Chapter Twelve: It Slips Away
Measuring
a summer's day, I only finds it slips away to grey, Tangerine, Tangerine, Living reflection
from a dream; Thinking how it used to be, Does she
still remember times like these?
The hours,
they bring me pain.
I was her love, she was my queen, And now a
thousand years between.
To think of us again? And I do.
Ty woke up when the Impala's engine cut out. She pushed herself up off the pile of bags and clothes she was curled up on, rubbing her eyes. They were parked in front of an old house, situated in front of what looked like a junk yard. Dean glanced back at her before getting out of the car.
"This Bobby's place?" Ty asked Sam.
"Yep." Sam nodded, watching his brother walk up to the house where Bobby was waiting on the porch, "You'll like Bobby. He's been like a father to us. He's a great hunter, too. Knows pretty much everything there is to know about the supernatural."
Ty nodded. She was sure that Sam was right, that she would like Bobby, but frankly, at the moment, she was a little preoccupied with the situation between her and Dean. She got out of the car, hurrying to follow Dean up to the house.
"Bobby!" Dean called in greeting, clapping a graying, burly man in a trucker hat on the back.
"Dean." Bobby nodded. He pulled away, looking Dean over, then glancing past him towards the car, "You boys alright? What happened to your car?"
"We're fine. My baby took a blow for me, though." Dean said, glancing back at his car himself. He caught sight of Ty approaching, "Bobby, this is Ty."
"Ty?" Bobby asked, a little surprised, "The girl that took down the yellow-eyed demon with you boys? John told me."
Ty stepped up onto the porch then and Bobby moved past Dean to greet her. He held out his hand and Ty took it, shaking it firmly.
"Bobby Singer." Bobby introduced himself.
"Ty Falkner." Ty replied, "Sam's said a lot of good things about you."
"John's said some good things about you, too." Bobby returned, "Come on in. Looks like you three are on the tail end of a job."
"Yeah." Ty agreed, a little stunned by the fact that John had spoken well of her to another hunter. Despite Bobby's gruff exterior, he had kind eyes and Ty found herself instantly liking him, "Bitch of a job, actually."
Ty let herself be guided inside by Bobby, glancing back only momentarily at Sam and Dean. The Dean situation was still causing her thoughts and emotions to churn inside of her, but Bobby's presence was distracting and kind of calming, which she appreciated. The boys looked a little surprised at this turn of events. They'd known Bobby practically their whole lives and here they'd been left on the porch while Ty had been escorted inside.
"Figures." Dean grumbled, skulking in after them.
It was only about noon and Dean was already feeling ready for a beer. Dean moved into Bobby's kitchen and grabbed one from the fridge. He knew drinking this early might cause Sam or Bobby to comment on it, but he really didn't care. It might be best if he could pack away a few before he and Ty got into it anyway. He needed to be a little more numb for that.
He hadn't intended to do this here. He'd thought he'd be ready by the time they'd reached Bobby, but as soon as he'd pulled up, he'd realized that he wasn't near up to this confrontation. No, he'd wanted to wait until they got her home, but he could tell that she wasn't about to let him put it off. He'd seen the look on her face when she'd walked up to the porch. If it hadn't been for Bobby, they might already be knee-deep in it. As it was, he probably had about ten minutes or so, as long as it took to tell Bobby about the hunt, before she tried to corner him again. He should have known Ty wouldn't make this easy on him. That just wasn't her.
"So, last I heard you'd gotten yourself up to your elbows in hunts." Bobby was saying when Dean walked into the living room where Ty and Bobby had sat down.
Sam had just walked in, as well. The boys exchanged a look, Sam taking in the beer in Dean's hand, but they didn't say anything to each other before they had a seat themselves.
"You heard about that, too, huh?" Ty asked with a sigh.
After everything else she'd been through, she wasn't too keen on revisiting that particular topic. Bobby just nodded, waiting for her to explain.
Ty ran her hands through her hair and launched into the abbreviated version of recent events, "Yeah, so I guess these guys heard about that and came to check up on me."
Ty paused. It occurred to her that the boys didn't know exactly when her possession had taken place. She had an opportunity here. If she let them believe that her reckless hunting had been because of the demon, she could avoid dealing with at least one of her problems.
