Chapter 11
Jean wasted no time rushing up the stairs to the top floor of the mansion. She headed straight for Rachel's bedroom. Jean was furious, she was worried, she blamed herself for how she treated Rachel. But most of all, she wanted to make things right with Rachel again – to have her back in her life.
Jean didn't even bother knocking. She just barged into Rachel's room. Jean saw her sitting by her window looking out over the school grounds. Rachel turned to look at her and Jean was frozen in her tracks by what she saw. Rachel didn't have her wig on. She didn't have her glasses on. Jean felt like she was looking in a mirror. No wonder she had to resort to having a disguise. One look at Rachel and everyone would know she was related to Jean in some way.
"Can I help you, Jean?" Rachel asked, her voice completely monotone.
"Why did you do it?" Jean asked, knowing Rachel would know exactly what she was referring to.
Rachel sighed. "Go away, Jean. Let me bask in the brilliance of my many failures alone," Rachel said, turning away and looking back out the window.
Without warning, Jean pulled Rachel's chair telekinetically to the middle of the room and made her face her. Jean was surprised when Rachel didn't even flinch from her outburst. As if reading her mind, Rachel said wryly, "It's not the first time you've yanked me like that to get my attention."
"Is that so? Then you know I'm serious and I want answers," Jean said. "How could you even think of doing what you did last night?"
"Hank told you, then."
"No, I saw the surveillance footage."
Rachel just shrugged. "Seemed like the thing to do at the time," Rachel said, dismissively.
"That's all you have to say?" Jean yelled, not understanding how Rachel could act so indifferently.
"What do you care?" Rachel asked, showing the first signs of emotion. "You've said about five words to me in the last two weeks. I obviously have no place in your life or in this time. You know how you're going to die, so you no longer need me to save you from that. I can never go back home. And the longer I stay here, the more damage I'm probably doing to the space-time continuum! So yeah, it seemed like the thing to do at the time."
"I do care! Do you know what losing you would have done to me?" Jean asked, her voice cracking.
"No," Rachel said simply.
Jean went down on her knees in front of Rachel, forcing her to look her in the eyes. "Before I even knew who you truly were, I loved you like a sister. I felt a connection to you I couldn't understand. Now, knowing I'm your mother, it would have killed me to lose you… especially that way."
"I thought you hated me," Rachel whispered.
"I'm so sorry, Rachel. I'm sorry I treated you the way I did. I couldn't get past my own feelings of having lost control of my life… my destiny. But I never hated you, not even for a second," Jean said.
Jean looked up and saw tears brimming in Rachel's eyes. She imagined it was an accumulation of tears held at bay for the last year. Rachel went on her knees on the floor with Jean. Then without warning, Rachel embraced her. "I've missed you so much!"
Jean knew who she really meant. She missed the older version of her. The mother she cherished deeply. "I've felt your suffering, Rachel. I saw what you went through… everything you went through… If I could have borne that for you I would have," Jean said.
"I wouldn't have wanted you to," Rachel said.
"You'll always have a home here, Rachel. I don't ever want you to think about ending your life again! Do you understand?" Jean said, shaking Rachel by the shoulders. Rachel just nodded.
After a few moments, Rachel broke the silence. "You know, when you died that night so long ago for me - I didn't just lose my mother, I lost my father too."
"Scott…" Jean whispered.
"Your death left him a broken man. He all but died that night too," Rachel said. "Couldn't even bring himself to look at me anymore."
"I swear, Rachel. That won't happen. Not this time. Not like that, do you hear me?" Jean said.
"I hope not… otherwise everything I've been through would have been for nothing," Rachel answered.
Jean wanted nothing more than to beat some sense into future Scott – wherever he was. How could he treat his child that way? But Jean remembered Rachel's memory of Jean dying in Scott's arms. And Jean knew if their roles were reversed her soul would have died just as his did. Before she married him, she'd make sure she laid out ground rules in regards to their children if one of them were to go first. And marry him she would, once she mended things with Rachel.
Mother and daughter just held each other on the floor in the middle of Rachel's bedroom for quite some time. It was cathartic for both of them. Jean realized that once she came to accept Rachel and everything she represented, she found herself filled with hope. Rachel actually represented a future Jean had always yearned for with Scott – minus her dying of course. And the fact that Jean knew how her future self died, she felt confident she could prevent it.
