A/N:

W: Haha, glad I could help! ;)


12. The Weight of Choices Made


We tried making for Edge, but got an even shorter distance before Jonuel needed more hi-potion. We didn't try to move a third time.

"He's using them up fast," Chelsea remarked after emptying the contents of the fourth ampoule into the intern's mouth.

"They're meant to be injected," I sighed. "They won't be as effective this way."

"Did your friend say how long it would take to send help?"

The healing potion had put an end to the convulsions, but it didn't bring the color back to Jonuel's cheeks or remove the rattle in his lungs. The froth oozing out of his mouth had turned pink.

If he died, it was on me. Had I called sooner, help might have arrived already.

"No. We just have to wait."

She tutted and sat back on her heels, rubbing her eyes.

"Goddamn bugs. I didn't see this coming at all. Grashtrikes don't usually come this far east."

I hummed in response, racking my brain for some sort of conversation to distract us. Her comment reminded me of something.

"Is it like those ki– Uh, other insects from the Nibel mountains?" I wondered. "You know, the ones Tyco brough up last week?"

"What? Kiyvilduns? No, that's something else. Those never leave the mountains, but grashtrikes are known to wander from time to time." She huffed. "Shiva's tits, I should've known this could happen. I should've prepared better."

"It's not your fault. You can't foresee every eventuality."

It was mine, now. My fault. Jonuel was dying and it was my goddamned fault.

Chelsea didn't reply. I, too, retreated into silence, knowing my words were slim comfort at this stage. While she kept an eye on Jonuel, I climbed the quad bike for a better vantage point, to keep an eye out for potential threats and for our rescue. It wasn't enough to escape his struggle for air, though. Each labored gasp felt like nails on a chalkboard.

Ten minutes later, Jonuel was convulsing again. Chelsea administered his fifth dose. Far too soon, he needed another one.

"Last one," the woman said, letting the empty ampoule fall to the ground.

What the hell was wrong with me? I should have called Reno right away. My pride wasn't worth much these days. It was nothing compared to someone's life.

"Is there anything else we could use to slow the poison?" I asked. "Anything at all?"

"Like what?" she snapped. "We have nothing that–"

She cut herself off and whipped her head around. I heard it too; the distant vibration of a helicopter's rotor. I grabbed a flare off the back of the bike, set it off and threw it down near us, just as Reno had instructed. It blazed a red target against the blackened ground while we waited with bated breaths. The thrum grew louder and louder, and soon, we could both make out the dark silhouette flying low against the horizon. Chelsea let out a delighted squeal and began to jump up and down, waving her arms around.

"They made it!" she yelled. "I didn't bloody believe they'd get to us in time, but they made it!"

The helicopter came down a short distance from us, kicking up a cloud of dust. The side door slid open as soon as the wheels touched and a woman in a blue coat jumped out. She approached us at a low run, medical bag in hand.

"Dr. Lin Uzuki," she yelled over the din of the chopper as she knelt down beside Jonuel. "A grashtrike did this, right?"

"That's right," Chelsea confirmed. "We've been keeping the damage in check with concentrated hi-potion."

I stepped back to give the two room to operate. My colleague described the injuries while the doctor held out some kind of instrument. Soon, a glowing green light enveloped the motionless body on the ground. My attention was glued to the trio, so I jumped when I heard his voice shout right beside me.

"Hey!"

I whirled around and met a pair of concerned eyes, framed by red curved lines.

"Reno," I breathed.

"The one and only," he yelled with a quick grin, even though he couldn't have heard me. "You okay, Fitz?"

I snapped my gaze away from him toward the limp body on the ground.

"I'm fine. It's Jonuel who needs help."

"Reno," the doctor called. "We need to take off right away. Take us straight to Edge General."

"Gotcha!"

The Turk passed me the stretcher he was carrying, then hurried back to the helicopter while I set about helping the other two with the injured man. Together we got him strapped onto the stretcher and carried into the chopper. As the doctor secured him in place, I noticed Chelsea had not followed us in. Leaning out through the door, I found her standing outside, looking at the helicopter.

"Chelsea, we have to go!"

