FORSAKEN IN MY MIND'S PAST

Chapter 10, "Breathe Me" ~ Sia

Bella's POV

A/N: Alright, my dearies! Bella's pov on leaving with Edward, right now. Sadly, one of my betas had to quit for RL reasons, so I send her off with big hugs and smooches! You rocked, ChristineC23! Huge shout-out to my 2 sexy beta's, THEsnapcrakklepop, and Love Of Escapism…you girls rock my world! Oh, one more thing on this one. I FUCKING LOVE THIS SONG SO MUCH. I JUST HAD TO SAY IT. Please proceed… (and check out my profile for links.)

Song Link, Breathe Me: www . youtube . com /watch?v=ghPcYqn0p4Y&ob=av2e

Disclaimer: No copyright infringement is intended. Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, the characters and well, pretty much ME too! This story however, is all mine! ©2009-2011 WickedCurveBall74/RobsMyEdibleArt, All rights reserved worldwide.

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"Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And the worst part is

There's no one else to blame

Be My Friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small, I'm needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

Ouch, I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found

Yeah, I think that I might break

I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

Be My Friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small, I'm needy

Warm me up

And Breathe Me."

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I was so out of my mind by the time Edward and I reached his car, that I literally could not control myself any longer.

I turned and grabbed onto him.

Just fucking grabbed onto him, trembling like a scared little puppy.

What the HELL is wrong with me?

Oh, I remember-the man I'm currently married to; that's what's wrong with me.

He had utterly humiliated me and showed that he was an ass on more than one occasion in the past several hours.

I tried to apologize to Edward as I was grasping onto him like he was the proverbial cliff I was hanging off of, but of course, he would have none of it.

"Don't," was all he said to me, but his eyes…

God, the emeralds that were surely put on this earth to torture and tease me.

They spoke volumes.

I could see waves of emotion splashing around in the bright green jewels that stared back at me, so I simply nodded and plastered a weak smile on my face. I had no more energy to argue. Feisty Bella had been replaced by exhausted, defeated Bella. I just needed sleep and as soon as I got my bullshit-hand taken care of, I would do just that.

I tried to clear my mind. I tried to clear it of all the things that had happened previously and especially where I was going right now. If I thought about it enough, I could probably have opened the door to the moving car and jump out. This was because I had to see Carlisle, the prodigal son's perfect father, who- I was sure- thought of me as a lesser person because I could never be his precious son's beloved Tanya.

I closed my eyes and tried to clear my head of Jacob, Mike, even Edward and what would come of all of this debauchery.

I couldn't deal with it anymore tonight. When I closed my eyes, I wanted blackness, nothingness, numbness. I wanted to crawl inside myself as a turtle did in its shell, and hide. I wanted nothing more than to crawl in a hole and never come out. Humiliation enveloped me. The blackness beseeched me and I wanted it.

Oh if I ever wished I could meditate, it was right now.

I made myself a mental note to learn that particular art A-S-A-P.

I closed my eyes and start to feel like I was drifting, only to hear Edward's voice sing to me again…quietly…cautiously.

"Um, Bella? H—hey, what was with that guy, huh? Uh, Mike, right?" Then he chuckled.

"Oh, Is-a-bel-la." He was trying to imitate the awful accent Mike had created, which was so bad that really only Mike could do it, well, as badas Mike did it. When Edward tried it, it was more like a lion, gently purring to the lamb that he wanted for his prey. Luring it in, mesmerizing it with his musical, sensual purr.

I laughed internally at the idiocy of Edward trying to be anything other than…perfect. I desperately wanted to laugh outwardly and revel in the moment that I had alone with him.

I was alone with him.

Holy shit.

Was this even real?

As much as I wanted to, I just didn't have the energy, and I couldn't force myself to make fun of Mike. All I could think of when he brought up Mike was seeing my husband run over him like a fucking bulldozer, and my head would begin to spin again.

So I just held my hand up to stop him and managed to whisper, "Edward, please," as I shook my head. I glanced over at him and noticed that his face was twisted into a mask of pain and…

Sadness?

What. The. Hell?

I just closed my eyes again and frantically searched for the blackness that I needed to make it through the night with my sanity.

I felt incredibly groggy as I blinked my eyes open then shut and watched the streetlights strobe past the car window. There was no surprise that my luck had not changed when I finally closed my eyes for some actual sleep, because lo and behold; we were already at the hospital. I couldn't believe we made it so fast. It seemed as though only seconds, maybe minutes had passed before we'd arrived. I made a note to myself to berate Edward later about his speeding- I was not about to be mangled in some massive car crash because someone thought he had to drive a hundred miles an hour.

Just then, Edward touched my left hand gently and I gasped.

"Are you ready?" he whispered, and I shook my head as if coming out of a trance. I let out a breath, stunned by the electricity in his touch, and looked over at him. He was staring at me and his eyes were alight, his irises green flames licking at his pupils. It took me a second before I could breathe out a quick, "yes."