"The boys didn't know I was possessed." Ty continued, avoiding looking at anyone, "She...uh...she wanted to use me to get to Dean."
"Dean?" Bobby interrupted, looking from Ty to the boys, "Not Sam?"
"Go figure, huh?" Dean shrugged, taking a swig of his beer.
Bobby's eyes narrowed at Dean and his gaze lingered on him for a moment before he looked over at Sam.
"Ty said that she wasn't too fond of me. I guess she was the daughter of the yellow-eyed demon and that he wanted me to lead them or something, but she wasn't buying it." Sam offered.
"She was a lying bitch." Dean growled.
"She was not!" Ty snapped, causing all three men to look at her in surprise. Ty shook her head before she attempted to explain, "I'm sorry. It's just...she didn't lie. The only thing she lied about was about Alex's parents. She meant what she said."
"She was just messing with your head." Dean denied, dismissing Ty's objection.
"Dean..." Bobby tried to interject, seeing the flash of anger in Ty's eyes.
"What would you even know about it, Dean?" Ty demanded, overriding Bobby's attempt to defuse the situation, "I'm not even sure how I feel about her, so how the hell could you know? You didn't even know she was there!"
Dean found himself on his feet all of a sudden, "You're not sure how you feel about her? She's a freaking demon! Don't tell me you two were best friends."
Ty stood up, too, refusing to let Dean tower over her, "I'm not. But at least she didn't lie to me!"
"What the hell are you even talking about?" Dean snarled, shaking his head as if he couldn't even believe they were having this discussion, which only served to piss Ty off even more.
Ty was about to yell an answer back at Dean, but caught herself at the last second before the words escaped her mouth. She'd almost said too much again and, she suddenly realized, in front of Sam and Bobby. Gritting her teeth, Ty turned her back on Dean, facing Bobby instead.
"You got a punching bag or something around here, Bobby?" Ty ground out, her hands already forming tight fists at her side.
"Out back in the garage." Bobby nodded, gesturing towards the back of the house, "Ain't been used in awhile, though."
"It's fine." Ty said quickly, spinning on her heel and moving in the direction Bobby had indicated. It didn't take her too long to locate a door out into the yard, which she let slam behind her.
The living room was quiet for a long moment after Ty's exit. No one even really moved until Bobby broke the silence, "Well, you're certainly deep in it this time, boy."
If it had been anyone but Bobby, Dean might have clocked him in the chin for that comment. But, since it was Bobby, he decided to just leave before he had to hear anything else he wasn't in the mood for.
"Gonna fix the car." he grumbled, heading back out front to the car, the opposite direction from where Ty had gone.
Bobby couldn't help but laugh gruffly after Dean had left, giving Sam a smirk, "So, your brother finally fell for someone, huh?"
Sam grinned back, once again amazed at Bobby's intuition. He was also grateful to the older hunter for lightening the mood a little. Ty's words worried Sam. When Dean and Bobby had finally gotten Meg out of him, there'd been no doubt in his mind that Meg had been evil. But Ty sounded like maybe she identified with her possessor, which meant that either Demon-Ty was an extremely unusual demon or that Ty had some serious issues and, based upon her history with them, Sam was leaning towards the latter. And, he was fairly certain, that most of it had to do with Dean. Sam's grin faded as he thought about it. If only his brother would be open and honest with Ty, he was sure they could fix things, but knowing Dean, a snowball had a better chance in hell.
"Well," Bobby said, clapping his hands against his thighs as he stood up, "probably better just leave those two alone. You hungry, Sam?"
Sam nodded thankfully and followed Bobby to the kitchen.
For about the next hour, Dean examined his car, carefully inspecting every inch of the dented hood and the scratched paint, trying to figure out a way to fix it without going into Bobby's garage. Since that was where Bobby kept all his tools and Dean was basically working with just the power of his mind, it was kind of hopeless, but Dean was reluctant to go anywhere near Ty. He thought about going back inside and pressing Sam to go get the tools he needed for him, but knowing his brother, he'd probably be a bitch about it and try to talk him into going himself.
