Delivery 5, Stage 6: Up and Down the mountain.

"Kha, I can't believe I got stuck flying with this reporter again." I said to myself.

"That's right, you're an interesting fella who attracts stories, so I gotta follow you as much as I can." The annoying crow tengu had followed me again. "'sides, this is my home territory."

"Well, I expected that much." I said, flying silhouetted against the sinking sun and the orange sky. "But being a story magnet?"

"I heard about what you did at the Palace of the Earth Spirits after I left." She said. "It takes me half the time you take to make the story for me to check it out."

"So what did you get?" I asked in a resigned tone.

"Oh, not much." Aya responded. "Just something about you stealing a unicorn and making two of the strongest idiots in Gensokyo fight over candy."

"So you've got that witch as a side reporter now?" I asked.

"No, I had to fight the info out of her, but it was worth it." Aya seemed somewhat happy about that. "It's always interesting to go up against powerful humans like that."

"Come to think of it, are you going to help me get up this mountain?" I said, indicating her home, the Youkai Mountain. "I only have thirty minutes to get to the top of this monster."

"Unless it makes for a good story, then no." She said. "But having you late wouldn't make for an interesting scoop…" She went off into thought, lazily keeping up with me. Well, she's a good journalist, I can agree with that much. I thought.

"Yo, I've been wondering." I called her attention and she turned. "Why did you decide to write a newspaper?"

"Oh, so just because he's been hanging around me he thinks he's a journalist now." Aya took a good look at me, still flying above my maximum speed, yet easily not even a fourth of hers. "Well, you're not getting that secret out from me, I'm afraid." She said, as if mocking me.

"Doesn't matter." I said, although it actually did to me. "I'll live either way."

"I sense a lie in there~!" She said, as if zooming in on my weakness. "You really, really wanted to know, didn't you?"

"And what if I did?" I asked her, but she sped up, far away from me.

Guess I'll never know. I thought. This mountain is pretty high, but it doesn't have a snow line. I made that absentminded observation. The mountain was all trees, from bottom to top. On one of the sides was the headquarters of the newspaper, which I had already visited once. I felt something cold hit the back of my head.

Snow… wait, it's not cold enough on Youkai Mountain to snow!?

"I brought my friends! We're going to settle this right here and now!" The little blue ice fairy called out.

"This is your friend, Cirno?" An older-looking fairy, with green hair that was tied up, asked.

"He looks pretty powerful." Another girl with blue clothes, but this one with white hair and a much larger figure. "Hora, let's go!"

"Hey, we didn't even get to make our introductions!" A pinkly-dressed girl with brown hair and wings like a bird and a boy(?) with green hair, insect antennae and shorts complained at once. "Letty, don't just cut us off!"

"If you're going to take me on, then just try it, all of you!" I yelled. Immediately each of them raised an attack.

"One by one, girls, we don't want to have to fight over the spoils." The large one looked stronger than the rest, probably a youkai whose job it was to take charge.

"Hell no way!" I yelled. "I've only got fifteen minutes, so I'll take you all on at once!" I yelled.

"Fine by me! Let's go!" The ice fairy yelled out. They raised their spell cards.

Vocal Sign: Hooting in the Night was quickly followed by Firefly Sign: Little Bug Storm, which was chained to a huge barrage from the green-haired fairy and Winter Sign: Flower Wither Away. The amount of attacks was incredible. Not only could I now not see, I was being assaulted by a wave of fluorescent bugs, probably fireflies, off-key singing, an intense sense of cold which was backed up by what looked like wings of green bullets, and good old energy danmaku. There was no way that I could dodge through all of that and come out on the other side.

But that was all rendered null when my prediction came true.

Freeze Sign: Perfect Freeze! Cirno yelled out, assuming her position at the center.

"WAIT YOU IDIOT DON'T!" Four voices called that out at the same time, but they were too late.

All the bullets headed for me just froze. Each and every one was in its own ice prison. Not letting the opportunity pass, I threw my spell as the four of them facepalmed.

Tower Sign: Shiva the Destroyer! Eight spears, one for each of the god of destruction's arms, came out to throw spears and other weapons at my opponents. Naturally, the idiot whose fault it was their first attack had failed was first, but after that, I stopped firing. They looked at me.

"Use that first attack again, and introduce yourselves properly!" I said. "It's a shame she ruined such a perfect move, and I'd like to know your names when I beat you into the ground!"