Jean laughed all of a sudden, Rachel turned to her with a confused look on her face. "What is it, Jean? What's so funny?"
"I was just remembering something you said about your dad," Jean tried mimicking Rachel's voice. "'Let's just say, his looks could kill'."
Rachel laughed, remembering the conversation they had the previous Christmas. "A part of me had hoped that you'd one day catch my true meaning."
"Well, it definitely takes on a whole new meaning for me now," Jean said, enjoying their easy banter once again. "You certainly have a way with words, Rachel."
"Speaking of Scott… are you umm… going to tell him?" Rachel asked.
"I want to," Jean answered. "I think he has a right to know… but I won't, unless you give me permission. It's kind of your secret to tell, isn't it?"
"I've never known you to keep a secret from Scott. The fact that you've kept this one for as long as you have has impressed me." Rachel said. "Go ahead. Tell him. You already know everything. I no longer see the harm with him knowing too. Besides, secrets aren't good for a relationship. I do have to ensure my own existence you know."
Jean laughed. "Yes, there is that. And I do need to do some mending with Scott as well. He uhh… He asked me to marry him yesterday… I said, 'no'."
"… It was because of me, wasn't it?"
"A little… but I didn't have a clear mind at the time. I was confused and angry and now I regret it… I hope his offer's still open," Jean said.
"I still exist, don't I? It's probably still open," Rachel said, smiling.
An hour later
Scott had spent the better part of the last two hours working on his motorcycle. There really wasn't any work to be done. But Scott had a lot on his mind and he found working on his bike therapeutic. It was a way for him to lick his wounds after Jean rejected his marriage proposal. So, he'd checked his tire pressure, lubricated his bike's chain, changed the coolant, changed the oil, and adjusted the cables.
He was about to change the spark plugs next when he heard familiar footsteps come up behind him. "Hey, Scott." It was Jean. Scott wondered how her talk with Rachel went. It took all his will power not to have gone with her and give Rachel a piece of his mind after what he saw on that surveillance video. But he knew that Jean and Rachel needed to iron things out between them… Whatever it was.
"Hey, Jean," Scott said, not offering more. He figured whatever she wanted, she could make the first move.
"Can we talk?" Jean asked, tentatively. Scott just nodded, got up and made a motion for Jean to follow him to the nearby bench.
They both sat down, and Scott just stared at Jean. He wasn't going to make this easy for her. He was still hurt by her rejection the day before. Although a voice in his head reminded him that he couldn't have picked a worse time to propose.
"I know I hurt you… and I'm so sorry. That was the last thing I wanted to do -"
"Then, why did you?" Scott asked.
"I've been trying to figure out how to tell you… And I realized that what I need to tell you… What I need you to know, can't be told. It has to be shown," Jean said, placing her index and middle finger on Scott's temple. "May I?"
Scott hesitated only a brief second, then nodded, giving his permission. Suddenly, a rush of images and memories came flooding at him.
He saw an image of Jean and himself coming home with a new baby boy in their arms. He saw an image of him and Jean reading a bedtime story to two young children; a brown-haired boy and another child whom he couldn't see as it seemed it was from her point of view he was seeing the memories.
There was an image of them seemingly on a family vacation at Disneyland. There was an image of him teaching his son to play chess. There was a memory of him teaching his daughter how to drive… He knew it was his daughter, but he still couldn't see an image of her.
A thousand more fragmented memories and images bombarded him before the very last memory was revealed to him. It was an older version of him, holding a bleeding Jean in his arms. He was sobbing his heart out, begging her not to leave him – but she died anyway.
Scott couldn't take it anymore. He physically pushed Jean's hand away from his temple. He couldn't breathe. He stumbled away from Jean. The pain of the memories – no, the images – was suffocating. He felt nauseated and he bent down trying his hardest not to vomit.
"Easy, Scott! Take a deep breath, it'll pass," Jean said, rubbing his back.
"My God, what was that?!" Scott asked, when he could finally bring himself to talk.
"They were memories, Scott… Rachel's memories. It's what I saw – what I experienced when I psychically linked with her when we fought Psylocke and Mastermind," Jean said.
"Rachel's? But how… Wait, what are you saying?" Scott asked, gasping for breath.
"I think you know, Scott," Jean whispered.
"But… that's impossible…" Scott said, steadying himself against the wall.
