Now, some of you who are watching closely are going to start to see similar themes/trends in my fics… I can't explain this phenomenon, outside of the fact that I'm just not very imaginative. Apologies.
12.
Now this could be the last of all the rides we take
We don't care about the message or the rules they make
I'll find you
When the Sun Goes Black
Gojyo
Walking between Bang, Wang and Hung was really nerve-racking. They kept shoving me and laughing at me, and I did my best to stay cool, because the last thing I wanted was for them to know I was scared.
Not that they didn't know already, I guess. Maybe it was obvious. Or maybe they'd done this enough times to know that anyone they personally escorted to Dasha was shitting their pants the whole way.
I'd heard enough stories. I knew that when these three clowns were sent to bring your ass to the boss, that meant you were pretty much expired. Dasha was going to kill you, or worse, and I knew I'd been idiotic thinking there wouldn't be consequences for what I'd done. I told him I would bring him the dagger two days ago, and I hadn't, and now Bang was dragging me around, telling me I'd really, really messed up.
"You shoulda' just got out of town." Hung laughed. He sounded like a barking, snapping wild dog. "If you weren't gonna' show, you might as well have skipped. Man, you're stupid, Gojyo."
I tried to remember why I'd thought I was making the right move, why, at the time, it had seemed like such a good idea to duck around and avoid Dasha for an extra two days. Did I really think I wouldn't pay for it?
The walk to the theater seemed like it took a really, really long time, but I still didn't have enough time to figure a way out of this, and Bang and the others were rough on me the whole way. I hesitated at the door, desperately trying to think of something I could do or say that would get me out of this. Maybe I could pay them off, and they'd just let me go. Maybe I could fight my way out. If I begged, they'd just laugh at me.
Bang hit me across the back of the head, knocking me forward, "Quit your stallin', asshole."
"C'mon guys, gime' a break." I tried to sound like I wasn't begging, but my heart was racing—as I stared into the dark hall of the theater, I thought I'd pass out. My hands were shaking and sweating, my head was itching, and my stomach was tied in knots. What could I do? What could I possibly do?
"March." Hung jammed the barrel of his gun into my upper back, shoving me into the corridor, and I had no choice but to keep walking. If I made them impatient, they'd probably shoot me, but I knew they wouldn't kill me—they'd never dare take that privilege away from Dasha—they'd probably hit me in the arm or the leg or something, just to make me suffer.
I forced myself to keep breathing as we went. Could it be Dasha might just want to talk? He could let me go…if I had the dagger on me, he might, but…
We were already down the hall, heading backstage.
I clenched my fists tightly.
I had it. It just wasn't on me. Would he let me run and get it?
I still didn't want to give the Ruby Dagger to that maniac.
I don't wanna' die either…
They practically dragged me into Dasha's room, and I realized I wasn't breathing.
The place seemed darker than usual, and colder too, and I just wanted to close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else.
"Boss!" Bang called loudly, "We got 'im!"
I looked around, searching every shadow of the stage, but Dasha didn't seem to be there anywhere.
"Looks like he ain't home." I snorted. "Can I come back later?"
Bang hit me again. "Shut up, mutt. Boss? We brought the brat for ya'."
"Good work, master Bang. I'll take it from here." The cold voice answered, so suddenly, it had me jumping and sucking in a startled breath.
I whipped my head around to see Dasha standing off on stage right, where the curtain separated his weird little room from his sleeping space. He had his knife, as usual, and his purple eyes looked like they were glowing; he was stripped from the waist up. He gave me a biting smile as he started toward me, "Gojyo. Did your pathetic, hanyou brain lose track of time, or did I hear you wrong four days ago when you told me you would bring me the Ruby Dagger in two?"
"I. No. Just-"
"Don't stammer." He towered over me, glaring down like I was a bug on the sidewalk, "It's not a hard question."
"It took longer than I thought it would." I managed hoarsely.
"But you did succeed in retrieving it, am I right?"
I had to think. I had to decide what to do. I couldn't give him the dagger. I didn't want to die.
Dasha hauled off and punched me in the face, and I tumbled back into the arms of Hung and Wang.
"Hold him."
"Let me go, assholes!" I jerked, trying to wrench away from them, but they were so much bigger and stronger than I was. I liked to think I was tough—I'd never back down from a fight—but I knew I was helpless against them.
I heard the frightening snap of rubber against skin as Dasha pulled a glove on. "I'm waiting."
"Just…what do you need it for?" I demanded.
Dasha back-handed me twice across the face, once in each direction. "You're in no position to ask question, hanyou. You told me two days, it's been four, and now you'd better answer me if you want to save your skin."
I sputtered, "I got it, I got it, okay? I-"
He punched me in the gut, and I doubled over, couldn't even hold my stomach thanks to the assholes gripping my arms.
"Where is it?" He hit me in the head. Then again. And again. "Where is it, Gojyo?" He grabbed my hair, jerking my head up so he could punch me in the face another two times. "Where? Where is it, you little maggot!?"
"At my house!" I managed to scream between blows.
It didn't even matter at the moment that it wasn't true—I couldn't tell him where it really was, I just needed him to stop hitting me.
The next strike hit me right in the forehead, and it was so rough, Hung and Wang lost their grip on me, and I flew back, hitting the floor hard, getting the wind knocked out of me. Dasha stepped through them, silently, stood over me, voice silent as death, "Why. Is it there?"
I writhed, holding my head and trying not to scream.
He kicked me in the stomach.
