This Chapter:

Triggers -

Talk of self-harm – oh, and um more sex.

M for more vibrant language, more mature themes, and sexually mature scenes. I don't own Star Trek, more's the pity. Only my original characters and plot line.


Loss

Ch 12 – Losing


"Explain it to me."

"I can't . . . not just yet. Please, will you let me enjoy this – this moment? I promise to tell you, but I can't do it yet."

"Very well." Khan's hand went up to stroke her hair. "Soft. How do you get it so soft?"

"Baking soda and apple cider vinegar."

"Surprising."

"Why? Sometimes the natural things are better." She smirked gently.

"Are you calling me unnatural?"

"No. Not at all. In fact, you're the first person in a long time that I feel comfortable with being around. I know that sounds silly."

"No, Sara. Not silly at all. Come. We must shower, and then we need to leave."

"Is anything wrong?"

"No. But sometimes traveling at night is an advantage."


Khan drove which allowed Sara to focus on the navigation. While Sara's plan about skirting across lower Kentucky has sounded simple, the reality held a vast range of small roads crossing each other at various angles. While they could have maneuvered a way along interstates for the most part, Sara held that interstates were easier to be tracked on. This way, she and Khan had almost a limitless choice of routes; and if anyone was following them, they'd have to be damn good.

By 3am, Sara felt her stomach touching her back bone. She needed food. She wanted it hot. They were finally coming up to a larger town when Sara let out a pleased, "Oh, yes!"

"What?"

"Waffle House!"

Khan looked at it and then at her. "You are jesting."

"No. Come on, pull in."

Khan decided that the best part about the Waffle House was the lack of people in it. They sat at the bar and the waitress took their order. As the cook started their food, he turned around and caught Sara's eye. His long dusky blond hair was pulled back into a pony tail and his bright blue eyes gleamed as he smiled at her. Sara returned the smile out of habit. When she looked back to Khan, his eyes had turned their palest pale and all his will power was checking him from reaching over the counter and pushing the cook's face onto the hot griddle.

"It's called being polite, Khan."

Khan's response was a low growl.

While the cook was focused on their food, about six more people entered. The waitress was so busy that the cook had to serve Sara and Khan.

"Thank you," Sara said after he put a steaming plate of eggs, grits, bacon, and waffles in front of her.

The cook looked back, winked, and said, "Anything for you, darlin'."

Sara had to physically restrain Khan from going over the counter.

His voice darkened dangerously, "That was not politeness – that was advertising."

"Possibly – but there's only one time traveling superior sociopath who has my heart." Sara grinned and Khan relaxed a little. Taking up his fork, he pushed his food around on his plate still staring at the cook.

"I still want to cut out his liver and fry it in front of him."

"Not for breakfast, dear. Eat your grits and toast."


Once they were settled in the hotel across the road from the Waffle House, Khan urged Sara to talk about the other side effects of the vaccine. Sitting on the edge of the bed, Sara was hesitant and began haltingly.

" Another . . . side effect of the vaccine . . . is that I can't orgasm."

Khan looked at her as if she were a simpleton. His rich voice bordered on gloating as he leaned in and kissed her, "You orgasmed yesterday – twice."

The smile on Sara's face beamed – still remembering the after-glow. "I know. It was beautiful. I don't understand how it happened though."

Khan smirked at her not saying a word.

But Sara could surmise his thoughts, "Shut up. This cannot simply be a case of you being that good." She began playfully, but then her tone mirrored the frustration she had felt. "After I had the vaccine, I felt nothing sexually. From my husband – nothing."

"Ex-husband." Khan didn't bother to muffle the growl coming from his chest.

"From my hand – nothing. From vibrators – nothing. From that policeman -"

"Goes without saying." Khan's right lips curved lightly.

Sara grinned, "It does, doesn't it?" Then she sighed, "How can I be a sexual void for years and then feel everything with you? Thoughts?"

"I can be certain of nothing without analyzing the vaccine."

"All the more reason to get to Knoxville." Sara tried to stifle a yawn and failed.

"Stay awake. We must discuss one thing – you did not tell this to me before. I shall not count this as lying but as being selective about the information you give me." Khan turned her head to face him, his pale eyes gleaming. "While lying is a much more serious offense, I still am not pleased."

She pushed Khan away from her.

"'Not pleased?' How would you like it if someone came along and took away the very part of you that made you a man? Or that made you superior – that made you Khan? You wouldn't have a clue how to act. I didn't have a clue how to act. The loss of self was too much. Forgive me for not wanting to advertise it."

"Your sexuality is not all you are."

At those words, Sara's body froze. Khan could almost see the coldness descend through her body distancing herself from him.

