Chapter 12: Pushing Through

Kurt woke up in the morning, curled around Sebastian again. This was the second night in a row Sebastian stayed over. And Kurt was really surprised. He could have left at any time. Heck, Kurt wouldn't have blamed him for leaving yesterday, especially after he hit him.

Speaking of that, Kurt glanced at Sebastian and could see a bruise had indeed formed on his face. They would probably be able to cover it with makeup, or he could leave it there as a reminder for Sebastian.

Maybe if he came to school sporting a bruise, the rest of Glee club wouldn't beat him up for this.

Oh God, School. Kurt really didn't want to go to school. He'd have to deal with everyone else… and with Blaine.

Kurt tried to get out of the bed but Sebastian's arms were around him. He could feel Sebastian's body pressed up against him... And something else too. It almost reminded him of the morning after they bonded. But Kurt most definitely was not doing anything about it now. It was awkward… and too soon… and… what? What was he even thinking?

Kurt shifted again, trying to wiggle out of Sebastian's arms. He had almost made it when Sebastian woke up.

"Where ya going?" Sebastian murmered, his eyes still closed.

"We have to get ready for school," Kurt replied.

"School today? No, let's forget 'bout that," Sebastian said, and then promptly buried his head in a pillow.

At least that let Kurt get out of the bed.

Kurt got up, going to the washroom first, and took a quick shower. He was doing his hair when Sebastian finally stumbled into the washroom, dropped his pants, and promptly started to take a piss.

"Oh my god," Kurt mumbled, his cheeks flushing, as he tried to look away.

"Huh?" Sebastian asked.

"Nothing," Kurt said, trying to focus on what he was doing.

"Sorry. I cleaned up the bed, though," Sebastian said.

"You cleaned up the bed?" Kurt asked and then his face turned even redder. Oh. My. God.

This didn't happen yesterday. What was going on? Was Sebastian hiding everything the other day because Kurt was upset? He was still upset!

Sebastian sent a wink Kurt's way and asked, "Can I shower? You've sort of kept me here all weekend."

"You could have left whenever you wanted to," Kurt replied.

Sebastian just shrugged.

"Fine, shower," Kurt said, and went to leave the room, noticing a shirt fly over his head as he left.

Wow. This is what he had to deal with.

Kurt finished getting ready in his bedroom, pulling some clothes on and adding a scarf and a belt.

And then Sebastian rejoined him, pulling some of the clothes they bought the other day out, and putting them on.

"See? Good thing we went shopping," Kurt said.

"I'm going to look ridiculous," Sebastian said, putting the pants on and staring at his ass in the mirror. "Or maybe…"

"Whatever, I'm getting some food. You coming?" Kurt asked.

"Yeah," Sebastian replied.

They both walked downstairs and headed into the kitchen. They were the only ones there right now, and Kurt went to the cupboard. He didn't feel like making anything complex today, so instead he grabbed a box of cereal and set it on the table. He'd probably beat himself up for it later, but at least he was eating something. He tended to skip meals when he was upset or anxious.

He grabbed some bowls from the cupboard, putting them on the table, and saw Sebastian pouring himself some cereal already. He grabbed the milk as well and then made his cereal.

"So, what's the plan?" Sebastian asked.

"Can you refrain from talking while eating? Seriously, you're such a boy," Kurt mumbled.

Sebastian made an exaggerated swallow. "Fine. So what's the plan?"

"Plan for what?"

"For today."

"I don't know," Kurt said softly. He really didn't. He really wanted to just move on, see what was left. Eat his cereal and pretend nothing else was happening.

"Well, maybe we should-" Sebastian started.

"Oh. You're still here?"

Kurt and Sebastian looked up to see Finn enter the kitchen. He had been strangely scarce over the last few days.

"Still here," Sebastian confirmed.

Kurt wasn't sure if Finn was even looking for an answer. But Finn grabbed some more cereal and joined them at the table.

"I heard about Blaine, dude. That's rough," Finn started.

"Yeah," Kurt responded.

"And if anyone's like, taking sides or something, I'm on yours."

"Oh god, do you think they'll be taking sides?" Kurt panicked.

"What? Uh, no, uh, just in case," Finn sputtered.

"I think what Finn means, is that he's here for you," Sebastian said.

"Back off, you started all this," Finn retorted.

"Yeah, well what are you going to do about it?" Sebastian asked, standing up.

"Well, I'm going to show you what happens when you mess with my family," Finn said, standing up as well.

