Steve

Steve didn't know what to do, he wanted to hit something, yell in frustration. He went to punch the wall, but he stopped himself and he shook his right hand and he went and sat down on the couch.

How could she just go and do something like that? She didn't even believe him when he told her that he didn't want to read it. He did burn her file, and it was gone. He even deleted the file of her at the Hydra base. Steve wanted to hit something, she just made everything so frustrating.

She basically forced herself onto the whole mission, which he would have rather done alone. He put his head in his hands and he closed his eyes and rested his head.

He let his mind wonder and he tried to calm himself down. What was he thinking? He knew that she was a spy, of course she would sneak around without him knowing. He had the urge to leave and go back to the states and let her go back on her own.

He shook his head, he couldn't do that.

He knew it wasn't right, and yet she drove him crazy. He has had to scratch and crawl for anything from her. To get a smile he has to get her to relax which is damn near impossible. He just wanted her to trust him, what does he have to do to earn it? Steve put his head back against the cushion of the couch and he closed his eyes.

Natasha

"Way to go Natasha!" She yelled at herself. She just had to go screw everything up. Everything was going well then one night she got the great idea about maybe he still had her file. But NO he burned it!

No one but Steve would burn it. She closed her eyes and he smacked her fist against the bed.

"Damn" she said under her breath

Now he hates her, he has to hate her. She went through his private things, not just a sketch book; his entire room. What was wrong with her? She always had to mess up something. She started to cry in anger. The tears burned as they flowed out of her eyes and down her cheeks.

How could she mess up the one thing that was good for her? Maybe this was a sign, a sign that she should just be alone. Maybe she should just get a plane ticket and go back to Caracas. At least there she wasn't getting shot at, or having a heart attack every time Steve came into view.

Every time she saw him her legs felt weak and then when he would get closer her heart would race. Then when he would stare at her with a smile she felt like she was melting under it, all her logical mind would go away.

She had just ruined her chance to have something good for once. She had completely failed her goal; don't fall for Steve. She failed it miserably, and now he probably hates her and doesn't even want to see her. Natasha sat up and she touched her bandage and it was dry.

She took it off and there was a little slash and stiches. Great and he even saved her life and patched her up. She owes him everything. The time in the secret room in the old S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters, and now the Hydra base. She wiped the tears off her face and she laid back down and she closed her eyes.

She was angry and tired, all this had to be a bad dream. She was having another nightmare right now. She closed her eyes and they felt heavy then the world swirled away and she fell asleep.

Steve

Steve opened his eyes and he knew that he was right for being angry, but angry with her? He had no right to be angry with her, disappointed was more the word. She had grown up with no one to trust except maybe Fury and Clint.

She was damaged, not physically, but she is haunted by past deeds. Her past is holding onto her and it keeps her from being happy. He stood up and he walked back to the room. He paused when he reached the door.

Natasha didn't trust anyone, and she had experiences to prove why she doesn't. He knew that his word for it wasn't enough, he had to prove it. He had to show her something that would get her to trust him even a small percent of trust he would take. He just wanted her to not be alone and he wanted her to be happy.

He knew that she was the only one who had the power to decide if she wanted to be happy. Steve was going to forgive her, and he was going to talk to her. He opened the door and he found her asleep.

Steve walked up to the bed and he looked at her. She was so beautiful, and she deserved to be happy. He leaned down and he didn't know what he was doing. He got close and he kissed her forehead.

She stirred slightly, but her eyes stayed closed and she stayed asleep. Steve went back out to the couch and grabbed his small sketch book and a pencil and he went back into her room and he sat down in the chair and he drew her sleeping. Her peacefulness and the calmness of her face. The beauty of her character and of course her beauty as well. Steve smiled the entire time he drew her and as she slept. He knew that she needed to tell him her past on her own and only then would she open up a little more.

She would tell him someday, and he wanted to be there when she does. He finished and he set the sketch book on her night stand; open, and so she could see the drawing of her when she woke up to see that he forgave her. He would tell her himself when he talked to her next. He stood up and he kissed her forehead again, but this time no stirring, no movement, only the gentle rise and fall of her chest and he steady breathing.

He went to his room and he lied down and he felt tired, he hadn't had a good night sleep in two days.

Natasha

Natasha slowly opened her eyes and the sun was still up, but instead of yellow it was a dark orange. It was evening, she had slept all day. She felt somewhat peaceful. But then the thoughts and memory of the morning came back.