"Is it? Doesn't everything make sense now? Everything we've always found strange with Rachel… Isn't it like finding the last missing piece of a puzzle that was hard to make out but is now so clear?"
"Rachel is our… She's -"
"Our daughter? Yes, she is," Jean said, confirming what Scott knew but needed to hear. Scott didn't say anything. He slid down against the wall and sat on the cold concrete floor. After a moment, Jean sat next to him. She took his hand in hers. "Are you alright, Scott?"
Scott nodded. "I'm just trying to wrap my mind around everything. Rachel's from the future… I never believed such a thing was possible. It's like something out of a movie… Yet, everything makes sense now."
"Yeah, I know."
"It's why my optic blast didn't hurt her. It's why she tried so hard to get us together. How she knew for a fact we had feelings for each other -"
"Why she hated Duncan," Jean added, laughing. Scott laughed at that too.
"I always wondered why so much about her reminded me of you… Now I know."
"Really? What do you mean?"
"Little things here and there… Like the sound of her laughter. Her little mannerisms, for example, how she always raises her left eyebrow whenever she doesn't believe something I said," Scott said, chuckling.
"I do that?" Jean asked.
"It's your trademark," Scott answered. "She also crinkles her nose whenever she hears something asinine… She totally got that from you."
"She acts like you in a lot of ways too, you know," Jean said.
"Oh yeah? Like what?" Scott asked.
"Well, for one, she's a germaphobe. You two are the only people I know who order steaming hot water at every restaurant you go to just to soak the cutlery in. You're also both sore losers who accuse me of cheating anytime I win at any game we're playing."
"I've gotten better over the years," Scott said a little defensively, knowing it was true.
"Slightly," Jean said, smiling. Scott couldn't help but smile back. She knew him so well. Scott went quiet again, staring ahead, deep in thought.
Suddenly he said, "I can't imagine the hardship Rachel's been through… I mean… Imagine never being able to go back home."
"She said that you… The future you, blamed her for my death-"
"God, I feel terrible. I mean, it's the future me… but still, it's me. I just… I don't know. I just want to find Rachel right now and give her a hug or something… That, or build myself a time machine and knock some sense into my older self," Scott said.
"At least with you, it's your older self… I'm so ashamed with how I treated her. It was selfish of me," Jean said, feeling so much remorse.
"Why were you angry with her?" Scott asked.
"I wasn't. I was angry at the situation. I felt like my whole life from start to finish had already been written and that I had no choice but just to go through the motions."
"I see…"
"But that was my problem. And I selfishly made it Rachel's… and yours as well," Jean said.
"Yeah, about the marriage proposal… I'm sorry about that, Jean. It was an awful time for me to bring it up. I knew you were bothered by something. It was selfish of me. It just felt that I was losing you and I got scared. I'm sorry I dropped that on you," Scott said.
Jean took Scott's hands in her own. "I should be the one apologizing. I can only imagine the courage it took for you to ask-"
"Let's just forget it ever happened. I just want things to go back to the way they were," Scott said.
"But I don't want things to go back to the way they were," Jean said.
Scott felt his heart sink at her words. She was going to break up with him. "I see… Don't you think that's a little extreme?" Scott asked.
"What are you talking about?" Jean asked, looking confused.
"I mean, I know what you saw in Rachel's mind was a lot to take in. But there were a lot of good memories there… In fact, they were all great except for the part of you dying. But together we can make sure that never happens. We're stronger together than apart. I mean, are you just going to give up on us to ensure that future never happens? And who knows what would happen to Rachel if mphf-" Scott was silenced by Jean putting her index finger on his lips.
"I'm not breaking up with you, Scott," Jean said, an amused look on her face.
"You're… not? But you said -"
"I said, I didn't want things to go back to the way they were."
Scott just stared at her, still not sure what she was trying to say.
Jean sighed, exasperation written all over her face. "I'm trying to say that I want us to move forward… together. What I'm trying to ask is… Does your offer still stand?"
"You want to marry me?" Scott asked, not quite believing what he was hearing.
"Of course, I do! I love you, you big oaf," Jean said, affectionately caressing Scott's cheek with the back of her hand. When Scott didn't say anything for a moment or two, Jean's smile faded a bit. "Scott? Your offer still stands right? Are you having second thoughts?"