"Boys, please," Kurt sighed.

They looked like they wanted to argue but then the doorbell rang. All three of them stared at each other for a moment and then they heard footsteps on the stairs.

"Who could that be?" they heard Burt mutter. "Don't worry, I'll get it."

Kurt had taken to not answering the door unless they were expecting people anyway. Too many times he'd been greeted with some not so nice people. Or an egg to the face. Or Finn's dirty gym clothes.

They heard Burt open the door and then heard some greetings.

"Morning! I hope I'm not a bother! Thank you so much for letting Sebastian stay over for the weekend. I hope he wasn't any trouble."

Sebastian looked back at Kurt and Finn. "Why is my Mom here?"

"She's your mom," Kurt responded.

"Oh, it's no problem. He was well behaved, helping Kurt out and the like," Burt responded.

"Good, good. I'm glad," Elaine said.

"So, what brings you here this morning?" Burt asked.

"Well, I just came to drop off some of Sebastian's stuff. His school bag, homework, which I can tell he didn't do since he left it at the house, some clothes. That kind of stuff," Elaine said.

"Ah, that's very thoughtful."

"Is he around?" she asked.

"Yeah, I think the boys are in the kitchen," Burt said. "You want to see him?"

"Just for a moment, but before I do…" she trailed off.

Kurt, Sebastian, and Finn leaned closer to the doorway, trying to hear.

"I know that Kurt's going through a rough time, what with this whole bond… and Sebastian… forcing him into it. I understand that, I do. And I understand that he needs Sebastian here with him. But Sebastian is still sick. I know he doesn't want to believe it, but he is, and he needs to take care of himself. And I don't think he has been lately, and I'm worried about him," Elaine explained.

There was a pause and Kurt glared at Sebastian.

"I'm not sick," he denied.

"I'll look after him," Burt replied.

There was a soft sigh of relief. "Thank you, I don't even want to let him out of my sight right now! Really, what Kurt has done for him… willingly or not, has been a godsend. Just getting to see my son live like this, back to how he was, is amazing. And I just hope it can last…" she trailed off.

"Elaine, I know this is tough, trust me. I went through something like this too… my wife… Kurt's mom. She was sick, for a long time."

"Oh, Burt. Let's not rehash those memories."

"I know. I just want you to know I understand."

"Thank you," Elaine said. "Just make sure he takes it easy and doesn't work too hard. I don't want him overexerting himself."

"Yeah, I'll watch over him."

"Thank you."

Kurt glared at Sebastian but Sebastian was pointingly looking down at his cereal bowl and avoiding Kurt's gaze.

And then Burt and Elaine walked into the kitchen. Kurt, Finn, and Sebastian rushed to look like they weren't eavesdropping.

"Morning boys," Burt greeted, going for the coffee.

"Sebastian, honey, we haven't seen you all weekend."

"Yeah, I've been here," Sebastian let out.

"Of course. Are you alright? I brought some of your things. Where did you get those clothes from? You look quite handsome."

"Mom!" Sebastian whined. He blushed lightly when Kurt's gaze fell on him. "We went shopping," he said softly.

"Kurt's choice then, I assume. I like it," she said, throwing Kurt a wink. And then she escorted Sebastian into the other room for a moment and Kurt couldn't hear what they talked about. They must have been whispering.

"Dude. What's really going on? Blaine actually break up with you over this?" Finn asked.

"Yes, Finn." Kurt said.

"But why? I thought you guys were breaking this soon," Finn said.

"Well, not as of yet," Kurt replied.

"But dude!"

"Finn, leave your brother alone. He's going through a hard time," Burt said.

"And... I don't know," Kurt said softly.

Burt turned to him. "What's on your mind?"

"What if I don't have another chance? What if this bond ruins everything for me? What if Blaine's gone for good? What if, even if we break it, I can't ever find someone else because of it? What if, even if I hate Sebastian, he's the only one I could ever be with?"

"Kurt… you're not considering this, are you?" Finn asked.

"I don't know. Maybe."

"That's insane!" Finn exclaimed.

"Is it?" Kurt asked.

"Look, Kurt. You don't have to do anything drastic. You never know what's going to happen anyway. Sebastian may get better and then you may get to break the bond," Burt said.

"But he may also not get better, and need the bond forever," Kurt said softly.

"Yeah, but-" Finn started, and then stopped when Sebastian and his mom came back in the room.

