Disclaimer: I do not own or claim any rights to Big Time Rush or the characters portrayed in this story, nor do I own or claim any rights to The Bachelor. It's all in good fun and because I can't contain the visions in my head that scream to get out.

I love that you guys have all picked your favorite to win, but I'm going to say it again—do not assume it's going to end up a certain way. I can't remember if I mentioned it, but I now know who's going to win. The story is written in my head. At any one point it may seem that there's a clear winner, but as we'll see more and more, James changes his mind depending on his emotions, and none of these guys are perfect. Obviously not everyone will be happy with the outcome, as there can be only one winner, but that's exactly what the show is like. This last season I was raging at the outcome; I hated the chick he chose and wondered if he was insane. You get so involved and want to see your favorite win, but that doesn't always happen. Then again, sometimes it does! You won't know for sure who James chooses until almost the last chapter of this story, no matter what happens in the meantime. Just please don't give up at any point because you think your guy isn't going to win—the ending may surprise you. ;)

So for those who don't know, this is how "The Bachelor" works. Approximately 30 contestants are chosen to compete on the show. They live in one big house together for about six weeks, and each week at least one contestant is eliminated at the rose ceremony. If the Bachelor gives you a rose, it means you stay another week. There are other roses given for other reasons (for example, the First Impression rose is given to the contestant who makes the best first impression on the Bachelor), and once you receive one of those roses you're guaranteed to remain until the next week. At the end of each date the Bachelor also has the choice of giving his contestant a rose or deciding not to, and that decides whether you go home or not. There are group dates and one-on-one dates and the drama gets out of hand sometimes because the competition can be vicious, but ultimately it gets down to two contestants and at that point the Bachelor decides to propose to one of them, or he can choose to propose to neither of them. I've taken some liberties with the rules and the process here, partly because I'm not sure of all the rules and partly because it works better for the story, but hopefully it makes sense and stays somewhat true to the show's atmosphere.

I dedicate this to kathrynew30 because even though she laughs at me for watching the show, she is always encouraging when it comes to my writing and she's been wanting this story for a long time. My other two betas Aranelle and PromiseMeTheStars also have informed me who they think should win, and while I love how each of them are rooting for different guys, in the end it's up to James. God help him, because the poor guy is going to go through so much emotional upheaval before he's forced to make a final decision. How is he supposed to choose between these three incredible men?


Logan was in and out of sleep all night. At times he was able to relax and tell himself that it would work out either way. If James sent him home after the date, he could return to his angel; if he was kept longer, all the better. Other times he was so nervous he could hardly stand it, tossing and turning and sighing loudly.

It was this that proved to him how badly he did want James for himself. He'd been able to distance himself for the most part, not allowing himself to believe he'd actually have a chance, and now that he had what was a very good chance he was terrified to lose it. Was this what Kendall and Carlos felt before each date? A night of sleepless torture?

Wait. They never found out the day before. Everyone else got their date card on the day of the actual date. At least the one-on-one dates did.

Was that significant? Did it mean he was somehow different than everyone else? And if so, was it good or bad?

You're going to drive yourself crazy, Logan. What will be will be. Either he loves you or he doesn't. Whatever happens, you still have the most beautiful daughter in the world, and that's really all you need.

After that he slept peacefully, Caroline's sweet face in his dreams, and when her big blue eyes looked up into laughing hazel ones, Logan's lips curved into a smile.


Carlos and Kendall helped him prepare for the date, but again-as Logan had no idea where they were going (and even less of a hint than ever before)-they could only do so much. Carlos suggested they take the clue literally and try to shock James by giving Logan a mohawk; both Kendall and Logan smacked him.

They went with jeans and a button-down shirt, packing swim trunks and a tie just in case, and his hair was styled in the newer spiky look they'd given him a few weeks prior.

Sensing that Logan was nervous, Kendall pulled him aside as they made their way to the main suite. "Just remember, if it doesn't work out it's for the best."

"I know."

Carlos hugged him, patting his back and stating, "If you don't come back, I'll kick his ass."

"You will not. But I appreciate the sentiment. And I find it interesting that I'm the only one we've really feared that happening to."

"Well, you are the only guy to piss him off so far," Carlos reasons. "We've never seen him fight with anybody else."

"That doesn't mean it hasn't happened, Carlos. Just that in my case there were others nearby."

