Jennifer slowly woke and as she did so she tried to work out where she was. Looking round she realised she was in her own room, although she was struggling to remember how she'd got there. Slowly she remembered the walk from the infirmary and the weariness she had felt. She remembered sitting on the bed, but after that nothing, making her wonder how she had managed to remove her shoes or even get under the covers. Sitting up, wincing as her stiff muscles protested, she stretched and looked round her room, glad to be home. It was then she caught sight of a plate of food on her bedside table. A plate of food she was nearly certain hadn't been there the night before. Next to it was a piece of paper. Creasing her forehead in confusion she reached over, upsetting her muscles once more, and picked it up.
"Doc,
Call me when you are awake and feeling up to leaving your room. Until then enjoy the food.
Sheppard."
As she read the note she couldn't help groaning as she realised that it was Sheppard who had tucked her into bed. He'd already thought she was a failure, now who knew what he thought. Scrunching the paper into a ball she lobbed it at her bin, and missed. Groaning again she thought about getting out of bed and picking the ball of paper up, but decided her bed was too comfortable and instead looked at the food. She was just reaching across to pick up some fruit when her door chimed. Worrying it was Sheppard she froze, her hand out stretched, and waited silently. When the door chimed again she subconsciously stopped breathing and waited. She was just starting to relax when the door slid open revealing a concerned Dr Cole.
"You're awake? And okay?" Cole asked, clearly surprised that Jennifer was up. "Are you having problems with your hearing?"
"No."
"Your chime not working?"
"No."
"Then why did I have to use an override code to get in?"
"I thought you might be Sheppard." Jennifer confessed.
"As in Colonel Sheppard?" Cole asked. After Jennifer nodded Cole went on. "Not sure many women round here would view that as a problem. Why would you think I was Sheppard. Are you two dating?"
"What? No?"
"Then why the assumption Sheppard was coming?"
"He left a note saying he wanted to talk?"
"And that's bad?"
"Well it's not good."
"You want to catch me up?"
"Not really." Jennifer confessed before quickly changing the subject. "So why are you here?"
"To check on you."
"I'm fine." Jennifer reeled of routinely. Noticing the scepticism on Cole's face Jennifer went on. "Really, my hand is feeling almost normal."
"Almost normal? I may not be CMO, but I do know that is not a traditional or reassuring diagnosis. But I'll check on your hand when you come by the infirmary later." Cole answered, causing Jennifer to look confused. "I'm here to see how you're doing with everything that happened."
"On the mission?"
"Of course the mission. Sheppard filled me in on what happened. You had quite a rough time."
"To be honest I don't really remember much, it is still all a bit of a blur."
"How much don't you remember?" Cole asked, concerned Jennifer was suffering a mild form of amnesia or PTSS.
"It's all there I think." Jennifer said vaguely. "But it's like remembering a dream." She added as she attempted to move, wincing as every muscle in her body seemed to scream out in protest.
"What's wrong?" Cole asked.
"Nothing, it's just muscles I'd forgotten about making their presence known." Jennifer said as she stiffly stopped moving. Cole looked at Jennifer for a while, not fully believing the doctor. "Really I'm fine."
"So you want to talk?"
"About the mission?"
"Or why Sheppard would come by and why that's bad." Cole smiled.
"No to both." Jennifer replied. "How's Ronon this morning?"
"He's snarling a bit more, which is probably a good sign. He was also asking after you. He seemed upset you'd gone." Cole said, stirring slightly.
"Is there anyone else you'd like to imply I'm seeing?" Jennifer asked not rising to the bait.
"Not me personally, but now you mention it, Lorne barely leaving your bedside has started the rumour mill swinging into action."
"We both know there's nothing to that one."
"But the rest of the city doesn't." Cole grinned. "Of course you could just go into the infirmary and give Ronon a big kiss and it would move the gossipers onto another story."
"I think I'll pass." Jennifer said.
"Which brings us back to the mission." Cole said.
"How about you catch me up with what I missed here? Did you manage to lobby my proposals to Woolsey?"
"I did, although he was more concerned with you being MIA. If you really want to know every dull detail of the meeting I'll fill you in." Cole replied before summarising all the normal senior staff meeting bickering.
As she listened to her colleague Jennifer's mind started to drift back to the mission. Although she wasn't able to see all the events clearly or put them in order certain memories came through loud and clear. She relived the Jumper crash, she felt the cold, she recalled the hunger, she remembered Ronon getting shot. Her mind then stopped darting between different scenes and times and focused on events surrounding Ronon's injury. As she recollected the pandemonium and confusion she could almost feel the gun in her hand. The gun she had used to shoot the man attacking Ronon. It was then that she locked in on the fact she hadn't just shot the man, she had killed him.
"Jennifer!" Cole called shaking Jennifer's shoulders, concerned by the CMOs lack of focus.
Hearing her name snapped Jennifer back to the present, but couldn't free her of the realisation she had killed a man.
"I….I killed someone." She stated shakily before flying out of bed and heading to the bathroom where she lost the food she had managed the night before.
Cole tried to come up with some comforting words when the door chimed. Guessing who would be on the other side the doctor opened the door, unable to conceal surprise at seeing Sheppard on the other side. Surprise that was mirrored by the Colonel.
"Doc." Sheppard greeted, overcoming his surprise. "Is Keller okay?"
"No relapse if that's what you mean." Cole answered.
"Not exactly, but that's still good to hear. Were you expecting someone else? You looked surprised to see me."
"Well I wasn't expecting you, especially as you are meant to be in bed resting your ankle. And you come with gifts I see." Cole said noticing a box in the Colonel's hand.
"So is the doc in?" John asked, not wanting to talk about the box.
"In the bathroom. If you want to give me the box I'll pass on a message for you."
"That's okay, I want to give this in person. Tell her I'll be round later."
"Will do." Cole replied pressing the button to shut the door. Turning, the doctor moved back into the middle of the room just a Jennifer emerged from the bathroom.
"You okay?"
Instead of answering Jennifer said, "I'm going to have a shower." As she disappeared her colleague sadly shook her head and radioed Lorne for help.
A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Next chapter up on Wednesday.
