Cara's POV


"I can hardly believe this is finally happening, like this." Cara said, staring out of the tinted windows of the TIE Fighter as the galaxy seemed to speed past them.

Kylo did not answer, instead continuing to stare pointedly at his controls, even though the course had already been set and they were well on their way to the First Order's newest base of operations. It was a strange moment for Cara, this. Sitting in a ship of which Kylo, or Ben, was the pilot, with her in the passengers seat. On their way to a new destination she had yet to explore. It was all they had ever planned together, and yet it was nothing like she had ever imagined it. The menacing black robes Kylo was wearing, the red lightsaber strapped to his side. The helmet which he once again wore now that they had left the unbearable heat of Jakku. It was nothing like she had ever thought him to look during their planned adventures. She missed his curls and his wide inquisitve eyes, and the smirk he would have undoubtedly worn had he known some kind of trivia about the planet they were about to visit before she did. In this moment, no matter what her undoubtedly strong feelings for Kylo Ren were, this was one of the moments that she truly missed Ben. Ben Solo, her friend, Ben Solo, the Jedi-in waiting. Son of Leia and Han, nephew to Luke. That was who she missed now.

"Long ago, Ben and I had planned to explore the galaxy together. We would have our own little ship, that would feel like home, and we would go to all these planets that nobody had ever heard of or thought to explore before. We wouldn't be worried about safety, because Ben would have been the most powerful Jedi in the galaxy - and we would learn about the worlds together. Does any of that sound familiar to you, Kylo?"

It was a desperate attempt to pull a reaction of out of him, and Cara knew it. Aside from his pleas when he had first come to pick her up, Kylo had been wearing his physical and emotional mask once more. She knew that he was just as worried about Snoke as she was - and yet he would not let her know. If only he would let her know.

There was complete silence for a moment, the vacuum of space outside of them allowing for a stillness that seemed foreign to Cara. After the sounds of tents flapping and sand storms surrounding her for the past weeks, complete and utter silence seemed eerie, and unsettling.

"Why are you referring to Ben Solo as a seperate person?"

Cara was shocked by his sudden question, hardly believing that he had even asked it in the first place.

"Would you like me to refer to you as the same person?" She asked, unable to mask the tone of hope in her voice.

"No, because that is not the case. It's just unusual for you, that's all."

"I never really know who I'm talking to anyway, why keep up the pretense?"

"Because you believe you can still fix him."

"Do I?"

"You know you do. A futile hope, of course. But you do."

Cara laid her head back against her seat, and closed her eyes. She was tired of constantly having this conversation with him. All she wanted was for him to tell her what he was truly thinking, feeling. She wanted Kylo Ren, not even Ben Solo, to be honest with her. Was that not something she deserved? To feel as though he trusted her, on some level?

"Is that such a foreign concept to you, believing? You must believe in the First Order, if you are such an integral part of it."

"The First Order is merely a stepping stone in what I am to become."

"Who told you that, Snoke? Why do I feel like Snoke is the one that manipulated you into becoming this thing that you are today?"

"Supreme Leader Snoke, to you."

"I do not care what his name is, Kylo. What I care about is you."

She almost thought she had him stumped, the silence following her statement hanging in the air between them as a faint summary of what their relationship had become. A relationship that often felt one-sided, until Kylo Ren would suddenly blindside her with a show of affection that only she would be given. A kiss, a moment of rage-induced protection. A moment of weakness.

"Tell me about him." Cara continued, hoping to induce one of those moments of weakness now.

Kylo did not reply, but she could see his shoulders shifting, his back tensing. She wondered if he thought she was joking, trying to mess with him in some way. When was the last time anyone had ever asked about his own motivations, without trying to manipulate him in some way, wanting something from him? When was the last time someone had actually truly listened to what he had to say?

"Tell me about Supreme Leader Snoke, Kylo. You say he helped you. I want to know how."

"And you think the time to discuss this is now?"

"I would argue that there is no better time, Kylo. When will we ever be as alone as this again? When will either of us be able to speak this freely again, without worrying about who will hear us and who will use it against us?"

"How do I know that you will not use my own confessions against me?"

"I won't if you do not give me a reason to."

He fell silent once more, and the silence went on until Cara had almost given up on waiting for his answer. She opened her eyes again, however, choosing to try and count the stars and the streaks they left in their wake as they zoomed past them, never to be counted again. It was a challenge, but it was a challenge that kept her occupied - occupied enough to forget about her impending meeting with Snoke and occupied enough to distract herself from the man sat in front of her.

"He spoke to me, often."

