AN: Whew, this chapter fought me. I wanted to have it posted much sooner, but it just would not write itself. Thanks so much to downtonluvr for shoving me over some speed bumps. This chapter still wouldn't be finished if it weren't for her. :) As always, I still own nothing Downton related - only in my dreams.


Anna tried to ignore the niggling feeling that nature was calling. She was sleeping so soundly and comfortably, and she did not want to move for any reason. However, her body had other ideas and she was forced to realize that there would be no more sleeping until she relieved herself. Rolling over to throw the covers off and climb out of bed, she suddenly realized she did not know where she was. Giving herself a moment to compose herself, it all came flooding back. The gig. John. The hotel. John. The roses. John. She looked to her right and saw the man who was responsible for the most unbelievable night of her life softly snoring beside her. She couldn't help but smile at the memory of his touch.

Anna slid out of the bed and headed to the bathroom, doing her best not to wake John. She had no idea if he was a light sleeper or dead to the world, but she didn't want to disturb him either way. After finishing in the bathroom, she tiptoed back to the bedroom and suddenly felt very naked. Finding her thong on the floor she slipped it on and then grabbed John's undershirt from the floor several feet away where she'd tossed it a few hours ago. She pulled it over her head and took a moment to breathe in his scent as it lingered prominently on his shirt. Checking the bedside clock, Anna noticed it was only two in the morning. Smiling as she knew she had a few more hours alone with John, she crawled back beneath the covers and snuggled up to his broad back. He stirred slightly when she wrapped her arm around his waist, but he didn't wake up. He only pressed his back into her, unconsciously seeking the contact. Anna pressed a kiss onto the back of his neck and drifted back to sleep within minutes.

Four hours later, John awakened naturally and felt Anna cuddled up against him. He turned toward her, lying on his left side and found that she was facing him, apparently still asleep. She wasted no time in adjusting to the new position, and quickly nestled against his chest He wasn't sure anything had ever felt so right. Checking the clock, John realized that if they were going to be able to go home and change from their concert attire before heading to the fertility clinic, they probably should get up soon. Wrapping his arm around Anna and beginning to stroke her back, he noticed that she was wearing something cotton. Rubbing the material between his fingers and squinting his eyes against the dark to try to make out what it was, he soon figured out she was wearing his t-shirt. A smile tugged at his lips and a small chuckle rumbled out of his chest. Anna didn't stir, and it was quite evident that she was in a very deep sleep. Placing a kiss on her forehead, he turned from her to sit on the edge of the bed and then made his way to the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later, John stepped out of the shower with clean hair and a clean body. He'd dried off and wrapped the towel around his waist before he headed back to the bedroom to rouse Anna. Opening the bathroom door and letting the light flood into the bedroom, he watched as Anna stirred slightly, grunting in protest to the light. When he turned on the nightstand lamp, she rolled away from the glow, more emphatically objecting to the disturbance of her sleep.

"Anna," John gently called in an effort to wake her more properly. "Anna, you need to get up if you're going to get cleaned up before your appointment today." The reminder must have jostled her awake as she started stretching beneath the covers.

"Just once in my life I'd like to sleep until I woke up naturally," Anna murmured as she forced her eyes open. John chuckled and she glared at him for taking amusement in her misery. "What's so funny?" she asked.

"I hope you realize that once you have a baby, that ship will sail," he defended himself. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, adjusting to the light. It was then she noticed he was only wearing a towel, which immediately caused flashbacks to what had transpired the night before. She suddenly became aware of a mild soreness she'd never experienced, and she could feel her cheeks turning red. She was instantly glad that she'd grabbed his shirt in the middle of the night. Anna had no regrets, but this was different. She'd always heard about the awkwardness of the "morning after," but it had never been something she'd faced. There's a first time for everything, she thought as she rose from the bed.

Twenty minutes later, Anna had showered and put on her clothes from the night before. John's t-shirt laid on the vanity in the bathroom. She picked it up and sniffed it, taking in his scent once more before she exited the bathroom and returned his shirt to him. However, when she re-entered the bedroom, he was fully dressed, sans his undershirt and tie. She held up his shirt as she said, "I guess you don't need this."

He smiled a half smile as her told her, "Seemed like you needed it more than me." She dipped her eyes as she grinned back and folded it as small as she could since neither of them had a bag to carry it out in.

