Twelve
Angela walked behind Maura, Tanner, and Johnny. Arissa held onto her hand while eating a cheese stick. From behind. Minus Arissa, the three looked like a tight and well loving family. Tanner walked in between the two, holding Johnny's hand, although he walked from a strange distance. Maura clung onto his arm, but with very little affection. Like she noted, they looked like a family, from behind. They stopped in front of a shop which Angela could barely see. The look on Maura's face was the opposite of Tanner's. She tried to smile, but ended up turning away. On the other hand, Tanner smiled graciously. He pointed at something and kept making comments. Well, at least that's what it looked like to Angela. The three continued walking and by the time Angela reached the storefront, she realized why Maura tried to force a smile.
The Vera Wang store was the very story Jane and Maura went to try and purchase their wedding outfits. It had taken Jane about a week to find her suit, but due to Maura's persistence on seeing Jane in a dress, she ended up taking two months to find a reasonable dress. It was in this very store where Angela, Constance, and Maura truly had their bonding moment. This store held too many memories. And just like Maura, Angela tried to force a smile.
On the way to Boston Common, Angela thought of all the possibilities to what Tanner could have said in front of the store. All her assumptions led to one thing; Tanner had plans on marrying Maura. But did Maura feel the same? Angela couldn't even bring herself to like the guy no matter how-.
"Nonna?"
Angela snapped out from her thoughts. "Yes, dear?"
"Mommy never told me about Jaaane Rizzzoli. Uncle Frankie and Uncle Tommy's last name is Rizzzzoli. Is your last name Rizzzoli too?"
Angela slowly gripped her hand. "I used to be a Rizzoli, sweetheart. But that doesn't matter. Why do you keep asking about that anyways?"
"Because. Jaaannee Rizzzzoli is listed as my other mommy. Do you know her?"
Do I know her? Of course I know her. She's my only daughter who left her own family, just like her father! Angela tried to calm down. What do I tell her?
"One thing you should know about her is that she was one of Boston's finest cops. She served to be one of the greatest detective's too." Angela chose her words carefully.
"Is she still al-."
"Angela! Arissa!" Maura called out from in front. Maura stood next to a picnic table while Tanner and Johnny waited by pond.
"Sorry! We got a little tied up back there." Angela said. She tried to hide her frightened smile.
"That's alright." Maura began unpacking her picnic basket. "Arissa, go play with your brother and Tanner."
Arissa looked disgusted. "No! I don't want to play with Tanner!"
My grandkids don't even like Tanner either! Angela thought to herself.
"Angela? Is something wrong?"
"Arissa asked me about," she paused, "Jane."
"Oh." Maura attempted to shield her eyes form revealing her pain. "What did you say?"
"I told her she was a good cop."
Maura nodded. She took the juice containers and sandwiches out. "That's all she should know, right?"
"I'm not against you when it comes to…this. But your kids are incredibly smart at their age. I'm sure if you let them slip on a computer, they'll search it all up. All I'm saying is, wouldn't it be better if they found out from you instead of…well, something else, like the internet?"
"When the time comes, we'll figure it out."
"Maura…the time already came. Remember when she found the birth certificates?" Angela asked. "Children…they ask things without much thought. That's completely understandable, but children are also very curious. They will keep asking questions."
Angela sat down next to Maura. She decided to change the subject.
"Tanner seems to love spending time with them." Too much actually, she thought.
"Yeah. He says he finds them 'admirable' people to be around."
Tanner had Arissa on his shoulders and Johnny on his leg. But the terror and uncomforting look on their faces forced Angela to ask, "Where are you right now in your relationship with Tanner?"
"We're just friends…" Maura said. "Well, I don't know the word for it. We're past friends but not quite…together."
"What about him? Does he feel the same? He seemed excited when it comes to marrying you."
"I suppose it's because he has that 'biological' connection with the kids."
Should I say it, Angela thought, I should!
"But do Johnny and Arissa have that 'biological' connection? I just don't see it…and I'm really trying to find that connection, that spark, between them."
"We should give him more time." Maura suggested.
"Two years, Maura. There should be some sort of progress if there really is a connection. Don't you see it? Johnny and Arissa treat Tanner like a stranger. They're not warm to him unlike with Heather or Sydney!"
Maura looked out in the park. She saw where Angela was coming from. Tanner didn't have that warm feeling towards kids that most adult usually have.
"I'm not trying to cause a rift, but I really don't want our family to go through any more trouble."