She didn't reply. Her eyes were fixed on the red Shinra diamond on the side of the aircraft as something like repulsion spread across her face.

"Chelsea!"

It wasn't until I hopped out and tapped her shoulder that she flinched out of her daze.

"We need to go," I urged. "Come on!"

I took a step toward the door, expecting her to follow, but she shook her head.

"I'll... I'll take the quad bike back. You go with Jon."

"What? By yourself?"

Reno cracked open the cockpit door and poked his head out, his ponytail fluttering in the wind of the whirring blades.

"You guys comin' or not?" he yelled.

As he watched us something twisted in the Turk's expression. His gaze hardened to a glare, aimed at my colleague.

"I'll be fine," Chelsea said, sending a dark look at the helicopter's pilot. "Now get going already! You're wasting time!"

Reno slammed the door shut. Chelsea turned around and hurried back to the quad bike in a crouching run. I stared after her for a few moments, my mouth opening and closing, but realized she was right. There was no time to argue or puzzle over their reactions to each other. With a growl of frustration, I hopped onto the chopper and slid the door closed. The doctor banged on the wall to signal Reno. The next minute we were in the air, bound for Edge.

Jonuel was laid across a row of seats. As I helped the doctor place a blanket over him, he grabbed my arm. I had to bend down to hear his labored whispers over the roar of the helicopter in flight.

"Will you tell my family what happened? If I don't make it?"

"I won't have to, Jon," I tried to assure him. "You're going to be okay."

I couldn't feel his grip tighten through the armor, but I saw the knuckles turn whiter.

"Please, tell them!" he insisted.

"You can tell them all about–"

"Tess, please!"

I started with a gasp. It was a different voice that rang out in my head, but the words and the desperation were the same. Seconds passed while I just stared down at Jonuel, seeing another face before my eyes. You'll die! it wailed. We'll all die!

But I hadn't died. I hadn't died.

I squeezed my eyes shut and pulled away, dropping down to my knees while my head spun. When I opened them again, Jonuel had slipped back into unconsciousness, and the doctor was giving me an odd look.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I lied. "I'm fine."

She didn't look convinced, but didn't press me either.

I knew that it hadn't been real. I knew that I was on Gaia now – or did I? My body didn't. My heart was racing as if I was still back on Earth, still running through the underground labs of Cobalt.

Maybe my body was there, but my mind wasn't. I wasn't there. I was here. Wasn't I? My gaze roamed the hold, trying to find something to ground myself in reality. The hold was unfamiliar; I had travelled up front before. I didn't know the doctor. Jonuel... I couldn't bring myself to look at him. The smells were strange. I was aware of the vibrations through my seat, but they were muted. Distant. The only thing I could feel, the only thing that felt real, was my suit.

My pulse slowed, but the dislocation remained. The rest of the flight was a blur. When we landed, and I hopped out onto the roof of Edge Central, the half-constructed cityscape around us seemed more like a figment of my imagination. Struggling to stay in the present, I turned away, only to find that hospital staff were already wheeling Jonuel toward the entrance. I made to follow, but Dr. Uzuki stopped me before I could catch up with them.

"I'm sorry, but you can't come in here like that."

"What do you mean?" I snapped, wound too tight to think straight.

"She's right, Fitz," Reno piped up. "Hate to say it, but you really need a shower."

I looked down at my hazard suit, caked in black wasteland grime and spattered with insect guts.

"More like decontamination," I muttered with a grimace.

My shoulders slumped in defeat. I stepped away from the door, and hid my eyes behind my gloved hand as the weight of the day fell on me. I was exhausted. Utterly exhausted.

"I'll keep tabs on him," the doctor promised. "The best you can do right now is get some rest and come back tomorrow. It will take some time before the toxin leaves his system."

"Yeah, okay," I mumbled. "And thanks. For everything."

The doctor disappeared into the building. I spent several seconds staring at the door that swung shut behind her.

"So, what now?" Reno asked.

I just sighed and raised my hands in a half-hearted gesture. Since they wouldn't let me into the hospital, I was stuck in an unfamiliar town with nowhere to go. All I had was my suit, my rifle and my phone.