"Right, that's what I'm saying. He lost it with you in front of everyone else. That's bad."

"Or good," Kendall interjected.

"Explain how that would be good," Logan urged.

"It means you affect him deeply enough for him to lose it."

"So you've never argued with him?"

"I didn't say that. I only said it means he must actually care a great deal if he got that angry. You know how he is, if you don't matter to him, he doesn't care. Like the guys he was sleeping with-he didn't care if they slept with anyone else. You matter, so you get a reaction out of him."

"Yeah, but that can backfire, too. If I piss him off badly enough, he might overreact and send me home."

"I never said it was easy," Kendall shrugged.

They all hugged again and said their goodbyes in case it ended poorly, promising to get in touch as soon as possible.

"You look great," Carlos assured Logan as they entered the suite.

Kendall agreed, even Ryan whistling when Logan stepped into the room, and then they sat down to wait.

It wasn't even two minutes later when James entered the large room, full of smiles for everyone but not meeting Logan's eyes just yet. After he'd said a quick hello to the others, he turned his attention to Logan. "Hi there."

"Hey."

"You look great."

As Logan blushed, Carlos blurted out, "See, Logan? I told you. I told him that, James."

Kendall pulled Carlos back against him with one arm, using the other to place a hand over his mouth. "Really need to get a muzzle for this guy."

James laughed, though, winking at Carlos before slipping his hand into Logan's and moving toward the door. "Bye, guys."

"Bye!"

James opened the door, gesturing for Logan to go first, and then followed. The awkward silence fell again and Carlos leaned back into Kendall. "Do you think he'll come back?" he whispered.

"I really don't know. As long as he doesn't do anything stupid like think he's not good enough or assume he knows what James is thinking, he'll be fine."

"Yeah," Carlos sighed. "He's screwed. Want to go swimming?"

"Why not? But if you try to drown me again, I won't save you when the guys keep shoving you in the pool for saying stupid shit."

"Yes, you will. You love me."

Kendall rolled his eyes, dragging Carlos along with an arm around his neck. "Come on, let's change."

Carlos was unnaturally quiet as they donned swim gear, prompting Kendall to ask what was wrong.

"How do you know anything is?"

"Because I know you. You're too quiet, there's something on your mind."

Carlos sat down on his bed with a sigh, reaching for the stuffed monkey and pulling it into his lap. "I'm just feeling a lot of things and I'm kind of confused about what I want and I don't know how to handle it all. I've never really put myself all into a relationship like I have this one."

"With James?"

"Yeah. Even with my boyfriend it wasn't like this. I had the business and it was more important to me than my boyfriend. That's not right, is it?"

Kendall took a seat next to Carlos on the bed, hugging him close with one arm. "I think it just means you hadn't met the right guy yet. When you do, that won't be a problem. I'm not saying you have to give up the business, but maybe you can find a guy who has his own thing going and is busy like you, and you just meet up when you can."

"James would be like that." Carlos relaxed against Kendall, leaning into him.

Nodding, Kendall said, "Yes, I suppose he would."

"But I miss it. I mean, when I was able to spend time with my boyfriend, it was awesome to have someone to go home to. To relax, watch some T.V., have some great sex, and then sleep with him all night. God, I miss that."

"I miss it, too," Kendall offered softly. "I lived with my boyfriend and we were part of the same team, so we were together constantly. And it actually worked, we never got tired of each other or fought too much."

"This would be your secret lover?" Carlos pressed with a grin.

"Yes," Kendall laughed. "We were together for three years and then we went to different teams. It was for the best, it wasn't going to work with us only seeing each other when our teams played against each other, but I still miss that. Having someone to...well, everything you said. Relax with, sleep with. I miss sex more than I thought I would."

"Especially right now, when we're around all these hot guys and can't do anything about it."

"Exactly. But when I leave here, if it's not with James then I'm right back where I was. Alone. My career is pretty much everything to me, but one day that will end. And what will I have then?"

"Two really awesome friends."

Kendall's mouth slid into a smile. "You're right. At least I'll have you guys." Carlos seemed to shut down again suddenly and Kendall squeezed his arm. "What now? Talk to me."

Reluctantly Carlos admitted, "I feel guilty. Because there's a part of me that wants their date to not go well. But at the same time, I don't want Logan to leave! This sucks!"