"Are you ready?" John asked. "We have time to run by your place and let you change clothes before your appointment."

"Yes, I'm ready," she answered. "But what about you? Don't you need to change clothes."

"Smell me," John told her.

"What?" Anna asked with a nervous chuckle.

"Smell me," he said again. "As long as I'm not offensive, I don't think anyone will think it odd that I'm wearing a white button down and a pair of black slacks."

"You're serious?" she half-asked, half stated as she took a step towards him.

"I'm serious," he said without moving. He stood like a statue and watched her approach him. He held his breath as she sidled up next to him and took an exaggerated sniff.

"You're good," Anna told him as she took in his scent. God he smelled so good. He smelled like John. It wasn't a scent she could otherwise explain. Calling it a mix of clean and masculine didn't do it justice.

"Okay, then," John said as he moved to the door. "After you, Miss," he offered as he opened the door for her and then stood aside to let her step in front of him. She wrung his shirt in her hands, not knowing what else to do as he shut the door behind them. He placed his hand on her lower back and ushered her to the elevators. This felt so different from seven hours or so ago. Anna wasn't sure how to explain it; things just seemed weird.

An hour later, Anna and John had been to her condo, she'd changed clothes, and they'd made it to the fertility clinic for her 8:00 a.m. appointment. This time when she was called back, John didn't hesitate to go. He turned and looked toward the wall, pretending to read a magazine as she removed her clothes from the waist down and prepared for Dr. Randolph. Once she was covered with the paper sheet, John moved to sit in the chair by her head, trying to preserve her modesty.

Dr. Randolph did not keep them waiting long. He immediately performed an ultrasound, and frowned as he looked at Anna's ovary. If he had tried to hide his reaction from the couple he'd done a poor job, and Anna couldn't help but ask, "What's wrong?"

"Well," Dr. Randolph replied. "The good news is you have ovulated. The bad news is that by the looks of the follicle, you ovulated earlier than I expected." He rolled his chair back and looked at Anna and John. "Did you perhaps have relations over the past several days."

"Last night," Anna answered confidently.

"That's good," the doctor responded. "We'll go ahead and do an insemination as a released egg can live for about twenty-four hours, but I'll be honest and say that you may have ovulated before that. We may have misestimated your cycle," he told them honestly.

Anna could feel the tears welling in her eyes. John reached for her hand and squeezed it gently in support. "It's okay," he told her softly. "There's next month if this doesn't work."

She turned her head on the pillow of the exam table to look at him. "But what about your nephew? Does he have enough time?" she asked him.

Before John could reply, Dr. Randolph asked with furrowed brows, "What does this have to do with his nephew?" John sighed at the question.

"My brother's son needs a bone marrow transplant for cancer. We were hoping that perhaps this baby might be a match and we could use the cord blood," he told the doctor.

"You know that's a very small likelihood," Dr. Randolph told him.

"Yes, I do. It was happenstance that my nephew needed help when Anna needed a father for her baby. We just thought we'd try," John replied.

Dr. Randolph nodded and simply said, "Well, let's get down to business." The nurse handed the doctor the vial of sperm John had provided and had Anna check John's name and date of birth to ensure they were using the correct sample. When she agreed that it indeed was the correct vial, the doctor took it and began the procedure. He was done quickly and instructed Anna to stay where she was for the next ten minutes. The nurse informed her she'd be back to let her know when to get dressed, and then both she and Dr. Randolph left the room.

As soon as they were gone, Anna let the tears fall that she'd been holding back minutes earlier. John reached up to wipe them from her cheeks.

"It's okay, Anna. Most people don't get pregnant the first time they try," he told her. Not that he'd had a lot of experience in the matter. Vera had taken precautions to keep from getting pregnant, sometimes without his knowledge. But regardless, he remembered when Robert and Cora were planning children, and he knew that it hadn't happened immediately.

"I just thought since I was getting monitored and getting assistance that it was a pretty sure thing. I mean they told me it might not happen. I guess I didn't want to believe it," she told him.

"Well, let's not lose hope yet. You could still be pregnant," he tried to console her.

"It doesn't sound likely," she admitted.

A few minutes later the nurse returned to tell her that she could get redressed. John again turned away to give her some privacy as she redressed. When she assured him it was safe to turn around, he couldn't help but walking to her and wrapping her in his arms.

