12.
"As you know a single drop of Basilisk venom is enough to kill any normal person, but Mister Potter managed to hold on long enough until I could get Rigel to cry on the wound. It was as if he has some sort of tolerance to the venom. As if he'd been infected before." Madam Pomfrey explained to the anxious four.
"Thank you Poppy." Dumbledore sighed and the matron nodded, going to look on her patient who was being kept company by the young woman who'd been found with him. Dumbledore found himself staring at the young man, a flurry of emotions swirling in his chest.
"I knew it." Lily said, fighting back tears as she looked at Harry suspended above a bed in a harness to keep him off his back. "I knew it. I warned you all. He's suicidal, and you all just keep pushing him…"
"Lily, come on." Sirius tried but Lily held up her hand, her face hard. Sirius actually took a step back.
"Did he tell you that he'd faced a Basilisk before?" Lily asked. "Did he tell any of you? He told me and Minerva. He knew what was down there and he went anyway. He didn't ask any of us to help him. He went down there to die."
"Then why did he bring the girl down with him?" Remus asked.
"I have no idea Remus." Lily admitted. "Maybe so that we'd still have the sword? Maybe so someone could tell us where he was? You heard her story. He made sure that she would have the ability to kill that thing and get help. He could have conjured the rooster himself. She said he was able to control twenty ravens to peck out the eyes of the snake. He could have gotten a rooster to crow. So I ask you, why do you think he took her down with him?"
"That actually makes sense." Sirius sighed wearily. "Damn it! I thought he was getting better. We talked about that girl all day when we were at the Gaunt shack. I thought he'd found a reason to live, you know. Or at least he was starting to get over everything."
"He hasn't even started to deal with any of his pain Sirius!" Lily snapped. "And now it's killing him."
"It was very irresponsible of him to take her down there instead of one of us." Dumbledore chided and Lily scoffed.
"And why would he do that?" Lily hissed. "We had just proven we couldn't keep a dangerous woman locked up. What use would we have been to him down there in his opinion, do you think? We have to be smarter! We have to help him Albus! We have to fight this war on our own!"
"What are you saying Lily?" Sirius asked cautiously.
"Maybe it would be better for Harry to stay here in school. We can get him if we need his help to find Horcruxes, but in the meantime, maybe it would be for the best if he remained here. Somewhere where he can be around people his age, and maybe heal."
"I don't know if that is a good idea." Dumbledore said hesitantly as he looked over his shoulder. Lily and Sirius didn't see it, but Remus noticed the Headmaster's face shrivel in antipathy. The wolf Animagus made a mental note of it, but said nothing.
"Do you want him to get killed Albus?" Lily snapped, her eyes flaring in rage. "Because that's what's going to happen. If he's allowed to continue out there, he will find a way to get himself killed. Maybe if he's here, and he makes some friends, maybe he'll see that he's not alone. He's told all of us that he wants to have a life. A family… Maybe he'll connect to people and he'll start to heal and start working towards those things."
"Lily's right." Sirius nodded. "I don't think the kid really wants to die, or he would have gone into the chamber alone. We're lucky he ran into that girl. He's got a connection to her. He didn't just bring her down there for no reason. Maybe if he's around her more, and maybe if he starts meeting other people he'll come around. He kept telling me the other day that he wants a life outside of fighting. We need to give him that chance. We're responsible for him."
Dumbledore looked at all three faces and knew that there was no changing their minds. And in truth they were not wrong. They had brought the poor boy here to there world and put him in the center of their problems. He was their responsibility. However, Dumbledore still felt it would be better to keep the boy separated. In his heart he felt the boy was dangerous. He felt as if Harry Potter wasn't being entirely truthful with them, and that he needed to keep his eyes on the boy. He didn't wish to be fooled again, the way Voldemort had done.
"Very well, I shall make arrangements for Mister Potter to stay in the castle." Dumbledore conceded.
He could see her in the distance, looking just as he remembered her. She stood with others he knew and his heart swelled at the sight of them. He ran to them, anxious to feel their arms around him. To hear their voices. But no matter how fast he ran, they remained distant.
He stopped running, confusion on his face, and he called out to them. They all turned to look at him and to his horror they all appeared disappointed in him. His friends, his family. They all looked ashamed of him, and his heart sank.
