The doctors and nurses were very kind to us. They brought us pillows and blankets so we could stay in the waiting room overnight if we wanted to.
The rain was pouring down outside, as if heaven was mourning along with us.
I don't ever remember seeing so much grief in one group of people. Roxas had been something special to each of us: a new friend, a best friend, a loving boyfriend. There wasn't a dry eye in sight. Even some of the nurses couldn't come near us for fear that they would break down in tears as well.
Mostly people just stared. They didn't understand why three girls and three – I mean, two – teenage boys were so upset. They whispered behind their hands about us, and shot us dirty looks sometimes. I guess our sobbing was a bit too inconvenient for them. God, I hate people.
One of the doctors finally lost his patience with the rudeness the other patrons were showing us and told the whole waiting room that we had just lost a dear friend, and to show some respect.
Finally, the nicest nurse, her name was Holly, gently told us that we could go see him if we wanted to.
You know, right before she said that, I had actually managed to stop crying for a minute or two. So much for that.
We were a sorry sight to see as we proceeded down the hallways. We all had puffy red eyes, and poor Namine was devastated. Olette and I had to support her almost the whole way there. The only way we knew that she was actually a living person was that she couldn't stop crying. Practically the whole hospital had heard by now that some boy had been shot and killed in a drive-by shooting. Patients and doctors alike stopped what they were doing and watched us as we made our way to his room.
We finally reached his door. None of us wanted to open it. The doctor, a kind looking man in his forties, offered to open it for us.
I was the one who spoke up. "Um, sorry, doctor?" I asked, my voice breaking on the last word, "Can we all, um, j-just have a minute to ourselves? Please?"
He nodded sympathetically. He turned around and walked down the hall, leaving the five of us all alone. I felt my shoulders start to shake as I faced the door. Please, please don't cry. I begged myself.
It was no use. The flow of tears started up again, and I acquired a lump in my throat that I couldn't seem to swallow. It seemed like my friends were having the same difficulties.
I reached up and placed my hand on the doorknob, but I couldn't find the strength to turn it. I looked to Olette for help. She saw me look at her, and she broke down into tears.
I realized that we were wasting time. I gathered up what courage I could, and I forced the door open. I was almost blinded by the fluorescent white lights, since my eyes were already extra sensitive from crying so much. I stumbled forward as the door swung open, almost tripping over myself, as usual. My friends filed in behind me.
We all stood as still as statues when we entered the room. None of us could bring ourselves to disturb the dead silence. Roxas—or Roxas's body – was lying on a white hospital bed, the sheets the same color as his face. He looked so peaceful, like he had found relief from all the pain and anger he had suffered while he was living.
He looked exactly the same as he did when I last saw him – except for the fact that he had three dark, round stains in his shirt, and he was no longer breathing.
Namine broke the trance. She took two halting steps forward. Her hands slowly fisted themselves into her hair, and she emitted one long, low cry full of loss and grief. Sobs wracked her thin frame, and she began to cry so hard I was afraid she might choke. She crumpled to the floor and just sat there, oblivious to everything else.
It was too much for me. My vision blurred behind a wall of water, and I buried my face in my hands, not wanting to see the broken expressions on my friends' faces.
I felt arms wrap themselves around me, and I found myself clinging to Pence and Hayner for dear life. Olette sat on the floor beside Namine, crying her eyes out, but still finding the strength to comfort her friend.
And we stayed in that small, crowded room with our friend, Roxas, until some of the nurses came in the morning to move his body so the room could be used for someone else.
* * *
Some distance away from the hospital, a teenage boy with spiky brown hair and blue eyes finally dragged himself back into the ramshackle house behind him. As he walked through the door, rain ran off his body in rivulets, leaving puddles on the floor. It had been several hours since he'd moved a muscle. He'd stood out on the front lawn in the rain, remembering all the times he'd spent with the boy they had carted away in the ambulance.
Sora moved blindly through the house, bumping into things and knocking objects over. All the good memories far outnumbered the bad ones, which made the fact that his best friend was really gone all the more painful.