"It will be okay," he told her. He leaned back a bit to look into her eyes, but didn't remove his hands from her back. "If we've got to be a failure at something, this is not the worst thing. I certainly enjoyed practicing making babies with you last night, and practice makes perfect, I hear."

She couldn't help but smile at his words. She nodded and tightened the hug, hiding her face in his neck to prevent her from telling him that she loved him - she wasn't ready for that yet and certainly didn't want him to think she was only saying it because of last night. Still, whether he realized it or not, he always knew just what to do and say to make her feel better. He was quickly becoming her safe place.

Slowly, they stepped apart and left the room. Dr. Randolph was standing outside the room at the nurses' desk. He looked up from his chart as they passed by. "There's no use in more sex this month. Well, at least for procreation sake," he clarified. "We'll see what we find out in two weeks." Anna nodded and John smiled at him as they made their way to the exit. Anna was given an appointment at the checkout counter to come in for a blood test in fourteen days. They'd know at that point if they were going to be parents.


Anna was not surprised when Mary was sitting in her chair when she arrived to work Monday morning. She took off her jacket and hung it on the hook on the back of her door. Before she'd turned back around, Mary was speaking.

"What is going on with you and John?" she asked with preamble.

"Good morning to you, too," Anna answered. She opened the bottom drawer of her desk and placed her purse inside, despite the fact that Mary had not moved from her chair. Realizing that she was not going to, Anna took a seat in one of the chairs across from her own desk.

"I'm not sure I understand your question," Anna told her, and there was an element of truth to it. What exactly did Mary want to know? She wasn't sure how much she wanted to tell her yet, and she wasn't going to offer more information than she had to.

"Oh, don't play coy," Mary advised, smiling at her friend and colleague. "You two have been feigning that you're pretending to be couple when it's obvious neither one of you want it to be hoax. And a little birdie told me that you went on a real date Friday night, and you certainly seemed to be a couple at the gig."

"We took a walk in the botanical gardens Friday evening, yes, and we rode together to the gig," Anna admitted. "But I'm not quite sure where we stand with each other." She wasn't lying. She really didn't know.

"So you're not having his baby?" Mary implored. Anna closed her eyes for a moment. She really doubted that she was, and for some reason that stung more than she expected. While her mind told her that this month wasn't her only chance, her heart had seemed to be set on it.

"No. I'm not having his baby," Anna informed her.

"That's a shame," Mary lamented. "It seems like a win-win situation to me. So you're still using the fertility clinic?"

"Yes, I was there yesterday. And before you ask, there's nothing to tell yet. I'll let you know when and if it happens." Anna stood. "Now, if you'll remove your body from my chair, perhaps I will get to work."

"Well, I guess I've been given my marching orders," Mary said as she stood from the chair and walked to the door. "And for the record, I still think you and John would make beautiful babies." She was gone before Anna had a chance to respond.


John walked through the back door of his house Tuesday night and tossed his briefcase on the table. It was full of essays that needed critiquing, but he just didn't have the energy to do it tonight. His mind was in another place and reading poorly-written papers was not high on his priority list.

He grabbed a glass of water and made his way to the living room, where he collapsed into his recliner - the same recliner that he was sitting in when Jim had called to tell him about Declan. John still hadn't told Jim that he was trying to have a baby. He didn't want to get his brother's hopes up, and he certainly didn't want to put that kind of pressure on Anna. She'd been so upset when Dr. Randolph had informed them that they seemed to have missed the window of ovulation and that Anna would likely not fall pregnant this month. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little disappointed, too. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he sent Anna a text.

How are you today? Feeling any better? x

He hadn't really talked to her since Sunday, but he couldn't get her disappointed look out of his mind. He'd tried to encourage her that it was too early to get upset, but she wasn't having any of it. Shortly afterward he sent his message, his phone vibrated with a response.

Not really, but I'll make it. Any news from your brother about Declan? x

Nothing new. He's responding well to treatments, but they are only a bandaid, not a cure. x

As soon as he'd sent his last text he instantly regretted it. He knew that Anna would feel guilty if she couldn't get pregnant soon. Granted she was probably already thinking along those lines to even ask about Declan. He waited a few minutes but he got no reply from Anna. He picked up the remote and turned "Jeopardy" on the television, but he paid little attention to the game show. Twenty minutes later, Anna still hadn't written back. Maybe she'd gotten busy with something, but John figured it was more like she was feeling personally responsible for Declan not being rid of cancer. He took his chances and sent another message.