"Please!" he cried. "Please I miss you all so much!"
"Than why do you dishonor our sacrifices?" They all spoke as one, and he felt the impact of their words, and he fell to his knees, tears spilling from his eyes.
"Harry?"
It was a new voice, coming from some where far away.
"Harry?"
Light fingers touched his face, and wiped at his tears. The voice kept calling him, soothingly, yet with worry.
He became aware of a dull burning like pain in his back, but he couldn't feel anything else, save for those gentle fingers on his face. No, that wasn't true. Someone was holding his hand as well.
Slowly he began to open his eyes and found himself looking into deep dark brown pools. Hermione gave him the softest most relieved smile he'd ever seen in his life, and it gave him a severe pang of guilt.
"Where am I? He croaked, and coughed. His throat felt as if it was swollen closed, and swallowing was extremely painful.
"Shh." She said calmly. She bent and brought up a cup with a long straw that she placed at his lips. "Just a little."
Harry had never tasted water so sweet. His parched mouth and cracked lips soaked up the moisture, and the swelling in his throat eased microscopically.
"You're in the infirmary." Hermione said as she gave him another soft smile. "You gave me such a fright. I thought you had died."
Harry suddenly found it hard to look her in the eye.
"I didn't know what to do. All I could think of was to send a Patronus for help." She said.
"You know how to do a Patronus?" Harry looked up intrigued.
"Yeah." Hermione shrugged. "I wanted to do it when I learned about it in third year. Took me three years to get it right. But I'm not sure I could actually do it if I were faced with Dementors. But thankfully it worked that night. Dumbledore and these other people showed up and I told them what happened. They were really worried about you. So was I."
"How long have I been out?" Harry wondered.
"Two days." She sighed, giving his hand a squeeze. "I was sure you were going to die, but Madam Pomfrey got her Phoenix Rigel to cry on your wound. I didn't even know she had a phoenix. She said it had bonded to her family line for three generations. I didn't even know they bonded. Hardly anyone knows about them. They're really rare, and now I'm realizing that I'm babbling."
"It's alright." Harry started to smile, but wince with pain.
"Do you need help?" Hermione asked but he shook his head.
"Harry I've got to know why you brought me down there with you." She said after a short silence. "I saw you conjure those Ravens. You didn't need me to conjure a rooster. And you clearly knew what you were doing. I still don't understand why you didn't bring someone more capable with you. If not Dumbledore, then one of the other people who showed up."
"Maybe I was just trying to impress you." Harry tried, jokingly. "You know take you on a date you'd never forget?"
"If that's your idea of a good time, then I don't think I want to go on anymore dates with you." Hermione replied with a small chuckle, though her expression immediately turned to one of concern.
"I overheard your friends speaking to Dumbledore. The woman, Lily? She thinks that you're hurting, and that you're trying to kill yourself."
Harry's expression fell and again he couldn't look her in the eyes. Hermione squeezed his hand and she reached up and brushed some of her hair over her ear.
"Why?" Was all she asked.
Harry didn't say anything for a long time, and even pulled his hand from hers. Hermione remained standing at his side.
"Harry, you told me that night about some of the things you'd seen and done, and I get it. You lost people you care about. I'm truly sorry for that. I know there's nothing I can say or do that will make the pain any less. But if all those people you cared about died to help you, to protect you, how do you think they'd feel about what you tried to do? If I sacrificed myself to make sure you lived, I'd be ashamed of you now."
"I'm tired." Harry said sullenly. "I think I'd like to go to sleep."
Hermione felt her heartbreak and knew that he wanted to be alone. She realized he already knew what she had told him. For now she felt the best thing would be to give him his space.
"Okay." She said reaching up and squeezing his shoulder. "I'll give you some time. But I'll come back later. I don't abandon the people I care about Harry Potter."
Hermione made her way to Gryffindor Tower and went to her bed. Everyone else was in class at the moment so it was very quiet at the moment. It gave Hermione a chance to reflect on the last two days. There was no questioning that it had been the most dangerous and confusing two days of her life. Starting with Harry Potter coming out of a girl's bathroom. Actually, it was really learning that Professor McGonagall knew Harry.
