Do you believe in love?

Chapter 12

Hey Brother

The house seemed bigger tonight, the hallways darker than normal, the loneliness more profound than other evenings and it was all within reason. They silence was broken by the crying of a small child. It came from the second floor, on the west side, a small howling that spoke of the pain, the rejection of a small boy. Today is his birthday, five years, and instead of celebrating, he felt more isolated than ever. The door is open, the small bedside light illuminating the dark hallway.

He was laying face down his arms folded, head buried in the pillow. A middle aged woman with greying hair and a soothing voice was trying to offer some kind of comfort. It didn't help.

The boy turned to her, his eyes red, the tears bright in the light.

"They promised! They promised they would be here. It's my birthday." His small body shook with new sobs and the women's heart broke. Her eyes caught the open letter on the table, another excuse, another engagement.

"Mycroft, please calm down, I'm sorry, but the engagement seemed very important."

"They're lying. It's just excuses not to be with me, the unwanted child." She had no response to that, after all, they both knew it was true. Very crude and direct, but true nonetheless.

The door creaked open and another woman stepped, the cook.

"I made him some hot chocolate and a few cupcakes, it's not much, but it is his birthday." Her voice was soft, her eyes filled with tears, she and his nanny spend more time with him, than his own parents.

"Poor boy." She whispered.

"I'm not poor, we are filthy rich, my parents are so rich, and they would rather see the world than their son." Neither corrected him on the context.

Instead the put the three cupcakes on the table with his hot chocolate. The nanny took his hand.

"We can have our own little party tomorrow we can bake a big cake with lots of candles." He looked at them, his blue eyes, near indigo from crying.

"And we will go buy that small wooded train you liked."

"Promise?"

They looked at each other and smiled.

"Promise." He looked at the hot chocolate; there was a melting marshmallow on top.

"Come on dear, have your hot chocolate. Oh and happy birthday Mycroft." His nanny said and handed him his drink, he gave her a light smile.

"Thank you. Breanna. And you Katherine, for the cupcake."

They smiled, his parents may not have teach him love and acceptance, but they sure got the manner part right.

OOo oOo

Mycroft alarm went off, it was time for his session with the doctor, this time with Sherlock. He wasn't in the mood, but he had to. Standing up he glanced at the small wooded train on the shelf.

Time to face the music squaring his shoulders he closed the shelf door.

Hey, brother, there's an endless road to re-discover.
Hey, sister, know the water's sweet but blood is thicker.
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do.

When Sherlock got out from the cab in Lancaster Street he was very annoyed. His brother's request for a joint session was annoying too. He did not understand why he had to delay with his brother's relationship problems.

In the first session they had, John was with him, he pulled a face, why John would rather work than being here is ridiculous. The sound of another car approaching brought him back and he turned around to see the familiar black car stopping. To his surprise both Mycroft and Greg got out, and Greg did that usual hovering nearby a person to make sure they are okay. If their relationship was obviously better, why does he need to be here?

Oh, now their smiling at one another, this day needs to end. He put on his fake smile.

"Lestrade, Mycroft, I think my help is obsolete now, so I'll just be going." He said staring at them; they seemed so close again he didn't want to be the witness of their joy. Mycroft look at his brother, his face straight.

"Sherlock, if you remove that agonizing smirk from your face, you will see that we are not here to annoy you, as tempting as that may be." Greg stepped in between them.

"Forget it My, it's Sherlock." He turned back to Sherlock, his posture making it clear he will not stand for any retorts.
"Come on, let's go inside." Sherlock just sighed and followed them inside. None of them saw Dr. Jeffries observing the interaction. He waited for Mycroft and Sherlock to go in, but stopped Greg.

"A quick word?" Greg frowned but nodded. Dr. Jeffries closed the door behind to give them some privacy.

"I saw the fight outside, it was odd, the last time I saw them together the air was not so heavy between them. Do you know what has happened? Anything that might have changed?"

Greg ran his fingers through his hair.

"John. This is actually a good day, a good interaction, but you're right, usually John acts as a go-between them, he calms Sherlock enough so he doesn't say too many mean things to Mycroft. John is the only person in the world Sherlock listens to, that has any positive influence over him. Sherlock is distant without him, keep people at arm's length, especially his brother, and call him his arch enemy."