"Don't, just don't. I know what you say is true. But it's a part I liked – a part I needed." She shook her head. "Please. Can we stop now? You . . . " Moisture started at the corners of her eyes.

"I what?"

"You sound like him."

"Who?"

"My mother-fucking ex-husband." Sara spat out in anger.

Khan's eyes burned blue fire. "Never compare me to him."

"Why? Afraid you're a little 'common' like the rest of us?"

Khan stepped up and raised his hand back poised to strike her. Expecting her to flinch, he had every intention to let his hand fly. But her dark eyes refused to look away – refused to back down.

Sara whispered, "Do it. Do it and prove you are just like that bastard."

Instead of following through with the strike, Khan's lips descended on Sara's. It was harsh, ruthless, and controlling. Sara fought back with a passion of her own. Her hands traveling down to his hip bones trying to find them through his clothes. She didn't know why but that was always one of her favourite parts of a man.

Khan broke away from the kiss with his anger still fuming. "Do you realize that had anyone else said that to me, they would already be dead."

"I'm not 'anyone else'."

"And I am not 'common'."

Bringing his lips back to hers, they kissed and moved until Sara was backed up on the center of the bed where it met the wall - disrobing themselves as they went. Rather that using his fists, Khan attacked Sara's body with his lips and tongue – only using his hands to hold her body still. Traveling from her breasts to her stomach, Khan spent an age tasting her.

While food was a necessity that he had to endure on occasion, the taste he needed, the taste he craved was the salty sweetness of Sara's skin.

Slowly, he moved down to between her thighs. Sara was so overwhelmed by the sensations that shot through her body that she didn't realize when he started moving south. Once she did, Sara tried to stop him. But it was too late, quickly she felt his hands latch on to her wrists roughly keeping them immobilized.

When he spoke, Khan shocked Sara with his tone. He almost seemed - broken.

"Here. You cut yourself – here. Your inner thighs. Why?"

"It is private place. I didn't want anyone to see my weakness." She looked away from him not daring to see the disappointment in his eyes.

"And."

"It seemed poetic. That is the entrance to where I am damaged – might as well make the damage visible."

He caught her face by the chin forcing her to look at him.

"Never again. You will never hurt yourself in that way or in that place again. Say it, Sara! 'Never again.' Promise me."

"And if I don't?"

"I will crush your neck before you could even put up a struggle."

"That's just it. I won't – struggle – please, Khan. Just end it."

"No."

"Why?"

"My family is dead. You will be my new family. I want you safe. I want you whole. I need you. I need to be inside you." Khan slid Sara back down the bed and climbed back up Sara's body as he said this – ending up saying the last one as a hiss directly into her ear.

Sara closed her eyes at the last. His closeness and intention making her ache.

"But first, I will kiss every one of those scars." His hand slid down caressing the area of his intent. "I will make you cum so hard that it will burn all your hurt away. All your past will be engulfed in our flame; and when the smoke clears, only you and I will remain."

Sara shuddered. Khan opened her thighs and began planting his lips along each line in her skin. As he moved up her body, Sara's automatic reaction was to raise her hips. Khan pushed her back down into the mattress.

"Tell me what you want, Sara."

"I want your cock. I want you, Khan – hard and rough and fast. Burn me with it. Burn me with your cock."

In a solid, swift movement, Khan breached Sara's walls. Her body stiffened but no sound came from her. It was as if all the air had been driven from her lungs simply from his penetration. Once he was fully seated in her, he rotated his hips making his cock touch all the linings in her core. Sara threw her head back and moaned. Taking Sara's legs, Khan placed them on his shoulders tilting Sara to a new angle.

Then he began his pounding – each stroke hitting, finding its way to make Sara's sensations reawaken.

For Khan, each thrust was a homecoming. The tightness, the heat, the pressure on his cock was pure divinity. Sex had never been this intense with a 'lesser human'. Only with another augment had he felt such pleasure. With the possibility obvious to him now and Sara coming hard underneath him, Khan's seed shot into her as he rode out his own orgasm. Even after he'd come, Khan lazily pushed all he could into her.

When he looked to Sara, she was already asleep. Now, without Sara watching him, Khan allowed his mask to drop. Stroking her hair, Khan's concern truly showed for the first time. Trust Sara to leave out information like that. He supposed she thought the information to be too personal to share with him before they were intimate.

While Khan had been truthful in that certainty of why Sara only reacted to him required a vaccine sample, he was already forming his theories – some of them made him hope like he had not dared to since he had put his crew in stasis and he had dreamed of a new world. But how Sara would take the reasons for her reactions - all of them made the sociopath worry.

He had lost his crew. Now he looked at Sara with a possessive need. He would hold onto Sara no matter what the cost.


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