"Oh, no it's nothing like that. I couldn't be happier!" Scott said, pulling Jean in his arms, reassuring her. "It's just that I… sort of… returned the engagement ring."
"You did what?! Why would you do that?"
"Well, the sight of it was just depressing! You did say 'no' to me and you made it sound so final at the time," Scott said, defensively.
"Oh, but that ring was gorgeous… Don't you know me by now?! I would have said 'yes' eventually!" Jean lamented.
"I'm sure it's still at the jewellers. I'll get it back, hon," Scott said, kissing Jean tenderly on the lips. "Besides, it could have been worse…"
"Oh? How so?" Jean asked, raising her eyebrow.
"I could have gone to plan B and proposed to that blonde at the coffee shop who keeps flirting with me… I think she'd have said 'yes'," Scott said, jokingly.
"I'd like to see you try, hon," Jean said, her voice extra saccharine. Scott knew that tone. It never failed to scare him just a little bit. His Jean could be quite the possessive one.
"Awww, sweetheart, I was just kidding around. You know I've only got eyes for you," Scott said, nuzzling Jean's neck.
"Good. I'd hate to see blondie have to learn to tie her shoes all over again," Jean said.
Scott laughed so hard. "Redheads do have a dynamite temper."
"Glad you know it." Jean said, smugly. After a moment, Scott gently made a motion for Jean to move off his lap. He slowly got up. "Where are you going, Scott?" Jean asked with a bit of a pout that Scott always found adorable and sexy at the same time.
"I'm getting your ring back," Scott said, helping Jean up off the floor. "Then, we're going out to celebrate with dinner tonight at your favorite restaurant."
"I can't wait!" Jean said, giggling like a school girl. Scott, however, didn't join in her laughter.
Scott's face looked serious all of a sudden. "Jean, I want you to know that I believe with all my heart that we'll be okay. When I look at you, I see more than just you. I see my today, my tomorrow and the rest of my life. The future isn't something to fear, it's something to look forward to. Yes, we did get a glimpse of your death, but the future isn't set in stone. There's a reason Rachel's here. I believe we can change that fate."
Jean embraced Scott. "Even if we can't change my fate, even if everything's already set in stone and I have no choice but to just go through the motions… I'd still want to be by your side – for the rest of my life. I love you, Scott."
"I love you too, Jean… I always have."
An hour later
Scott had several hours before his dinner date with Jean that night. He had a few errands to run, one being to buy back Jean's engagement ring. But Scott had one very important thing he wanted to do before running back to the mall.
He'd been all over the mansion grounds for the better part of the last ten minutes searching for a certain someone. When he finally found said someone – she was sitting under his and Jean's favorite tree. Her nose was in a book – just like her mother, Scott mused.
Rachel had on an 'Xavier's School for Gifted Youngsters' hoodie, blue jeans and runners. She also had on her blonde wig and glasses. After his chat with Jean, Scott learned that Rachel was actually a redhead and that the glasses she constantly wore weren't prescription at all. Rachel looked up from her book, most likely sensing his presence.
She had an adorably awkward look on her face. She probably knew Jean had told him everything. He decided to speak first. "Hey Rachel… whatcha readin'?"
She lifted the book, so he could see the cover. It was Bid Time Return by Richard Matheson. He'd never read the book, but Jean had made him watch the film adaptation with Christopher Reeve and Jane Seymour called Somewhere in Time. It was a time travel/romance story. It didn't end well.
"Isn't that a little depressing?" Scott asked.
Rachel shrugged. "It appeals to me."
"You mean it appeals to you that the main character in the novel can travel through time simply by wishing it?" Scott asked.
"Something like that," Rachel answered.
"And is that what you wish for? To wake up one morning and be home again?" Scott asked, taking a seat next to Rachel on the grass.
"With all my heart… Except when I wake up, I'll have been successful in preventing my mother's death. My family would be whole, and we'd gather around the breakfast table like we've done every morning for as far as I can remember," Rachel said, wistfully.
"I wish I could give that to you, Rachel," Scott said, embracing the young woman who was so much more than a friend, but not quite his daughter.
Rachel looked a little taken aback by Scott's show of affection. "You umm… seem to be taking the news rather well." Better than Jean, Scott thought was what Rachel meant.
"What's not to like? I saw a future in which I married the woman I love. We created a beautiful family together, and we lived a happy life," Scott said.