Still she hadn't expected to see Harry and then there he was, right when she had been thinking about him. Following that had been his hour or so of honest forthcoming. He had told her a lot about himself. Clearly he was over compensating for being so vague before, but it had been far too much to process in the moment. Looking back now, it was almost like Harry wanted her to know who he had been after he was gone. And that made Hermione very sad.
She had a chance to reflect on his story while she had sat with him. Which was stunning to her that she'd been allowed to remain at Harry's side. The woman, Lily, if Hermione remembered correctly, had insisted she be allowed to remain. She had told Hermione that it was important that he not be alone when he woke up. So she had sat with him, holding his hand and thinking about him. She had to eat in the Great Hall, and sleep in her own bed, but any other time, she was there. Thinking over everything she had learned about him.
And that was how she had come to the conclusion that Harry Potter had tried to kill himself. She really wasn't sure if it had been planned or not, but she was positive of the outcome he had been trying to achieve. She also didn't understand why he had brought her down into the chamber with her. The only thing she could come up with was that in the deepest part of his heart, he truly didn't want to die.
So why had he reached out to her? Why not one of the three adults who had been with Dumbledore who seemed to care for him so much? And the only answer she had was the most ridiculous one she could think of. The stupid soul mate thing.
Hermione felt that she was beginning to understand how the whole thing worked. A soul mate did not equate love. Especially since she definitely did not love Harry. Sure, he was attractive, and she had been thinking of him a lot, but she also knew that she didn't love him. But she also couldn't deny that she had enjoyed being near him, even when they had been in a life and death situation.
And that was another thing. Harry had made sure that no matter what, she would be safe in the end. He had made her get out of the way and given her the one thing that would kill the beast instantly. Short of leaving her out of the whole thing entirely, that was pretty much the safest she could have been. He had at least thought enough about what he intended to do to make sure she would be alive when it was over. And she also realized he had come up with that part of the plan after they had started looking together. After he had started to reach out to her for help.
Hermione lay down on her bed, folding her hands on her chest and closing her eyes. She wondered idly what might be going on in Harry's head and his heart. Did he truly want to live, or was he now so determined to be reunited with those he lost that he couldn't be helped. That he didn't want to be helped.
That thought actually made Hermione begin to cry. She had only just met him, and yet she felt like he was important to her. Maybe they would be married one day, or maybe they were just going to be the very best of friends. Maybe he would be the brother she never had… whatever it was, she didn't want to let it go.
"Stupid soul mate!" She huffed.
The next morning Hermione awoke and got her day started with a shower before gathering her things for classes. She knew that she was going to check in on Harry at some point that day. She hoped he'd be in better spirits and that he might be a bit more willing to talk to her. She didn't want to push him, but she was truly worried for him.
When she was dressed, and had her things together, she headed down to the Great Hall for an early breakfast. She figured if she ate quickly she might have some time to see Harry before Transfiguration. When she arrived, she found it was nearly empty, which wasn't a surprise this early in the morning, but she was a little shocked to find Padma there along with Luna Lovegood, a sixth year Ravenclaw with very long wavy dirty blonde hair and bright blue eyes.
"What are you two doing up so early?" Hermione asked when she got close enough.
"Padma wants to meet your boyfriend." Luna said with a dreamy smile.
"He's not my boyfriend." Hermione countered quickly.
"Yet, you've barely left his side since he got hurt. You've only been here to eat and you've barely done that." Padma pointed out.
"That doesn't make him my boyfriend."
"Is he a boy?" Luna asked.
"Well, yes…" Hermione replied looking confused.
"And he is your friend, right?" The blonde girl added.
"Yeah" Hermione said beginning to catch on.
"Then clearly he's your…" Luna and Padma started but Hermione cut them off.
"He's not my boyfriend, alright?" She snapped. "He's my friend and he's going through a lot right now. I'm not just talking about how he got hurt either."
"What do you mean?" Padma asked.
Hermione hesitated. She had been advised by McGonagall not to talk about Harry too much. Given what she now knew, she felt that was a very wise idea. Yet these girls were her friends, and she trusted them. Besides, they might have ideas on how to get through to Harry that she hadn't thought of. And so long as she didn't reveal too much, she felt it would be okay.
"Well, he recently lost a lot of people he cared about." She started. "He's in a lot of pain emotionally, and I don't think he knows how to deal with it. I think he tried to kill himself."