He opened the door for me silently, still staring, as I stepped out of the car.

I tried not to touch him, I mean, Christ, I didn't know how much more of the electricity I could take tonight. My body was already on fire from all the ridiculous shenanigans of my fabulous fucking husband, as well as the fact that I generally would burst into flames every time I was simply in the same vicinity as Edward fucking Cullen. Now, I had this little issue with a broken hand…which was just perfect- all by itself- since I couldn't do my job at all, if my hand was in fact broken. Ugh! I was so annoyed with the whole night so far, with one exception.

The air felt strange, the night hazy and the outside of the hospital was eerily quiet.

Weird, I thought to myself, especially for Chicago General, on a weekend night, no less. Then again, it was the middle of the night. Maybe all the chaos had long past. I could only hope.

As I stepped out of Edward's car, I couldn't help but notice how I felt. I felt…good, amazing in fact. It was as though I'd slept for hours, and my hand, wow, my hand felt so much better. I looked down and it didn't look swollen anymore. I couldn't even see the bruising. I winced before I even tried it, but I went to wiggle my fingers and…

What the hell?

No pain.

At all.

Typical. I rolled my eyes internally. I arrive at the hospital because I supposedly have a broken hand, and its fucking fine.

Nice, Dr. Edward, great diagnosis.

"Hmh,"I heard Edward chuckle under his breath and I looked up to meet a devious smirk spread across his lips.

"Well, we still need to check it," he cooed, as if he'd just read my mind. He was glancing from my eyes to my hand and back to my eyes. Then he winked at me, again. I was instantly putty in his amazing, long-fingered hands and he knew it.

I smirked back and turned to trudge ahead to the doors of the E.R. Edward placed his hand gently on the small of my back and my body tensed, feeling once again the electric energy that seemed to flow from his fingertips.

Wait. The E.R?

What the hell? One would've thought that Edward would've been able to just take me right to Carlisle and not have to go through all the bullshit red tape, but apparently not.

As we walked through the doors, we were met with…no was quiet and to be honest, fucking eerie. I didn't see doctors. I didn't see nurses. Hell, I didn't even see any patients.

Thank God the lights were on or else I would've thought I was in some nightmare, B-movie horror-flick and was about to be mauled by a bunch of apocalyptic zombies wanting to eat my flesh.

"Where is everyone—" I looked up again at Edward, to see yet another smirk and hear yet another chuckle.

Again with the fucking chuckling.

So, I just rolled my eyes and kept walking with him.

I didn't know quite what was going on with him, but if this was his idea of a funny joke, he had another thing coming.

He would realize when I cursed him out for it, which was just on the verge of happening.

Things went from zero to weird in about two seconds from when we walked through the doors of the hospital. We kept walking, past the emergency room, and turned into what appeared to be a side hallway to the back and left of it. Good. Maybe he was taking me directly to Carlisle like I'd hoped. Well, since it seemed that no human being was currently working in or being cared for in the emergency room, I guess that would make sense.

Then, I actually saw someone else.

How 'bout that. Another living, breathing person in this place, I thought.

I couldn't see his face that clearly, but it looked a lot like Carlisle. He was walking with what appeared to be a nurse, only she was in this insanely short little nurse's dress and one of those fucked up nurse's hats that they used to wear back in the fifties.

What. The. Fuck?

She had striking, fiery red hair, which took my attention exactly where I didn't want it to go.

Vic-whore-ia. Ugh!

Dr. C- at least that's who I thought it was - was looking down at a chart while walking, and peered up at me. He grinned, and thenturned with the redheaded nurse, down another hall and past the ER.

Edward and I then made another turn ourselves. This time, he led me to the right, into another side and deserted hallway, which was not the way that Dr. C and the redhead went.

I was starting to get antsy because this didn't fucking seem right at all, not for a hospital in a huge metropolis like Chicago, for shit sake.

Edward then abruptly stopped at an unmarked, closed door and I nearly ran right into him. He pulled out a key and slid it into the keyhole of the door.

I was certain that this particular unmarked room could be anyone's office and I had no idea what the hell he was up to, so I was getting a little bit irritated.

Humph, perks of being a doctor…keys to offices that weren't even yours.

I was also in no mood for a guided tour of Chicago General Hospital, no mood at all.

Of course, he was Carlisle's son after all, maybe this was Carlisle's office and he had to run and take care of a patient, so we were just going to sit tight and wait for him to return? I had no idea, but felt like I was trying to pick an explanation for the bizarre out of a hat or something.

Wait, though, there's no way that this could be Carlisle's office.

I saw nothing that even indicated we were in the orthopedic surgery department, nor did I see Carlisle's name on the door. I would've thought- but I could've been wrong, of course- that the head of orthopedic surgery at a major metro hospital would possibly, I don't know but possibly, have earned you a little name plate to put on the outside of your door.