"Don't feel guilty about that, it's natural."

"So you feel the same way?"

"I...don't let myself think that way. I will say that I'm jealous, of Logan and of you and anybody who gets along well with James. Watching the two of them kiss was like having my guts ripped out."

"Pretty intense, huh?"

"It was the first time I realized I might not have this. Like...I knew that, mentally, knew it could change at any time and he'd find someone he likes more. I even told him that on our first date. But seeing it, knowing he's feeling things for Logan that he felt for me...that's hard. And I haven't seen the two of you together much, at least not alone, but I imagine it's the same—when you two kiss, sparks fly."

Carlos nodded. "They do. I like kissing James, he makes me feel special."

"Did your boyfriend not?"

"I don't know, he did, but...you know, the truth is I don't even know why he dated me. We had nothing in common, he complained about my dogs, and sometimes he'd tease me for being like a kid."

"Even I do that, Carlos," Kendall joked, his hand tightening on Carlos' shoulder.

"Yeah, but when you do it...I don't get the feeling you're actually annoyed. You just like to tease me."

"True. I love to tease you. But you bring it on yourself with your constant bragging."

Laughing, Carlos said, "You know I don't believe half the shit I say, right?"

"Yes," Kendall chuckled. "If you did, it would just be arrogance. Instead, it's...adorable."

Carlos smiled up at Kendall, whose fingers caressed his shoulder gently. "I'm glad I ended up rooming with you guys. I never imagined I'd come out of this with friends."

"I didn't either. The first night we were all together, I was happy to sit in a corner and stay out of everyone's way. Instead you bulldozed your way into my life," he teased.

"Logan did first! When I came over, you two were sitting together."

"Yeah, I made him come sit with me. He looked lost. Now I know why."

"Kendall, do you really think when it comes down to it James would go for a guy with a kid?"

"I honestly don't know, Carlos. You talked to him about it more than I did."

"He never really gave me an answer."

"I think the fact that Logan's still here is an answer in itself."

"Yeah," Carlos sighed. "We've got stiff competition, buddy. A genius."

"A sexy one at that."

"And yet we're still here."

"We are."

Carlos tossed the monkey up onto his pillow. "Race you to the pool!" He jumped up and was gone, the door open before Kendall truly realized what was going on.

Rolling his eyes, Kendall grabbed them a few towels and sunscreen, and was almost out the door before he went back for the monkey. If Carlos got out of hand, the monkey was going down.


Hands clasped, James and Logan rode down the elevator in near silence. He didn't think he'd ever been this nervous, and the lack of conversation was making it worse. What the hell was James thinking?

Logan glanced up as the elevator settled onto the main floor, and James met his gaze with a smile. He leaned down to press a quick kiss to Logan's lips, Logan's stomach fluttering even from that simple touch, and then led Logan to a plush couch in the lobby, where there was of course a cameraman waiting.

"Sit with me?"

"Sure." He did, dropping the backpack on the floor before lowering himself next to James but keeping some distance between them, though James' grip on his hand remained tight.

"Okay, Logan, this is how today works. There is a limo outside waiting to take us wherever you want to go. There's also a plane and a helicopter on standby in case you choose someplace not too close. The only rule is we have to be back tonight and we can't leave the country. So today is your day. Tell me where you want to go."

Stunned for a moment, Logan couldn't speak. James smiled wider, rubbing his thumb over the back of Logan's hand, and said, "Take your time. We've got all day."

"You...we're going wherever I say?"

"As long as it's within those guidelines, yes. I'm at your mercy."

"Wow. Okay, um...wow. Give me a minute." Logan's mind immediately went to Caroline, and of course the one place he would go if he could choose (and technically he could) was right back home to her, if even for a few hours. That would be against the rules, though; he was supposed to have no contact (outside of the few minutes each night on the phone) with family or friends until the hometown date, should he make it that far.

"Anywhere but there," James said quietly, reading his thoughts. "I'm sorry, if I could take you there I would."

"I know," Logan smiled. "Thank you."

They stared at each other, Logan wondering what James was thinking yet again, but then James leaned in for another kiss and conscious thought disappeared. His lips were soft and warm, his tongue not demanding but gentle, and a calm settled over Logan as James pulled back.

"Better?"

"Than what?" Logan asked with a chuckle.

"You looked nervous. I don't want you to be nervous with me."