"Alright, so I'll see you after school, Sebastian. Sorry, Kurt, but I'm stealing my son back," Elaine said.

"Right, yeah, that's okay," Kurt mumbled.

"Have a good day at school, honey," Elaine said, kissing Sebastian's forehead.

"Mom, come on," he mumbled.

And then Burt showed her out.

There was so much Kurt wanted to talk about, wanted to figure out, but they were running out of time. It was time for school.


Kurt was nervous about school. He'd have to see Blaine again and everyone in Glee club and he didn't know if or what Blaine told them.

But he walked into school with his head held high. He couldn't let the others see his weaknesses and he had to be strong.

Sebastian trailed in after him. Kurt hadn't offered to cover his bruise. So it stood out quite noticeably on his face.

Finn was also with them but he bailed as soon as he got inside, running off to his locker. He had seemed uncomfortable the whole way there, and none of them had really talked much.

Kurt went to his locker and looked around. No sight of Blaine. That was the first thing that hurt. They usually met up with each other at their lockers. And now… now Kurt was alone. Or, well, Sebastian was still hanging around. But that didn't count.

So Kurt went to his classes with a heavy heart. Of course, Sebastian was there beside him in them.

And no one else said anything. Blaine must have not mentioned it. And they somehow hadn't noticed.

Actually, Kurt found it harder to believe that Finn didn't say anything.

So he truly wasn't surprised when Rachel met up with him between classes.

"Kurt, I've heard something from Finn that seems quite upsetting and I think I need to discuss it with you. It has to do with you and Blaine," she said.

"You mean how Blaine broke up with me?" Kurt deadpanned.

"I mean, how Blaine and you are no longer… Wait, what? He broke up with you? Oh my god, Kurt! Are you okay?" Rachel exclaimed.

Kurt blinked. Finn hadn't said anything. That was a first.

"Shh, keep it down," Kurt said, looking around.

"Come with me," Rachel said, and yanked Kurt into the choir room.

"Rachel! I have class," Kurt said with a frown.

"This is way more important! You and Blaine are meant to be! What happened?"

"It just wasn't working… not with the bond," Kurt said softly.

"But you're going to break the bond!"

"Yeah, but not soon enough," Kurt said softly. "It's too much for him." For Blaine. And for Kurt himself.

"Burt you two are perfect together. I look up to you two," Rachel tried.

"Leave it, Rachel. It just wasn't working," Kurt said, looking the other way.

"Kurt, I'm so sorry. What are you going to do?" Rachel asked.

"I don't know. See how it goes, give it some time," Kurt said.

Talk to Sebastian. Who knows?

"Well, I'm here, for whatever you need. Do you want to skip class and have vegan ice cream together?"

"I think I'll pass," Kurt said. "But thanks for the offer."

"No problem," Rachel said.

"I should go."

"Yeah, me too. I'll see you later… Glee Club?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah," Kurt said.

And then Kurt returned to class. Sebastian was pretty silent during the classes. And Kurt kept glancing over at him. For some reason, he was drawn to his lips. Ever since he kissed him the other night, Kurt couldn't stop thinking about kissing him again. He kept telling himself it was because of the bond. It needed intimacy, and they surely weren't giving it that.

But there was something else that was nagging him about it. And he refused to believe he actually wanted to kiss Sebastian. He had no idea what was going on inside his brain. It kept flipping from wanting Sebastian to despising him.

Kurt tuned out the rest of his classes, watching the clock. But most of all, he was dreading Glee practice.


Glee practice came about much too quickly for Kurt's liking. He said a quick goodbye to Sebastian and walked into the choir room, hoping against hope no one cared about his personal life. But of course, that would never happen.

Kurt wondered briefly what Sebastian did during Glee club. It was kind of unfair that he wasn't allowed in the group now, mostly because they all knew he could sing and enjoyed it. And Kurt had to wonder why that was.

Oh, right. Because of the soul bond and what he did. But… maybe it would be okay if he joined again.

When Kurt got there, he realized he must have been late somehow, because everyone else was there. Everyone else but Blaine.

And as soon as he walked into the room, they all stopped talking and looked at him. Oh. They were talking about him. Of course.

"Kurt, we're so sorry about you and Blaine," Mercedes said.

"Yeah, you two were amazing together," Rachel added.

"Dude! Come on, this has to be on you. You made him want to break up with you!" Puck announced.

"Dude! Stop it. This isn't Kurt's fault," Finn said to Puck.