"Oh my gods!" Padma said, her hands going to her mouth in horror. Luna sat up a bit straighter and leaned in, looking as if her own heart was breaking. Hermione realized that Luna may be the one who could understand what Harry was feeling as her own mother had committed suicide when she had been nine.
"Do you know how it happened?" Padma asked. "I mean, do you know how he lost all of them? Was it because of Voldemort?"
Hermione hesitated but then she began to nod.
"Apparently, they all died protecting him in some way. His parents, then his godfather, his friends. All died to protect him against someone bad. From what he told me that person is dead now too, but Harry's alone, and he's filled with guilt and he's lonely, and everyone he's ever cared about is gone. And I'm not sure, but I feel like the other night he wanted to die, but then I ran into him and maybe part of him didn't want to actually do it, and having me there, that part of him fought a little harder to not die." Hermione explained.
"You may be right." Luna agreed. "Sometimes people who are in that much pain and see only one solution to it will reach out in really unexpected ways, and sometimes to the people you would least expect. From what you told us the other day, you had only seen him twice before?"
"Yeah." Hermione nodded. "When we met in Diagon Alley, and then again just a little bit before the term started.
"Sounds like he connected with you enough that he felt on some level that you might help him." Padma agreed with Luna's assessment.
"I just wish I knew how to help him." Hermione sighed. "When I asked him about it yesterday, he just sort of shut down."
"Try asking about the people he lost." Luna said. Hermione and Padma looked at her and she smiled her patent dreamlike smile. "When I was seeing a mind healer after my mum died, she told me that talking about her would help me. Not the bad stuff. But all the good memories. Try getting him to tell you stories about some of the people, and it might open him up and allow him to process some of his pain. It worked for me and papa."
"That's actually a really good idea." Hermione said happily. "Thank you Luna."
"I hope it helps." Luna smiled. "When can we meet him?"
"I…" Hermione started.
"Yeah I want to meet him." Padma whined. "I want to meet the guy who was able to distract you from schoolwork. Because that's some really powerful magic."
"Shut up." Hermione rolled her eyes.
Harry awoke with a heaviness in his heart. He stared up at the ceiling, thankful that he was no long in the strange harness. Though his back still burned, it was tolerable. Madam Pomfrey was pleased by the speed of his recovery, and seemed confident that he would be released in two or three days. Harry was eager to get out of the infirmary and back on the trail for the horcruxes.
However at the moment, Harry was feeling extremely guilty. He felt horrible for dragging Hermione into the Chamber of Secrets with him when he really should have taken Sirius or Remus, or even Lily. This poor girl, who Harry was growing fond of, hadn't been prepared for what they had ultimately faced. If she had died, or even been hurt, it would have been truly his fault. That was something Harry couldn't stomach.
There was also the recurring dream he was having. He could see all the people who had mattered most to him. The people he'd known in his world who had all died protecting him in some way and how disappointed they looked at him. The way they kept their distance from him no matter how hard he tried to get close to them. Sirius, Remus, Draco, Daphne, Ginny, Nymphadora, and his mother and father all looking at him with dissatisfaction.
He had upset them. He had been careless and stupid in his attempt and they were not happy at all. They had to understand though. They had to know how deeply he missed all of them, and how hard it was to not have them in his life anymore. Yes this world had close facsimiles but they weren't the people who had known him and loved him. They were pale comparisons. They weren't real.
Harry sighed and turned his head when he heard the door open. At the sight of her, Harry's heart dropped. Why was this girl so damned nice to him. She should hate him. She should want to be as far away from him as she could be. Yet, here she came, smiling at him with those stunning brown eyes shining so brightly.
"Good morning." Hermione said coming to his bedside and sitting in the chair next to it. "You're looking much better than when I left yesterday. You've got some color back in your cheeks."
She smiled sweetly at him and he felt terribly guilty under the gaze of those sweet chocolate brown eyes. He started to turn away from her, but she stopped him.
"Are we not friends anymore?" She asked quickly. He turned back to look at her and his heart sank at the hurt look in her eyes. "I know it wasn't my place to tell you how you should run your life, and I know that I didn't know any of the people you lost, so it's probably presumptious of me to say how they might feel about your choices. But I only said those things because I care."