Cara lost count of the stars and streaks she had seen in the vast space surrounding her, opting to close her eyes again as she let his words sink in, trying to formulate a response that would not trigger him in any way that would be considered an attack on his choices in the past. She needed him to believe that she truly wanted to understand Kylo Ren, seperate him from the person she had once known - and while she had made concious efforts to do so in the past, she knew it was more important now than it had ever been before. She needed him on her side, completely. There was no one else that would fight for her within the First Order. Not any more.

"When did it start?" She asked, genuinely curious.

"A few years before I realized who I was meant to become, who I was destined to be."

"A few years before you became Kylo Ren."

"Yes." He said, his voice barely above a whisper, only audible because of the silence that surrounded them.

"What did he say to you, when he spoke to you?"

She could see his shoulders relax a bit, his head hanging low as he considered his response. She was sure that he would not tell her the whole truth, the whole story - but it was a start, and for that she was grateful.

"He spoke to me of a world where there was no imbalance of power - where the Dark side could rule, and rule absolute, and people would know who to follow, and there would be order. Chaos would be overthrown, the manipulations of the Resistance a thing of the past. The Dark side would finally conquer the Light, and the galaxy would finally find peace."

"And you believed him?" She asked, already knowing the answer but needing to hear it in his own words.

"Yes. A galaxy without order is not a galaxy worth fighting for. The freedom for which the Resistance gladly gives up their lives? It is a concept that can never be won. All races and all lifeforms need something to follow, something to understand. Freedom, true freedom, is not a concept that can be obtained. Order, however, a controlled system of planets and galaxies and solar systems is something that can be attained. It is something people can strive for, and understand what it is they are striving for."

"Is that what Snoke told you, when he convinced you to join the newly formed First Order?"

"Yes, and no. He told me about the chaos that needed to be overthrown and the order that needed to ensue - the impossibility of freedom is something that I had already learnt about myself."

"Can I ask, when? When did you learn that freedom is not something that is attainable?"

"Back when Ben Solo still existed, and his parents forced him to train in the ways of the Jedi, to leave everything he knew and cared about in pursuit of some higher purpose. A higher purpse which completely strips an individual of their freedom to care about those he cares about, and to choose that which he wants to fight for."

Cara could feel tears starting to prick her eyes. He was right in a way, of course. That is what made it all the sadder. The Jedi Order had many rules and regulations. She understood where Kylo was coming from. Such rules would have made her feel confined as well. Restricted. Suddenly, she understood how Snoke had managed to manipulate one of the most powerful, caring, inquisitive and smartest individuals she had ever known. Latch on to the one insecurity they have, and overwhelm them with it. Overwhelm them with feelings of anger and confusion, overwhelm them with the sense that no one understands their point of view, and you can turn anyone. No one should have to feel that lonely in the world.

"I wonder if I would have understood." Cara said, voicing her thoughts out loud.

"Understood what, Cara Nova?" Kylo asked, never having even turned his head towards the sound of her voice behind him.

"If you - If Ben, had told me all of this - would I have understood, as I think I understand now? Because I do, Kylo. I can't imagine what it must feel like to think that your entire existence has already been planned for you."

"The Cara before me now understands because she knows what it's like to feel trapped. The Cara back then would not have known what that feels like. The kind of impact that can have, on a person."

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Kylo asked, and she could almost hear the fragility in his voice that he never let her hear, much less see, and she was suddenly grateful to Supreme Leader Snoke - for having Kylo come fetch her, for giving them this time together, just the two of them. It gave her a strange sense of fulfillment and doom at the same time.

"For giving you the impression that I would not have understood what you were going through back then, what Ben was going through. I'm sorry if I was part of the problem."

The both of them fell quiet once more, the impact of their words weighing heavily on the both of them, making the anticipation of whatever was to come that much worse. They were nearing their destination now, the TIE Fighter slowing down as an enormous ship came into view, obscuring the bright lights of the stars that were undoubtedly behind it. Cara gasped, not having expected the First Order to already have such a large ship, and perhaps even larger arsenal, already up and running so shortly after the attack on Starkiller Base. A feeling of dread settled in the pit of her stomach, as Kylo turned the controls towards the ship, slowly delivering her to her fate. Her fate at the hands of Supreme Leader Snoke.

"You were never part of the problem, Cara Nova. You were only ever the solution."

She tried to resist the temptation to place her hand on his shoulder, but the sudden urge to feel his strong frame under her hand was much too compelling, and she carefully curled her fingers around his upper-arm, comforted by the feeling of warmth and strength that radiated from him.

"Then I think we've just answered the question of why Snoke summoned me here." She responded, unable to take her eyes off of the enormous ship they were now flying into.


A/N: Thank you for waiting for another chapter. I've recently started my Masters and working on my first novel, so this story doesn't always have priority, but I promise to keep uploading, as sporadically as that may be. I hope you all enjoyed this chapter, please don't hesitate to leave your thoughts in a review, and hopefully I'll be able to upload something again soon! X