Disclaimer: I don't own Icarly. *Tear*
Here is the next Chapter.
Chapter 12: I'm Losing Everthing
Sam's POV:
I asked Spencer to drop me to the local hospital. I needed to check on Adrian, my mind was still not focused. On the way to the hospital I kept checking my phone.
To Adrian
Meet me at Richardson Park. I need to talk to you.
Everything was my fault, since the minute I told Freddie to come inside my house that night. It was my fault that I didn't beat Freddie's ass the minute he basically kissed every part of my body. I tried avoiding and forgetting that day, it was filled with regret that still haunts me today. Every time I look at Freddie, I still see the same dark brown eyes that stared at my eyes and body. Every time he smirks, it made me nervous all over again. The kiss that we shared the second time together, I didn't even want to talk about it. Spencer dropped me to the front of the hospital, I attempt to say bye to Carly but she was still upset. I closed the door and walked through the entrance. I sighed as I remembered that this is where the bad memories are. It was de ja vu all over again. As many times I wanted to avoid this place my feet always hits this very ground. I walked to the receptionist. She was on the computer and she looked up at me. She smiled lightly.
"Hey, what can I do for you?" I felt uncomfortable just by being here.
"Umm, I believe my boyfriend Adrian Shepherd has signed in this morning." She looked at the computer again.
"You said Adrian Shepherd?" she asked without taking her eyes off the screen. I nodded my head. She typed something on the keyboard, his name I'm assuming, and put her elbow on the desk and laid her head on her hand as she kept searching. I looked around and stared at some families in the waiting room and different doctors and nurses strolling down the hallways. Everything was so loud as different types of noise collided together.
"Uh ha, here he goes. You are asking to see him?" She looked at me. I nodded. "Give me a second and I'll see if you can. Feel free to sit down." She stood up and walked down the hallway. I looked behind me and saw a couple of empty chairs against the walls. I picked one and sat down. At this moment all I could think about is the possibilities of how bad Adrian could look. I wouldn't know what to say if I was to approach him 'Sorry that the guy that you don't want me to talk to, took my phone and acted as me and beat the shit out of you. Hope you still love me' I closed my eyes of how pathetic those words came out to be. I know what exactly what he is going to say. He is going to tell me how I betrayed him and that he will never love me. I would understand but the thought of Adrian breaking my heart like that is unbelievable. Though the past with Adrian was hard and sometimes unforgivable, I still loved him. He understood me when people didn't. He didn't judge me when it seemed like everyone did. That's why Adrian is my first love. I stood up and walked around the hospital. I needed to find a gift shop somewhere around here. It took me to ask a nurse that walked by to finally find the place. I entered looking at all the small items that sat on the shelf. There were glass sculpture that said 'Hope you feel better' and also 'God bless you'. Also there were of course corny cards that I didn't even bother picking one up. I decided to settle on chocolate and a balloon. When I walked back to where the receptionist was at, the lady stood up when she saw me.
"Oh there you are, I was looking for you everywhere." Well you didn't look very hard then. I thought. She walked closer to me. "Adrian is available; I can walk you to the room." My heart started beating faster and my surrounding started to go up a temperature. I nodded my head and breathe out. My mind kept having different thoughts going through it. I looked at my chocolate and the balloon and wondered if I should have gotten more things. That glass sculpture wasn't too bad. The lady stopped and knocked on the door. She opened the door and peeked in.
"Adrian you have a visitor." She whispered. She opened the door wider and looked at me to enter. She smiled at me. I walked in and saw Adrian looking at me with a tired face but he rolled his eyes and look at the small muted television in the high corner of the room. He had a black eye and his nose was wrapped up indicating that it was broken. He had a long stitched wound next to his right eye. He still had tiny dried blood stains near his mouth. He looked horrible. It was unbelievable to think this was all from the dork next door to Carly.
"If you need me for anything, you know where to find me." I looked back at her and nodded. She closed the door leaving Adrian and I alone.
Adrian continued to watch the television and acted as if I didn't walk in the room. "I got you some chocolate and a balloon." I walked to the side table and settle the chocolate there. I watched him as I tied the balloon on his bed. He took his eyes off the television and looked forward as he was controlling the anger that might release. I walk away from him and stand near the wall. He looked down to the chocolate and sat up to grab it. He opened the cover and glance at it. He slammed the cover back on and threw it across the room making the entire chocolate spill on the floor.