"Edward, is this Car—" I started, as he pushed the door open, revealing the answer to my question.

It was, in fact, not Carlisle's office, but what appeared to be a supply closet. Closet was really not the right word to use. Room is better, because it was a fairly good-sized room. There was a desk, nicely made but old-looking and definitely not like one that anyone of importance would be using. It had random items strewn about across it; there were sticky notes, a couple of pens and a stack of supply request forms along with a phone. There was no computer or anything.

Other than that, the room was packed full of supplies. I noted blankets and towels and sheets. I looked around further, seeing wraps, gauze, bottles of peroxide and alcohol swabs…basic first aid items, linens and toiletries for the restrooms, boxes of paper towels and toilet paper.

No, this was definitely not Carlisle's office.

I slid my hands onto my hips, including the one that was supposed to be broken according to doctor dip-shit here, crooked an eyebrow at him and asked blatantly, "Edward, where are we? What are you…doing?"

He smirked again at me and matched my crooked eyebrow.

Again with the damned smirking.

"I need to get some things for Carlisle. He's…uh…" And he looked up, flashing his crooked smile at me. "Busy."

I was slightly surprised by the twinkle in his eye as he said this to me, and studied his face. He wasn't looking at me. Instead he was looking at some random medical items on a shelf, as if he was concentrating intently on what he needed to "get for Carlisle." I also noticed the slight upward curl at the corners of his mouth as well as the subtle wrinkling of his forehead.

He was fucking amused.

It took me a minute to realize just what he meant by saying Carlisle was 'busy,' and when I did, I was shocked. My mouth fell open, but I quickly snapped it shut. As far as I was aware, although I hadn't been around Edward's parents in quite some time, as far as I still knew, Carlisle and Esme were the quintessential lovers. They were head over heels, almost sickeningly smitten with one another - similar to how another person and had I acted so long ago - and I couldn't believe that anything could cause a rift in something that impeccably strong. I couldn't wrap my head around it at first, but then I realized something. There was in, fact, something that could cause…did cause…a rift in a relationship supposedly that strong. As soon as I made myself think in that direction, I was angry.

"Oh, busy with the redheaded nurse in a tiny little dress? Nice, Edward." I sighed and threw my hands in the air. "What is it with the fucking redheads and the Cullen men, huh? I mean, how could he possibly do that to Esme…how could YOU let him to that to her, Edward? I am shocked and appalled that you could just stand by and…"

"Bella! Relax." He smiled coyly at me. "He's not doing anything like that. I was pulling your chain." He raised his eyebrows and chuckled. "You crack me up! You believe me so easily." I glared at him.

"Like I said…TOOL. That's what you are. Now, why the fuck are we in this godforsaken CLOSET instead of going to have my hand looked at right away, Dr. Cullen? Since you seem to think it's BROKEN and it doesn't even hurt anymore!" I huffed at him.

He just cocked his head to the side and grinned that crooked grin - the one he knew would win me over in no time.

"I told you, Miss Sassy-Pants, I have to get some shit for Carlisle. He needs supplies." He then broke out in a toothy, cheek-to-cheek grin.

Ugh, I just rolled my eyes at his obviously juvenile maturity level…calling me sassy-pants, what the fuck is that? I narrowed my eyes and glared at him, wishing he would just be the caring, tormented, savior he was at the club. Now, he was acting like a twelve-year-old and I was getting over it, fast.

Finally, I sighed and tried to bring the conversation back to the level of thirty-year olds, rather than that of elementary school children.

"Edward, Carlisle is the head of the fucking orthopedic surgical department of this fucking hospital. I mean, don't you think his office…or whatever…is probably already stocked to the brim? Don't you think he probably already had a nurse or something stock up? I don't…call me crazy but…I don't understand why we have to stop here and get all this…stuff when I'm sure he's already…"

As I trailed off, I watched his face change from the mischievous expression of a little boy, to the beautiful man I saw at the club and his eyes caught fire suddenly. He was watching my lips move, then shifted his gaze to my eyes, which made me stop mid-sentence.

The expression on his face, although unreadable, was devastating in a way…conflicted. It was as if he needed to say something to me so badly but was terrified to say it. As I watched, the movement of the door caught my eye, and I followed it down to see him slyly reach behind with his foot and nudge it. I heard it click as it slid into place, closing us in the room.

I heard another click as I followed Edward's hand, which had darted quickly behind him. I realized, suddenly that the click I had heard was the button-lock on the door handle. I took in a quick breath as it dawned on me what was happening. He locked the door.

He locked the door.

What. The. Fuck?

He just locked the fucking door!

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Chapter End Notes, *A/N: I know, I know…you can smack me later. I like to make you beg for more. I'm evil like that. ;-P Gee, why do you think he locked the door? Any ideas? Reviews make me happy, and reviewers get to be locked in a supply closet with Docward.