Chapter TWELVESomething Evil This Way Comes

EJ's heart was pumping fit to burst, his long legs sprinting the distance but all the while fearing he was too late, the notion horrifying him as he renewed his efforts, desperate to get there in time... desperate to stop this impending horror...

......

Sami walked in with the twins toddling on either side of her, ready for their breakfast. Sami's eyes widened in horror at the scene in front of her.

"John NO!" she screamed, making both of the twins give a little start beside her.

John looked up from where he was about to plunge a knife into the toaster and eyed Sami in vague annoyance.

"It's too early for shouting," he informed her coolly before going back to the toaster with his knife.

Sami hurriedly made it to the plug in the wall and pulled it out of the socket, glaring at him.

"That's incredibly dangerous John!" she chastised him, really frightened as to what might have happened if she'd been even a few seconds later coming into the room.

"Relax wild cat," said John blithely and holding up the knife, "It's just a butter knife, no sharp bits."

"You cutting yourself wasn't my concern," she said in exasperation, "Don't you know anything about electricity John?"

"I know how long you have to clamp a battery to someone's nipples before they'll tell you everything you ever wanted to know," said John casually.

"Oh god," Sami groaned as she picked up each twin and put them in their high chair, "Your daddy is going to have to work forever to pay for your therapy bills guys."

"Narna," said Johnny, clearly unconcerned about future therapy bills as he was hungry now, "Tah."

Sami smiled down at him and ruffled his hair before looking over at Ali.

"Would you like a narna too missy?" she asked her daughter to which Ali gave a vigorous nod of her head.

Sami set about getting the twins the breakfast, eyeing John warily as he was working hard at the now unplugged toaster with the knife.

"Is some bread jammed down there?" asked Sami as John worked away.

"Why would there be bread jammed in it?" asked John, looking at Sami in confusion.

"Ah – because it is a toaster?" offered up Sami with a roll of her eyes.

"Making assumptions like that will get you in trouble wild cat," John noted before going back to the toaster.

"Sticking a knife in a toaster will get you in trouble as well John," said Sami flatly, "So if it isn't bread you are trying to get out, what is it?"

"A quarter," said John distractedly, still fiddling away with it.

"A quarter?" repeated Sami in confusion, "Why would there be a quarter in the toaster?"

"Why do we call the letter 'w' double u when clearly it is a double v?" John turned back on her, "Life is one great long mystery."

Sami opened her mouth to respond to him but then closed it again as she realised that she didn't know the answer to his question, suddenly wondering about it herself.

EJ walked through the door then, running shoes in his hand.

"Daddy!" proclaimed Ali excitedly at seeing him although EJ had helped her and Johnny get dressed already that morning.

"Ali!" responded EJ with a laugh, mimicking her enthusiasm.

"Narna," declared Johnny who was still waiting for the requested fruit.

"Alright here is your narna," said Sami handing it to him as he wiggled excitedly.

"Tank you," he said politely before immediately beginning to devour it.

"And how are you this fine morning Uncle?" asked EJ.

"Weird," said Sami flatly, answering for him.

"Ignore her," John instructed him, "She's just in a mood."

"I wasn't before I walked into and found you trying to kill yourself," said Sami putting her hands on her hips.

"My but we have started early today haven't we?" asked EJ wryly.

"Are you saying I'm over reacting to John trying to electrocute himself?" asked Sami, her lips thinning in annoyance.

"No of course not," said EJ quickly.

"I've read about this," said John in a loud whisper to EJ, "Hormones – they get reactionary when they are hatching."

"Excuse me?" said Sami, her eyes widening in outrage, "I'm not a chicken John and I'm not reactionary!"

"Perhaps we should start again?" suggested EJ, trying to keep the peace.

"Are you on his side with this?" asked Sami angrily.

"Are there sides?" asked EJ in confusion.

"There are always side EJ," Sami informed him in displeasure.

"Then it goes without saying that I'm on yours darling if that is the case," said EJ with a bright smile.

"What if Wildcat wanted to sell boy baby on the black market?" offered up John conversationally, "Would you be on her side then?"

"I would never do something like that!" exclaimed Sami in horror before giving him a cross look, "And if I was going to sell anyone in this family it wouldn't be the twins!"

"I know," said John and gave an almost empathetic nod, "Rolf can be pretty frustrating at times but do you think there is a market for aging mad scientists?"

"Why do we live here?" asked Sami, looking up at EJ despairingly.