She felt horrible and she just wanted to crawl into a hole and shut herself away. It was better than feeling like she did. She knew that Steve was probably gone, and she was alone in his apartment.

He had to have left, and now she was alone. Why would he have stayed? The reaction to her going through all his personal items seemed to make him very upset and he looked like he was just going to leave. Natasha assumed that he did leave.

This wasn't a bad dream like she was hoping, it was very real. She felt stupid for going through his things. Why didn't she just ask him about the file? Maybe she wanted to know for herself? The current situation made her feel depressed.

She should probably disappear and never see him again. She should just retire somewhere and be alone. But she didn't want to be alone anymore. In the car he told her it was a hard way to live. Her response to that was it's a good way not to die.

She didn't really believe that did she, was it better to do everything by yourself and not have anyone there for you and being able to stand with you? She wasn't sure anymore. If she had done the mission alone, she would have died. Steve saved her life and he didn't need to. She deserved death.

Yet after all the things she had done, there was Steve; who knew very little about her and he saved her life. Steve always confused her, Clint never did. Clint was easy to read, Steve was almost impossible.

She looked over to her right and there was a stack of clothes on a nightstand with a lamp on. Was that lamp on when she woke up this morning? She looked over to her right where if Steve was still there would have been sitting. She looked at the chair and imagined Steve there smiling at her.

She closed her eyes and she felt her heart ache. She looked at the night stand and there was a small black book. She grabbed it and turned it around, it was still open and to a certain page.

Great it was most likely a note from Steve saying that he left.

She looked at the page and the image shocked her. There was another brilliant drawing of her. She was sleeping, she was in her suit; which she was still wearing. She looked at it with watery eyes. Did she really look that peaceful asleep?

He had drawn her even when he hated her. She felt her throat tighten and tears slipped out and down her face. There was three small words on the bottom of the paper.

"We'll talk later"

She almost dropped the small book at the words, what did that mean?

She was startled to hear a glass shaking with ice in it. She looked over at the door and Steve was standing there with a tray of two glasses and a bottle of Vodka. He paused when she looked at him.

He noticed the tears and he smiled at her.

"I hope you're up for a drink?" Steve said softly and he placed the tray on the bed.

Steve slowly walked over to the chair, not taking his eyes off of Natasha. He sat down and he leaned forward and he smiled.

"You're still here" Natasha said softly

"Well, I couldn't leave my partner" Steve said

"You were angry"

"Yes I was, but I know that I had every right to be angry" Steve said softly

Natasha swallowed and she struggled to find the right words.

"So why… did you stay?"

Steve stayed silent for a little bit and then he spoke.

"I was angry, but what you did, not you"

Natasha didn't understand what he meant.

"I don't follow"

"I should have expected that you would have snuck around, you're a spy and it's who you are"

Natasha was shocked at what he was saying.

"It's who you are, you haven't been in any situations to truly trust anyone. How should I just assume that you wouldn't fully trust me" Steve said slightly chuckling, but he still seemed hurt.

Natasha put her hand on his forearm.

"I do trust you, it's just I couldn't stop myself. I was trained not to trust anyone"

"I know you where"

"Steve I do trust you, more than most people. All these feelings are confusing"

"What feelings?"

"The feeling of wanting to tell you everything, but then not wanting to"

"Nat, you don't have to tell me"

"I want to, you are the only person that I want to know my past by my own will."

"So Fury and Clint?"

"I was forced to tell them everything"

"So do you want to tell me?"

"Yes, but I just don't know how"

"How about this, you tell me something from your past and I will tell you something from mine"

"Rogers, we all know your past" Natasha said

"I bet it will surprise you, come on get it off your chest, you alone can do it. It's all up to you, no one is pressuring you. Take your time and when you're ready you're ready."

"Why are you so good with talking to people?"

"I guess I have a certain presence" Steve said smirking

Natasha stayed quiet for what seemed like an hour. She avoided his eyes then met them then avoided them again. She took a deep breath and she looked at him.

"A long time ago, I was working for the KGB."

Steve stayed quiet and listened.

"There was a school, it was in Russia. It was the middle of winter. I was sent in to take out a world leader. The country I didn't know of, or wanted to know. But something went horribly wrong. The school was attacked and it was burned to the ground."