I coughed and hacked. Couldn't breath. Pain sped up through my torso. He kicked me again, even harder, and I curled up, trying to protect myself as the kicking continued. He kicked me onto my back, nailed me in the side, I rolled a few feet, screaming. It felt like one of my ribs broke.
"Why didn't you bring it to me?"
I sucked in a shaking, painful breath, and it felt like my lungs were full of glass.
Dasha drop kicked me in the head.
It felt like someone hammered a nail through my brain, and my vision went black. When it came back, I could see him above me, a fuzzy, dark shape, and his voice sounded forever away, echoing around me.
"Why, Gojyo?"
"I-I don't know…" I hacked.
"That's not good enough."
"Y-yeah…"
He reached down and grabbed a fistful of my hair, dragging me to my feet, and I could barely stay up, groped around for something to hold onto.
"I warned you about thinking you could keep any of the items for yourself. Do you remember?"
"I-I wasn't…keeping it…" I clawed at his wrist, trying to get him to let go of my hair.
Dasha shook me, threw me against the wall, and I felt something impale my back—a nail or something, I guess-bit back another scream.
He caught me by the shoulders, looking me in the eyes, "Then why?"
"I-I don't gotta' reason…" I lied, coughing more, pressing back against the wall, not caring about the nail, I just wanted away from him.
"That's rather stupid, isn't it?"
I snorted. Blood squirted from my nose, onto the front of my shirt, "Fuck you."
At that, he got this creepy, awful, maniacal smile. He palmed my forehead, slamming my skull against the wall, and before the pain even registered in my brain, he kneed me in the stomach again, and this time I knew my ribs broke. I hit the floor again, on my face and my knees, clutching at my stomach, each ragged pant causing another sharp, hot jab of pain.
Dasha started beating on me mercilessly. He jerked me up by the arm, threw me into Bang and the others again, and while they held me steady, he wailed on me. He hit me in the face and the head and the stomach and chest, slapped my ears, knocked me around, rattled my teeth. Every time I took another blow, I couldn't even think about it, because he was already hitting me again, slamming me down on his knee, smacking my face back and forth, smiling the whole time like he was having a blast. It couldn't have lasted more than a couple of minutes, but it felt like half an hour to me, and by the time he stopped again, blood was gushing down from my hairline, my nose, my lips, even my eyes. My face stung, it had to look like hell by now. I knew my ribs were cracked. My stomach was probably bruised all to shit. But I just took it all, like a bitch, because I didn't know what the fuck else to do.
He hit so much harder than Mom.
Jien isn't here to save me this time.
Dasha finally eased off, leaning close to my face to ask, "Don't you think it's stupid now?"
I spat a wad of blood in his face.
He wiped it away, looking angry and stunned.
It was without a doubt the dumbest thing I could have done at that point, but I was pissed and scared, and I hated feeling scared, and I just wanted him to know… Fuck. It's just that there was nothing else I could do.
"Fuck you, Dasha. I'll give you the dagger when I'm good and ready."
The deranged smile gashing his face got all the more freaky, and he fisted his hand in my hair again, yanking me across the room.
My knees were buckling, my legs felt like noodles, and without Bang holding me up, I really expected to fall flat on my face. I wanted to fall. If I did though, he'd just drag me along by the hair, and that would be worse, so I staggered after him as he shoved me toward his bedroom area.
"B-Boss?" Bang called after us, "We're dismissed, right?"
Dasha turned and gave him a venomous look, "Stay right there."
None of them looked happy. They shifted back and forth and kicked at the floor and muttered to each other.
Damn. Even they didn't want to see what Dasha was going to do to me next.
He shoved me past the curtain, and I found myself in a small apartment so dimly lit, I could just barely make out what was in front of me. Not that it was much. Directly in front of me was a big, messy bed with half a dozen pillows and piles of sheets and blankets. Next to that was a crummy little chest of drawers with a clock and a lamp. Hanging off the walls, I saw chains and leather straps and handcuffs.
And that was when my heart finally stopped.
"No. No. No." I tried to plant myself where I was, straining to stop, but he just jerked me forward, threw me down on the bed.
"No, Dasha, no."
I fought to sit up again; he smacked me so hard I fell back against the mattress in a daze. I smelled sweat and cum and urine, a cloud of every grody, bodily scent drifting above me.
Dasha came down on me hard, clenching my wrists in one hand, above my head, straddling me. He was smiling like a psycho still, face just centimeters from mine.
"No!" I bucked back and forth, fighting with every fiber of my being, screams threatening to transform into sobs, writhing and twisting as I desperately tried to escape.
He grabbed my face with his free hand, hissing, "Well, what did you think was going to happen, you pathetic, little cunt? I warned you, didn't I? I told you not to fail, and I told you not to keep anything for yourself. I told you I would make your life a nightmare."
This was definitely something out of a nightmare. I wished it really were just a bad dream.
"Wait. Wait. Just hang on."
His hand slid down my neck, fingernails scraping against my throat, over my chest, down my stomach, to my thigh.
"Wait!" I struggled again, "I didn't fail, Dasha! I got the dagger! It's at my house, remember?"
"But it isn't here, now is it?"
"N-no, not right now." I felt his hand slide across my thigh, up over my crotch, and my body shuddered with horror. I strained to kick him off, but he was too heavy. "But I'll get it. I'll get it. I'll go home and get it. Right now."
His breath feathered across my cheek as he spoke, "Why should I believe you have it? Why should I trust you not to just run away as soon as I let you go?"
"B-because…because I still want my pay."
"Stupid boy. I'm repaying you now." He smashed his lips against mine, sadistically, forcing his tongue into my mouth. I felt his long, youkai teeth scraping against my skin, tried to pull away, but his hand was on my face again, holding me in place.