"It's kind of hard not to. I really want this to work."

A slow smile answered Logan's words, James' hand squeezing his briefly. "Where are we going today?"

"Gosh, um...this is going to sound so boring to you, I'm sure, but..."

"Anywhere, Logan. Whatever you want. Museum? Some weird medical thing? I'm there."

Logan giggled, smacking James' arm lightly with his free hand. "Don't make fun of me."

"I'm not! I was totally serious, whatever you want."

"What I want...and I hope it's okay...is just to spend some time at the beach. I haven't been since I was a kid."

"The beach? Really?" James' face lit up. "I love the beach!"

"Yeah, but it's probably boring to you, you get to go all the time."

"Not nearly as much as I'd like to. I'm so busy, there's never time to just...sit at the beach. I love to surf, too."

"You want to do that? We can surf. You'd have to teach me, though."

"We'll see. Mostly I just want to..." James trailed off, biting his lip.

"What?"

"It doesn't matter what we do, Logan. I just want to spend time with you."

This time it was Logan who went in for the kiss, and it was sweet with an underlying passion that Logan knew would get out of hand if unleashed. He ended it sooner than either of them wanted to, grabbing the backpack and standing. "Let's hit the beach."

"In that case, we don't even need a car, it's about two blocks away. Unless you want to ride, we can totally do that."

"No, let's walk. See some of the city."

"Whatever you want. I'll call to let them know we won't need transportation for now. Can I take that for you?"

Logan glanced down at the pack on his shoulder and smirked. "I can handle it, I'm a lot stronger than I look."

"I know, I just...wanted to do something nice. You're not used to that, are you? Someone else taking care of you?"

"Not at all. Jane used to sometimes, but I'm more the caretaker than she was. I was the one always looking out for her."

"Let someone else take care of you for a few hours." James hefted the pack onto his own shoulder as they started walking. "Is there even anything in here?"

"Not much. I wasn't sure what to expect so I packed swim trunks and a tie."

James laughed. "That's perfect! Maybe tonight we can have a dinner that requires a tie."

"Or maybe we can just make out on the beach instead."

James stopped walking, eyes wide as if he couldn't believe his ears, and Logan laughed. "Your face..."

"Shut up, don't tease me like that! Damn, get my hopes up just to send them crashing to the ground?"

"Who said I was teasing?"

James threw his head back and laughed, taking Logan's hand in his again. "Get over here, you animal. Full of surprises, aren't you?"

"Isn't that what the card said? To surprise you?"

"Yes, I guess it did. Come on, let's go stare out at the ocean for a while."

"Do you need to get anything before we go? In case we go into the water?"

"I'm always prepared." He reached into the light jacket he was wearing and showed Logan a flash of brightly-colored material.

"Is that...did you bring along a speedo?"

"I didn't know what to expect from you. See? Perfect date." James slid a pair of shades over his eyes as they stepped out into the sun, still holding tightly to Logan's hand.

Talk was light as they walked the few blocks to the beach, the two stopping here and there along the way to look in shops. Logan attempted to buy Caroline a few little things but both times was shoved aside as James whipped out a credit card, and after that Logan stopped picking things out for her. He did allow James to buy him a t-shirt, though, a red one to match the one James bought for himself. James also picked up supplies for an impromptu beach picnic, throwing everything into a cooler that he carried after Logan insisted on taking his pack back.

They found a spot close to the water, Logan glad it wasn't too crowded. He helped James set up a blanket and unpack their lunch, James tossing back a towel for the cameraman to sit on as well. "Don't worry, we'll share the food, Rich," he grinned.

"You'd better. That chicken looks pretty damn good."

It occurred to Logan then that he'd grown used to having the cameras follow him around over the past few weeks. In the hotels and the mansion much had been captured on stationary cameras, but even on the group dates he'd hardly noticed them there. James was obviously aware of them and used to being filmed everywhere he went, and Logan wondered what it would be like to live a life like that—or to date a man who did. It wasn't something he particularly wanted for his daughter.

Thoughts heavy as he stared out over the ocean, Logan jumped slightly when James squeezed his shoulder. "Hey. Talk to me."

"It's...nothing, really."

"If it's upsetting you, it's something." After propping his shades on top of his head, James once again squeezed his shoulder.

"I'm not upset, I just...I'm thinking about Caroline and the life I want for her. I'm..."