Steve stayed silent and his face didn't change.

"Not one child made it out." Natasha paused and she swallowed

"I can still remember the smell of burning flesh, the painful horrific screaming of children burning. The smoke, the wind, the gunfire. I was the one who caused the fire, the target was in the school and I killed him in the library, full of kids. The books caught on fire, from a grenade I threw."

Natasha felt her eyes begin to water.

"And I watched them burn, and I didn't try to save them. I didn't care. I felt nothing and I watched as they ran in panic, and for someone to help them and yet there I was. I just watched them all die. No witnesses they said, it was a good thing, a necessary thing. I never liked fire after that mission."

Natasha looked at Steve, and his face was blank.

"There was another incident with a family in a house. Another fire, only one made it out, me" Natasha said tears falling down her face

"I was then taken in and trained by Red Room" Natasha froze at the sound of the name

"The pain that I endured was beyond description, then the war. You wouldn't know about this one. It involved children." Natasha couldn't finish the rest. She broke down and she sobbed.

Steve grabbed her hand and gripped it. She cried and she buried her face into the pillow. Steve had his hand on her back and he was there the entire time. Natasha got a hold of herself again, and she stopped sobbing and she wiped her eyes. She sniffed and she looked at Steve. He didn't have a disgusted look on his face, his face was full of sadness.

"Natasha, your past is dark, but you don't have to let it dictate where you're going"

Natasha stayed silent.

"Natasha, when I was unfrozen and I was back. The world was a confusing place. My first year back was hard. I felt like I failed, I left everyone and they went the rest of their lives thinking that I was dead."

Steve's face looked lost and his eyes were distant.

"I wanted to die, Natasha. My first year back I was alone, I had no one there for me. I contemplated suicide"

Natasha kept her shocked expression to herself.

"I thought about it for a long time, but you know what I did?" Steve said looking at her smiling

"What did you do?" Natasha asked softly

"I moved on"

"How could you move on?"

"I knew that if I dwelled into the past, I would lose myself to it. I would be so focused on trying not to do it again that I would miss out on things that could make me happy"

"Your first year back was the battle of New York" Natasha said

"Yeah, it was and you know what made me want to move on?"

Natasha shook her head.

"You" Steve said

Natasha's mouth slightly opened and she looked at him in shock.

"Me" She said softly

"Yeah, there was something about you, it reminded me of someone from my past, and it made me think that maybe this time isn't so bad after all. I let go of the past, and now I got to know you and work with you. And for that, I'm grateful."

"Steve, there is something else I need to tell you" Natasha said softly

"What?"

"I'm actually 92 years old"

"Your 92?" Steve asked confused and shocked

"Yeah, I was put on ice much like Bucky, I was given a serum like yours, and then I aged slowly"

"So, we're roughly around the same age" Steve said

"Yeah I guess you could say so"

Steve smiled and he chuckled.

"What?"

"Nothing, it's just I didn't know that about you, and it was a nice thing to know"

Steve stood up and as he began to walk away Natasha grabbed his hand.

"Where are you going?"

"To bed, it's late. We start work again in two days"

Natasha let go of his hand. Steve got to the door.

"Steve?" Natasha said

He turned to her and he looked at her.

"I liked your sketches"

Steve smiled and he walked away and he went into his room and shut the door.

Natasha laid back down and she exhaled and she closed her eyes. He forgave her, even when he didn't have to. She didn't know that he was so lost his first year back. She felt her heart beat starting to increase and her stomach fluttered.

What was she thinking? Her rational mind was telling her to go to sleep. But she already slept, and she was awake. Her heart was telling her to follow him, and her mind was saying no. She had told him a small bit of her past. He wasn't angry with her or disgusted he sympathized with her.

Natasha stood up and she looked at herself fin the mirror. She looked alright considering she almost died. She moved her hair back, and she looked at the door. What was she doing?

Natasha walked over to the door and walked out of her room. Her leg didn't hurt anymore and her stiches were gone and there was only a little mark left. She walked down the hallway and she came to Steve's door.

She paused and she stared at the knob. The light was one, and yet she was afraid to open the door. Her heart was racing and her mind was wandering, all logical thought was gone. She put her hand on the knob and turned it.

She opened the door and walked in.

Author's Note: it maybe a while till I update again. What do you think she is going to do? Let me know in a review. Thanks again from reading my story and it's far from over.