"J-just leme' go get it…" I begged, when I could speak again.
There was blood smeared on his lips—my blood. "I'm afraid it's just too late for that now. I'll send Bang and the boys to go and get it as soon as I'm finished with you. If it's there, I might just let you go, humiliated and scarred. If it isn't…you'll fall into a black abyss and never be heard from again."
My body trembled at those words. That was it for me—I couldn't tell him where the dagger actually was—and when they went to my house and couldn't find it…
He grabbed my dick.
I couldn't hold back a scream of surprise and outrage, thrashed back and forth, desperately.
"Dasha!"
"That's right." He murmured, mouth next to my ear, hot air flowing down over my neck. "Scream my name. Beg. Cry. There's nothing else you can do, hanyou." He sank his teeth into my neck.
My breath hitched as they sliced through my skin and more blood ran down to my collarbone.
My wrists were bruising from fighting so hard. His hand slid up under my shirt, gliding over my stomach and my chest. I had to do something. I was running out of time. I had to do something.
"You don't have to pay me." I was just grasping as straws.
He licked at the blood on my neck. "I want to pay you."
"No…I mean, if you let me go home and get the dagger…we're square."
"Go on. I like listening to your pathetic, desperate pleas."
He stretched the collar of my shirt, kissing and biting my collarbone.
I couldn't help whining a little. "Please. For God's sake. Don't. Do. This."
Dasha just laughed.
He was undoing my jeans now. He popped the button open. He slid the zipper down.
My eyes were burning. I was hysterical. I felt like I just wanted to cry and scream—in a couple of minutes, I probably would be. Out of pure distress, I shouted, "You fucking asshole! I can't believe everything Hakkai and me went through to get that shit for you!"
For some reason…that stopped him.
His hands and his lips froze where they were, and he sat up, searching my eyes.
I laid perfectly still, breathing so hard I thought my lungs might collapse, wrists aching, the tears welling up…
He almost purred, "Hakkai?"
"Wh-what?"
"Is that the human boy you've been running around with?"
"So what if it is?" I husked.
"Hm. Interesting. What is it with that boy, Gojyo? Is he your lover? Is that the source of your violent protest?"
"No." I spat. "No, you sick fuck, Hakkai doesn't have any fuckin' lover. It sure as fuck isn't me."
"I see." He seemed to think a minute.
I tested his grip on my wrists, but it was still too tight for me to escape.
"Now that I'm thinking of it, Gojyo…maybe I'm being a bit hasty. If you say the dagger is nearby—at your apartment—why shouldn't I believe you? After all, you brought the other things to me in a timely manner. You're just a stupid teenager. You were just procrastinating…am I right?"
"Th-that's right." I said automatically—anything to keep this awful thing from happening, "I suck at deadlines."
"One can hardly blame you." He smoothed the hair away from my face, running his thumb across my quivering lips, "Obviously I frighten you."
What wasn't scary about this friggin' homicidal sociopath?
"I'll give you one more chance, understand? Bring me the dagger by five tomorrow evening, and all will be forgiven. I'll even give you your dues."
"D-don't you want me to get it for you now? It won't take me long to run home and-"
"No. Tomorrow at five. And there's only one condition: you must bring that boy, Hakkai, with you."
Immediately my relief slipped away, replaced by wariness, "Why? What do you want with-"
"Sh." He pressed one bony finger to my lips. "You're lucky I'm letting you out of here with your ass intact, aren't you? So don't ask questions. Retrieve the dagger, and your friend, and bring them both here, you'll have what you desire most, and everyone will live happily ever after. There's no reason to be afraid—I just want to talk to him."
"Maybe he doesn't wanna' talk to you." I growled.
"Gojyo, I can still make your life miserable, if that's what you want." He gave me a piercing look. "I can make this encounter seem like a walk in the park. If you try to leave town, if you attempt to run away, or if I find that you've lied to me, and if you come here tomorrow without Hakkai, I will cause you both more pain than you can imagine. Do you understand? You'll die before you turn twenty-five, and you'll never see the sun again. That's a promise."
He bent low and gave me one more cold kiss on the mouth, making my stomach turn, and he whispered, "So don't fail me."
With that, he released my wrists and let me up.
I was off the bed as quickly as I could move, legs completely useless, fell on my ass the second my feet touched the floor. I couldn't believe I was getting out of here. I couldn't believe he wasn't going to rape and kill me. My head was spinning, vision swimming. I scrambled up, out of his reach before he could change his mind, and he just watched me emotionlessly.
"Five." He said. "Bring the dagger. Bring Hakkai. Don't mess up."
I shoved past the curtain immediately. Bang and Hung and Wang were gathered there, listening. They all gave me the same wide-eyed, disbelieving look. I was in such a hurry, I was shaking so bad, I crashed into Wang, shoved him off roughly when he reached for me. I sprang down from the stage and practically ran back up the aisle and out of the building.
Out in the fresh air, I ripped my cigarettes out of my hoodie pocket. The pack had been crushed, and a few of them were damaged, but I found one that was still good. My hands were shaking violently.
One puff, and then I was sick, hunched over by the wall, heaving my guts up for a couple of minutes. There wasn't any blood in the puddle when I was done, so I guess I was lucky not to have internal bleeding.
Lucky.
"You're lucky I'm letting you out of here with your ass intact…"
So, so lucky.
How can this be happening? My mind screamed, but I knew it was all my own fault.
Hakkai? What did he want with Hakkai?