"What?"

James had a way of staring into his soul with just a look. Logan lowered his eyes. "I don't want to ruin this date."

"If something's on your mind, we should talk about it. We don't get a lot of time to do that, and if we're planning to make a life together we need to be open with each other. If it's not going to work between us, it's better we know that now. Are you worried I'm not the kind of guy you want raising your kid?"

"No! God, no, nothing like that." Reaching out to pull James' hand between both of his, Logan said, "It's more...the lifestyle. The cameras and the fame and I don't like the idea of her being in the spotlight so much."

"Right." James nodded, eyes once again guarded, and Logan hated that, hated when he hid behind a mask. "I'd do whatever I could to keep her out of it. Both of you, if that's what you want. My private life isn't very private, but that's because I don't try to make it that way. If I wanted to, and with you I would, I could do things in a way that shields you both from the media."

"Well, when all this comes out, she's going to be in the media anyway. I'm not naïve about that, it's one of the things that held me back from doing this sooner."

"The show, you mean?"

"Yes. My mother wanted me to do it for the previous season, but I said no because of Caroline. Plus, it was too soon, I think. I wasn't ready to open myself up to someone."

"And now you are?"

James' fingers were soothing over his, somehow relaxing Logan as he tried to find words to express his thoughts. "I'm feeling some pretty intense things, and I think if I wasn't ready to open myself up, I wouldn't be."

James nodded, taking that in. "I didn't expect to feel so many things myself. I think I thought it would be more fun. The idea of a bunch of men fighting over me amused me."

"That's horrible, James."

"I know." Chagrined, James hung his head. "But it turns out I was lonely. Meeting people like you, like the other guys here, it made me realize that I need more in my life. I think I've done more talking in the past few weeks than I have in my entire life. Real talking, not just schmoozing it up with the end goal being to fuck someone. It's..." James let out a breath, shaking his head. "Weird. But not in a bad way. Just unexpected."

"So you do have a heart," Logan teased.

"Apparently so. Who knew?" They laughed together, James freeing his hand to pass Logan a plate. "I mean that, though, Logan. I'll do whatever I can to shield you guys."

"You keep talking about how you're not sure modeling's what you want to do anymore. Is that really something you'd give up?"

"Give up entirely? No. I'd still take jobs. Just not as many, or as far away."

"Would that negatively affect your career, though? Passing up too many jobs? I'm sure it would cut your level of fame down over time, if you're not in the public eye as much. Does that bother you?"

James frowned, looking as if he was weighing that over. "Yes, it might kill the fame eventually, but fame...it's not all it's cracked up to be. For a few years it was. It was fun, exciting, everything I'd ever dreamed. Now...I don't know. I spend more time alone, or with Lana. I've actually been hanging out with her when we're at home, when she goes to do family stuff. Her nieces and nephews think we're dating," he laughed.

"They don't know the truth about you?"

"They're a little young for that. We never told them we were dating, they just assume because I'm with her a lot. And we live together."

"Give me some of that chicken? Oh, and the potato salad. Thanks." After fixing up a plate for himself and then one for Rich, Logan asked, "And how is it for you? With the kids? Do you get tired of it pretty quickly and want to go home?"

"No, but those kids are...how to put this? They're not whiny little brats. I don't know Caroline, so I'm not judging her as one of the 'bad' kids, but Lana's sister raises them right so they're good kids. And so fucking smart, oh my god!"

"Yeah, kids are a lot smarter than most people give them credit for," Logan chuckled. "Caroline amazes me every day."

"They make me feel stupid sometimes. I've never been the brightest guy mentally, I won't lie, but these kids...damn. I was never that smart as a kid."

"You wouldn't feel stupid with Caroline. She'd teach you, she loves to teach people things. I've been properly educated on every animal in existence, I think. But don't interrupt her once she gets going. That child will have her say."

"Thanks for the tip," James smiled. "Anything else I need to know about her? You know, in case I meet her at some point?"

It was said in an offhand manner, James seemingly focused on his potato salad, but Logan knew him well enough by now to sense that James wouldn't ask that question if he wasn't planning on putting the knowledge to use later. It made Logan feel better, knowing that James intended to keep him around that long. Of course that could change at any time, but in this moment James wanted to come home with him and that spoke volumes to Logan.