I still don't understand what kind of impulse propelled me to say that.

"Quite confident, aren't we?" The blue one who seemed to be the leader said. "Letty Whiterock, the spirit of winter."

"That attitude reminds me of someone I know, only less restrained." I said to myself, thinking of that knife-wielding maid.

"I'm Mystia Lorelei, night-sparrow youkai~!" The one wearing pink with brown hair sang.

"Erm… Daiyousei! I'm a fairy!" The green-haired one spoke up, almost as if she was forcing the words out. "Nice to meet you!"

"I'm Wriggle Nightbug, firefly youkai and—" She would have continued, but I could not resist.

"YES! THE FIRST FELLOW DANMAKU-USING MAN!" I yelled out.

"I'm a girl!" He yelled, but I retorted with "You wear shorts!"

"Mou~!" She pouted, antennae flailing about. "I'm going to kill you! Wriggle Sign: Little Bug Storm!

"Then I'll join in! Hawk Sign: Ill-Starred Dive!

"Firing!" Daiyousei called.

"It's time. Cold Sign: Cold Snap!"

"I'll take you all on! Shiva, attack!" Between their reformed attacks of little dagger-points, energy bubbles, crystals, randomly fired snowflakes, and cold mist, my spears and swords flew through the air. I ducked and weaved as flippantly as possible, even throwing in a cheery full loop and a barrel roll. I ended up in the middle of the four's fire, all of them attacking from a different direction, with me facing Letty, Wriggle behind me, Mystia to my right, and Daiyousei to my left.

"Fancy flying won't save you!" A new barrage of wintry wind assaulted me.

"Maybe not from you, but it works wonders on your friends!" I yelled, unexpectedly turning in midair and throwing a spear at Wriggle, while at the same time falling to escape the cold.

"Ack!" Wriggle took the spear to the chest, which dissipated into a huge burst of energy. "I got hit!"

"No way you can be a man; you would have caught that one if you were!" I tossed that remark off while dodging the sparrow's renewed assault.

"Here we go! Night-Blindness: Song of the Night Sparrow!"

"En garde!" I yelled, and began randomly throwing spears into the darkness. I knew that the youkai could see me clearly as my feet touched ground. "Shiva, bring forth the destruction of flame!" The card obliged, and the weapons suddenly burst into flame, revealing the youkai hiding in the dark. More importantly, though…

"Gah, what's with the light!?" Mystia yelled. I tossed a spear towards the voice, a loud and carefree pchuun! following almost immediately after.

"Go back to your perch, little bird." I said, as the sky turned back into the orange of almost-night. Three down, two to go.

"Ho, you're not bad." The winter youkai continued to fire at me as the green fairy pulled back a bit. So you're defending yourself, eh? "But I won't let you win so easily!"

"Right back at you." I said. I took up one of the flaming spears in my hands. It was hot, but it didn't hurt, strangely. I pushed off of the ground. I'll have to find a way to take out the little green one first. I thought as I charged back into the blizzard. It seemed much colder than before.

"Kh!" I drew the black jacket closer, but the two did not let the opportunity pass. "There!" Letty ordered. "Fire around him!" They fired an immense cloud of bullets, forcing me to weave, tossing the spear at them as I flew. Losing my source of heat, I felt my bodily heat be sapped away by the cold air.

Not good, taking down the other three has worn me down a bit. I thought. This could be bad…

I started to shiver, still firing spears at the two. But they had learned the patterns, and I would need to switch up the attack.

"Here we go, then. Hermit Sign: Daisoujou The Holy Man!" A barrage of ofuda, more dense than even the snow and ice of winter, seemed to fall from the sky out of nowhere. Although the girl of winter fired off a last volley before getting out of the way safely, her companion was not so lucky, being shot down by the cloud of paper.

"Alright, it's time to stop playing around!" The youkai said. "You're good, so I'm sure you won't die even if I do this!" The temperature dropped sharply, forcing me to hug one of the flaming spears close to my body.

"Kha!" I breathed out sharply. "Is it this cold every winter!?"

"No, this is the Cold Sign: Ice Age Revolution!" Letty yelled. "It's only once a hundred years I can pull this one out, so be honored!"

"Oh crap." I said. Icebergs of every variety, size, shape, and color appeared above me. The ground itself turned into a sea of ice, and the temperature dropped to something a bit below zero Kelvin. They charged at me with unbelievable speed.