Would I be completely betraying him if I brought him here tomorrow?
Of course you will, dumbass. Just look what Dasha did to you.
I shoved the hair from my eyes, wiping vomit and blood on my sleeve as I staggered away from the theater. The sun had set, and it was pretty dark out now, the stars appearing in the purple-blue sky. Hakkai told me he had a night class today—I couldn't go to Cheng right now. I couldn't disrupt his class. In the past I had, but tonight…
No. No. Not tonight.
Home? Should I go home?
No. When I thought about seeing Banri, and how he'd grin and ask me what happened, I just couldn't bear it. The very thought made me want to break down where I was. He might not even be there, I told myself, but it didn't matter very much. I couldn't go home. Not tonight. I couldn't face Banri when he showed up. I couldn't face anyone.
I wandered around town a while, smoking and smoking and smoking, avoiding everyone, making it a point to stay away from anyone I thought I knew. I passed by Tai's bar twice, and I saw her through the window, but I made sure she didn't see me. I wanted to go to her. I wanted to…
I didn't really know what I wanted from Tai anymore. Comfort? Love? Protection? I couldn't tell her what Dasha almost did to me. Not right now. Not when I still felt his hands and his lips on me. Not when my face was all beat to a pulp. Besides, if I went to Tai, she'd shake her head at me and say 'I told you so, Gojyo', because she had. She'd told me years ago not to fuck around with Dasha. She'd cried and told me all about what that freak did to her poor sister, Mai, and she'd begged me not to mess with Dasha, but I hadn't listened, and now he'd done this. What else could she possibly have to say, other than 'I told you so'? Even if she wouldn't, I couldn't face anybody. I didn't want anyone to see me like this. All I really wanted was for someone, somewhere to have a little bit of compassion on me.
I guess I looked pretty bad. Anyone who passed me close enough to see my face gave me a long, awestruck stare. A couple people even tried to stop me and ask if I was okay, but I ignored them and kept walking, letting the night flow over me and the hours pass. I don't even know where all the time went. Before I knew it, the sky was black, and I knew it had to be close to midnight.
I still didn't have any answers. My body felt weak and tired, every step more painful than the last, like someone was stabbing me in the side with a knife each time, and I think it took hours to stop shivering.
Every shadow I saw was an enemy. I jumped when people came near me. A bum asked me for money, and it was all I could do to keep from screaming.
Through it all, only one thought kept circulating through my mind over and over. What's Dasha want with Hakkai?
Eventually, I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't go home. I was running out of cigarettes. I couldn't go to Tai. I didn't have any answers, and I felt so sick and hurt, head heavy as lead.
There was really only one person I wanted to see right now. There was only one person I trusted to look after me and care and not make me feel pathetic about it.
Would I ruin his whole night if I just showed up?
I didn't know. Probably.
I need to get out of An Jin.
At least, I could go to Cheng and just hang out there until I thought Hakkai's class was over, or something.
Or I could just keep running. Steal some supplies somewhere, and just run to the next town, and the town after that, and the town after that…
I'd never be safe, even if I kept running, but at least I wouldn't have to face everyone I knew like this. At least I wouldn't have them laughing at me and scolding me and pitying me.
No, though. It was way too late to leave now. I'd dragged Hakkai into this, and if I skipped town tonight, who knew what would happen to him because of it. I had to stick around. I didn't have a choice.
What's that sicko want with Hakkai?
If I led Hakkai there, if I walked him into a trap, betrayed his trust, if I got him hurt or killed somehow…
Sniffing, I wiped at my nose, and finally sank down in an alleyway, back pressed against the cold, stone wall, holding my knees against my chest.
I just sat there, trying to empty my head, for a long, long time.
You're lucky I'm letting you out of here with your ass intact…
Lucky.
I didn't feel fucking lucky.
Hakkai
It was still troubling me. I laid in bed and I couldn't stop thinking about it, how those huge youkai men just walked up to Gojyo and took him away, just as easy as that, how he hadn't acted scared, or even bothered. He'd just gone with them, but I wondered…
Now I had no idea where he was, and there was still this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. Who were those men? What did they want with my friend? They said Dasha sent for him…but was it really necessary to send all three of them to retrieve him? They looked like such harsh people, I could hardly believe it would take all three of them to conduct, scrawny, little Gojyo to Dasha. After all, I knew my friend was a fighter, but he was still only just sixteen, and he probably only weighed a hundred and twenty pounds or so.
I should take him some breakfast tomorrow. I thought drowsily.
That way, I could make sure he was okay, and I could give him some much-needed food.
He had better be okay.
Not that there was anything I could do if it turned out he wasn't. They could kill him tonight, and there'd be nothing I could do, no way to avenge him. I doubted anyone would listen to me. I didn't even know if the authorities could or would do anything.
The thought terrified me beyond all reason.
My day had been going so wonderfully, and that one event had been enough to shatter it entirely. I'd come back to Cheng and paced in my dorm for hours and hours. I'd tried to study, but found myself staring out the window for inordinate periods of time instead. I'd chewed my pen and worried until I felt physically sick, so I'd taken a walk outside, wandering aimlessly about the campus until the sun went down. Classmates approached and tried to talk to me. Quing invited me to go to dinner with him, and I'd accepted, hoping to get my mind off my worries, but while we'd dined, I'd been unable to so much as make offhanded conversation. Quing became frustrated and left abruptly.
I'd returned to my room to keep pacing and staring out the window.