"She loves animals, which I'm sure you've gathered by now. She also loves me. I'm her hero."

"Of course you are. She's got good taste."

Logan giggled through the bite of chicken he'd just taken, washing it down with soda before continuing. "Let's see...her favorite color is green, her favorite-"

"Mine, too! I love green!"

"Oh? You look amazing in it. It brings out your eyes."

Impressed, James said, "I've been told that. I'm surprised you noticed."

"I notice everything. I'm extremely observant."

"Good to know. Now tell me more about Caroline."

"Okay, um...she laughs a lot. It's my favorite sound in the world."

James blinked, finishing up his bite of food slowly before setting his plate down on the blanket. He leaned forward slightly, elbows on his knees, and urged, "Go on. Tell me more."

The intensity of James' gaze took Logan's breath away. It was both intimidating and reassuring at the same time, which made no sense but Logan was past trying to reason his way through emotion; emotion was entirely illogical. "She's in school. Well, daycare, but it's school, too. I haven't enrolled her in regular school yet, though she's smart enough that she could've probably done it two years ago. I just don't have the capability to pick her up until the evenings, so daycare works for now, but really she needs to be in school."

"Your mom works?"

"Yeah. And I know what you're thinking, if I'm in charge of the library I should be able to leave whenever I want to pick her up, but it's not just that. I'd have to bring her back to work with me and I won't do that, to her or to me. It's easier for now to let her stay in a place where she's around other kids and learning, and I know she's taken care of."

"Have you considered hiring someone? A nanny-type thing or even a babysitter?"

"I would if I could afford it. Libraries don't make a lot of money, the revenue comes from the state and county budgets. Seems like every time I turn around budgets are getting cut and I make sure to provide for my employees, so..."

"That doesn't leave a lot for you."

"I get by. I make sure Caroline's got what she needs, there just isn't any extra. It's not a bad life, I'm not complaining about it. For the most part, I'm happy. Caroline is my happiness."

"But she can't be your everything, Logan. If she was, you wouldn't be here."

Logan looked away, cheeks coloring.

"You get lonely, right? Lie in bed at night wishing there was someone to talk to? Someone to hold you and love you and tell you how amazing you are?"

"I...yeah. Sometimes."

"There's nothing wrong with that. You're allowed to have your own happiness, have someone to love."

"I feel like my entire focus needs to be Caroline."

"But if you had someone to share that with, to take some of that burden from you, wouldn't that be easier?"

"And you're ready to take on something like that? To be the other parent that Caroline needs?"

"We're not talking about me right now," James evaded. "I want you to realize that what you want isn't a bad thing, that you're allowed to be happy."

"I am happy. Caroline makes me happy."

"I know that, Logan, but you're lonely, too. Don't tell me you never lay in bed and jack off."

"James, Jesus! I'm eating here."

"I'm making a point, Logan. Your child is your world, but your child can't fulfill every one of your needs. You need a man in your life."

"Which is why I'm here, right? We've already covered this. I admit it, I'm lonely and I get horny and there's not a whole lot I can do about it. Life goes on, and you just focus on what you have rather than what you don't. And I have a hell of a lot."

When it had gotten to the point where he was practically yelling at James, Logan had no idea. They stared at each other in challenge, their food forgotten, until James finally said, "Tell me about Jane."

"Why?" Logan questioned, still irritated.

"Because I'd like to know, okay? Fuck," James muttered suddenly, rubbing his hands over his face. "Just talk to me. Please. Open up to me."

Sighing, Logan said, "She was my best friend. Losing her is the hardest thing I've ever lived through. I loved her and she made me laugh and I still miss her every day."

The mask was back, James' eyes shielded as he asked, "What did you love about her?"

"I don't know, everything? She was great with Caroline. Way better than me. She had the ability to feel rather than think, and I'm the opposite. She taught me how to not take life so seriously, to laugh at things rather than get upset or angry over them, to understand that I can't control everything. I just...I miss her," he finished lamely, the tears coming from out of nowhere but before he could even acknowledge them he was in James' lap, cuddled between long arms and with warm lips at his hair as James plucked his plate from his hands and set it aside.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Logan, that you have to live with that pain. It's okay to live again, you have to let yourself. For Caroline, too. You don't have to forget about Jane to move on."

"I know that." The tears threatened to spill, Logan unable to stop them suddenly, and James held him tighter, rocking them. Logan's arms came up to wrap around James, clinging as he buried his face in James' chest. "I'll never forget her."