"Do you have any idea why?"

"John was the first person to accept Sherlock who wasn't family or giving him cases like me, he instantly liked Sherlock, gave his loyalty to Sherlock and that said a lot. I think he makes Sherlock feel accepted, without him Sherlock is exposed and alone, to his mind anyhow."

Dr. Jeffries looked at him with a smile.

"That's is a very good analysis, and very accurate description, you would've made a good therapist.|

Greg chuckled softly.

"I'm a cop, I think that is worse."

Smiling the doctor opened the door for them to enter. Sherlock was standing near the fireplace, trying his best to look bored. Mycroft sat on the sofa in front of the desk, ignoring his brother, both heads turned to them as they walked in. Greg gave Mycroft a reassuring smile and sat down next to him. Mycroft's hand shook slightly as he reaches for Greg, who took and clasped in his. The doctor made his way to his desk and sat down.

"I thank you for being her – Sherlock you in particular - I asked you all here because the time has come to find out what lead to Mycroft's being so distant and cold towards everyone, as well the events that happened recently to open the vault to your history." Sherlock stilled as the doctor spoke but otherwise he didn't acknowledged what he said. Everyone knew he heard anyway.

The doctor looked back at Mycroft, Mycroft was looking to something only he could see, and there was a daze in his eyes. There were pain lines, whatever he was remembering it wasn't comfortable.

"Mycroft?" He tried to get his attention. Mycroft blinked and turned to him.

"I think we should start easy, can you perhaps tell me, what your childhood was like before your siblings were born. You were alone for seven years. What can you remember?"

Mycroft turned to the doctor; his eyes darted to Sherlock for less than a second before he answered. His fist clenched just like that day he had to tell Sherlock about Euros, why is every memory so painful?

"Unwanted, I felt unwanted during most of my childhood, life even. When I was born my parents were too young and too busy to build their career to look after a baby. They didn't plan me, didn't expect to be parents so soon, and a married couple so young expecting was a big thing; the world expected them to be happy and excited to have a child. Fortunately for them, they were wealthy and could afford babysitters, nannies and cooks to their heart's content." As he spoke Sherlock stopped fidgeting with the ornament on top of the mantelpiece, his focus was on his brother, yet body turned away. He never knew this, he never even asked his brother what it was before him and Euros, and he didn't care. He cared now.

"You come from a rich family?" The doctor asked. Mycroft nodded.

"Both of them come from wealthy families, my father s' mother came from an ancient Scottish family, he is a well-known historian, he spent all his life writing books and making studies about British history, my mother is a mathematician. They did not have the time for me, so I spent all my time at Musgrave Manor with nannies and private teachers. No cuddles, no time to spent together no fairy tales before falling asleep, at least, not from them."

"Then nannies?" Dr. Jeffries asked softly, Sherlock had turned so half his body was to them.

"They tried their best, but I was mostly alone, so I build my palace early on, and would keep myself busy for hours at a time. For seven years it was just me, until the day they come home with the big announcement: They were settling down as my Mummy was expecting her second child – this time wanted." Greg squeezed Mycroft's hand, he never knew this either, and this explains so much. Every psychiatrist and doctor will tell you, the first five years of a child's life is the most crucial. He looked at Sherlock. Sherlock was staring at Mycroft, but trying not to make it obvious, his face lost that boring look, and instead it was thoughtful yet sad. Since Euros, memories of his childhood came back, became clearer and he could remember Mycroft always distant, playing by himself, even at the beach, he would throw pebbles in the water while he and Victor would play. Mycroft was always the outcast, he deleted that, and he deleted everything. However now he realized that he wasn't the only one suffering but he just didn't pay attention. He saw but he didn't observe. Unknowing of his brother's thoughts as he was still looking to the doctor Mycroft continued.

"I was very happy to have my parents back to me even if I had to share them with Sherlock." The doctor scribbled notes before he spoke again.

"How was your relationship with Sherlock as a child?"

Sherlock heart ached when he saw the smile his brother got when he thought back; it was as if every pain line disappeared.

"Wonderful. I felt less alone and somehow he preferred me above all, he was so cute and sweet with everybody, but he would get agitated and even started to cry if I left the room. When he was older he would follow me everywhere, he would stare at me if I speak and his eyes would search for me if I walked around in the room." He looked at the doctor; a soft laugh escaped his mouth as he went on.