My worry was astounding. There had been something so sinister beneath the surface of that moment. Something I couldn't quite explain. He had behaved as if it were standard routine, but they had looked at him as if they were escorting a criminal to an execution, and there had been so much violence in the way they reached for him and spoke to him and touched him, with hatred all but dripping from their words and expressions.
You better be okay.
He'd just grinned at me and walked away, so easily.
"Later, 'Kai."
I couldn't get those words out of my head. I couldn't make that voice stop ringing through my mind. Later when? What if not? What if…?
I was too afraid to think past that.
Everything was so normal today. He said we got everything we needed. He said everything was done—everything was all right—so why? Why did they come? What were they going to do with him? I wished he would have at least looked like he cared one way or another. He didn't look scared a bit, but he rarely did anyway, and I got the feeling that the calm, devil-may-care way he'd reacted today had little to do with whether or not he was actually afraid.
Why did he have to be that way? Why couldn't he at least let on, one way or another, as to whether or not he was in trouble?
You'd better be okay, Gojyo.
I heard a faint thud across the room, looked up, expecting Jing-Sheng to come through from his wing, but the door that separated our apartments stayed shut, so perhaps it was just my imagination.
I shut my eyes, trying to sleep. Trying very hard not to worry.
The noise came again. This time, it sounded like it was coming from my window. Like something small and hard had struck the glass. I waited, listening for it again, and when it came once more, I was certain it was at the window, got up, crossed over to look out.
Down below, I saw a figure. The familiar stance and the terse wave told me it was Gojyo.
Breathing a huge sigh of relief, I slid the window open, calling as loudly as I dared, "Come up here."
He shook his head, jerked his hand at me, telling me to come down.
"Oh very well." Anything. As long as he was okay. As long as I got to physically see that he was all right.
I got my coat and put on my boots, pulled a pair of pants on over my sleepwear, and climbed out the window, leapt into the tree, and shimmied my way down.
By then, he'd walked a few yards away, over to the wall, where he was waiting in the shadows, arms folded against the cold, smoking.
It was a chilly night, the moon was bright, reflecting off the snow so that it was almost as bright as daylight outside, and all around me was peace and quiet and beauty. I turned my collar up, crunched through the snow to go to him.
"It's late." I hissed.
"It's only one."
His voice. It sounded strange…so stiff and sullen.
"What happened today?" I asked. I couldn't bear to wonder anymore. I couldn't even think about going through the pleasantries when there was only one thing I wanted to know now.
Gojyo shifted, stayed within the shadow of the wall, and I couldn't so much as see his face, "I…it's a long story."
"Are you okay?"
For a long, long time, he was quiet, and that scared me too, because he was always so quick to brush off my concern, always so eager to insist everything was fine, that he was tough, that nothing could possibly be wrong. It wasn't possible for him to not be okay. Why wouldn't he say so? Why wouldn't he laugh my concern off and tell me everything was fine?
"Gojyo?"
"I don't know." He muttered.
"What do you mean you don't know? How can you not know?"
He still was just standing there. I felt like he wasn't even really looking at me, and I got the feeling he was hiding.
"I just don't know." His voice almost seemed like it was getting quieter with every word, like he was fading away.
"What happened?" I demanded.
Several times, he started to speak, to tell me something, but he didn't make a sound, and gradually, I began to feel afraid.
"Gojyo, what's wrong?"
I heard him sniff, saw him wipe his nose with the back of his wrist, mess with his hair, running his fingers through it, but he didn't comb it back from his forehead like he usually did.
"Gojyo." I grabbed his arm.
He jumped and wrenched out of my grip, lurching back into the wall, like he thought I was going to hurt him.
I stared at his face through the dark. "Hey…"
"Sorry. I…I'm kinda' edgy tonight."
"Why? Is someone after you?"
"No, I don't think so."
"Then what's wrong? What did Dasha want?"
He laughed bitterly, lowered his head, and I thought I saw him shudder, "God…"
"What?" I moved in a little closer, straining to see his face through the shadows. "Gojyo, what is it?"
His voice was sad, "Sorry to worry you, dude. It wasn't that big a deal. Dasha just wanted to…he wanted to know where the dagger was."
"The dagger? But I thought you gave that to him already?"
"Nah. Nah, man…I…" He drew a heavy breath, and I could hear the shakiness in it. It seemed almost pained, in my ears. "I lied. I didn't take it to him yet. I couldn't."
My heart began to pound a bit. "Couldn't? What do you mean?"
"Whatever he wants…whatever that ass is trying to do…I just don't know. But…I just couldn't take him the dagger. So today, he wanted to know where it is. That's all."
"Did you tell him?"
He hesitated a long time, nodded, "Had to."
"And now you're going to take it to him?"
"I have to."
"Then why are you here? I don't understand." I couldn't shake the feeling that something was horribly out of place, and suddenly, I also felt as if someone were sneaking up on me, looked back over my shoulders, one after another, making sure we were alone. The school yard was blissfully empty, the white snow looking almost untouched under the moon light.
"I don't wanna' get you in trouble, Hakkai. I know I'm not supposed to be here…but I wanted to talk to you."
"I'm glad you're here." I said immediately, because God forbid he should think I didn't want him to be here and then go away before I could get to the bottom of this. "I'm glad to see you're okay."
He snorted. "Right. I'm alright."
He didn't sound all right. He sounded…
"What's wrong then?"
Slowly, Gojyo edged forward, lingering just inside the shadow for a second before stepping out into the moonlight and then gradually raising his head without lifting his eyes.
I drew a sharp breath. "My God."
His face was badly bruised, lips swollen, blood was streaked across his cheeks and his forehead, there were scrapes along his neck, and it looked like someone had bit him, just under the jaw.