It was weird that Puck was so firmly on Blaine's side, but Kurt should have known that from before.

Everyone kept yelling back and forth, trying to put the blame on either Kurt or Blaine, and then Blaine walked inside the room. It was the first time Kurt had seen him since they broke up.

Blaine looked around at everyone before he yelled, "Enough! No more fighting. I'm guessing you heard, that Kurt and I broke up, and yes, I was the one who initiated it. But it's our relationship, not yours, so it's really none of your business."

"But Blaine! How could you do this? You two are perfect together. You deserve each other! You just have to wait out the bond!" Rachel exclaimed.

Blaine glared at her and Kurt sighed.

"This is why we think you and Finn shouldn't bond," Tina's voice piped in.

Everyone turned to face her.

"What?" Rachel asked.

"You don't understand. The bond is everything. It's why we were so wary about this at the beginning," Tina said.

"Yeah," Mike piped in. "Sorry, Kurt, but we sort of had a feeling this would happen as soon as you told us what Sebastian did. No way to be with anyone else while you're bonded."

Mike shared a warm look with Tina. "I couldn't imagine trying to be with anyone else."

"Me either," Tina said, smiling at Mike.

"Okay, I think we've gotten a bit off topic," Kurt said.

"No, really?" Puck scoffed.

"Puck," Kurt said.

"No. This is garbage! You two were the couple I looked up to. Now what? You can't break up!" Puck exclaimed.

"What's done is done," Blaine said softly.

"Blaine," Kurt tried, but Blaine wouldn't look at him. Kurt tried to get his attention again, but Mr. Schue entered the room.

"Hey guys! So what'd I miss?"

It was silent for a moment before everyone started yelling again.

"Whoh, whoh, what's going on?" Mr. Schue asked.

"Kurt and Blaine broke up," Finn said, finally speaking.

"You know, I think this is a lesson to everyone that maybe bonding isn't the answer. Maybe it just complicates things. I, for one, don't ever plan to bond," Santana added.

"Quiet!" Mr. Schue yelled. He looked at Kurt and Blaine for a moment before he asked, "You two okay?"

Blaine didn't say anything but he nodded his head.

"Alright then. Kurt?" Mr. Schue asked.

Kurt nodded his head as well. He didn't trust himself to make any other response.

"Well, guys, why don't we try to take our mind off all this, and sing some songs!"

Kurt turned out the rest of Mr. Schue's lecture. He tried to get Blaine's attention instead. But Blaine was completely focussed on the front of the room, not really watching anything, but refusing to glance in Kurt's direction.

Mr. Schue went through their lesson for today, and some of the Glee Club members actually sang. But Kurt's focus was on Blaine.

And Kurt really wanted to focus on Blaine. He knew they had broken up. But he just needed to talk to him. Maybe give him one last chance to reconsider. One last chance for them to be a couple.

And if not… if Blaine didn't want to be… maybe it was time for Kurt to give Sebastian a chance. It could be his only shot at happiness. Of course, that is, if Sebastian decided to be nice enough to make Kurt happy.


Glee club ended and Kurt tried to catch up to Blaine. He had been pretty silent throughout the meeting and Kurt just needed to make sure. But Blaine was avoiding him, and Kurt could tell. He had run out of the choir room as fast as he could.

Kurt ran out after him, finding him speeding down the halls. Kurt caught up to him and yelled after him.

"Blaine!" Kurt exclaimed, as Blaine looked up and started walking away from him faster. "Blaine! Wait!"

Blaine stopped and turned around to face Kurt. "What, Kurt?"

He looked pained; his body was curling in on himself, making himself seem smaller. He was hurting.

"I miss you," Kurt said softly.

"It's been two days," Blaine replied back.

"I know, but… but you didn't have to do this, we can still be-"

"No, we really can't."

"We can! Blaine, please, we can. We can be together! We found a way, remember? We can touch each other now, kiss each other. Please," Kurt said.

"We can only do that if he's there. I can't do it… not with him… Kurt. Please, understand. This is too much," Blaine said.

"It doesn't have to be. We don't have to be broken up," Kurt said.

"Yes. We do. You're always with him. You don't even have time for me anymore," Blaine said.

"What? Yes I do. There's always time for you."

"There hasn't been lately," Blaine said.

"There always will be. I'm not with him all the time."

Blaine raised an eyebrow. "Kurt, please. Stop lying."

"I'm not lying."