Maura nodded in reply. "Look, Angela. He's a great guy. There are several things I love about him."
"But is that enough?" Angela asked.
Is it enough? Is what Tanner and I have, enough? Maura thought.
"It's good enough." Maura said. "For now."
Angela tried to believe her. But she knew in her heart that Tanner was not the right match for her. When they hugged, Maura had to go on her toes just to get at a decent level of comfort. In fact, Maura was a head short than Tanner. Physically, they were not a match. Professionally, it could work. But most importantly, personally? It could work if the relationship was forced upon. The two had misses sections inside them and certain puzzle pieces that could work. But both did not have the missing pieces that they truly needed, therefore they lacked the true romantic compatibility they truly deserved.
Angela knew she would regret asking, "Do you ever think about…Jane?"
Maura's eyes sent darts to Angela. "I try not to." Her voice began to shake. "I mean, I can't do much about it."
"Do you miss her?"
Maura reached for a tissue. "How can I not?" She wiped her tears. "You build up so many things and one day they're gone. It's like I love her, I miss her, and I want to be in her arms. But at the same time, I want to throw punches at her, kick her, and make her feel my pain." She saw Tanner and her kids walk toward the table. She quickly wiped her eyes and said, "None of this gets mentioned to them."
"Hey!" Tanner said. He leaned to give a kiss on Maura's lips. "We had fun out there, right kids?"
Johnny gave out a forced sigh. "Yeah."
Arissa curled back to Angela's arms. "Who's hungry?" she asked.
Angela wanted to smile and cry. She wanted to yell to the world what her jackass daughter had been and what she's lost. But also, she wanted to yell because her daughter still had someone waiting for her after so many years. She looked at Maura and gave a stern look.
They would continue this conversation elsewhere.
ˣˣ
"Frank! Open up! I don't have much time to talk!" Jane yelled. She pounded on the door. Anxiety grew inside as time passed.
"Janie! I'm in the backyard!" a voice yelled. Jane walked down the stairs, then to the side entrance, and saw Frank tending the garden. "You know Janie, with our given situation; I can say we're getting along pretty well!"
"Yeah, well, don't hold your breath for too long on that." She replied.
"What do you mean?"
"You know that phrase 'like father like son' or 'like mother like daughter'?"
"Yeah…what are you trying to get at?"
Jane waited for the right timing. She could blurt it out or she could pace everything out.
"We're alike." Jane said. "Like father like daughter."
"Of course! You're my-."
"No Frank. Not in any positive way." This is more difficult than I thought it would be. "I…five years…You-."
"Janie, just tell me. It can't be that bad."
Oh you have no idea. "I'm going to say this quickly." She took a deep breath in. "Five years ago I married Maura -."
To her surprise, Frank smiled. He got up, walked towards Jane and said, "That's wonderful! I knew you had some sort of feelings for her." He opened out his arms. "Can I hug you?"
"Hold it Frank. I haven't gotten to the bad part." Jane held out her hand. "She got pregnant…then…the accident…then-."
"Did you do what I…" Frank's voice trailed off. He stood there, stunned by his thoughts. "Come on. Let's sit."
Frank removed his gloves, wiped his sweat, and led Jane to the front porch where they sat side by side on the stairs. "Uh," Frank said. He searched his pockets for tissues. "I don't have any…"
Jane continued wailing her tears. She hunched over, unwilling to admit for the second time what she has done.
"Janie…did you…are they…they don't live here, do they?" Frank asked.
"No. Boston. I…I left." Jane replied.
"Huh…" Frank said. "I don't know what to say."
"Start with what a terrible person I am."
"I don't think I'm in the right position to be saying that." He said. "I guess that makes two of us, huh?"
"How'd you manage? Eight years of not hearing from us?"
"I didn't manage. Hell, I don't. But you have to. You make decisions and you gotta stick to it 100%, even if it hurts."
"I barely managed four years…" Jane wiped her tears with her sleeves. "I…I just left like-."
"Like me." Frank stated. He sighed and put an arm around his daughter. "I'm not sure if it's right to use the 'like father like daughter' phrase."
"But it's true! I did…what you did."
"For different reasons," he interjected, "I'm sure."
"We still did it. No matter the reason."
Frank sighed. "I really don't know what to say. I can't get mad at you nor can I lecture you. It's not in my place. Plus I'd be a complete hypocrite."
"I don't know how many times I've told myself how terrible I fucking am."