"The least you could have done was bought me some real fucking chocolate from a fucking store and not from the damn gift shop! " He yells. I jumped from his voice. He grabbed the balloon and popped it right in front of my face. I felt the tiny pressure from the air that was inside the balloon. "Why did you even think to bring your face around my sight?" He glared at me. I was going to speak but his mouth opened. "You know I fucking hate you. I wouldn't be in this fucking room if it hasn't been for you." I nodded my head agreeing with him. He wouldn't have. "Why the hell are you nodding for?" Tear rolled down my eyes and I wiped it quickly. My nose was beginning to run. I sniffed before I begin to talk. "You're right; all of this is my faults Adrian. I know that, and I'm sorry-
"I don't want your damn apology Sam. I wanted you to stay away from that secret boyfriend of yours-
"He's not my boyfriend! Freddie is just…just a close friend of mine that I had since childhood! Adrian you are the one I want and love. I did everything for you and you know that!" I defended.
"Exactly, you did every single thing. You respected my orders and did everything except the one easy task that I gave you the other day! Why is that it was easier for you to buy some drugs for me knowing that this was going to put your life in danger, but you can't stay away from a boy that means completely nothing to you?" He whispered. I kept quiet. "Why is it that when I threatened your life you still want to risk it and be around him?"
"Adrian, Freddie is my fucking friend, that's it. If you told me to stay away from Carly I wouldn't be able to stay away from her either!" I yelled
"I didn't catch Carly in your bedroom half naked and all over you. I didn't have to beat the shit out of Carly because she nearly killed me. Carly didn't confront me this morning talking about what you and I did last night or try to fucking kill me again. All of this was fucking FREDDIE, Sam. It wasn't Carly." He yells back.
"I told you how sorry I was for that day, and I'm going to tell you for a millionth time that Freddie and I didn't do anything that day. The only thing we did was kiss but we were fooling around, it's hard to explain but I'm completely sorry, but you know what you did to me yesterday was completely wrong." My eyes were filled up again with tears.
"Last night was special Sam. I don't know why you made a big deal about it and tell people something that I didn't do." he rolled his eyes and looked at the television that I forgot that was there.
"You can't just sit there and tell me that you didn't do anything to me last night." I felt anger boiling in my body.
"Sam, we had sex millions of times, yesterday wasn't anything different." He said it nonchalantly.
"You raped me! You fucking raped me last night and you act like you don't care. I act like it didn't fucking affect me but it did. I trusted you Adrian." the solid tears that stayed in my eyes melted down face rapidly. Pain replaced the anger inside of me. I didn't know who I was anymore. It was like Samantha Puckett that I got rid of was coming back and Sam, who I wanted to be, was suddenly fading away by the second. The tough girl that usually can handle every situation got defeated and walked away ashamed.
"You know what Sam; get the fuck away from me. If I ever see you again, it will be your turn in this fucking hospital." His eyes seem to be on fire. I didn't recognize him. He wasn't the same person that I use to know. I watched him for one last second; I took off the necklace around my neck and settle down next to the table. He watched the necklace as he remembered the present he got for me. I saw some tears forming in his eyes it seems but when he looked up at me, his eyes wasn't on fire, it cooled down. It looked like he was tired.
"I'm sorry." I said gently. I couldn't see myself without him. I walked up to him, very hesitant. I kissed him on the forehead. "I still love you." The final tear dropped down my face and I walked out of his room.
Nights were getting harder to fall asleep. I had turned off my phone and wanted to block every single access I had with the social world. I locked the door so my mom or her boyfriend wouldn't try to come in. The only time I came out was when I was painfully starving. I wasn't acting myself. Times when I did finally leave my room and go to the refrigerator I have been tempted to drink my mom's best friend, the alcohol. I tried it once and I didn't like it but had to admit that night was the best sleep I ever had. All the things that I thought I will never go back to, I suddenly saw them again. The scissors came out and pills started disappearing out the bottles. Promises were broken, I was becoming like my mother.
Freddie's POV
I was released the next morning. My mom came and got me and for the first time ever she didn't seem like she cared for me. She was silent throughout the whole process of my release. She didn't even have a reaction when the officer mentioned about me having a record. It was worst when I got home. I tried to start a conversation with her and she didn't even give me any response back. I gave up and I decided to take a shower. When I got out and gotten dressed I called for my mom, she was nowhere in sight. It was until I saw a note on the refrigerator:
Hey Freddie, going to yoga class be back soon, I left you money for something to eat.
Mom
This note solved every little doubt that was running through my mind. She wasn't the same mom that I had about a day ago. She never liked when I ate out, she prefer making dinner for me every night, and the empty space between her message and mom that use to have love before it, as if she didn't love me anymore. I crippled the note and grabbed the money that was on the counter and grabbed my jacket and left the apartment. I should have stayed behind the bars a little longer.
Sam's POV
There was a constant knock on the door that didn't seem to stop. I put the pillow over my head trying to make the noise stop but it fail miserably.
"Mom!" I called out, hoping that she was here so she can get the door. Most likely it will be for her. There wasn't a response back indicating that she isn't here. I moaned and got up. I dragged myself towards the door. I opened the door. "What do you…?" I saw the dark brown eyes looking at me. "What?" I finished slowly. He smiled lightly and looked down at the ground, seconds later he looked back up.