Sora staggered into the kitchen, trying to shut down the memories before they could take over. He needed to forget. He couldn't deal with this. He searched for something, anything, to ease his pain. The fridge stood out like a beacon. He stumbled forward, knowing he would hate himself later for what he was about to do, but not really caring.
He yanked the door open, the cool air washing over him. He quickly searched around for the little silver cans that he hadn't touched for almost a year. He found them in the back of the fridge and picked one up. He hastily opened it and drained it in one swallow. It wasn't enough. He needed more. He needed relief. Now.
He pulled out the rest of the cans of beer and opened one after another, drinking the whole thing and moving on, tossing each can into the darkness when he was done.
At the end of the night, Sora succeeded in forgetting about his worries, if just for a little while.
* * *
I was rudely awakened at about 5:33 am when Nurse Holly opened up the door and hit me in the head with it. I had fallen asleep on the floor, curled up next to my friends. When I jumped in surprise, not remembering where I was or what had happened, I woke my friends by accident. They all sat up and looked around blearily, clearly not remembering where they were either.
Unfortunately, we all began to remember at around the same time. Olette ran to the bathroom, saying she might throw up, and Hayner and Pence just sat there, unmoving. They looked so sad that I felt my heart ache. Suddenly, I realized that Namine wasn't with the rest of us. I looked around wildly, worried about what might have happened to her.
When I found her, I almost started to cry again. She was curled up, sleeping soundly, at the foot of Roxas's bed. She looked so innocent, so untroubled in sleep. She didn't worry or grieve or feel pain while she was lying there. I knew I would not be the one to wake her up and bring her back to reality.
I silently got up and left the room. I couldn't stand being in there for another moment.
I leaned back against the wall outside the door and slid down to the floor. I brought my knees up under my chin and fought down a wave of nausea that suddenly swept over me. The vague thought that it was a Monday flitted through my mind. I knew that none of us would be in class today.
I let my head thump back against the wall. The very thought of moving ever again made me want to throw up.
Just then Olette came wandering back down the hall. She looked positively green and miserable. I guess I must have looked the same way. She slid down next to me and put her arms around me.
"You know, Roxas was so happy when you became friends with him." She said quietly. "A lot of other people in this town would never even look at him in the face; they were all too scared of him. We were the only ones he had. And when you came along, you made our group just a little bit bigger. You really meant a lot to him—we all did. He really loved his friends." She had to stop and take some deep breaths.
I knew if she said any more I would crumble. 'Thank you, so much, Olette. Thank you. I really – I really am happy to hear that." I choked out. She nodded silently, not wanting to speak. I hugged her tighter. I needed my friends close to me at a time like this – and I knew she did too.
Back in the room, I heard the nurse gently waking Namine. I shut my eyes tight, knowing that whatever escape rest had provided was now over.
I heard her moving around as she got her bearings. And, just as the rest of us had done, she remembered everything all in a rush. Quiet sobs could be heard through the door, penetrating my ears and causing me to cry all over again.
I slowly let go of Olette and covered my ears. Olette did the same. We didn't want to hear Namine's heart breaking all over again. I wish it hadn't been broken in the first place.
* * *
After a while, Pence and Hayner walked out and joined Olette and me on the floor. I wasn't surprised to see the tears running down their faces. We were all at least reasonably calmer today; I guess sleeping had helped the shock a bit. I pulled the two of them into a hug as I had done with Olette.
The three of us held onto each other for a moment and then pulled Olette in. No one said anything, but we didn't need to.
By now, the sobbing in the next room had stopped, and we had enough courage to go in and get Namine. What I saw would forever be imprinted in my mind. Namine was holding Roxas's hand, and she was just coming down from her hysterics. There was so much pain, so much anguish in her expression, that I just wanted to look away. But that isn't what friends do.
The four of us walked up to her and embraced her. She fell back against us, seemingly drained of all her energy. We somehow managed to say goodbye to Roxas and get Namine to walk with us into the hallway before the nurses came in to retrieve the body so someone else could have the room.
We finally got out to the waiting room. The blankets and pillows that had been there had been cleared away, showing no trace that we had been there at all the previous night. I looked around at the large, colorful room in disgust. It was far too bright and cheerful for a time like this.