I closed my eyes. This feeling again. I thought. It's getting more and more common now, the decisive moment. I could sense it all. Three icebergs coming in fron different directions, with a fourth one near Letty. No problem. I rushed up through the gap, my body seeming to ignore the cold and be grateful for the joy of heat in the muscles. I tore through the gap in the icebergs like it was a wide open field, gleefully flying straight at Letty. The only obstacle left was the last iceberg. The decisive moment was still on, which could mean only one thing.

It was all just a trap.

"Goodbye, confident human!" Letty snapped, and the icebergs shattered. Ice shards flew in every direction.

It was then that time seemed to stop. I could still feel the moment within me. It had not at all dissipated.

Which means that this fight is not yet over. By instinct, I drew a card. It wasn't the best card for this situation, but it would have to do.

"Tres, allez!" The words of a foreign language rang out as I lunged with the speed of the wind. The ice shards cracked and blasted my body with cold, but none of that mattered. The temperature dropped, and I could feel my body freezing. Ice crystals began to form on my legs, arms, and torso. But I had accomplished my objective. The sword's point was right above Letty's head.

"Talking in a fancy language will not help you." She said, staring straight into my eyes. "Any last words before this fight ends?"

"Yes. Point one, deliveryman." With that, I dropped the sword. She was completely complacent at the point of her victory.

Which meant that even with the sword's nearly nonexistent weight and its horrible power, being a fencing sword that bent when it hit a target, she still lost. The barrier dissolved, taking all of the ice with it. Some of it had melted on my clothes.

"Cirno was right, you are strong." Letty said. "I dare say you're a match for almost any youkai, bar the absurdly powerful."

"Great." I said. "All I want to do is to deliver the goods, and now I'm being turned into a worthy opponent. Sometimes being eaten seems a lot less stressful, don't you think?"

Letty laughed heartily. "Most probably, but then you wouldn't be able to deliver."

"That's the conundrum." I said, kicking off back into the reddening sky. "Well, I'll see you again someday; hopefully it'll be a warm winter this year."

"Probably." She said. "I'll be using some of the cold to fight you."

"Ha ha." I said, landing at the three-fourths mark of Youkai Mountain.

"A minute to get all the way up there?" I asked, staring up at the shrine. "No problem." Not even minding trees or forest anymore, I rushed up the side.

Going up and then down to the shrine would take too long at this point, the best way to do it is to just charge straight forward! I exhorted myself in my mind to charge faster. Trees, rocks, none of that means anything to me! The world was a green and brown blur as I raced between trees, over the dirt, and vaulted rocks with practiced ease. The shrine steps loomed in front of me as I tracked the hands on the watch, the reminder that time goes on.

Ten. Nine. Eight. I rushed upwards, clearing half the stairs in one go. Seven, six, five. I reached the top, scanning the surroundings for anyone. I immediately zoomed in on a green-haired shrine maiden, and was about to charge for her before.

"Ack!" The cold must have made my leg cramp up, that damned winter youkai! I might lose my job for this!

Before my eyes flashed every moment of my life here, from the moment I was saved to my recent victory over my icy tormentor and her probable mentor. And then I remembered a promise I made to my boss.

If I make a single one late, fire me. My future flashed before my eyes, ending up a loner and a loser in the Human Village, eventually ending up starving to death on the streets as they throw my remains from the village and giving it to the man-eating youkai as food…

I will not allow that! On one leg I made good of the time as it counted down. Five. Four. I was halfway across the shrine grounds and she was coming closer. Yes! I can do this! I drew up to her, and she to me, with a backdrop of the reddening sky.

"Can I help you?" She asked. "The festival's almost ready, but you should stay outside first."

"No…" I said. "Delivery for the Moriya Shrine, right here." I said, pulling out the bag with a sense of relief. At least until I caught a glimpse of my watch.

5:00:01.

5:00:01 PM.

I was late. Even if it was only by one second, I was late. I imagined handing over my resignation in shame, taking Killer and fleeing to the skies. After all this time I still had no way of going back, so I would send my days as a wanderer and a vagrant... I tried to not let my despair show on my face. It was to be my last delivery after all.

"Thanks! You guys are so early, we weren't expecting this for another hour!" She smiled wide and turned, bringing the things in. "With this, we'll be starting early this year!"

"Wait what." My voice was flat and completely emotionless. "Could you… reapeat that again?"