"His first words were actually 'Myaup' and it took us a while to realize he meant 'Mycie up.' I would walk around the grounds with him in my arms, telling him about our family history, the Musgrave Manor history, everything and anything I could think off. I was the centre of his world and when I wasn't around it would be Mummy. Sherlock was a few months old when she fell pregnant again, they were hoping for a girl." He looked down again as the memories became painful. His voice was hardly above a whisper when he added. "She got one."

They were quiet for a while, each with his own thoughts, Sherlock somehow managed to move closer to his brother, behind the sofa, his eyes not leaving Mycroft.

Hey, brother, do you still believe in one another?
Hey, sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do.

Sherlock moved a little closer to the sofa.

"I never knew... anything about it..." Sherlock finally said. Mycroft sighed.

"I know Sherlock, but you deleted it all, and I wasn't going to remind you, so I helped you forget."

"I forgot everything." Sherlock retorted, his voice becoming louder. Mycroft looked up to the back wall behind Dr. Jeffries.

"That's what you wanted."

Before Sherlock could say anything again, the doctor held up his hand. Sherlock stopped and the doctor turned back to Mycroft.

"Please Mycroft go on..."

"Well at the very beginning she was only a baby, but as times passed she started revealing herself..

Since I was Sherlock's reference point, she wanted him. When I turned 12 I had to go to a private school, even Sherlock started making new friendship, Victor was our neighbors' kid, they were the same age and they were classmates..."

Sherlock whispered 'Victor' as he closed his eyes. A small tear slid down his cheek. Greg was feeling a little uncomfortable as they went deeper into the brothers' past and an overwhelming feeling that he was a stranger that was eavesdropping through the door made himself known and he shifted in his seat. Mycroft clutched his hand tighter. Mycroft turned his face to the side, as if to look at his brother.

"Yes, the Trevor's were our neighbours and Victor your best friend. You always wanted I to read you bed time stories and once I read you Peter Pan, you loved the pirates more and you decided you and Victor was going to be pirates from then on." Sherlock smiled at that, he remembered them running around in pirate hats.

"How did Euros take this new development, you being away and Sherlock making a friend?" The doctor asked, his voice soft, yet clear. Mycroft turned back to him and answered.

"She hated that, if he and Victor weren't playing, he would follow me, asking questions and trying to be big brother. Sherlock didn't want to play with her, she made him cry once and since then he would stay clear of her."

"Was Sherlock the only child she hurt?"

"No, she once dropped a cup of boiling tea over my lap. But Sherlock was the first that she hurt on purpose and cried. She laughed, and thought it was funny."

"When did things become really serious, or when did you realize your brother was in danger?"

"When she turned four, she got a porcelain doll for her birthday, it was a brother/sister set, and mummy thought it would bond them together. She tied a rat to the boy and drowned them both, joking Sherlock is now just like a drowned rat. She tried to get Sherlock to get into the water as well, saying he should 'save the boy'. He didn't want to, as he couldn't swim yet, and I intervened, I picked him up, saying we were going to build mind palaces. I promised him that day, that I would always be there for him. We build the first foundation of his Mind Palace." He looked down again before his voice became stronger.

"A year later, she killed Victor." As Mycroft spoke he saw the doll water, the rat squirming and her laughter, he remembered as she tried to get him into the water and how he was scared. He saw Mycroft running towards him, picking him up and taking away, his brother carried him to the front of the house and sat him on small hill, overlooking the house. He remembered how his brother's voice was soft instead of his sister's loud shrill, telling him, they were going to build palaces, promising him that he would always look out for him, be there. The memories were painful, and he didn't know how to deal with the new emotions and walked around the sofa, he needed to lash out, and as always Mycroft was there.

"Stop it! Why keep her from me! Why make me believe I never had a sister! You made me believe my best friend was a dog, a dog. How could you?" His voice was loud in the room, all three men staring at him in shock. After everything he heard today, he still takes it out on Mycroft.

Mycroft expected it as he just bowed his head in resignation. When he did reply you could hear and see the devastation in his face.