Hardly thinking, I reached for him, gently tilting his head from side to side, getting a better look at the damage.
Gojyo flinched like I was going to hit him, but other than that, he stood still. I could tell he was holding his breath.
Then I noticed that his clothes were torn and stretched and had bloodstains on them too.
"What did he do to you?" My voice shuddered with fear and horror, but I felt a storm cloud of anger building in me. "What did that maniac do?"
Gojyo shrugged, then he shook his head, he bit his cigarette, he toyed with his hair, he did everything but answer me, and he still wouldn't look at me.
"Gojyo. Are you okay?" I demanded, a little more intensely than before.
"I think so… My ribs are busted, but other than that…"
"Why did he do this?"
"I was supposed to take it to him two days ago, and I didn't. I dunno'. He's just impatient."
Impatient? As if. The man was a monster.
"Here." I tugged his sleeve, gently, "Come upstairs."
"No, that's okay. I gotta' get goin' soon."
I gave him a firm look, "You'll do nothing of the kind, all beaten and bloody like this."
"Yeah, but-"
"No buts. Just come." I took him by the arm.
Slowly, tucking his cigarette behind his ear, he started forward, and I saw that he was limping and holding his ribs.
I draped his arm over my neck, supporting him around the waist, and he slumped against me.
"I can't go home." He mumbled, almost to himself, it seemed. "I don't wanna' put up with Banri's bullshit. Besides, I think Wu's watching my place."
"And where's the dagger?"
"I got it stashed some place safe."
I nodded. I wanted to ask him what he planned to do next, if he was going to give it to Dasha, if he thought maybe now was a good time to leave home, but I thought better of it. It would be best not to bombard him with questions when he was in this state. He needed my support now more than ever.
There was no way I was making him climb that tree with his ribs broken, so I took him through the building, and fortunately it was late enough that no one was out and about. I shut and locked my dorm room behind us, then flipped on the light, finally able to see just how severe his injuries were. His hair was matted with blood, his nose was still bleeding, but it didn't look broken, and his lips were busted in a couple different places. The bite mark on his neck was violent and his wrists were bruised too. He refused to look me in the eyes, and I got the sense that he was ashamed to be near me.
Regardless, I pushed him into the bathroom, "Sit down."
He took a seat on the toilet, and I started gathering some first aid supplies: bandages, adhesive bandages, butterfly stitches, peroxide, antibacterial cream, a clean sponge. It was the best I could do.
"You don't hafta'…" His voice trailed away, weakly.
I made sure to keep my own tone strong and reassuring. "I know. Take your shirt off."
He obeyed, but I could tell he was reluctant, and I didn't blame him. His stomach was splotched black and blue, his arms were bruised and scratched, and even his chest was bruised. It was a horrible sight, one that had me choking on my own heart, and my eyes even began to ache a little. How could this have happened on my perfect day, when everything seemed to be so right in the world? Better still, what sort of monster could be responsible for such a terrible act? To what end? Gojyo was just a child; he was rude and irresponsible, but he was also benevolent and good-natured, and he'd never done anything to deserve such brutal treatment. To see him this way was difficult.
"He's insane." I said quietly.
"I know."
Kneeling beside him, I did the best I could to tend his wounds. I cleaned the blood off his face, disinfected the abrasions, placed bandages where they were appropriate.
Gojyo winced as I began sponging the cuts on his face with the peroxide, went so far as to push my hand away, "That hurts, man."
"Stop being a baby. It has to be done." I cocked his head to the side, where the light fell on it better, and went on working.
He winced and whined about it, and cursed, but he sat still for the most part, and I could sense that he was grateful for the attention and the concern, if not the treatment.
I wound some gauze around his broken ribs, although I wasn't sure it would help much, and then tended to the laceration on his throat, "Please tell me a hooker bit you, and not that maniac."
He didn't say anything.
"Even telling me a vampire did it would be better."
"A vampire did it. No worries."
"What are you going to do?"
"I don't know. I have to take him the dagger…or he'll really fuck me up."
"When?"
"Tomorrow night."
I finished treating his injuries in silence. I was disturbed by his condition, and by his reaction as well. I'd never seen him so distant and hopeless, and I'd never been more afraid for him. It was particularly horrible considering how cheerful and lively he'd been earlier, flirting with the girls and asking me if I intended to 'bang' Kanan. When I thought of the moment where we'd stood on the bridge, and the sentiments that had welled up inside me there, it hurt me to see him this way.
When I was done, he got up again, slipping his shirt back on over his head, "Thanks man."
"Not at all. I couldn't very well let you walk out of here like that."
He didn't so much as smile at me, and the way he looked at me, I almost felt like he wanted to ask a question. Perhaps something that shouldn't be asked.
"Do you think it's safe for you to go home?"
"I dunno'. Like I said, Wu's probably got my place staked out, and Banri's such a fuckin' asshole…"
"You're really in over your head."
"Yeah." He tugged miserably at his hair, "Yeah, I am."
"What are you going to do?" I asked again.
Gojyo palmed his face suddenly, "I have no idea."
"Well, you're welcome to stay here tonight." I rethought it, "In fact, I think you'd better."
The last thing I wanted was for him to wander off into the night, distraught like this, and fall off the face of the earth. At this point, it seemed that keeping him close was the only thing I could do to protect him.
He didn't answer, but he followed me back into my room, and continued smoking taking a seat at my desk while I fixed up the bed and found another pillow. I felt him watching me.
"I don't wanna' get you in trouble, Hakkai." He said faintly, when some time had gone by.
