Summary: What happens when the Pack's resident hot-head and troublemaker is rejected by his imprint ? Will he succumb to grief or find solace in the arms of another ?
Disclaimer: All you recognize belongs to Stephenie Meyer ( including these two fiesty, gorgeous wolves - unfortunately ! ). The rest ? To my warped, hyperactive imagination ...
A/N: The Demon Spawn never happened. EVER ! I'm in complete denial ... In my crazy AU she simply doesn't exist.
Warning: contains slash and strong language.
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Broken
Paul's pov:
I dunno what the fuck I'm doing here ...
I mean, I was the one who needed to talk ... who wanted this. Wanted to be close to Jake once more. I was the one who'd insisted on this. Hell ! I actually begged for it. Nearly got down on my fucking knees for it. But now that it's happened and I'm finally with him, alone, like I'd hoped and prayed for, I just want to bolt. And keep on running as fast as I can ... All that confidence I'd had earlier's deserted me. Flown the coop. There's a helluva lot I want to say to him. That I need to say to him ... yet, I can't find the fucking words. The right ones. And that scares me. It scares the fucking hell outta me ...
When he actually said that I was right, that we did need to talk, I honestly thought I'd imagined it. I just froze. Literally. The shock of Jake agreeing with me had me rooted to the spot. I couldn't move if my life depended on it. If a pack of bloodthirsty leeches turned up right now, I'd've been a dead wolf walking ... or, in my case, a proper sitting duck ... Like I said, I was paralyzed from the waist down. All I could do was look at him like a helpless, lovesick puppy with my eyes fixed hungrily upon him.
It's not like me ... being mute, I mean. Being unable to talk. But looking at him as he stood at the water's edge, the sun caressing him with its rays, had me dumbstruck and in awe for once. He looked like a god and his sheer beauty had me speechless. And so help me, I was - am - completely beguiled by him ... He just took my breath away. In fact, I was so caught up, so transfixed watching him that I was startled when he finally said something to me.
" Well, Meraz ... you gonna stand there all day like a freakin' statue, or are you coming ? "
Jake watched me intently and had a strange, thoughtful look on his handsome face - probably thinking that I was just plain weird and that I'd finally "lost" it. The tone of his voice was quiet. Calm. Something I was far from feeling. Just the feel of his eyes on me had my treacherous body tensing with need and my heartrate accelerating like crazy. Overwhelming desire made me lightheaded and giddy ... So much so, I had problems thinking clearly, never mind being able to breathe, act and talk rationally.
" Uh ... what ? Oh, yeah ... sure ... " I finally rasped, once my mushed up brain was finally able to sort of function. Now, all I had to do is uproot myself from here and follow him. Which was easier said than done, when your legs feel as wobbly as a newborn foal's ... Still, in the end I managed to get my trembling limbs under control and slowly ambled up to him. " So, uh ... where are we going ? "
Jacob slowly shook his head and rolled his eyes. " You'll see ... Follow me ... "
For once, I didn't argue. The desire to be with him far outweighed the need to be stubborn and argumentative. I fell in step with him, my eyes darting every so often just to look at him. Devouring him hungrily. Wanting him more than anything or anyone in my entire life.
We ended up on the bluff, overlooking the ocean.
It was a place I knew very well. A place I loved. Somewhere I always went when I was stressed and needed to cool off and find peace, or just when I wanted to be alone to think. It was my sanctuary. My refuge ... For some reason the bluff soothed me, helped me regain my inner calm and brought me happiness and solace. Where I could just be myself ... Not the fiery, volatile, aggressive wolf with a bad-ass attitude that preceded him. Just Paul.
I was more than surprized to find Jake leading me to this place, as I truly believed I was the only person who ever came here. My brow furrowed and all I could do, was stare at him in wide-eyed confusion.
" W-Why here ? " I croaked, nervously rubbing the back of my head, seriously ruffling my dark, cropped hair into messy spikes. Jake merely dropped down to sit at the cliff's edge, his long, muscular legs dangling over the side. He stared straight ahead towards the horizon, his gaze fixed on the descending sun, watching the colours of the sky bleed into varying shades of pinks, lilacs, mauves and purple.
" 'Cos it's your place, isn't it, Paul ? " he said softly.
" How d-did you know that ? "
A faint smile played on his lips and he turned to watch me as I sat beside him. " 'S easy ... It's where you come to brood, think things over or to calm down. Your scent's particularly strong here ... the place reeks of you. Don't blame you though. It's a beautiful spot. Peaceful ... soothing ... "
I nodded and admitted quietly. " Yeah ... it's the one place I can find myself, y'know ? Keeps me grounded. It relaxes me and I always see things clearer when I come here to think ... " I paused, and saw the slight smirk on his face and although I was still feeling a bit sensitive, a bit raw, I managed a half-hearted snark of, " Hey ! Stop grinning ... I do have a brain, for fuck's sake ! I am capable of thinking rationally. Calmly. Despite what you guys think ... I try and come here every day, if I can. This is my happy place, I guess ... " I sighed deeply, then unusually, was the first to break eye contact. I did what I usually did when I was on edge, I stared at the ocean and let the sound of the waves and the play of the fading sunlight on the water calm me down.