"Great." Dean grumbled to himself, "Now's she getting between me and my car."
Dean ran his hand gently over the damaged hood one more time before he made his decision. Ty wanted a confrontation, fine. He'd give it to her. It was probably the least he could do. He would just have to be extra careful that he didn't let her get to him again or he might end up saying something that would ruin everything.
Dean slowly moved around the house. He could hear Ty before he saw her, heard her grumbling indistinctly under her breath in between the thud of impact with the punching bag. Dean paused before moving within sight of her. He really did wish there was some other way. He wished that he could give Ty what she wanted, what she deserved. He really hadn't known her all that long, but it was obvious that he cared for her more than he'd ever intended. Something about her had gotten to him. Maybe it was that she understood him. Maybe it was that he'd never really had to lie to her about who he was or what he did, that she'd actually been drawn to him because of those very things. Maybe he was just getting soft. Whatever it was, he regretted all the pain he'd caused her and was about to cause her. In particular, he was sorry that he seemed to be playing into whatever the demon had done to screw with her head. He didn't want her to think that what that demon bitch had said was true. It wasn't. He hadn't just used her and Ty should know that there was nothing about her that wasn't good enough for him. If anything, it was the other way around.
"Too bad you're not man enough to tell her." Dean muttered to himself.
Dean sighed and his shoulders hunched slightly as he continued on towards Ty. She stopped attacking Bobby's old punching bag as soon as she saw him, turning to face him, feet about shoulder-width apart and hands still balled into fists. Dean almost smirked at the contrast in their postures: she was all about picking a fight right now and he was a picture of resignation.
"Hey," Dean ventured when it became clear that she wasn't going to break the ice, "you see a sledgehammer over there somewhere?"
"I don't think you want me handling a sledgehammer right now." Ty replied without any emotion, fixing him with a level stare. She was trying very hard not to let herself drown in her own feelings. She'd spent the past hour trying to channel the maelstrom into her blows against the punching bag, trying to dispel the pain from her body for just a moment, but it hadn't worked. Besides, the sight of Dean was making this internal battle damn near impossible, making her emotional wounds feel as fresh as ever.
"You know, if you've got a problem, you should just come out and say it already." Dean snapped, making sure to add just the right amount of frustration to his voice. It wasn't terribly difficult considering he was pretty frustrated about the way things had turned out anyway.
Ty's eyes narrowed into a glare before she responded, "A problem? Do I have a problem? No, Dean. I'm freaking overjoyed that you were too busy screwing my body to notice that there was a damn demon inside it!"
It was a cheap shot, but he had to take it. He had to push her or else this could go on forever, "How was I supposed to know? It's not like you've been Miss Proper since the day I met you."
Ty's jaw dropped. Thinking that Dean didn't care enough about her to notice her possession was one thing. Hell, even thinking that Dean had enjoyed her possessed behavior wasn't quite as bad as having him insinuate that the reason he couldn't tell that she'd been possessed was because she'd always been easy.
"For your information, Winchester, you are the only man I've ever left a bar with." Ty growled, taking a step forward and poking him in the chest.
Dean just shrugged as if to say, how was he supposed to know? Rage boiled up inside of Ty, momentarily numbing the piercing pain she'd felt in her heart since the exorcism. For just a second, she forgot the demon's words, forgot about her own shortcomings that had led to this inevitable conclusion, and instead found herself consumed with how this was all Dean's fault.
"You know, I always knew you were a heartbreaker." Ty continued, the words pouring out of her mouth as she shook with the force of the emotions inside of her, "I just figured you'd have the decency to be straight about it. I never thought that you would be the type of gutless bastard to let me fall in love with you first."
Dean faltered for a moment at those words as if she'd hit him, before he recovered. He felt sick over what he was about to do, but he forced himself to do it anyway.
"You knew this was never some fairytale romance, sweetheart. Don't blame me if you let yourself get all sentimental."
"I hate you." Ty bit out, smarting almost as much over her own slip in admitting her feelings out loud as at Dean's response.
Dean forced a smirk onto his face, "Great. Wanna have angry sex?"