"Because it's surprising difficult to find a place that can house us, a cat, a monkey, an albino peacock and all of those flamingos," said EJ straight faced.

"You kids wouldn't survive without me," said John confidently, "I'm your rock."

"Yeah," Sami muttered as she poured out a juice each for the twins in their respective sippy cups, "The one that is tied around our ankles and dragging us to the bottom of the Salem river."

"So the boys are coming around to play some football this morning," said EJ, "He said trying to change the subject into less choppy waters."

He looked down at Sami.

"Will that be alright sweetheart?" he asked with a smile.

"Of course EJ," said Sami with a half smile, forgetting her ire at John in face of EJ's sweetness, "You don't have to ask my permission."

"I just don't want you over doing anything," said EJ seriously, "I'm still not happy with how underweight you are Samantha."

"Wear more clothes," offered up John helpfully as he went back to his quarter hunt, "That way you'll weigh more."

"Ignore him," EJ advised.

"I'm trying," said Sami in exasperation, "And you don't need to worry about me EJ – the twins and I will come down and watch you guys play. Johnny loves to kick around the soccer ball, he gets so excited."

"My very own cheering squad," said EJ with a grin and then gave Sami a saucy look, "And will you be wearing those little skirts and shaking your pom poms for me darling?"

"Soccer doesn't have cheerleaders," Sami reminded him with a laugh.

"True," he agreed ruefully, "And it's probably just as well – such a sight would distract me no end."

EJ glanced down at his watch and pulled a face.

"I've just got a couple of phone calls to make to clear my morning," he said, "I'm expecting Roman Two, Tracy and Joseph plus Eric of course."

"Joseph is going to play soccer?" asked Sami with an arched eyebrow.

"Actually I believe it was he who first suggested shaking his pom poms while we train," said EJ wryly.

"Well that should be entertaining," said Sami with a giggle.

"Where Joseph is concerned it's always a party," agreed EJ ruefully.

"When you make your phone call don't forget you promised to sort out that parking ticket of mine," Sami reminded him as EJ walked out of the kitchen into the living room.

"I'm on it," said EJ with a smile over his shoulder.

"What is this?" asked John curiously.

"Oh I parked in a no parking zone because Ali was having a fit about a dirty diaper and I had to find somewhere to change her quickly," said Sami, still vaguely annoyed by the incident, "I wasn't even there five minutes but some parking attendant caught me and wouldn't listen to reason."

"And he fined you?" asked John calmly.

"Yes," said Sami in annoyance.

"If you want that parking ticket taken care of then I'm your man," said John.

"You'll pay it for me?" asked Sami in surprise at the offer.

"Well I was going to take the guy out," said John thoughtfully, "So paying the fine seems a bit redundant to me."

"You can't kill the parking attendant John," said Sami, wondering why she'd forgotten that trying to have a normal conversation with John was pointless.

"Why not?" John asked with a shrug, "It's a little known fact that it isn't illegal to kill parking attendants."

"Yes it is!" called out EJ from the other room, clearly listening in while he made his phone calls.

"Just because Elvis say something doesn't make it so," said John coolly.

"Just because you say something doesn't make it so either John," said Sami in frustration, turning his logic back on him.

"But what I say is right," argued John without missing a beat as though that settled everything.

"I'm getting nowhere fast," Sami groaned as the conversation went round and round.

"That's because you're sitting down," said John knowingly.

"Yes," said Sami flatly, "That will be it."

The sound of the door bell and Rolf answering it saved Sami from any further conversation on the subject. Roman Two walked into the kitchen and greeted everyone easily.

"G'day guys," he said with a grin, "Sorry to interrupt breakfast."

"Two!" exclaimed Johnny, clapping his hands together excitedly.

Like many little boys he was always intensely interested in being around big boys.

"Hiya mate," said Roman Two with a grin and ruffled his hair affectionately before smiling at Ali, "Hello princess."

"Narna," Ali informed him proudly, waving around the now mashed fruit.

"Are you eating that or using it as a beauty treatment?" Roman Two teased her as he noted how she'd managed to smear it all over her face.

"I'm figuring at least half of it made it into her mouth so that is good enough for me," said Sami with a quirk of her lips.

"Sounds reasonable," said Roman Two with a nod and chuckle before kissing the top of Sami's head as she was seated at the table, "How's the mum to be?"

"Moody," John answered for her this time.

"Oh go back to your toaster," Sami huffed, "Maybe you'll find the Arc of the Covenant if you dig deep enough."