Suddenly, I felt him gently bump his shoulder into mine. I looked up and saw Jake smile. His eyes were now fixed on my face and were warmer. More intense. And gentle. " Never said you weren't capable of thinking, Meraz. Just teasing, 's all. I know you're smart ... I'd never imprint on someone dumb, y'know ? "
Jake's calm steady scutiny made me unusually self-conscious and I began to blush. Embarrassed, I turned my head away, only to feel Jake's right hand gently tilt my chin back up, forcing me to look at him. My mouth felt dry and I nervously ran the tip of my tongue across my lips.
" Don't ... Please, Paul ... Never feel you have to look away from me. You're my imprint. A part of me. I hate seeing you uncomfortable. Just relax and be yourself. Don't hide the real you. That's what makes you special ... and it's why I, uh ... I lo-like you, man ... "
By now, his hand was gently cupping my left cheek, its palm warm against my skin. It was the first proper physical contact I'd had with Jake in weeks and I'd missed it. Greatly. His touch made my skin tingle with need. And the way those long, calloused fingertips absently caressed my throat sent sparks of intense longing coursing like wildfire through my entire body. God ! I'd missed this. Missed him ... a helluva lot.
My eyes slowly closed and I unconsciously pressed my cheek against his palm, revelling in the feel of him. Taking pleasure in being near him once again. Loving his touch. Loving him ...
I sighed and admitted huskily, " Guess I fucked up again, huh ? I dunno what the hell's wrong with me ... Whenever something good happens to me, I always screw it up. I can't help it, Jake. It's like I'm compelled to mess things up. To fuck up ... I don't mean to do it. Hell ! I don't wake up every morning and think what the hell can I destroy today ? Who can I upset or hurt next ? I don't ! Honestly ... "
" Paul- "
I took a deep breath and reluctantly pulled away from him. The confused look on his face tore me up inside. But I owed him. I had to tell him why I ended up hurting him and acting like the biggest asshole on the planet. I took a deep breath and decided to bite the bullet.
" I need you to shut up and listen, Jake. Please ? Any interruptions and I'm out of here. I ... I can only do this if you keep quiet, 'cos I'm having a hard enough time finding the words to explain it as it is ... never mind trying to understand what's going on. Ok ? ... I ain't got a clue why I'm such a jerk. Why I act the way I do. All I know is that I'm wired wrong. That there's something seriously wrong with me that makes me behave the way I do. Jeez, my mood swings are proof enough of that ... I'm always going to fuck things up, Jake. Trust me, that's never going to change, no matter how badly I want it to. " Feeling agitated and unsure of myself, I ran an unsteady hand through my hair. " I ... I, uh, shit, Jake, I'm a bastard pure 'n' simple and I don't deserve you. I never have. Never will. But, hand on heart, I can say I'm no good for you. I've hurt you once, and with my lousy fucking track record, I'll wind up doing it again. That's the last thing I want, but it's inevitable. It will happen and I ... I care too much about you to ever let that happen again. I care so fucking much, that the thought of causing you any pain's tearing me apart. I can't do that to you, Jake. I won't, and I'll be damned if I do ... "
My chest rose and fell in agitation and I knew I was getting stressed. Suddenly, I felt his warm palm cover the back of my hand and our fingers interlaced. His touch instantly calmed me and as I relaxed, I absently noted how his russet colouring complimented my golden skin.
" Paul, you're an idiot, " he said quietly as he leant closer to me. " If you think for a moment I'm letting you go, then you're a total moron. A damn fool. But you're my damn fool. There's no way in hell I'm giving you up. You're stuck with me, whether you like it or not. So deal with it, pal ... "
The tone of his voice was warm. Caring. There was a trace of a smile on Jake's lips and a hint of laughter in his voice His dark eyes sparkled with amusement.
Then without warning, his free hand came to rest on the side of my neck, his fingers curled around my nape to draw me closer to him. The sudden movement made me gasp softly and before I could object - not that I was ever likely to - Jake was kissing me. Light and tender at first, until he became aware that I wasn't resisting him and was actually returning his kisses. That I welcomed his advances and had been longing for his touch. Encouraged by my response, the pressure of his lips on mine increased. The kisses intensified. Became heated and full of passion. I whimpered with need. Somehow, I found myself winding my arms around his neck and pressing my body wantonly against his warm, hard, naked torso. Loving the feel of skin against bare skin. His hands roaming freely over my upper body.
I wasn't sure how it happened, but I ended up on Jake's lap, enjoying the feel of his strong, powerful thighs flexing beneath mine and the sensation of his lips roaming over my jawline and neck, before gently nibbling and sucking my earlobe. I couldn't stop trembling at his touch and my breathing was heavily and ragged. I laid my head upon his smooth, broad shoulder and closed my eyes for a brief moment.
" Jake ... ? "
" Uh-huh ? "
" You're right ... I am an idiot. And you should know that your damn fool's really missed you ... " I felt his lips brush my temple and he laughed softly. Jake wrapped his arms protectively around me and I happily nestled against him, as we both sat quietly to watch the sun set on the horizon.
T. B. C.