"If you need somewhere to clean up and stay the night, there's a place just a few blocks away," he suggested.

"I didn't bring my wallet."

"You won't need it. It ain't a hotel or anythin', just an apartment that belongs to Shinra. Us Turks use it when we're in town."

I was too weary to think about possible consequences. I could barely muster up a faint smile.

"Okay. Thanks, Reno."

He nodded toward the helipad.

"All right, hop back in then. Gotta park the bird somewhere else first, yo."

Reno left the helicopter at some private airfield. Shinra-owned, I presumed. I wasn't paying attention, really. It was impossible to miss the stares I received on the walk from the car to the apartment, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Maybe I should have. It would have been an easy way out, to focus on lesser worries.

Reno let me into the apartment, then excused himself, saying he had work to finish up. The guilt I felt for disrupting his day was a drop in the ocean. I spent a few minutes trying to reach the Kalm office, but the calls wouldn't go through. I gave up and headed to the bathroom, where I struggled out of the suit, trying to avoid both the disgusting goo that covered it and the painful twinge that shot through my shoulder whenever I made a wrong move. I must have pulled a muscle in the heat of battle.

Heat of battle. Christ. This was so not what I had signed up for when I enrolled in biology all those years ago. I wondered whether my old professor would be aghast or amused by my newfound skills at dismantling wildlife.

Unbidden, memories of the old days bubbled back up into my mind. My days at university. The labs at Cobalt. James.

Tess, please! We'll all die!

I slapped the water on, twisting the knobs until it beat down on me at full blast. I shoved my head in under the torrent, lifting my face upward. I cranked the heat up to the limits of what I could take, and then cranked it up some more.

The doubts were always ready to creep in the second my control faltered; the little whispers in the back of my mind, that I had made the wrong choice, that I should have found some other way, that I was to blame. And now, when I closed my eyes and I saw Jonuel's pallid face, that nagging voice returned, stronger than ever. I should have come up with better arguments. I should have gone in alone. I should have called sooner.

The click of the bathroom door brought me back to reality. I found myself hunched forward with both palms pressed against the shower wall, the tiles cold to the touch compared to the scalding water battering my neck and back. I turned my head a fraction, enough to see through the fogged-up glass of the stall door. On the other side, I made out a dark shape against the white wall, topped by red.

"Want some company?"

His voice was loud enough to be heard over the steady patter against the floor, but quieter than I would have expected. His question made me pause.

Of course I wanted it. As pathetic as it made me, I craved it. I wanted to feel him, taste him, be touched and be filled by him, until my mind was purged of everything that wasn't his body on mine. But... was it wrong of me to want it, when Jonuel was–

Don't think. Don't think!

But the water just wasn't hot enough.

I pushed the glass door open. Reno was leaning back against the wall, his hands in his trouser pockets. I expected a lascivious smirk and a torrent of innuendo; instead I was met by a cautious frown. He remained still for a few moments, studying my face. Only once he had pushed himself off the wall and began removing his clothes, did his eyes stray down to the wet, flushed skin of my curves. I closed mine and let my head drop between my arms.

I felt him brush against me, heard the stall door close. The heat and force of the water lowered to a humane level. He moved in behind me, but again, Reno surprised me. When he touched me, it was to wash my back. His hands were cool and slick with soap, soothing the stinging skin with gentle caresses. Moving in closer, he continued with my arms, stroking back and forth at a slow and steady pace. His chest touched my back and his chin rested on my shoulder, yet he made no move to seduce.

It wasn't enough. I twisted around in his arms and gazed up at his face, trying to convey what I wanted, what I needed, without having to say the words out loud. He stayed still, watching me with caution, but when my hands began to wander, he was quick to respond in kind. I crushed my lips to his, demanding more, and Reno gave me exactly what I asked for. We devoured each other with greedy mouths and hands, working up a carnal frenzy that shrunk the world until there was nothing in it except our bodies, joining in a frantic scuffle under the cascading water.


A/N:

Did anyone think the doctor's name was odd? I thought long and hard about it, but decided that since the country is called Wutai and the ruling family's name is Kisaragi, it only seems appropriate to gleefully mix Chinese and Japanese together.

Thanks for reading!