen on him before and that made her tingle. "You tell me," he said with that smile.
She grabbed the bottle from his hand, took a swig. She was getting really, really warm.
"Right. Well, I don't know. If I play with my kids their stakes are usually a ride on a ferris wheel but since you—"
He pressed ok.
Usagi blubbered, laughing, even as Mamoru clicked through the menu and picked Ryu as his champion.
"What! Mamoru!" she laughed. "I was kidding! What?! Really?! A ferris wheel ride with me?"
Mamoru blushed, but didn't say anything.
"You pressed ok!" she said.
"My hand slipped," he mumbled, took another swig.
"Right," she deadpanned.
He shrugged. "You said it yourself, I have no chance at winning this!"
She picked Chun-Lee.
He snorted into the bottle.
"It's a deal," she said.
"What?"
"Deal!"
She lost on purpose.
He threw her a look. "Oh, c'mon."
"Gotta go on a ferris wheel ride with me, then," she shrugged with a grin, arms up.
He started a next round. "Right. Best out of five."
She rolled her eyes, played again, for real this time.
He wasn't all that bad at it… At least she found herself giggling a lot when he cursed at the screen.
Best out of five turned into best out of ten, and when the champagne bottle was empty, Mamoru went and got the second one they still had in the fridge from her girl's nights.
She found herself in giggle fits when Mamoru started mimicking the poor excuse for a narrator, shouting "Round One!" and "Fight!" at the screen in a silly, lowered and exaggerated voice.
Usagi won 12 out of 15 and was declared the winner. She insisted to take him on a ferris wheel ride, anyway.
"Can I ask you something?" she murmured. Her vision was starting to get a little blurry.
"Anything," Mamoru said. He leaned with his elbow on the couch. Close, so close.
"What's Kobayashi's first name?" she asked. Then blinked. That wasn't even what she wanted to ask.
"Maru. Why?" Mamoru said, face darkening.
"Why did Saori think I'd planned to move in for much longer?" There. That was what she wanted to ask. She nodded. It came a bit slow.
He shook his head, wobbled a little. Shit damn were they both drunk. "Anything but that," he said, a little slurred.
She pursed her lips at him.
And then there it was again, that half smile. That slow, sexy half-smile, so, so near. She felt it in her gut, in the beat of her heart, in the piercing, clenching feeling between her thighs that she pressed together in reflex and swallowed, wide-eyed, up at him. Too close. Way, way, way too close.
"Why are you so fucking perfect," Mamoru whispered. His eyes were half-lidded and focused on her lips, but his words were calm.
Usagi blinked. Had he… Did he… Had she just imagined that?
Ok. Too drunk, then.
"You think I'm perfect?!" she asked incredulously.
He wet his lips. So close. "I didn't say that," he said, blinking.
She nodded, vehemently. It shook the world when she did. "Yes. Yes, you did…" she said, trying not to slur the words but failing.
"Oh," he said, frowning. Slow and hard. "Well, ok, then. Yes. Yes, you are. It's infuriating that you don't know."
Her breath caught. He did not just say that. She wet her lips. "You're drunk."
"So are you."
She shrugged. "Yep," she said, and then she giggled.
Her head fell on his shoulder in the process, and then she jumped away.
And then there were his lips. Warm and wet and moving against hers, teeth against her lower lip and a shudder on her tongue.
His lips trembled, his breath in puffs against hers and they shook so hard her lips moved under the tremor of his.
The feeling of her tongue touching his, the way they ground and moved to the rhythm of her frantic heartbeat, the way her hands started to claw and pull, and the way she dove into his mouth like she needed him to brand her.
She didn't know how it had happened, didn't know how it had started. She only knew she ended up in his lap, attacking his mouth like it was the only chance she'd ever have, and the lips that pressed to hers were warm, and frenzied, and his tongue slipped against and under hers in a way that made her want to explode and crawl inside of him and started to burn wet and hot inside of her, and the way he melted underneath her lips, groaned and whispered her name as he pulled her down and closer to his mouth with a powerful yank, his fingers slipping against her scalp.
She ground into him, blind, fast, frantic, delirious, felt him come undone beneath her, as she pressed her thighs against his thighs and her crotch against the hardened front of his, felt him buck his hips with a cry and slip his lips down her neck, his hands into her shirt and she shuddered, hard, ripped it off of her, and his lips were on her skin, the pads of his fingers on her back slipping underneath the straps of her bra and digging into her flesh.
He was as crazed as her, kissing where he could, and back at her lips, hectic, never stopping, and his hands, digging into her skin, the way his kisses felt like they were pulling her apart.
It was the most thrilling feeling she had ever felt, she needed more, god, please more…
But that whisper. That whisper in her mind that tried to get through her drunken state of mind, tried to pull her from the press of his wet tongue in her mouth, his trembling skin beneath her fingertips, his guttural groans muffled by her mouth.
Saori.