"Did you miss the part where Jean died because I made a stupid decision that night to go on a mission she begged me not to go on?" Rachel asked, pain lacing her voice.
"No… No, I didn't miss that. It just about killed me to see that… I can only imagine what that did to you. You actually lived through it," Scott said.
"My dad hated me for it… You hated me for it… blamed me for what happened. And rightfully so. I wanted so much to make it up to him, to my mom, my brother. I don't even know if I've succeeded," Rachel whispered.
Scott gently cupped Rachel's cheek and made her look at him. "I can tell you for a fact he didn't hate you. And if he did blame you at first, well, it's just his grief talking… He knows that Jean made a decision to follow you. And that it was her decision."
Rachel couldn't hold back her tears anymore. She embraced Scott. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry! I never meant for it to happen! I've hated myself for so long."
Scott knew she wasn't really talking to him. She was talking to the man she would probably never see again. But if he could give her this one small comfort, he'd do it gladly. "Hey now, you've nothing to be sorry for. It should be you receiving the apology. I'll speak for my future self and say, 'I'm the one who's sorry'. You didn't deserve that. All I can say is that the grief overwhelmed him, and he lost sight of what he still had. Trust me, Jean gave me a piece of her mind earlier about that… Never mind I've never actually committed the sin yet..."
Rachel laughed through her tears. "Thanks… you have no idea how much I needed to hear that… I had no idea how much I needed to hear that."
Scott looked at the girl who'd been such a wonderful friend to him. The girl who would be his daughter. Was this what fatherly pride felt like? She was intelligent, funny, resourceful… She could hold her own in a battle better than he could… even better than Jean. She had a kindness to her that was such a reflection of her mother. She remained stoic amidst such pain in her young life. He and Jean raised a remarkable young woman… or at least their future selves did.
Rachel must have sensed Scott's pensiveness and asked, "What are you thinking?"
"A lot of things… one of them is that I think you shouldn't have to hide anymore," Scott said, gently putting his hands on Rachel's faux blonde locks. "May I?"
Rachel nodded. The look in her eyes told Scott she wanted him to see her as she truly was. He gently lifted the wig off, while Rachel assisted him with the clips. Scott placed it on the grass beside them. He then proceeded to remove her spectacles. What he saw made his breath catch in his throat.
"Jesus… you're the very image of your mother," Scott said.
"So everyone's told me," Rachel said, wryly.
"Remarkable… I mean, I've always kind of seen a resemblance between you and Jean… the shape of your nose, your mouth, your eyes… but to see everything so clearly with no distractions – it's just uncanny," Scott said, still in awe. "I wish so much that I could see you without my visor."
"I wish too, that just once in my life I could see your eyes… I've umm… never seen them outside of pictures of when you were really young," Rachel said, smiling.
"Well… it is what it is… I'm just relieved you didn't take after me!" Scott said, laughing.
Rachel laughed too. "My little brother did though. I'm not talking about your powers. But he took after you in looks about as much as I took after mom."
"Poor fella… Well, let's not hold that against him, huh?" Scott said, only half jokingly.
"Well… mom always thought Nathan was the handsomest little boy who ever lived so -"
"I guess I'm not the only one seeing through rose-colored glasses, so to speak," Scott said, not surprised that Jean would find their future son, a gawky, awkward boy who looked so much like Scott, 'the handsomest little boy ever'.
"Last I saw Nate he was starting to fill out. He was looking less and less gangly each time I saw him… God I miss him so much. I miss everyone so much." Rachel said.
"I know you do, Rach… but you've got a family here too. Jean and I may not be the parents you yearn for… but I can speak for both of us when I say that you've got a home here," Scott said.
"Thanks, that means a lot to me," Rachel said.
"I'm glad. I need you to know how important you are to us… to Jean and myself. I don't want you to ever feel such despair that you would try taking your own life," Scott said.
Rachel looked humbled. "It won't ever happen again. I promise."
"Good," Scott said, kissing Rachel on the forehead. Father and daughter sat together under the tree just enjoying each other's company. Rachel allowed herself to put her head on her father's shoulder like Scott imagined she used to do as a child. He couldn't recall a time he felt more content.
Unbeknownst to the two of them, Jean was smiling from ear to ear, watching them from her bedroom window, tears of joy in her eyes. The future seemed bright indeed.
To be continued…
