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Unexpected Variables-Chapter 12

It was just after 2am when she slid into bed next to him, a long, satisfying day behind her. All she really wanted was sleep. But she'd made promises. Or at least, she had made allusions. So when his arm snaked around her she suspected that sleep was a little ways off. Not that she minded. While sometimes their relationship was, and had always been, marked by the need to figure each other out, the bedroom was one place their individual needs had always been instantly understood by one another.

So she was quite surprised when she turned and saw his eyes not filled with desire, but with something else she couldn't quite define.

"What's wrong?"

He smiled the smallest of smiles, one she could barely see in the moonlight that broke through the shades into the darkened room.

"Nothing."

Now she was scared. Something was off. Different. Usually, when she slipped into bed after he was asleep, he'd wrap one arm around her and when she turned, he'd brush her hair back from her face, look into her eyes and he'd kiss her. It was always her favorite moment of the night because it had nothing to do with sex and everything to do with intimacy. Even in the short time they'd been together, really, truly together, she'd come to recognize and rely upon and adore this predictability: arm around her waist, turn, hair, eyes, kiss.

But this was different and she just knew something had changed.

"Booth, what is it?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're…different. Did something happen?"

"No."

"Humans don't just change their patterns of behavior without provocation. You have a very distinctive way of approaching sex when I come to bed after you and you've deviated from that pattern. Something has changed."

He sighed. Life with her would never be simple. "Yeah. Something's changed."

She sat up now, her heart racing. Although she hadn't wanted to think about it, she'd dreaded this moment since he'd told her he couldn't marry her. She'd known, known it was going to happen.

"So this is the part where you end it?"

"End…end what?"

"Us. Your history has demonstrated that after a marriage proposal it's unlikely that your relationship will stay intact. I had hoped this time might be different since you weren't the one who did the asking, but I suppose I can see how you would still be uncomfortable, which in turn would…"

"STOP!" He shook his head. "Stop, Bones. No one is ending anything."

Relief flooded her. "Oh. Okay. Good." She could hear her heart beating in her ears.

He sat up too, rubbed his hand over his face. "Why would you even think that?"

"I told you. Hannah, Rebecca…I guess it was in the back of my mind that your pattern might be continued."

"My pattern?" That hurt. "That's how much you think of us? That I'd bail because I turned you down?"

"Well, technically I guess you didn't turn me down, so we can't count that as part of your pattern."

"Stop calling it a pattern, alright?"

"Okay. I'm…I'm sorry. Today was a good day. We started the name list, we chose a middle name and when I left I promised you sex tonight and now you're weird and different and I just…" she sighed. "There are still a lot of days when I have a hard time believing things can just be easy."

"Bones, I'm not sure we will ever be easy, but I'm not going anywhere, okay?"

She nodded. "But something is different."

"Yeah."

"What is it?"

"Angela came to see me today. She had a few choice words for me."

"I never should have told her, Booth. I should have known she'd meddle."

"She's your best friend. It's what best friends do."

"What did she say to you?"

"It's not what she said, it's what she helped me realize."

"I think I'm nervous."

He laughed. "Don't be. I think it's good."

She knew Angela better than he did. She couldn't be as sure. "What is it?"

He became more serious. "Bones, I was waiting for you to just…to just, you know, be engulfed by how much you love me. I thought that it would just hit you like a bolt of lightening and you'd just want to get married. You'd just know."

"Yes. You indicated that."

"But Angela pointed out that you have some very core beliefs and that one of them is that you don't believe in marriage and you do believe in logic. So to use logic to try to give me what I want, to use logic to convince yourself to give up your core beliefs…that's love."

"Booth…"

"No, it's enough. It is. I thought it wasn't but that's because I didn't see it for what it really was. To put your logic aside for me is a very Bonesy way to show you love me. And I'm an ass because I missed it."

"Booth…"

"I'm sorry Bones…"

"Please, just stop." She put two fingers to his lips to hush him. "I didn't give up anything. I believed in my argument. It made logical sense. It still does. Sometimes what I say is what I mean, no matter what Angela tells you."

"I disagree."

"The two of you don't always know better, you know. I am perfectly capable of identifying my own feelings."

"Of course you are. I didn't mean to imply that you aren't."

"You didn't imply it at all. You just said that you disagree with my statement that I mean what I say."

"In this case…"

"No! Not in this case. It's over. It's done. I suggested marriage, you said no, it's over. Let's move on."

"I said not yet, not no. There's a difference."

"Fine. Not yet, then."

"I'm trying to tell you that I've changed my mind."

She considered him carefully. She knew her next words were important to their future. And she knew what she had to say.

"The offer is no longer on the table."


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