"Were you with him this weekend?" Blaine asked.

"I…."

"Kurt," Blaine said, glaring at him.

"Not… I wasn't…"

"Tell me! Tell me you weren't with him this weekend!"

Kurt was silent.

"You can't, can you? He was there with you, wasn't he?"

Blaine's voice got louder with each thing he said. He was getting angry.

"Blaine, I was upset. He could tell. He was just there to comfort me, like you should have been."

"Oh, and now this is my fault?"

"Yes! You're the one who broke up with me!"

"Because it was over!"

"Not it wasn't!" Kurt yelled.

"Yes, it was! You just couldn't see it. You can't see what I see, Kurt. You can't see how it wasn't working," Blaine tried, his face falling.

"But it was working! Blaine, I love you. Does that mean nothing to you?"

"I love you too. And it does, it means everything. But it is over. And you have to accept it."

"It's not! Why do you get to decide when it's over? I don't think it is!"

"But it is. It's been over for a long time, and I just wasn't willing to accept it. It was over from the second Sebastian completed the bond with you, willing or not."

"Blaine-"

"No, Kurt. Listen. You can't see it, but I can. Before all this, you hated him. You hated Sebastian. But now, you're spending time with him. Wanting to be around him. You study together every day-"

"What? No we don't… it's only a few days."

"It's every day. Whether at school, or your house, you see each other every day. You spend more time together than we ever did, and I thought we were joined at the hip."

"What? No… we don't… It's just the bond," Kurt said, his mind reeling.

He didn't spend that much time with Sebastian, did he? But then he recounted the last week or so and… they did spend every day together. Every. Single. Day. And Kurt saw Blaine…. Some of those days. But not all.

"It's not just the bond! Kurt, can't you see? You enjoy spending time with him! You want to! The bond isn't forcing you to anymore. You've accepted the bond. And now, you're spending time with him because you like it. And I think you're starting to like him."

"Blaine, no…" Kurt said.

"Kurt, come on. I know you. I know how you think. Maybe…. It could have been different. If we completed the bond. We could have been together. But now… I know you can't see it yet. But try something for me, okay? Forget about the bond. Forget that it did this. Forget we were ever together, just for a moment. And see. Do you like Sebastian? Do you want to be with him? Because to me… it really looks like you do."

"But… we… we just talk. Actually, we fight most of the time. We're just trying to be amicable, we're trying to make this bond work so he doesn't die, I'm not trying anything else," Kurt sputtered.

"Kurt," Blaine said.

And it was in that tone that Blaine said he knew everything. He knew what Kurt was thinking and he understood. Blaine could always read him well. Sometimes better than he could read himself. Kurt stared at Blaine.

Was Blaine right? Did Kurt have feelings for Sebastian? He couldn't... not after all this. But yet… he did kiss him that one time. Or two times, if he counted that time Sebastian kissed him.

"But-"

"Kurt. This is me letting you go. If for some reason, you do manage to break this bond, and come out of it without feeling anything for him… then maybe we're meant to be. But… listen to yourself, okay?"

Kurt just stood there, watching Blaine.

"I'll still be here. Okay? Always," Blaine said softly, but he was looking away again.

"Blaine," Kurt said pitifully.

"Goodbye, Kurt," Blaine said.

And then Blaine walked down the hall in the opposite direction.

Kurt stood there, watching him walk away. This was a turning point in his life. He could feel it. He could chase after Blaine, try to make it work. Or he could try to figure out what Blaine was talking about.

Did he like Sebastian? Could he like Sebastian? Was there something there? He didn't know, but Blaine saw something... something that made him think Kurt could.

Maybe Kurt didn't have a choice, like he thought before. Maybe Sebastian was his only option if he wanted to be with someone. Maybe he should see where this new path would take him.

From behind him, he heard someone approach.

"Ready to go?"

It was Sebastian. He looked like he had just showered, so he must have been at the gym working out or something. Kurt turned and looked at him, before looking back the way Blaine left.

Kurt let out a sigh and turned to Sebastian.

"Yeah, let's go."

It felt like he just made a huge decision.


Chapter 12… progress? Or not… It seems like each time I try to make Kurt take a step forward, he takes two steps backwards. Sigh. These boys are not in my control anymore…

Also… in my fear of this story being deleted, for who knows what reason, I created a livejournal (madeafriend2day). Nothing's there yet… but if this disappears, or when I have more time, I'll try to upload there.

Anyway, let me know what you think!

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