Castle had a dazed smile on his face as he held the phone to his ear.

"It's so good to hear your voice," Beckett said, and he could hear the relief in her words. Her voice was watery and she was breathing as if she was almost crying.

"Yours too," he replied, absent-mindedly running his finger around the rim of the glass on the table in front of him.

"I'm so sorry about everything," she said.

He paused for a moment before replying. "I know," he said quietly.

She could hear every emotion in his voice. Affection, relief, gratitude, and compassion. But there was also hesitation, and some hurt.

It's not just like flipping a switch, she thought, knowing very well that it would take time to convince him of how she felt, and what she wanted for them. She had kept him at arm's length for so long, and she couldn't expect the transition to be immediate. She had to earn his trust first.

You made a real mess of things, Kate, she thought, realising how close she had come to losing him completely. She made a sound, and even she wasn't sure whether it was a sigh or a sob.

"Kate? Are you OK?" he asked, with concern evident in his tone.

"I'm OK," she sighed. "Or… no, I'm not. I don't know."

He frowned. "I'm confused." He heard her give a small laugh, and he smiled.

"You and me both," she said.

"Changing your mind?" he asked, trying to keep his tone light, and he was dismayed to hear her sob again.

"No, Rick!" she said, her voice cracking, then she took a shuddering breath and tried to gather her thoughts. "Listen to me, OK?"

"I'm here," he said.

"OK," she replied after a moment, sounding slightly calmer. "First, let me say this again: I love you. I know you don't completely believe that yet, but I'm going to keep telling you until you do, because it's true."

He smiled, feeling warmth bloom in his chest. "I've waited years to hear you say that," he said, his own voice wavering now.

Oh god, Rick, please don't you cry too, she thought, squeezing the phone even tighter in her hand. I couldn't take it.

"I know you have," she said softly. "I know. And I am so sorry I've made you wait this long. I pushed you away and I didn't let myself see it, and now I almost lost you, and I didn't want this to be the way you heard it from me for the first time! I've screwed this up so much!"

She was crying hard now, her breath coming in ragged gasps. His heart went out to her, and he desperately wished he was there to pull her into his arms.

"Kate," he said gently but urgently, "listen to me. Don't cry. I'm here. We're here now. That's the important thing."

It took her a minute to get herself under control again before she spoke.

"You're too nice to me, you know," she said. Her voice was higher than usual, and she sounded much younger and very vulnerable.

Maybe I am, he thought, and he was surprised at himself. What does that mean?

"I treat you the way I want to," he said simply, and he heard her sigh.

"I know you do," she said. "And please never stop. But I don't deserve it, and we both know it."

Again a small, sad smile played over his lips. She wasn't the only one who had suddenly allowed herself to see the situation as it truly was.

Years of chasing after you, and being whatever you'd let me be – but no more, he thought. You got a boyfriend, and I got a colleague. Not a fair deal.

The thoughts sounded bitter, but his feelings didn't match. It was Kate. He knew that his heart was already swelling to completely forgive her; blame wasn't even a possibility.

That's what love does, he thought. I just need to know you won't push me away again.

"Rick?" she said, sounding afraid and teary again, and he abruptly came out of his reverie.

"Sorry," he said. "I… was thinking about what you said. And you can't think that way. You don't get to choose whether you deserve it."

He paused for a moment, considering his words carefully.

"I won't lie to you," he said. "This is all a lot to take in. I've wanted to hear you say those things for years, and I'm not totally sure this is real yet. I mean, I know it's real, but…"

"But?" she asked, almost in a whisper, and he exhaled loudly before continuing.

"But, I just need to be sure. I'll get there – I know I will – but you have to understand that I've been on the outside looking in for so long. You mean so much to me, Kate. Nobody can light up my day like you can, just smiling when I bring you a cup of coffee."

He smiled, and he knew she was doing the same.

"But nobody can hurt me like you could, either," he said softly, and he heard her sharp intake of breath.

"I'm… I don't know," he said, casting around for the right words. "I want to feel safe about you. About how you feel about me. I need that. It'll take a little time. And I need you to help me."

Tears were rolling down her cheeks now even though her eyes were squeezed shut, and she was nodding as she listened to him. I know. I know.

When she spoke, her voice was so quiet and so filled with emotion that he had to strain to understand her.

"I feel completely safe about you," she said, her voice wavering.

He smiled again, and this time it was a broad smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes. He felt just a little of the weight lift from his chest.

"Then there's nothing I'm more proud of," he said.

He heard her breath hitch, and again he wished he could hold her.

"Kate, listen to me, OK?" he said. She sniffed, and he took that as a signal to continue. "We can do this. We're going to do this. And I'm going to keep right on treating you the way I do, because I think you're extraordinary. Remember?"

She made a small sound, and he smiled.

"Sure you do," he said. "And how I feel hasn't changed. I knew it even back then."

He paused again, listening. He could hear her breathing more evenly now.

"We're here now," he said, "and I want to make this work. Because I love you."

"Oh god Rick, I love you too, so much!" she cried.

I believe you, he thought. And that's a hell of a first step.

He felt exhausted, elated, wired, happy and excited all at once. Nineteen again, he thought, suppressing a spontaneous laugh.

"I'm going to do whatever it takes," she said, and he nodded.

"I know. I know you will," he said gently. "I'm not trying to punish you, you know. I can't even tell you how much I want to hold you right now."

She snuffled again. I'd never let you go, she thought, marvelling at the change that had taken place in herself. Detective Beckett would have rolled her eyes at the sentiment, but Kate was a different story.

But I've always been Kate inside, she thought, and it seemed like a profound realisation. I've just never allowed myself to be her – to be me – with anybody else.

"I wish you were here," she said. "But I know you're right. We can take this slow, or whatever you need."

"You won't give up on me, right?" he asked, and she easily heard his fear behind the mask of levity. "Because I want this. You – us. More than anything. I just need you to give me the same chance."

"Always," she said softly.

"That's all I wanted to hear," he replied, smiling into the near-darkness of the beach house's living room.

She curled her legs up under her on her couch and leaned back, taking a deep, shuddering breath. There were a few moments of silence as they both just listened to the other's breathing.

"So…" she said, twisting a strand of hair around her finger.

"So," he replied.

She suddenly stifled a yawn, and he grinned.

"Rick Castle, the great conversationalist, at your service," he said, and she laughed out loud.

It was a beautiful sound, and he felt the terrifying strength of his affection for her strike him like a physical object. Damn I wish I was with you right now, he thought. But we're being smart here. Maybe for the first time ever.

Her laugh went on a little too long, and he knew it was mostly from the rollercoaster of emotions they'd been through today.

"So talk to me," she said at last, and he was glad to hear the playful tone had returned to her voice.

"About what?" he asked, in an exaggeratedly innocent voice.

"Hmm," she said. "How about… I know. Tell me a story."

He grinned again. "A story, you say? Those are kind of my specialty."

"So I've heard," she replied, settling down further into the couch.

He thought for a moment, then took a deep breath. "OK, I've got one. It goes on a bit, but we can skip the boring parts."

"I can't wait," she said.

"Once upon a time," he began, "there was a handsome–"

"-charming," she interrupted, with a giggle.

"-and extremely talented writer…"