"Maybe I will," said John said defiantly.

"So early and already a story to be told," noted Roman Two in amusement, "Never a dull moment as always."

"Chance would be a fine thing," Sami grumbled.

Just then Roger scampered into the room and climbed Roman Two like he was a tree.

"Hey there mate," said Roman Two affectionately, "Come where all the action is?"

"He probably wants breakfast," said Sami with a smile, "He knows it is Tuesday. On Tuesday we let him have yoghurt."

"Really?" Roman Two chuckled, "He really is a clever little guy."

"I know it's Tuesday and no one is organising a parade for me," John muttered to himself.

"You're not a monkey John," Sami pointed out with a shake of her head.

"I'm not a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader either," John said logically, "What's your point?"

"I'm not talking to you for the rest of the day," said Sami flatly.

"Yes you are," John argued back.

"No I'm not," said Sami curtly.

"You're talking to me right now," John pointed out to her.

"But I'm not going to for the rest of the day," said Sami in annoyance.

"You're still talking to me," John informed her knowingly.

"OH!" said Sami in exasperation.

Roger meanwhile had decided that he'd waited long enough for his treat. He'd gone to the kitchen drawer and pulled it open and grabbed out his own special green spoon. Roger then clambered back up onto Roman Two's shoulder and looked at him expectantly.

"What did your last servant die of?" asked Roman Two in amusement.

"Not being able to hold his breath for more than three minutes," said John without missing a beat and then when they both stared at him pursed his lips, "Or weren't you talking to me?"

"Sometimes you scare me John," said Sami with a groan.

"You're talking to me again," John pointed out to her, "Perhaps if you said you were going to talk to me then you'd have more luck not talking to me because the other way round seems not to be working."

"Strawberry or apricot?" asked Roman Two quickly as Sami opened her mouth to let John have it.

Roger took matters into his own hands and picked out the strawberry yoghurt from the fridge that Roman Two was holding the door open of.

"Strawberry it is," said Roman Two with a quirk of his lips, "Does he need help to open it?"

"No," said Sami, glad to have something else to focus on other then John right then.

She was trying to keep her blood pressure down, not an easy feat around John. Roger was on the table now, skilfully pulling the tab off the yoghurt and beginning to happily feast way using his little green spoon. Roman Two chuckled to see the cute sight he made.

"So what are your plans for New Years?" asked Roman Two with interest, "Something suitably loud and explosive I hope?"

"New Years?" John queried, at last stopping with the toaster and looking at the other man with intense interest, "Explosive?"

EJ had just finished his phone call and his head snapped up at hearing Roman Two's innocent question and his uncle sudden interest.

Oh god NO!

He leapt from his seat and started to sprint towards the kitchen. EJ's heart was pumping fit to burst, his long legs sprinting the distance but all the while fearing he was too late, the notion horrifying him as he renewed his efforts, desperate to get there in time... desperate to stop this impending horror.

"It's nothing, New Years Eve is nothing!" EJ practically yelled as he burst into the kitchen, startling all of the occupants.

EJ looked at John wide eyed, offering up a prayer that he was going to be believed.

"I don't believe you," said John flatly, eyeing EJ suspiciously, "What's this New Years stuff about Elvis?"

"Oh no," Sami groaned as she and EJ exchanged looks, fearing the same thing.

Christmas and the giant tree had been bad enough, John and fireworks was going to be a recipe for a holocaust.

"New Years," said EJ with what was an attempt at a casual shrug, "It's no big deal really Uncle. People get together, open a few glasses of champagne at midnight – it's nothing."

"You know I'm just going to Google it right?" asked John with a disbelieving arch of his eyebrow as he obviously worked out that EJ wasn't going to be this uptight about something so simple.

"Alright," said EJ in annoyance, "On occasion there might be the slightest chance that welcoming in the New Year might involve a very small number of fireworks."

John's usually expressionless mask was gone as his face slowly lit up at EJ's reluctant explanation.

"Fireworks you say?" he said, his eyes suddenly full of interest, "Tell me more about these fireworks of which you speak."

"I think I may have done a bad thing," said Roman Two pursing his lips thoughtfully.

He sent an apologetic look over at EJ.

"Sorry mate," Roman Two said with a lop sided grin, "But if I promise to bring a fire extinguisher can I get an invite to this shin ding?"

"Sure why not?" said EJ dully as he saw the gleam in his uncle's eye, knowing that there was going to be a party now no matter what he said now, "I've heard misery loves company."