"I wouldn't expect you to. That's why I want to hear about her, I want to see your face light up the way it does when you talk about her. I'm so fucking jealous of this woman who can make you look like that and—fuck. Fuck."

Logan knew exactly what that obscenity was about. That was the type of thing James wasn't supposed to say, not to any contestant, because it gave away too much of what he was feeling. Rather than let the moment pass, though, which was probably what Logan should have done, he lifted his face to James and asked, "You're jealous of my dead wife?"

Instead of answering with words, James expressed his frustration through touch, claiming Logan's mouth in that way that left both of them breathless. Logan shoved James onto his back and kissed him passionately as he stretched out over James' body before James' lips found his neck, sucking hard enough to rip a gasp from Logan as his hands tightened in James' hair. James seemed to like that because the suction increased, causing Logan to hiss and pull harder, and the cycle continued until James flipped Logan onto his back, barely missing his unfinished plate of food, and then Logan's shirt was being unbuttoned and lips were traveling down his chest and it had been so long, so long. They needed to stop, they couldn't let this go too far, both because of the show's rules and because they were on a public beach, but Logan was unable to voice that idea because every touch felt so good.

"How are you so amazing?" he whispered, fingers once again in James' hair as the lips made their way back up to his, James devouring him so that he couldn't have spoken again had he wanted to. When Logan's legs lifted up to wrap around James and pull him closer, the groan that left James made him shudder, Logan having never heard such a desperate sound from anyone in relation to him. He knew exactly what James was feeling, though, like he'd be consumed by the fire spreading inside him, the need for more.

"Brooke."

"Fuck," James muttered, rolling off of Logan and attempting to calm down.

Confused, Logan sat up and looked back at Rich. "Brook? Did you just say brook?"

"Inside joke," Rich replied. "It's his mother's name."

Completely lost, Logan rubbed his face. Thoughts were coming slowly at the moment. "I don't get it."

"Don't worry about it," James said. "Just...fuck. Okay. Want to go for a walk?"

"Yeah, that's probably a good idea." Logan stood, reaching down to help James up, and with Rich in tow they headed down to walk along the water, hands clasped tight again.

"Did you want to change into your trunks first or anything?" James asked.

"No, I'll just roll up my jeans in case the water comes up high enough to get us. Oh, and get rid of my shoes."

James did the same and then they were holding hands again, in a comfortable silence until James suddenly said "You're too far away, get over here." He laid an arm over Logan's shoulders, Logan sliding his around James' waist before resting his head on James' chest as they walked.

"Why do you always turn into an animal when we kiss?" James smirked.

"Me? You started that. One second we're talking about Jane and the next you're on top of me."

"Um, excuse me, I think you pushed me down first. Climbed on me like some kind of horny beast?" James teased.

Blushing, Logan hid his face in James' shirt.

"I'm not complaining, Logan," James laughed. "I'm curious, though, is it just me or are you always like that with a guy?" When Logan mumbled something unintelligible, James tilted his face up. "Try that again?"

Logan sighed, his face even more red now. "I said I wouldn't know. You're the first guy I've ever really made out with."

James stopped walking in disbelief. "You've never kissed a guy before?"

"I did once, in high school. It wasn't like what we do, though. It was more...a curiosity thing. We kissed for a few minutes."

"And?" James pressed. "Were you an animal?"

"I was too nervous to do much of anything. It was my first kiss at all. Jane was my second."

"Logan, are you kidding me? You've only kissed two people in your life?"

"Three now," Logan grinned, and with an effort he got James walking again.

"Wow. I feel...honored."

"You should," Logan joked. "I don't let just anyone maul me."

"But that's my point. Were you an animal with Jane, too?"

Shrugging, Logan hedged, "I had my moments."

"When you were drunk and actually lost control?"

"Um...no. Usually after..."

"What? You can tell me anything. Of course the entire world might hear it eventually, I suppose, but..."

"I feel like a horrible person about it."

"You could whisper it to me. I won't repeat it."

After thinking it over, Logan halted and lifted up onto his toes to whisper, "It was after I'd see a hot guy. I'd get turned on and attack her."

"Ah." With a grin James said, "Well, I'm a really hot guy. Makes sense you're always an animal around me."