"Don't be ridiculous. What sort of friend would I be if I just let you go like this?"
After that, he was silent again, and when I turned back to him, he was leaning forward, head in his hands.
"Gojyo? Are you all right?"
"I'm…I'm so fuckin' scared, 'Kai. I don't know if I've ever been this fuckin' scared. If I take that dagger to him tomorrow, that's all five of those crazy things, and I don't know what's gonna' happen, but…I know it won't be good. If I don't go…he's just gonna' hunt me down and do God knows what to me. I don't know what to do—it's out of control. It's all out of control."
"I'll help you." I told him quietly.
He shook his head, "No. No, you don't get it. You have no idea…"
"It hardly matters. I can't let you do this by yourself."
"That's the worst part: he wants me to bring you with me tomorrow."
"Me? But why?"
"I have no idea. I have no idea what that psycho wants from you, but if I don't take you with me I might as well just run as far as I can fuckin' get, he made that pretty clear. Not that it'll matter. He'll catch me some day.
"I never meant to drag you into all this, Hakkai. I swear. I hate that I got you involved in this huge mess, and it's all because I'm just an idiot, and now that psycho wants me to bring you to him—he says he just wants to talk to you, but I don't know if I believe him—and I don't know what the fuck to do."
I felt a bit afraid myself at that. Dasha was certainly not someone I wanted to meet, especially now that I'd seen what he'd done to Gojyo. My heart began to beat a little faster.
"I didn't do this on purpose, Hakkai. I swear to God. I wish I knew what to do."
And yet…
"I'll go with you." I told him, simply.
Gojyo's head snapped up, and he finally looked at me.
"If that's what you have to do in order to get out of this, then so be it."
"No. Hakkai…you don't hafta' do that…"
"I'm well-aware, and it doesn't matter. I'll still go."
"I dunno', man."
"Do you have a better idea?" I asked, rather harshly. "Because it seems that you've completely run yourself out of options."
He lowered his eyes again, nearly whispering, "Yeah, but you shouldn't hafta' pay for my mistakes."
"I'm not. I'll go with you for all the same reasons I've ever gone with you." I leaned closer to him, resting my hand on his shoulder, "Because I know if I don't, you won't come back."
"What difference does it make? Don't you think you might be better off…not having a fuck-up hanyou like me in your life?"
"The two of us could speculate on that possibility all night, but regardless, you are in it now, and you're the first person I ever met that I cared one way or another about having in my life, so I'll do whatever I have to do to keep you there.
"Whatever Dasha wants, it doesn't matter. We'll go there together, and we'll see this thing through, and take responsibility for whatever happens. Deal?"
Gojyo finally smiled, vaguely, "Man, you're crazy."
"You're probably right in that. Now do we have a deal?"
He got up again, shook my hand firmly, "Alright, partner. You got yourself a deal."
"Good. Frankly, I'd feel better if I knew more about these Hallmarks of Discord, but there's not much help for that. If we can obtain some back-up somewhere, we might be better off, but I suppose that's wistful thinking."
"Maybe Tai'll back us up. She's pretty tough, and at least if something goes wrong someone will know what happened to us."
"Tai." I mused. After how our conversation had gone, I had no doubt that she'd be more than willing to help Gojyo, and she did appear strong, if not a little emotional, but most importantly, she could very well be our only choice. I didn't know a single person here in Cheng who could be any assistance. "Banri won't back you up?"
Gojyo shook his head, "I doubt it. Banri's number one concern is himself—there's no way he's sticking his neck out for me."
"Very well then. I suppose we should go speak with Tai tomorrow. What time did you say Dasha wants to see us?"
"Five."
"We have plenty of time at least. Now then, I suggest we get some rest. Something tells me we'll need our strength tomorrow."
"You know it." He grabbed the extra pillow and a blanket, tossed them both down on the floor.
I caught his arm, "The bed, Gojyo."
He gave me his poker face, "What about it?"
"You can sleep in the bed—I'll sleep on the floor."
"Nah, that's okay. I'm not really used to beds—you saw my piece of shit cot—I won't be able to sleep on that big, fancy mattress of yours."
"You're injured."
"That doesn't mean I get to take your bed."
"I'm not making you sleep on the floor with broken ribs."
"Yeah, but I didn't come here to steal your bed."
"If I minded, I wouldn't argue with you about it, I would just tell you to go sleep in the corner, and that would be the end of it, so stop being so stubborn and get your fat head in the bed."
Gojyo gave me a short, but never-the-less uncertain look, and then he stared at the bed for a long moment, as if it were some kind of enemy, determined to eat him alive, and I'd just condemned him to the fate.
I studied the bite mark on his neck again, thoughtfully, and when I touched his arm, he flinched, violently.
"It's just a bed."
For a second, he looked rather ruffled, but he composed himself quickly. "Yeah, I know. Your bed."
"I'm not going to argue with you about this anymore. I'm going to sleep on the floor now, and if you don't sleep in the bed, no one will. That's all there is to it."
Gojyo sighed and finally conceded to lie down there, face mildly flushed, eyes dropped to one side. He began to say something, several times, but always stopped short, and I set to making my own bed, while he watched me, chewing on his cigarette all the while.
"We could…we could share the bed…I guess."
"That's really not necessary, you know. It's only for tonight."
"Well, yeah. But still. Sleeping on the floor like that's gonna' suck, especially when it's cold like this."
"I expect to survive, and as I said, I'm not going to make you sleep on the floor when your ribs are broken, so you may as well-"
He caught my wrist suddenly.