Dean was expecting to get smacked for that one. He wasn't expecting to get sucker punched in the jaw. Knowing Ty, though, he probably should have been.
"Damn it!" Dean grumbled, feeling his jaw gingerly to make sure it was still in the right place.
Dean turned his eyes back to Ty just in time to catch her lunging forward again, her fist flying out and catching him in the stomach. Dean grunted as the air rushed out of his lungs. Ty wasn't sure what had driven her to physically assault Dean. Maybe it was just an instinctive reaction to the verbal and emotional assault he'd already begun upon her. Maybe it was just some sort of basic need to make him feel even a fraction of the pain that she was experiencing. Whatever had caused her to start punching, it felt good. About a million times more satisfying than hitting a punching bag.
"What the hell?" Dean coughed, glaring up at Ty.
"I was right." Ty mused, trying to seem as oblivious to Dean's pain as he had been to hers, "I should've gone with Sam."
Ty punctuated her statement by kicking Dean hard in the stomach just as he was straightening. She then whipped around and swept her leg out low, catching Dean's legs and pulling them out from under him.
Dean's glare darkened as he looked up at Ty. He'd been expecting a fight when he walked over here, but not like this. He'd expected yelling, screaming, crying. He'd expected to break her heart and his own while he was at it. Then, she'd started swinging. Hell, he'd even planned on accepting that first punch, figured he probably deserved it. But now she was just being a bitch.
"The demon was right about me. I know that. But she was right about you, too, wasn't she? You don't even know how to love someone, do you?"
"I'm done with this." Dean declared, getting to his feet. He was well aware of how emotionally screwed up he was. In fact, he knew that the demon had been right about that. He was the real reason why they could never work. But he also knew Ty. She didn't mean it. She would never really accept that. She was just using those words to try and hurt him. Besides, he hadn't missed her declaration about the demon being right about her, too. Discussing this any further wasn't going to get them anywhere. Actually, he'd had just about all he could take of this.
"Like hell." Ty said, leg snapping out, foot catching him in the shoulder and knocking him off balance before he could regain his feet.
Dean's frustration was growing by leaps and bounds. Why couldn't she just let this go? Why did she have to get under his skin? This was hard enough, damn it! God, she was just so infuriating sometimes!
Ty smirked down at Dean defiantly, enjoying the anger that she could clearly see on his face, "You want to take a swing, Dean? Go ahead! I dare you!"
Dean hadn't been thinking clearly. That was his story anyway and he was sticking to it. Because the next thing he knew, he was landing painfully on his back with Ty on top of him. And it wasn't anything like the way Demon-Ty had pushed him back onto a bed and fallen gracefully on top of him in a really hot sort of way. No, this was more of an awkward and painful sort of way that hurt like a bitch. Dean backtracked in his mind to try and figure out how this had happened.
He'd sprung back to his feet and taken a swing at her. That was how badly she'd gotten to him. Unfortunately, due to the previously stated 'not thinking clearly' thing, he hadn't anticipated her ducking his punch, hooking her foot around his legs again and pulling them out from under him while she barreled into him with her whole body weight. Which led to where he was now, sprawled on Bobby's garage floor for a second time.
Ty recovered quickly, sitting up on Dean's chest and snagging both his wrists in her hands, holding them down against the ground near his sides. Looking down at him, she found her anger dissipating. She didn't want to fight anymore. Not really. She'd said that she hated him, but it wasn't true. She loved him. As painful as it was, she'd probably always love him. And, unfortunately, being an ass was just how Dean was.
"You give love a bad name, Winchester." Ty snapped at him.
It was a peace offering. Ty had read a book once about how the Apache people could say a lot of things just be saying place-names. Strangely enough, she and Dean did a similar thing with song lyrics. That line from a Bon Jovi song meant 'you really hurt me, but I can't help but still love you. Please give me something, some reason for it.' It was so much easier for them to speak around their feelings like that, with someone else's words.
She needed him to talk to her. Even if it meant that he was ending it, she needed him to explain why. She deserved as much, damn it. She might not deserve him, but she did deserve to hear a reason why.
"Bon Jovi? Really?" Dean questioned, his eyebrows raised skeptically.