"Not conceited or anything, are you?" Logan quipped.

"If it wasn't true, I wouldn't say it." He leaned down to capture Logan's lips again, letting it go on until they had to step away or drag each other down to the sand. "See? That's what I'm talking about. I love that I can do that to you."

"I kind of hate it."

"Don't hate it," James whispered. "Embrace it." He kissed Logan again, keeping it slow this time and drawing it out, Logan sinking into it and allowing James to hold him up. A rough wave crashed against them, knocking them slightly off balance, and they giggled before setting off again, Logan's head back on James' chest.

"So besides Lana, who's important in your life?"

"My mom. I had a bodyguard for a while but he was an ass and never let me greet my fans. I do have those, you know."

"Yeah? Do they approach you on the street and stuff?"

"Occasionally. It's not at the stalker level but it's pretty cool to be recognized."

"Tell me about your mom."

"She's a bitch."

It was said so resolutely and without hesitation that Logan laughed.

"No, she really is. She loves me and supports all of my decisions, but she can be a royal bitch. She owns a cosmetic company. Ever heard of Brooke Diamond?"

"Uh...yeah, actually. I see the commercials on T.V. and the ads in magazines sometimes. She's pretty popular in my area."

"I know. But she's a ruthless businesswoman and always gets what she wants."

"So you've never rebelled?"

"A few times. I do stand up to her when I have to. I wasn't always able to do that, though."

"I bet. She's your mom."

"Yeah. She's helped me a lot with my career. I worked for her company after high school, helped her develop a men's line. And I tested a lot of make-up," he chuckled.

"You...wore make-up?" Logan asked in a hushed voice.

"I still do sometimes, for certain photo shoots and modeling gigs." When Logan was quiet, James said, "It's part of the business, Logan. Don't judge me."

"Oh, I'm not judging."

"No?"

"Hell no."

James halted again, staring down into Logan's eyes. "Holy shit, that turns you on."

"I...might have a small eyeliner fetish."

"Jesus Christ, I need to get you out to a club. I bet all those guys in make-up would have you attacking me in five seconds. I could wear make-up, too. Want to do that tonight? Get dressed up and go dancing?"

"Stop," Logan whispered, hiding his face in James' shoulder. "I'm not quite ready for that yet. And we have to get back before too long."

"Damn. Why did your date have to be the one we end early?"

"You chose it."

"Clearly I wasn't using my head."

They walked on a little further, James pointing out a hot air balloon above them. "I've always wanted to do that."

"Me, too. Wonder where they take off from?"

James lifted an eyebrow. "Yeah? You want to?"

The sheer joy in James' face would've made Logan say yes even if he hadn't wanted to. "Let's do it."

James called back to Rich with instructions for him to get in touch with someone to set it up. "You can come, too!"

"It's not like you have a choice!" Rich replied. He shut off the camera long enough to make a phone call, James and Logan sitting together in the sand and staring at the water.

"It's so peaceful here. Someday I want to live near a beach."

"So...if I did propose. If in the end this thing worked out for us...would you expect me to move there?"

"No."

"I'm not saying I wouldn't, I just-"

"I've been thinking more and more that when this show airs, I'll need to move anyway."

"No, you won't. Are you worried the people in your town won't accept you? Do they even know you're gay?"

"Only my mom knows that. But yeah, everyone will in a few months. I've got a little money saved up, and a couple of friends I'm pretty sure would help me if I needed it. They've got money. I'd feel awkward asking, but I know they'd do it if I did."

"And they know you're gay?"

Logan laughed, nodding. "Considering I met them here, I'd say so."

"Oh. You mean Kendall and Carlos."

"Yeah." James' silence, as well as the wall coming up again, prompted Logan to ask, "You know we're just friends, right? All of us? There's no reason to be jealous."

"I know you're friends."

"But that's all we are."

"I know, Logan. I'm aware that the three of you have formed a close bond and that it's going to continue when this is all over."

"Does that bother you? The idea that if you choose one of us, you might still have to see the other two?"

"Not in the way you're thinking."

"Then how?"

Rich yelled to them that a car was on its way and would meet them at the pier. "You guys have about twenty minutes to get back and pack up."

"Come on." James stood, pulling Logan with him, and they rushed back toward their belongings.

Pondering over James' words, Logan resolved to get an answer by the time they returned to the hotel that night.