We all had to call our parents to tell them the news, and to tell them that we were all coming home. Hayner and Olette left first, since Hayner had driven them both there. Pence and I both waited until Cloud came to pick up Namine before we called our parents. Cloud arrived at about 6:10. We walked Namine out to meet him.
I looked up at the sky. The rain had finally stopped, and it was going to be a gray, bleak day. There were large puddles everywhere, and Pence, Namine, and I barely missed getting splashed by one as Cloud's car skidded to a halt.
Cloud ran forward and gave his sister a huge hug. "Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly. She shook her head dejectedly. He closed his eyes briefly and nodded his head. Then he fixed his blue eyes on us and said "I'm really sorry, you guys. He was a good kid."
We nodded, not trusting a verbal response. He waved a goodbye and helped his sister into the car. We both waved as they drove away.
When they had left the parking lot, Pence turned to me and half-smiled. "Do you need a ride home, Kairi? It'd be no problem."
I shook my head and half-smiled back. "No, that's okay. I've got some stuff I need to do before I go home anyway. But thank you, though." He shrugged and said "No problem."
He gave me a hug and jogged across the lot to his car. I waved as he left the hospital parking lot, trying to keep a friendly smile on my face for more than two seconds. After he left, I pulled out my cell phone, and with trembling fingers, I dialed Riku's number.
"Riku? Listen, can you come to the hospital? There's something I need to tell you. No, no, I'm fine. Yeah, I'll wait here."
I hung up the phone and sighed. It was going to be a long day.
* * *
Riku showed up about five minutes later. I heard the truck tires screeching on the wet pavement as he rounded the corner into the parking lot. He pulled to a stop in the nearest parking space and jumped out of the truck. I waved at him. He looked up and saw me and came jogging over. When he saw my face, he broke into a run.
He slid to a halt in front of me. "Kairi, what's wrong? Are you all right?"
I held up my hands in front of me. "Yes, I'm all right." I said quietly. "But there's something you need to know."
It took me about ten minutes to finish the story. Riku's expression didn't change the entire time. If anything, his face became more and more emotionless. When I was finished, I was on the verge of crying again, for what felt like the thousandth time in two days.
Riku didn't say a word. He turned away from me, so that I couldn't see his face. "Who shot him?" He asked slowly. I caught the slight wavering in his voice. "I don't know. They didn't find out." I said softly.
He abruptly faced me. 'What do you mean they didn't find out?!" he shouted. His hands were shaking. I shrugged quickly. "I-I'm not sure. They didn't tell us any--"
He grabbed my shoulders and shook me back and forth. "Why haven't they done anything? He was killed! They should know who did it!" I stared at him with wide eyes. He was crushing my shoulders. "Riku, you're hurting me." I said. Realization dawned on his face. He immediately let go of me.
"Kairi, I'm so sorry. I, I didn't mean it." He said quietly. I rubbed my arms and looked up at him sadly. I saw the tears forming in his eyes. I stepped forward and gave him a hug. He was unresponsive for a few moments, and then he let it out. I held onto him while he silently mourned the loss of his friend. I could feel him crying, and he trying not to show it. Several minutes later, he took a deep breath and gently pushed me away.
"I'm fine." He said briskly. "I'm fine."
I smiled comfortingly at him. "I know. Everything's gonna be okay."
He nodded and turned around. I heard him trying to breathe as evenly as possible. I walked forward and placed a hand on his shoulder. He stiffened at my touch. He slowly pushed my hand away. "I said," he murmured angrily, "I'm fine." I didn't try to comfort him again.
He sat on a stone bench by the curb. I hesitated before joining him. I sat down on the other end of the bench, wanting to help him, but not wanting to get too close. We sat there in silence for a while, both of us lost in thought. Finally, he said "Does Sora know yet?"
That thought struck me deep. I hadn't wanted to be the one to tell him. I was hoping that Riku would be able to relate the news better than I would. "I. . . . I don't know." I said quietly.
But wherever he was, I sure hoped Sora was okay.
* * *
We sat on the bench for a few minutes more. People passed by us to get into the hospital. One of them looked painfully similar to Roxas. I had been halfway up off of my seat before I saw his face and realized it wasn't him. Great, I thought bitterly, now you're seeing ghosts.