Ty scowled at Dean, "You're an ass, Dean. That's not a song lyric, but it's still true."
Dean couldn't help it. Her words, coupled with the indignant look on her face, was just too much. It started as a chuckle and escalated quickly into an all-out laugh. And strangely enough, Dean laughing at her didn't aggravate Ty. Instead of anger marring her features, she just looked confused. Dean took a deep breath in order to get a hold of himself. Rather than try to explain himself, Dean just offered her a smile. It was the first genuine expression, besides anger, that had crossed his features in their entire encounter. The smile contained an undo amount of sadness, awkwardly balanced with affection. Ty was surprised by the honesty of his look as much as by the emotions it expressed. She realized in a flash what he was doing. He was doing this on purpose, driving her away. But she still didn't know why. It was incredibly frustrating knowing in that instant that if either of them could be completely open and honest with each other that maybe everything could be resolved, but knowing as well that she might as well wish for a ride home on a unicorn. Still, how much worse could things be…?
"Dean?"
"Yeah?"
"What's wrong?"
The question was terribly simple and impossibly complicated at the same time. It wasn't spoken, as most of Ty's questions had been recently, in a demanding tone, but rather with sincere concern. Dean's first instinct was to avoid answering her. His second was to lie and say 'nothing.' But the look in her eyes stopped him from doing either. He couldn't do this to her. Not anymore. Sam was right, he was hurting her this way and even if he did believe that, in the end, this was in her best interest, it wasn't fair that he should cause her any more pain. No matter how vulnerable that left him.
"I'm sorry." were the first words he managed to say. He couldn't say exactly what he was sorry for. There were too many things he regretted to pick just one, "I…uh…I don't do this. I don't get attached. You're right. I should have stopped this before… but I didn't and you keep getting hurt... It's my fault. It's safer…you're better off without me."
It took Ty a minute to unravel Dean's short, choppy sentences. Dean didn't do heart-to-hearts. You had to read between the lines, add in the meaning behind what his eyes expressed, but that he couldn't say. Then the pieces of the puzzle would start to fit together and things would start to make sense.
Dean blamed himself for everything that had happened to her since she'd met him: her death, her possessions, her heartbreak. He thought it was selfish for him to maintain anything between them because he was a danger to her. Moreover, since these same thoughts were what the demon had accused Dean of, it was important for him to deny that she'd told the truth. And perhaps most ironic of all, while Ty had been sure that she wasn't good enough for Dean, he'd been certain that he wasn't good enough for her. Ty almost laughed. What a pathetic pair they made.
Actually… Ty's eyes narrowed as she thought about it. She and Dean had more in common than she'd first realized. As insecure as she felt about herself on terms of a romantic relationship, it was becoming increasing clear that Dean had some serious issues, too. In fact, it seemed like Dean was pretty much convinced that he didn't deserve to be loved. Ogled and used, certainly; Dean was nothing if not confident in his sex appeal, but when it came to something more than that…
Turning to Dean, she grinned, "What can I say? You kick-start my heart, baby."
Dean stared at her in confusion, so she shrugged, "What? It's my favorite Crew song."
With that, Ty pushed herself off of Dean and got back to her feet. She didn't have the perfect words for this kind of situation, so Motley Crew would just have to do. She hoped that Dean would get her meaning: that she understood where he was coming from and that she was proving him wrong at this very moment by continuing to care for him. Now all she had to do was hope that he returned the feeling.
Dean got back to his feet, pondering Ty's words. Finally recovering, Dean offered her a cheeky grin of his own, "Really? Mine's 'Girls, girls, girls.'"
Ty punched him in the shoulder before turning away to hide her smile, "That figures."
Ty headed back towards the house, feeling lighter than she had in a long time. She paused after a few steps and glanced back at Dean, "Coming?"
Dean hesitated before he answered her. The look on her face, the sentiment shining in her eyes, made him smile and wonder at the same time how he could possibly be responsible for such feeling in someone else. Maybe he shouldn't write this off so soon. Maybe, since Sam seemed to have been right so far, he should try to really talk to her. Still, first thing's first.
"In a minute. Still gotta fix my car."