The touch was so abrupt, I stopped in the middle of everything I was doing, whipped around to look at him.
His head was still lowered, a pained, nervous expression on his face, as if he expected to be judged, and it seemed that he could just barely meet my gaze, "That guy, Hakkai…that asshole pulled some messed up shit on me…"
"If you tell me what I think you're about to tell me, I may just have to kill him." The dark hostility in my voice caught even me off-guard.
Gojyo as well seemed a little surprised by it, and it took him a moment to answer. "No. Didn't happen. But-" He let go of me, just as suddenly as he'd grabbed me, laid down and turned his back to me, "Hell, never mind. I'm just being a pussy. You don't have to sleep on the floor, that's all."
I stood and thought a moment before grabbing up the extra pillow and blanket once more, went to flip the lights off, and then sat down on the edge of the bed, "As long as it's okay with you, because frankly, if I can avoid sleeping on the floor, I will, but I don't want to make you uncomfortable."
"You won't."
Without another word, I got into the bed next to him, feeling a bit awkward at first, but after I'd laid there for a few minutes, I decided it was nothing to worry about. In fact, there was something rather comforting in lying side by side in the dark, knowing it was cold out and that the world was teeming with evil, and that wicked hands were reaching out to get us. There was camaraderie to it, I suppose, and it fortified my affection for him, slicing through the loneliness that had ruled my life, and I suddenly felt as if I had a brother, something I'd wanted many, many times as a lonely child in the orphanage.
"Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yeah, it's no big deal. This's a twin or something right? It's not like we're on toppa' each other or anything-"
"Not the bed, Gojyo."
It took him a moment to reply, "I'll be all right. I'm just kinda' freaked out, more than anything, and I wish I knew what that creep wants from you."
"I do too, but…" I was whispering suddenly, something about the dark and the solitude and the closeness between us giving me courage, "But whatever it is, I'm glad I met you, and I want you to know that you're my best friend."
Again, he paused, as if he weren't expecting that, and his voice was equally hushed when he answered, "Yeah. You're mine too. I don't wanna' get you in trouble."
"Whatever happens, I could never regret any of this, because these past few months have probably been the best of my life."
"Hn. You really have had a shitty life, huh?"
"Don't talk like that—I'm being serious—you've given me something I never thought I would be fortunate enough to have, and I wouldn't take it back for anything."
"I just hate thinking I'm getting you in trouble. I've been such a dick, doing this shit for something I can't get back in the first place."
"What do you mean?"
"My brother." His voice was even quieter now, and I could hardly hear him, "Remember I told you he left me behind like four years ago? He saved my life, so I had to leave my hometown, and I've been looking all over for him ever since, but…I haven't got a clue where to go or how to find him, and it's like I never get anywhere. I can't do it by myself, I guess. I don't have the connections, or the power, or even the friggin' aptitude, probably. I feel like I'll never find him."
Softly, I said, "You thought Dasha could find him. that was your carte blanche."
"Pretty dumb, huh?"
"Considering what I thought you were going to get out of all this? No one can blame you for wanting to find your brother."
"It's not worth all this though…if I never find that asshole, it'll be better than letting Dasha use you against me."
"Don't be so bleak. That isn't going to happen."
"Damn straight." His voice took on a hard edge, "I won't let it."
I smiled to myself, sadly. I heard the sincerity in his words, but I also knew that Gojyo was well aware of his weakness and his vulnerabilities, and he had to know as well as I did that he might not be able to prevent whatever his boss had planned. I wasn't much better off either. In fact, I was worse off, being a human, and as much as I wanted to tell myself I'd protect Gojyo, I had to be honest in my realizations. I might not be able to do anything for him.
In the end, we were just a pair of frightened children, straining to look confident, and it could very well be that tomorrow would be our last day to stand beside one another.
The thought must have been in his head too, because Gojyo suddenly turned over to face me, but rather than speaking, he rested his head on my shoulder, draping his arm across my neck, unashamed of his physical affections, as always.
"Sorry."
Slowly, I put my arm around his shoulders, tilted my head so that my chin rested against his forehead.
"For what?"
"For everything. Getting you in trouble. Dragging you into this shit with Dasha. Stealing your bed. It's all so shitty. I'm such a fuck-up."
"Don't worry so much. Everything's going to be fine, I'm sure."
"Yeah, you're right…" He said the words, but I could still feel him shivering in my arms, and I knew that, despite appearances, he was terrified, and he wasn't sure everything was going to be fine. Not at all.
"We're in this together." I reminded him. "To the very end."
With a sigh, he tucked his head under my chin and held on that much tighter, "You're way too nice to me."
"Well, I don't have a choice, you see. I'm not sure I could bear to be cruel to you."
He chuckled a little and was quiet again. After a second, "You gonna' forgive me for bein' so pathetic tonight?"
"Yes, of course."
"I don't sleep with guys, you know. All that stuff shit-head Banri was yammering about on my birthday was just a load of crap. I'm not-"
"Just go to sleep, Gojyo."
He was only silent for a second or two, but at least he'd stopped shaking now. His voice was barely audible, and almost shy in nature, "I just don't wanna' be by myself."
"You aren't—I'm here—and I'm not stupid enough to read into any of this, so just go to sleep, and don't be scared."
"'Kay. Sorry. Sorry."
I made sure my voice was a little kinder as I said, "I just mean, you don't have to worry about it. It's okay."
"All right."
"Goodnight, Gojyo."
It was just a few moments later when I could feel and hear him breathing deeply, right beside me, and then I fell asleep, surrounded by the scent of cigarettes and rain.