"Janie, I feel stuck. I really don't know what to say." He said. "Why'd you leave?"
"Hoyt came back." Jane replied.
"I thought you killed him…"
"How'd you know? You weren't even…"
"It was headline news all across the nation."
"Oh…well yeah. He came back." Jane's mind began to traffic with confusion. "Wait. No. This old ass man had a sign the night of the crash…'Long Live Hoyt'."
"That's why you left?"
"Hell yeah! I thought after two years of him being dead, I wouldn't have to deal with him. But I guess not! He fucking came back!" Jane looked at her watch. "I gotta go."
"Wait. How are you sure he's back?"
"I don't." she said slowly.
"And you left without giving it a few days?"
"I couldn't risk it. I had a new…born."
Frank nodded. "The difference between me and you with what we did is I left because I was unhappy and to some extent, greedy. But you, Janie, you did it because you wanted to protect your child, wife…your own family! You did it out of love!"
"I still left…that should count for something."
"All our actions are accounted for, Janie."
Jane got up. "Look, I didn't mean for this to be like…this. I just needed you to know…" she looked at her watch again. "I have to go."
"Where are you off to?" Frank asked. "I'll walk you to your car."
"Airport. For work." Jane said.
"Where to?"
"You're not going to believe me…"
"Is it Boston?" Frank asked.
"Unfuckingbelievable right?" Jane entered her car.
"Maybe there's a reason."
"Yeah, a chance for them to beat the hell out of me." Jane said. She slipped on her aviators.
"There's always a reason. Remember that."
She turned on her car.
"Janie?"
"Hm?"
"What's…your child's…my grandchild's name?" He asked carefully.
For the first time since Jane confronted Frank, she smiled. "Johnny."
"Johnny…" Frank repeated.
"He's a Rizzoli baby. Looked like Tommy when I…" she stopped. "I should go. I don't want to be late."
"Alright. It was good talking to you." Frank smiled. "Real good."
"Yeah.
"And Jane? If there's still love left, try again with Dr – Maura. I know you love her and Johnny more than anything."
Jane nodded before driving off. At the next block, she dialed Dr. Greene, hoping to tie any loose ends before leaving for Boston.
"Dr. Greene speaking."
"Hey, it's Jane."
"Aah, I knew you'd call."
"How do you…"
"Yesterday you said your plane leaves today midafternoon. It's almost two. I know your plane leaves in an hour." Dr. Greene said. "How do I know that? I searched it online. The only plane leaving for Boston today is at three."
"Wow…okay.
"What can I do for you?" Dr. Greene asked.
"I don't know if there's anything. I just left Frank's place. I told him why I'm here and what I did."
"How'd he take it?"
"He didn't know whether to lecture me or console me. I wouldn't blame him for that."
"Did he ask about your…"
"Yeah. But I just told him he's a Rizzoli baby and his name."
She really doesn't acknowledge her daughter, now does she, Dr. Greene thought to herself, or maybe she doesn't know?
"That's good. I'm glad you had that conversation with him. It's an excellent stepping stone."
"I guess."
"What are you going to do once you get to Boston?"
"My job."
"I'm sure you've thought about what we spoke of. I just know you'll have run in's with your, family. I just wanted to know if you had any plans to tackle these obstacles."
"Like I said. I'm there for my job. Anything and everything else comes second."
"And you're sure about this? The article says you're head over heels for…"
"Yeah, that was four years ago." Jane replied loudly.
"Of course, but during your stay here, all those feelings were switched off, until a few days ago. How can you be sure that your personal issues won't get in the way of your job?"
"I can manage."
"Jane, you're a very emotional person…"
"Yeah, and I'm about to head into a tunnel. Like I said; work first, everything else second."
"Alright Jane. Just remember what we've spoken about. Your actions, responsibilities. You cannot run away from them forever."
"Will do, Dr. Greene."
"And Jane?"
"Yeah?"
"Whatever you did to your arm, don't do it again." Dr. Greene hung up.
Jane looked at her phone. "How the hell does she know all this?" She put her phone inside her pocket, turned into the parking lot, and entered the airport.
Walking inside Orlando International after four years, made the hairs on Jane's neck rise in altitude. The closest she's been to an airport was when she first arrived and two years later when she dropped off Detective Gordon to meet with his wife's parents. She walked right through security and boarded onto the plane. She buckled in, breathed deep breaths as the plane began to take off, returning her to the place she thought she'd never see again.