"You barely know me." Harry said, his voice low and his tone bewildered. "Why do you care about me at all?"
"Well, because when we first met, you spoke to me like, I don't know. It's hard to explain. Maybe because when I look into your eyes, I see the same loneliness I felt growing up. I had a real hard time making friends when I was young. My mother and father were always very busy with their work, and we never really connected. That got worse when they found out I was a witch. Don't get me wrong, I know they love me in their own way, and I know they want the best for me, but they don't understand me, and I don't know how to make them understand that I don't want the things they want for me." Hermione shook her head and gave a soft apologetic smile. "I'm getting off track. The point is that I care about you, and I want to help you if you'll let me."
Harry slumped a little and his eyes fell.
"Tell me about your best friend." Hermione said before Harry could reply. He looked up and her smile was infectious. Harry couldn't stop himself. He sat up a bit, mesmerized by that sweet smile.
"He was kind of a jerk when we met." Harry stammered. "we were all waiting to be sorted, and this little ponce with slicked back blonde hair was staring at everyone like he was better than everyone. He," Harry began to chuckle. "He says really loud so everyone could hear that it was true that Harry Potter had come to Hogwarts, and then tried to make this whole show about making an alliance, but when he came forward, offering his hand, he tripped on his robes, and fell face first in front of me. Everyone laughed, and he got really angry. After that, he felt like I had slighted him or something. Anyway, that first year, he took every opportunity to make me look stupid, and it usually backfired."
Hermione folded her hands in her lap as she listened, thinking that she was going to buy Luna a huge bag of sweets in Hogsmeade next time she was there. Ther girl was a genius for sure.
"On the train ride home, he came to give me more grief, but I stopped him, and asked him why he'd been such a shit all year. Ginny also wanted to know why he was so arrogant. Somehow, we got him to open up. I'm not even sure I remember what I said to him, but it turned out we weren't that different. My Aunt hated me, and his father was disappointed by him. The next year, we started hanging out, and more and more we just bonded. Draco and I…"
"Wait," Hermione held up her hand to stop him. "Draco? As in Draco Malfoy? He was your best friend?"
"Yeah." Harry nodded. " Yeah, and before you say anything, I know that the one in this world is a very pale comparison to the guy I knew. I was told about him."
Hermione still looked shocked and Harry looked away from her as he thought of his best mate.
But to be fair, Draco wasn't my best friend. He and I were close, no doubt, and the only time we ever really got into it was on the Quidditch pitch. But it was all in good fun. No, My very best friend had to be Ginny. From the moment we met, I knew she was special." Harry smiled softly as he stared into the distance. Hermione noticedhow his eyes lost focus and his hand began trembling in his lap.
"She was terrified of going to Hogwarts. Her older brothers had convinced her she would have to fight something terrible during the sorting and she didn't think she'd be able to. She and her twin had been fighting, and she found me all alone in a cabin on the train. She asked if she could sit with me, and we just talked and laughed, and she didn't stare at my scar like everyone on the platform had. She knew exactly who I was, but she told me later on that I looked just as afraid as she had felt."
"she sounds nice." Hermione said softly, urging him to continue.
"She could be." Harry recalled. "She could be the sweetest most caring girl you'd have ever had the pleasure to meet. Or, she could be downright scary if properly antagonized. "I don't know where she learned it, and she refused to teach it to me, but she had a particular hex that she wouldn't hesitate to use on someone who had really ticked her off. Her infamous bat-bogey hex."
"oh my!" Hermione reeled. "Bat bogey hex? What is it? Do your bogeys become bats, or do…"
"Yeah, pretty much." Harry nodded with a smirk. "And they fly our of your nose and attack you. Really painful if they bite you, and really messy too. But when she laughed after she'd cast it, gods, it was the single most frightening sound anyone had ever heard."
She sounds pretty amazing.
Harry nodded.
"She was my first kiss." He said, losing himself to memories. "I was going on a date with Cho Chang. I had this stupid crush on her, and I had finally asked her out, and I was nervous about the whole thing, and Ginny kept telling me that there was nothing to be nervous about, and then I told her that I didn't even… I had never kissed a girl before, and Ginny… she just laughed and grabbed my head and kissed me. I was so shocked, I didn't know what to do. It was amazing really, but I was so… just blown away by it, I couldn't think straight. Then she lets me go and grins like the cat who got the canary and says 'There, you've kissed a girl, now get out there and show Cho Chang that you're everything she's ever wanted in a boyfriend!'"