She pushed at his shoulders – her eyes shot open.
"SAORI!" she called, hands clamped over her mouth, and she scrambled away from him, his lips following her that little ways, his eyes opening slowly as if from a stupor.
He blinked at her, wide-eyed. His eyes opened fully, finally, and he froze.
She trembled. Everything in her trembled. What had she done? What the fuck had she done? She wasn't a homewrecker. She wasn't. And yet… How could she have—
The tears fell. "I'm so sorry," she cried out, hand clamping against her mouth.
He was completely frozen, the way he sat there. His collar pulled back, the skin against his neck where she had sucked and bitten starting to redden. His wide eyes didn't even… He was… Was he in shock?
He didn't react, sat there, stupefied, as she rushed into her room and slammed the door.
She held her breath for a second when she heard his feet shuffle in front of her door, and she sunk further into her blanket, pretended to sleep. Frowned at her phone display as it told her the time, and it was way past the time he'd usually leave – like way past, and yet she still heard him move around the apartment.
It had been the third time he'd been in front of her door this morning. The first he'd just stood there, too. The second time, he'd knocked – very softly, and waited.
She pulled her comforter over her head, scrunched her eyes shut.
No, no, no, no, no. Usagi, no. You can't do this. He's engaged. This was a mistake. A giant mistake. You can't do this to Saori. You're not this kinda person. He's absolutely off limits.
And yet, her mind kept wandering back to his lips. Pressed against hers so tightly. The desperate sounds he'd made, the way his hands had dug so deep, so needy, the way he'd clutched at her and made her gasp – the hunger in his touch…
As if he'd been longing as much as she had been.
Her heart throbbed when – an hour after his usual time – the front door finally clicked shut. Part in relief, and yet… the tears started to bubble freely, and a moment longer and she was sobbing into her comforter so badly, and so hard, in a way she couldn't remember crying before.
She'd need to move out. As quickly as possible. She couldn't do this. She couldn't be here and do this to Saori, and she couldn't be here and pretend nothing happened, and she couldn't pretend anymore that Mamoru wasn't the man she dreamed about when she closed her eyes, and that his hands didn't make her tingle in ways she couldn't name when he touched her accidentally, and she couldn't pretend that his kiss and his hands hadn't left marks so deep, she knew she would crave him like crack cocaine.
This was all her fault. She knew how she felt about him, and yet she'd stayed. The girls were right, something like this was bound to happen, and it was all her fault.
She couldn't do this. She couldn't pretend. She wouldn't be able to keep away.
Self-discipline had never been her thing. She would cave like she would always cave when something she wanted was in close vicinity.
And Mamoru was so much more delicious than any ice-cream. He was the most tempting kind of treat of all.
So, she had to do the responsible thing here. She would have to leave and never see him again. As soon as possible.
It was a while before she peeled herself out of bed, and her throat was raw from crying. Why did the thought hurt so incredibly much?
And she cringed at herself for the way she put her ear against the bathroom door after she was done showering, afraid he'd returned while she couldn't hear under the spray of water.
She'd fled, then. Sat in Mako-chan's backroom instead of in her usual spot with the cake, because she'd been afraid he might walk by and find her there, see her through the picture windows and come inside.
She'd hiccupped in her crying, and Makoto had given her one of those grounding, tight hugs and didn't mind that Usagi got her apron all wet and stroked her hair and told her she was doing the right thing.
Then she'd helped her put up apartment queries on every outlet possible, all over the internet, and vowed to call everyone she knew.
Usagi gave herself a week. She could withstand temptation for a week. Or hide if she couldn't. She would search for new apartments, and after the week was out, she would either have a new place… or move back in with her parents.
And maybe she could even manage to avoid him until then.
And when Makoto lowered the shutters and it had gotten dark outside, and Usagi could no longer avoid going home, every step felt heavier and heavier, and she glared at her phone, because she couldn't even call Minako and ask for advice, because Minako was on a job and Usagi felt helpless.
Usagi's hands trembled so much by the time she got to their front door that the key wouldn't slip into the lock, over and over.
She froze, when the door opened from inside, and Mamoru stood there, hands in his pockets, lips pressed together and eyes so… so…
"You're home early," she said. And it was a stupid thing to say, because it was extremely late.
"I called in sick today," he said, anyway.
She blinked, hard, moved her gaze to the floor and stuttered out a thank you for opening the door for her.
She got halfway to her room, ignoring his soft 'wait!', until she felt his hand on her shoulder, and she froze again.
"Can we talk?" he asked. His voice trembled.
She sighed. Pressed her eyes shut. Of course, she couldn't avoid him. Would have been too convenient.
The lump in her throat formed back up, but soon she found herself sitting on their balcony, like they'd done so often before, and he handed her that big bunny shaped mug of hers, and it smelled of thick cocoa and had a generous swirl of cream mounted on top, and his own coffee sloshed a bit in his cup when he sat down.
His hands were trembling, too.