"I was only thirteen and when Victor disappeared we all searched for him around the place, even on his parents grounds, but we couldn't find him, to the police it was just another missing child case, they tried but no real effort was made. The general assumption was he got lost in the woods, or the tide dragged him away. Euros were singing that ridiculous song, and we couldn't figure it out, and she didn't want to tell us what it meant. I tried to figure it out, but I'll admit, my first priority was you, you were shattered, and refused to eat, to talk to anyone, and I just tried to reach you, like I always could. You changed, you refused to get close to anyone, and you would hardly speak to anyone." Sherlock was still angry as he stared at his brother.

"When exactly did you all decide to lie to me? To make me forget her?

"When Euros made the comment that ''little boys' always goes missing and maybe you would too just disappear one day. Then she started drawing pictures of your grave, of the Holmes family with her as a single child, saying I never mattered before, only became important when you arrived to but with you gone, there was no need for me."

"What?" Greg blurted out, his anger clear on his face. Mycroft turned to him, a soft smile before he turned back to Sherlock.

"Mummy and Father decided to lie to you, telling you he went to visit family living far away, and since you started to spend more time in your mind palace, they got you a therapist to help you rebuild it, to rebuild your mind. I tried to help you, but I had to go back to school, so I called uncle Rudy, for help. I had no once else to ask. Mummy thought Euros was an angel and could do no wrong and Father thought she was processing what had happened with the drawings." Sherlock looked sceptical.

"So he just stepped in and took care of everything?"

"It wasn't easy; his position in Government was the same as mine..."

"Minor you mean?" Sherlock added sarcastically.

"Yes, he took control, especially after she set the fire, he arranged for her to be taken away, and for us to make a new start somewhere else." Greg leaned forward.

"He could do that, he had that kind of power? So this minor position is hereditary?" Sherlock rolled his eyes and Mycroft chuckled softly. The doctor was astonished to see the difference that one line from Greg could have on Mycroft, on Sherlock too, they needed him in their lives, whether they would admit it or not. With one line he broke the tight tension in the air. He watched as Mycroft replied.

"What would you think if I told you the house I left and that you did not feel comfortable in is his heritage too?"

"Enough!" Sherlock shouted.

"Mr. Holmes, I understand you are hurt, angry and frustrated with this entire situation, the things you learned today, will surely have an impact on you, but please try to vent your frustrations in another way besides always taking it out on your brother?" Greg stared at the doctor; he put Sherlock in his place and instead of retaliating Sherlock stared at him. After a moment he ignored the doctor and turned to Mycroft.

"How could he just stepped in and take charge? What happened?"

"Happened?" Mycroft asked. Sherlock rolled his eyes.

"We both know, something else must have happened for him to take her away, there was no evidence linking her to Victor, so what was it?"

"She tried to choke you when you were asleep, you woke up crying and trying to push her off, but you were too weak. I rushed in and pushed her off you, she screamed and that woke our parents. Her hands marks were red against your pale skin and you refused to let me go. I held you close saying over and over 'I'm here for you.' Mummy couldn't believe it, but the bruises didn't lie, Father was shocked and uncle Rudy arranged for her to be taken away immediately.

"What happened to me?" Sherlock asked, his voice soft, his eyes drowning in unwashed tears.

Mycroft looked at him, his face open of every emotion.

"I carried you to my room, and put you in my bed, I sat on the bed, staring at the door, the whole night, keeping watch over you. I made a promise Sherlock, I wasn't going to break it, and to this day, I will keep my promise, no matter how difficult you make it for me, no matter how much you push me away. I made a promise, I can't break it. I won't."

What if I'm far from home?
Oh, brother, I will hear you call.
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister, I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do.

Hey, brother, there's an endless road to re-discover.
Hey, sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder?
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do.

The doctor cleared his throat and Mycroft looked back at him.

"He took her away, that evening?"

"Yes." Mycroft replied.

"He took her to a secured facility; it was in Birmingham, not yet the island. She set another fire there, which claimed five lives, he arranged for her then to be taken to Sherringford as he told our parents she died in the fire, and he thought it best than to tell her she killed five people. I see now, he trained me to take his place and when he died, I took over, continuing in his footsteps. She had killed another guard on her transport to Sherringford, I couldn't tell our parents the truth, or Sherlock, it would've broken him completely, and I couldn't lose him."