I looked at my phone. It was almost seven am. I glanced over at Riku. He seemed like a statue – cold and unmovable. I waited for a few seconds to see if he would do anything, and concluding that he wouldn't, I reached over and gently tapped his shoulder.
He snapped to attention. It would have been almost comical on any other day. "Hey, Riku? Can you drive me home? I need to talk to my mom." He seemed to contemplate this for a moment. "Yeah. We can go now."
I followed him to his truck, wondering what my mom was doing right now. I wished I could have told her everything, but she just doesn't handle the heavy stuff. She's flighty and ditzy and a little self centered sometimes, but I knew that she loved me.
Riku stopped before he climbed into the truck. He squinted a little at the front doors of the hospital. "Hey, isn't that Seifer?" I looked over my shoulder at the doors. Sure enough, Seifer was striding purposefully through the glass doors. He must have been visiting Fuu.
I nodded at Riku. "Yeah, that was him. He's probably checking in on Fuu."
He shook his head and got into the truck, slamming the door behind him. I did the same.
As we were driving, something popped into my head that I wished would go away, but I knew it needed to be taken care of. "Riku, who's going to pay for the funeral? Where are his parents?" He rubbed his eyes with one hand. "As far as I know, his father's still in prison, and his mother ran away. So, I have no freaking idea." He sighed. "Well, if it comes right down to it, I'll borrow some money to pay for it."
I glanced sharply at him. "Borrow it from who?" He avoided my eyes. "Look, just understand that it'll be paid for, okay?"
I didn't say anything more until we reached my house.
When he pulled to a stop, I looked over at him. He was still stone-faced; and he kept avoiding looking at me. I knew it was his way of dealing with loss and grief, but I still wanted him to talk to me. I leaned over and, using up a lot of courage, I put my arms around him. He didn't move for a long time, and then he hugged me back. I pulled away, trying not to break down in front of him. I slid out of the truck and closed the door. I turned and looked back through the open window and studied his face.
"You take care of yourself, okay?" I said softly. He looked at me briefly, and I saw all his pain and anger flash across his face. Then, he looked away again and said. "Yeah. No problem. I'll see you around." And, without another word, he drove away.
I stood on the front walk for a few minutes longer, watching the blue truck disappear from sight. Finally, I willed myself to move and headed into the house.
My mother was waiting for me. She may not always be the smartest person around, but her intuition is always dead-on. She didn't ask me any questions; she just got up from her chair and put her arms around me. It was the safest I had felt in a long time. I felt all resistances crumble, and I felt the tears start to run down my face. Again.
She didn't make me go to school. She just brought me upstairs and led me to my bed. I collapsed on top of it, suddenly feeling exhausted. She left the room and closed the door quietly behind her. I spent at least an hour crying, and then I finally succumbed to much-needed sleep.
* * *
Riku pulled the truck into the hangout's garage. It took him a few moments to remember how to open the car door. He slowly picked his way across the front lawn and made it to the door. When he carelessly threw it open, he saw something that he had hoped to never see again. Sora was passed out on the couch, clutching the remains of a six-pack in his hand. There were little silver cans of the stuff everywhere, even under the couch.
Riku almost got back into the truck right there and then. The knowledge that Sora must have had a reason for doing this troubled him greatly. He already knew, he thought sadly.
He carefully made his way through the mess and sat down on the end of the sofa. He dropped his head into his hands and took a deep breath. The fact that Roxas was gone just didn't seem possible. He had always been a fighter, a survivor. How could he possibly be dead?
Riku raised his head out of his hands and looked at Sora. He didn't know how Sora was going to act. Riku didn't even know how he was going to act. Even if they found the person who killed Roxas, what would they do then? They weren't killers. They wouldn't turn them over to the police, that would raise too many suspicions and questions.
Riku sat back on the couch and closed his eyes, remembering everything about their friend. He sighed. The next few days weren't going to be easy.
* * *
A/N:
Hey everybody. Sorry this was so depressing!
Let me hear your opinions. They're really helping me out!
Review, please.