How about dinner tomorrow night? Something to cheer you up. x

Soon, John saw the ellipses on his phone that signified that Anna was typing a response.

I would like that. Meet me after work? x

With bells on x

John pocketed his phone after sending his reply. Suddenly, he seemed more excited about tomorrow. More excited about life in general. He wasn't sure what power Anna held over him, but he was beginning to realize that just the thought of seeing her, in any capacity, made him happy. Of course he couldn't forget Saturday night. He'd replayed it so many times in his head. But something about Anna was different than other woman he'd taken that step with. This wasn't just lust, but he didn't want to spend too much time putting labels on his feelings quite yet.

Easing from his chair, he went to the kitchen to fix a bite to eat. Settling at the table, he pulled the essays from his work bag and got to work grading, promising himself that his reward for enduring hours of fixing writing errors would be to see his Anna tomorrow night.


Anna was nervous. She didn't know why. She kept trying to talk herself down. She'd known John for nearly half her life. She'd been with him socially on hundreds of occasions. They'd had one date and one amazing night together and now she couldn't think straight. She was positively giddy at the thought of him meeting her for dinner tonight. She'd picked a place within walking distance from work and planned on meeting him there. He'd offered to meet her at work so that they could walk together, but she'd declined. She didn't want Mary asking any more questions right now. Until Anna understood the relationship, she didn't want to have to answer anyone's questions about it.

The day seemed to drag on, and at one point, she was sure the hands of the clock were moving backwards. Just before five o'clock, Mary stopped in Anna's office with her bag over her shoulder. "I'm calling it a night," she remarked. "The Stoker Group's account has worn me out. I suggest you get out of here soon, too. We deserve to work regular hours just like everyone else." Anna smiled at the philosophy.

"I'm on my way out, too. This day has dragged on forever," she replied.

"Want to walk out together?" Mary asked.

"Um, no. I'm gonna be a few more minutes, but I'm leaving soon. I don't want to hold you up," Anna answered.

"Alright. Have a good evening. See you in the morning." With that, Mary exited the office building, leaving Anna by herself. Twenty minutes later, Anna was locking up and on her way to Newtons, a pub and grill two blocks down the street.

When she walked into the establishment, she spotted John sitting at the bar. It wasn't completely full, but there were quite a few others sitting with him as well. He appeared to be trying to watch the sports news on the television, but a beautiful brunette to his right kept trying to get his attention. She was sitting on the barstool next to him, and Anna could see she was talking, presumably to John. He'd turn his head and nod every now and then. Anna felt a foreign feeling rising within her. She'd never been a jealous person, but the thought of another woman with John was an idea she wasn't fond of.

Walking closer to the two, she could hear that John was actually talking to the woman. "Nah, Honey, I'm good," he was telling her. "I've already got someone at home." Anna's heart soared. She wasn't sure if he meant what he told the lady, but she was overjoyed that he was rubbing her advances. Anna tucked her hair behind her ear as her steps brought her closer to them. John hadn't noticed her yet, and was sipping on his water trying to ignore the other woman.

Anna took a seat on John's left and laid her hand on his arm. "Hello, Handsome. Is this seat taken?" John sat back on his stool and slowly smiled at her. He could hear the woman on his left scoffing.

"Don't even bother, Sweetheart," she directed towards Anna as she leaned over the bar and around John. "He's made it very clear that he's not interested in what either one of us can give him." The brunette then moved back to a typical seating position and began stirring her dirty martini, still eyeing Anna.

"Well, I wouldn't say that," Anna replied. "What do you say, John?" she added, clearly indicating that she knew this man and was placing a claim on him. In response, John reached in his pocket and pulled out a vibrating buzzer.

"I say our table is ready." He stood and held his arm open in a gesture for Anna to step down from her stool in front of him. As she did and began walking towards the hostess podium, he looked over his shoulder and winked at the brunette, taking pleasure in her flabbergasted expression.

Once they were seated at their table, Anna looked over her menu at John. "You enjoyed that exchange at the bar, didn't you?" He couldn't help from smiling.