Hermione couldn't help but giggle at the story. "So did you do what she told you to?"
"No." Harry shook his head his smile fading. "No. Cho was only dating me because I was the last person who saw he old boyfriend Cedric Diggory alive. That date ended very badly, and Cho ended up leaving Hogwarts after that. It wasn't long after that I figured out that I really had feelings for Ginny."
Harry's face began to shrivel and his hands balled into fists. "I had so many opportunities to tell her, and I was always too afraid. Too worried about what ifs. And then when she was looking at me I saw it in her eyes that she knew. She had always known, and we could have had so much time together, and he took her from me."
And all at once Harry Potter broke down and began to cry for the loss of the girl he'd loved. Hermione reached out quickly and took his hand in hers, and he grasped it like it was a lifeline as he began to drown in his sorrow. Hermione felt her own heart break and found herself climbing onto the bed with him, and enfolding him into her arms. She ran her fingers through his hair, and held him as he clutched at her arms as tears fell, and his pain shook his entire body.
Madam Pomfrey had heard the boy's sobs and had come out of her office to check on him, but stopped when she saw Miss Granger encircle him and hold him as he cried. Her phoenix began to sing softly, and Madam Pomfrey turned to look at her faithful familiar, knowing in her heart that this was one time phoenix song would not be able to give comfort.
Albus Dumbledore could not remember ever feeling so torn. Not even when he had to decide whether to face his former lover Gellert Grindewald in a duel to stop his reign of terror. Dumbledore still saw Gellert's face in his dreams, begging for mercy before Dumbledore ended his life.
The old headmaster sat at his desk in his office with his fingers steepled as he stared into the basin that was his pensieve. Swirling inside was the silvery shimmering memories. He had reviewed them several times now, and he was becoming more and more convinced that Harry potter was a very dangerous individual.
He had reviewed first the duel Harry had had with Sirius Black within the Great Hall. The boy was quick, powerful, and ferocious in his combat. He also had no honor in his dueling. The world in which the boy came from clearly had no regard for honor or respect for one's foe.
More concerning to Dumbledore however was Potter's ability to twist people with his words. Others were clearly enchanted by potter's charisma, but Dumbledore was beginning to recognize how manipulative the boy could be. He had convinced that Minister of Magic that she would become a dictator in order to defeat Voldemort. The boy had also convinced an innocent girl to accompany him into a dangerous place where Dumbledore was sure he had wished to use her as bait. Though the girl told them how Harry had insisted she wait in a corridor away from the danger, Dumbledore was sure it had been part of a more devious plan.
Worst of all was how the boy had somehow wrapped Lily Potter around his finger. Likely playing on her broken heart, Potter had manipulated the woman into thinking he was somehow lost and broken, and now she wanted him to remain within the school where he could dig his claws into others.
And Dumbledore had agreed because Lily had been correct. They had brought the boy into this world, and they were responsible for him. That meant that since he could no longer trust the others to be impartial, Dumbledore was going to have to be the one to watch the boy, and make sure he didn't corrupt anyone else. The boy was a danger, and it looked as though only the headmaster recognized that fact.
The question was how to keep the boy isolated without appearing as if that was what he was doing. Allowing the boy to join classes was out of the question. He could arrange for meals to be delivered to the boy's quarters, but there was no real way to keep him locked up. All he could do was try and limit the boy's exposure to the rest of the student body.
Dumbledore thought briefly of keeping the boy with him, but his day to day responsibilities would make that impossible. After a single day the boy would become so bored with the mundane daily grind of a school administrator he would blast the office apart for a small taste of freedom.
There wasn't much Dumbledore could do in order to keep the boy isolated. But he could have someone watch the boy and report on everything he did and said.
"Dobby?" Dumbledore called. In a flash a small creature with bat like ears, and bulbous tennis ball sized green eyes appeared and bowed before the Headmaster.
"Headmaster calls for Dobby?" The creature said in a high squeaky voice.
"Yes Dobby, I have a very special task for you." Dumbledore smiled.