"Hey." Freddie simply said, as if a couple of days ago never happened.
"You're out." I whispered. I believe he saw the shocked in my eyes and he started laughing.
"Yeah, I had been out for a while. Got out the next day actually." He pointed. I nodded my head not sure why he came here. It became awkward and we both avoided eye contact. "So why haven't you been to school? I asked Carly but she seem like she was still upset with me, but she still told me that she didn't know where you were."
I let out a deep sigh as I figured that someone is going to find out my absence, I just didn't think it would be Freddie. "I've been here." I answered shortly. He nodded his head.
"Alright, from what it seems like, you don't want to talk to me, I understand. I beat up your boy-
"He's not my boyfriend anymore." I interrupted dryly. He looked shocked.
"Oh, I'm sorry." I rolled my eyes.
"Don't be. Benson did you need something?" He looked at me then to the ground and sighed. He glances back up and looked into my eyes deeper than he ever has in my whole entire life.
"I need you to tell me something." he paused and I waited for him to speak. "I just wanted to know if I have lost you too. It's better to hear the actually words because Carly isn't talking to me. Spencer is being awkward and seem like he doesn't want me to be near the apartment, and my mom…" he looked down and let out a cold laugh. "My mom isn't even my mom anymore, she refuses to talk to me or even look at me when I walk by. The only way we communicate is by notes and I really doubt if she even cares where I am right now. I overheard her talking on the phone about sending me away and when I confront her she didn't say anything to me. What hurts the most is having the best mother ever trying to send her only child away." His voice cracked from keeping him from crying. The pain in his voice and eyes was starting to hit me too as those feeling was creeping on me. "Sam I'm really am sorry, and I know you might want me out of your life like everyone else does, but I just need to hear it from someone. I need to hear it so I can go on with my life and know I am unwanted and not feeling that I am not." He continued to look at me for answer. I didn't say anything for at least minute.
"The day we went and saw you I got my phone back…" Freddie closed his eyes as he knew where I was going. "Yeah, I saw the message Freddie. You took my phone and acted like you were me so you can hurt my boyfriend? I trusted you and told you everything, my whole life, things I haven't even told Carly and you betrayed me. That really hurt." He watched my eyes and nodded.
"I know and I'm-
"Freddie, Adrian broke up with me. Adrian broke up with me because of you! He believes that I have feelings towards you and I can't convince him that nothing is going on between us as hard as I tried. Everything he said made sense though, I risked everything to keep your friendship. The guy I really ever loved. I did everything for him and the one easy thing he told me to do I couldn't do it. I couldn't imagine not being around you anymore. I was being really selfish at the time and wanted both of you. Now that I lost him, I am nothing. I'm not myself. I can't eat, sleep, or have any motivation to go to school anymore. Every night I imagine him crawling in my bed like he does every night but reality now, I sleep alone. You don't understand Freddie he was everything to me." Tears strolled down my face. "He doesn't even want to look at me anymore. What really hurt the most is having the person you really are in love telling you that he'll send you to the hospital bed because of the selfish decision you made." I shook my head. "So he broke up with me."
"Sam…" he shook his head. "You don't understand how sorry I am. I wish you didn't choose me, I am nothing. I don' have nothing. Each day I feel like education is a stupid lie that sometimes I don't have motivation to go either. I really am sorry, but the reason why I am sorry is that I'm sorry what I did. Adrian didn't treat you like he should. I feel strongly about it. You need someone better, someone that's doing something for themselves in the future. Someone you don't have to worry about if he's with other girl because the only thing that's running in his head is coming home to you. Adrian didn't deserve you but I do regret hurting you in the process. That's the last thing I wanted to do Sam, but I am completely on your side if you want Adrian back and choose him." He stated. Freddie was closer to me than he was when he started talking to me.
"Freddie." I whispered. He only nodded. "I want Adrian back." I saw Freddie face dropped but he nodded as he understood.
"Alright Sam," he kissed me on my forehead. "I see you later." He turned around and I watch as he begins walking away. I ran towards him and grabbed his arm. He turned around and looked at me. I hugged him suddenly. Immediately he hugged me back.
"I wasn't done, I don't want you out of my life Freddie." I whispered in his ear. "You mean a lot to me. Don't leave me."
"I won't" he whispers back.
Hey you guys I finally post another chapter! I just got on my break from school so I thought that I should use this time to write other chapter! So this could be your Christmas present from me. lol. So I did put some Seddie at the ending. Hopefully there will be some connection between them in the next couple of Chapters. Still thinking about what I should do. Any ideas? Also it won't be the last time that you will see Adrian. Sorry you guys. Sorry that I kept you guys waiting. Also sorry for any grammar mistakes, hopefully I'm getting better at them. For my Christmas gift can I have some reviews? Please? Happy Holidays everybody!