"Tell me when a man doesn't enjoy having attention from two beautiful women?" He pulled out his reading glasses so he could see the menu better. Anna felt a tightening in her belly when he slipped them on, and when he looked up over the spectacles at her, she was glad that she was already sitting. "You see which lady I chose, though?" Anna felt her temperature rising. John was exuding sex appeal right now, and she was having a hard time resisting it. Thankfully, the waiter arrived with water at that moment, and she wasted no time consuming the liquid.

"Can I interest you in anything from the bar?" the waiter inquired.

"No," they both replied. The waiter excused himself to get their orders in.

"Anna you don't have to pass on alcohol just because I don't drink," John pointed out

"Better not," she said. "In a few months, I'm going to have to give it up anyway."

It was the first attempt at a conversation that had involved their hypothetical baby and a pregnancy that had yet to be confirmed. He was glad she brought it up first, it showed him she was willing to talk about it. But he wouldn't press her for more than that if she wasn't willing. "Sounds like a good reason to give up drinking," he joked.

John and Anna shared an appetizer and their conversation turned to other topics of interest: childhood memories, hobbies, and books that they both enjoyed. It was refreshing to know that even though they had both been in each other's lives for so long that there were still new things to discover about one another. They were both well into their entrees now. Both of them knew they needed to discuss what had happened at the clinic, as well as what had gone on Saturday night, but neither really knew how to bring it up. John finally took a shot in the dark.

"When do you go back for your pregnancy test?" he asked, taking a bite of his green beans.

"Still another long eleven days," she sighed, pushing mashed potatoes around her plate. "It doesn't matter, though. I could tell from Dr. Randolph's reaction that it won't work this time."

"You don't know that," John protested.

"Yes, I do. The egg had already released, and it's only good for a few hours. Sperm can last for days. The insemination needed to be first."

"How do you know it wasn't?" he pointed out. She stopped and stared at him then. "We'd been together about eight hours earlier. It may have worked," he said encouragingly.

"I don't want to get my hopes up just to get disappointed," she replied.

"Anna, I'm no medical expert but the little bit that I've read so far, I don't think stress is really conducive to getting pregnant. I could tell the other night you were frustrated that we may have missed our window and that you are concerned for Declan. I can't tell you how much that means to me. And I won't lie, I'm concerned too. But, that's not why we are doing this."

"It's not?" Anna responded.

"No," John replied. His hand slid across the table top and came to rest over hers as he stroked her hand with the pad of his thumb. "We are doing this because you want to have a baby. It just happened to be a mutually beneficial situation. If Declan wasn't in the equation...well, I still would have helped you with this."

"You would?" she asked with tears in her eyes. He had been so opposed to it when she first brought it up. Of course he had been in a bad place at the time. Bless the man; he had always been so hard on himself and thought himself incapable of doing something like this. She still couldn't see why he thought so little of himself and how he could possibly drag her down. But she loved him for being so concerned about her reputation.

"Of course. I see the way you are and I think any child would be lucky to have a mom like you," he said with an easy smile.

"Thank you." She swiped the tears from her eyes with her free hand.

"I may not agree with your methods," he confessed. "I think if you would have waited a little longer the right man would have come around."

"Who says he wasn't already waiting in the wings to swoop in and save me all along?"

John flushed at her comment and was thankful the waiter arrived with the dessert tray at that moment.


Anna had read some books on pregnancy and had browsed through forums on the internet, so she knew that the "two-week wait" was one of the hardest parts of the process. Her two weeks were up today. She had been strong enough to avoid the urine test even though she had so badly wanted to run to the pharmacy and get one. But those same forums that talked about the difficulty of the two week wait, also talked about early pregnancy symptoms...and Anna didn't have any. She knew that it was still way too early to really feel different, but she'd be more convinced that maybe this worked if she at least had breast tenderness. But nothing.

She'd gone for her blood test this morning. They told her they'd call her by noon with the results. It was creeping towards midday, and she'd jumped the last two times her phone had rung. This time, it was the clinic. Even though she'd been expecting it, she wasn't prepared for the sadness that overwhelmed her when the nurse told her that she was not pregnant. Anna listened to her instructions for preparing for the next cycle, trying to hold her her tears at bay. When the phone call ended, she let the sobs overtake her. Knowing she wouldn't be able to talk, she sent John a text with one word.

Negative.