She averted her eyes quickly, back to her mug. Don't look, don't look, don't even look at these hands.
"Look," he started.
She shook her head. This wouldn't do. He'd take all the blame even though it was all her fault. She made him drink past his limit. She flirted. She'd decided to keep living here in the first place when she knew she… when she'd long stopped ignoring the way her heart jumped when he smiled, the way her breath became erratic when he quirked his eyebrow, the way heat would rush hard and fast into her belly and make the blood prickle underneath her fingertips when he'd step out of the bathroom and glisten and his… and all she wanted to do was jump this delicious man and lick the water off that chest.
She shook her head, fast. Her hair swished around her. Own up, Tsukino. Showtime. You know what you must do.
"I'm so sorry," she said quickly. "You don't have to say it. I know it was a mistake. You have Saori, and I…" she frowned, threw him a look.
His eyes were wide, and he was gripping his coffee mug so tight his knuckles turned white.
"I mean… it didn't even mean anything, and I'm sorry I've put you into this position."
He swallowed, thickly.
"Right…" he said.
"I mean…" Lie, Usagi. Lie. Like you've never lied before. "I don't even…" She swallowed. "You know I've just broke up with someone, and I…"
Why couldn't she say it? She should just say she doesn't feel anything for him, and she was sorry she got him drunk, and it didn't mean a single thing and it wasn't like she'd licked her lips all day because she couldn't shake the feeling of his lips branded into the skin of hers, and she didn't cry all day because the thought of never seeing him again felt like carving out her gut with a dull fork and…
"I'm sorry I put you into this situation, when it didn't even…" She cut off again. Why can't she say it? Why can't she lie?
"Right." His voice was small. So, so small.
She took a sip of her cocoa. It was perfect. And it burned down her throat.
"I've started looking for apartments," she said, finally.
At this, his head whipped up, and she jumped in her seat a little, startled.
"What?" he said, wide-eyed.
She swallowed, averted her eyes. Jumped a bit when she suddenly felt Luna's soft little fur against her skin, her tail twirled around her leg.
Usagi exhaled slowly. "You'll be rid of me by the end of the week. I figured we should—"
She shook her head and put her mug on the table.
She couldn't do this. She couldn't say these things she'd been prepared to say. That she had no feelings for him, but she should move out anyway. And he would have agreed and said it would be for the better, and she'd sworn to be out of his life and never tell Saori and then proceeded to lie of a date she would have next week, but the words wouldn't come.
She couldn't do this, and so she had to run.
She stood up abruptly, causing Luna to jump a little.
"Anyway," she said, and Mamoru's shoulders were slumped, and he didn't look up. "I'm meeting Minako and I'm late."
Now, she could lie. Go figures.
He nodded, slowly.
And when she'd slipped out, he'd bent down and picked up Luna from the floor and sighed deeply, and started scratching her little head.
Luna looked back at him with those too-smart eyes that looked accusing and yet they couldn't be.
"I broke up with Saori this morning," he whispered to Luna, once the door had clicked shut and he knew Usagi was gone, and Luna's ears twitched. "Is what I wanted to tell you."
He sighed again, hitting his head back against the window behind him with a dull thud, focused on the steady, bright, orange and white of Tokyo Tower in the night sky, and exhaled a shaky breath.
"And I'm in love with you."
So, on Kobayashi: What we have of him is obviously just an episode, and that was all I had to go on for his characterization. But, as episodes went, it WAS kind of rich for that, so, here we have a guy who is obviously utterly rubbish at letting this girl her likes know he likes her. And also, he's just that tad creepy since HE STALKS THE GIRL WHILE HE THINKS SHE'S ON A DATE. I mean, with Chibs in tow, ok, but still lol. He's a little self-conscious, but builds his friend up, encourages her even to follow both her dreams and the man of her dreams, even if that is in direct contradiction to his own interests. So, nice guy. With a habit of making bad jokes that make people glare at him. Also, since HE wasn't the target in that episode, also not the biggest purest good guy dreamer like Saori was, just the biggest piner, but, y'know, nice about it, not pushy.
So, what I was going for here was the kind of good, goofy guy dating disaster with the biggest heart, and extremely funny. You know, a little like Jeff from Coupling, just a little less on the creepy? A little nicer, more empathic and considerate, but keeping the ridiculous?
So, full disclosure, while he's not like him overall at all, I did kinda give Kobayashi a few aspects of my husband, lol, you know, just for the NICE bit. But… ya know, since *I'm* Saori in this story, this kinda… fits? Lol? (And no, I did not meet my husband this way, absolutely not xD) Also, I gave Kobayashi a first name, and if you recognize it, you pass a giant geek bar, lol.
Also, fun fact: Saori's original voice actress's name was Yuuko Kobayashi. Just thought I'd throw that out there xD.
Also, yes, obviously this had to be a train-wreck. Soorrrryyyy. Let me know what you think, anyway? xD