"You always placed your brother first?" The doctor clarified.

"Always." Mycroft looked always as if to gather some strength before he continued.

"He made my childhood better; he took the pain and darkness away the day he was born. For the first time in my life I felt wanted, appreciated and not so lonely anymore. I lived for him, all these years; I was there with every lowest point, every overdose, and every scathing remark. I love him, his my brother even if he considers me his arch enemy. That will never change"

Sherlock tried to figure out his words, to get the meaning right without sounding bitter, yet it was still a bit painful.

"You were the one to say 'Caring is not an advantage.'"

"And you were always to one to say 'you look but you do not observe.'" Mycroft retorted. Sherlock narrowed his eyes and Greg interrupted whatever either wanted to say, he couldn't keep quiet anymore, he just couldn't. It was time they both put the past behind them, in fact all of them.

"I was there Sherlock, the nights the doctors tried to save your life from the drugs, your brother sitting on those uncomfortable hospitals chairs for hours, his eyes never turned away from you, his ears focused on the heart monitors. His hand in yours as he tried to beg you to live, to fight without saying it. Because we all knew, if he said it, you would never believe it. I remember the struggle for him to let me in, to help him to look after you, I still don't know to this day, whether it was because he trusted me to do this, or was just too tired to realize he allowed me in. Either way, I'm glad he did. I tried to help him carry the weight of caring for you, looking out for you, just so he could worry a little less about one thing in his life. I kept my mouth shut as you yelled at him, as you pushed him away, as you got a little too violent and he let you. I watched the pain as he tried to keep his promise, while you were intent to hurt him as much as you can. On that note, that stops today; here and now, I think it is time you man up, accept the responsibilities of the grown up world, you despised so much and actually show some gratitude. Mycroft had carried this for too long on his own, its time you help him for a change."

When he was done all three men were looking at him in surprise, they didn't expect that from him. Finally Sherlock straight offensive posture relaxes as he looked forth between Mycroft and Greg. He picked up his coat.

"Sherlock?" Mycroft asked, looking unsure of the situation. Sherlock nodded to him in a reassuringly manner before turning back to the doctor.

"I...Thank you for your help with my brother...I need to go...I need to think..." Without waiting for a reply he walked to the door.

"Don't wait up Lestrade." He stopped and turned back to Mycroft.

"Thank you, brother mine." With that the door closed behind him as he walked out.

What if I'm far from home?
Oh, brother, I will hear you call.
What if I lose it all?
Oh, sister, I will help you out!
Oh, if the sky comes falling down for you,
There's nothing in this world I wouldn't do.

The silence hung heavy and Greg felt like he could kick himself, he probably ruined the entire purpose of the day. He turned to Mycroft.

"I'm sorry for that, I just..."

"No need to apologize Greg." The doctor interrupted. He handed them each a bottle of water.

"What you said was true, and although a bit blunt, it was what Sherlock needed to hear. Instead Mycroft, I want to know how you feel, now that the truth is finally out?"

Mycroft drank the whole glass in one go, before he answered.

"Strange, I feel as though a huge weight has lifted, it is a bit strange, I'm not really use to it." Greg smiled at that, and Mycroft took his hand. They were okay and Mycroft wasn't mad at him. The doctor closed his book.

"I'm very glad to hear it. If you both are amendable I would like to see you next week, I can clearly see that things between you has improved as well, so this week I want you both to let this thing with Sherlock go, it will work itself out, instead focus on the two of you. Rebuild this foundation between the two of you, and you will both see that everything else will work itself out."

They nodded and made their way out, their hands still together. Mycroft was a bit uneasy and unfocused so Greg took the lead. Mycroft followed willingly.

They stood outside for a while, waiting for the car and both smoking a cigarette. When the cigarette was finished, they got into the car, their hands still together. Mycroft pulled his hands close and kissed Greg's knuckles.

"Thank you for all you said this afternoon. I needed your words like the air I breathe."

Greg pulled Mycroft close and kissed him, when they parted he shifted them so that he was holding Mycroft in his arms. He leaned over and whispered.

"I love you."

Mycroft held on to Greg as they drove away.

(Hey Brother – Avicii – True 2013)