"We asked for the delivery at six. Oh, hello there, Aya." The green-haired girl greeted the crow tengu.

"Sanae! This kid just did the most insane thing, am I right, Victor?" She shook my shoulder, but I showed no response. "Victor?" She asked. "Everything alright?"

"Yeah." I said. "Yeah, everything's fine." I said, standing perfectly still. But I was far from fine. Being ready to die takes away your sense of living, and it takes some time for it to return.

"You're tearing up." Aya said. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah." I said. "Just let me get some sleep." I curled up on the lawn under a particularly large tree and began to snore. I thought I heard a shutter snap before I went to sleep, but I didn't mind.

In one day, I had made a delivery of three legs across all of Gensokyo, survived spell card attacks from several opponents, some of whom had more power in their left pinky fingers than I had in my entire body, and almost accepted my fate as a no-good NEET, only to find that I was actually an hour early for the deadline and that I could keep my job. I had every right to go to sleep in a public place.

"Really, he doesn't care for his own safety." I seemed to hear the shrine maiden from the other shrine's voice as I woke up. "Totally an idiot."

"He threw candy in the middle of a spell card fight, ze. He's probably dumber than Nine and Okuu at the same time."

"All of that will be in tomorrow's edition, so buy one!" The same old tengu's voice, after which her pained cry from two simultaneous fists.

"Yes, quite the irrational fellow, isn't he?" Footsteps seemed to come closer.

"That's weird, having a vampire think about a human." The shrine maiden's voice again. "Maybe you're going soft?"

"No, but Flan wants me to invite him over to play. I would prefer he didn't for his own well-being."

"No, that'll be fine, ze." That damned witch again, I finally recognized the voice. "That idiot's built like a tank, he won't go down no matter what."

"Oh really?" The shrine maiden asked. "Maybe I should just let him take over youkai extermination duteis…"

Later I would be told by Aya that I slept through this entire conversation with a stupid smile on my face, of which she had taken a picture. But that line would have been enough to bring my soul back over the Sanzu River.

"Oh no you DON'T!" I yelled. "No. NO NO NO NO! I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR CRAZY ANTICS!" I screamed out for the world to hear.

"It's impertinent to lie about things that are true."

"Aww, c'mon, don't tell me you didn't enjoy going up against me or Yuugi, or even those five idiots, ze!"

"Ooh, more material! You're definitely interesting to say the least!" The reporter was writing with her pin at speeds so fast that it seemed the handle of the brush blurred in her hand.

"You're dumber than I am." That last flat statement from the shrine maiden was the worst.

"ARGH!" I yelled out, frustrated, into the sky. "WHY IS EVERYBODY HERE A COMPLETE IDIOT!?"

With that I kicked off of the ground. It was true, I had cut loose and enjoyed that last fight and the one with Yuugi, but that didn't mean I was learning to love this place and was slowly being assimilated into it.

Right? As I was thinking this, flying out towards the exit, I saw the boss and got his attention.

"I'm too tired for this festival, boss. I'm going home." I told him.

"And I thought youngsters were energetic." He said. "Alright, get some rest, kid."

I continued to fly out into the night. It was relatively peaceful for a few minutes until I left the sight of Youkai Mountain. Then a purple gap in space appeared in front of me. The girl from the first day with the Victorian gloves, parasol, strange purple clothes and "Gate of Truth" eyes within the purple rip in space.

"We need to talk. Right now." Her voice was cold and sharp, as if restraining the urge to nuke me into oblivion.

I followed her. I don't know why, but I followed her. Maybe I had just fallen into the rhythm of this place, where stuff happens all the time.

Or maybe it was the steel in her voice and the iron in her gaze that forced me to follow.

Delivery 5, Stage 6: Up and Down the Mountain.

Finally finished your three-leg journey: 5000 points!

Fell asleep!: -1000 points! Horribly unprofessional!

Beat a five-on-one!: -1000 points! They're so weak; how could you struggle!?

More blackmail material!: -500 points! Failure!

Total: 2500 points! B! Finally, a passing mark! For once you're beginning to act like a respectable… wait hold up.

ABDUCTED BY YUKARI!?: -9000 points! You just signed your own death warrant! I give you a G! A rank lower than F is the highest you deserve! You failure of a person!

Comments:

No doubt the voice in my head is the biggest idiot in all of Gensokyo.