Why? Chapter 12

Days passed, Kakashi's 32nd birthday came and went and days turned into weeks. Nothing exciting happened. It wasn't until the end of September that something interesting happened and for Sasuke, even that wasn't interesting. Being locked up like this seriously wasn't any fun. It has been two months... two long, full, mind numbing, hair ripping months and Sasuke was only just starting to get used to it. There were still four months left to go on his House Arrest. Life was so cruel some days...

From the news he got from Morino Ibiki, Shikamaru and Ino celebrated their 18th birthdays and Naruto's little stalker/friend thing named Konohamaru, was turning 14 on the 30th. That was just two days away. It was hard to believe that two months had passed since he had been here. And still Sasuke regretted coming back some days. Sure he could sit and watch the people walking by, living out their lives, probably not even knowing or thinking about him.

It was saddening. He was here, watching them, envying them, and longing to be among them but wasn't allowed. No one knew he was up here. They knew he was in the village somewhere but that was the extent of their knowledge. In a way, Sasuke wanted to keep it that way. He didn't want to see the contempt on their faces, the hate in their hearts. It made him feel worse than he already did.

With a heavy sigh, he moved from the window and sat at the kitchen table with a few pieces of paper and a pen. At first, he was just writing something akin to a journal, detailing his boredom and anxiety. After a while though, Sasuke got tired of saying the same things over and over. What was there to report that could possibly be different?

Then his writing turned into doodling. Nothing cool or fabulous, just scribbles of kunai, katana and onigiri. Then eventually that progressed and Sasuke found himself sketching out his favourite scene. He wasn't very good so the proportions were off and it was no work of art but he was proud of himself anyways as he lined the worn out Uchiha symbol on the cracked wall. Then he drew a series of kunai and shuriken buried in the ground, stuck in the wall and just scattered about.

Then for some reason, Sasuke's heart sunk and his shoulders slumped... he remembered this scene...

He scribbled in the pools of blood because he knew where they all were. He drew in the limp corpses, the dead, lifeless eyes, drew in the side of his home that had a door closed at the end of the open hallway. He knew that door...

Sasuke threw down his pen and crushed the paper into a ball and tossed it into the kitchen as he walked into the living room. He needed something to distract himself... apparently his old sensei was coming on Saturday to come check on him... he couldn't wait to see Kakashi... not.

Saturday finally rolled around. October 3rd. The start of his third month locked up. It wasn't a very nice day outside either. The clouds were heavy and dark, low lying and had been threatening to pour all day. Sasuke could smell the rain in the air and grinned. He always liked rain. It was like a nice long drink for the earth. A time for the earth to replenish itself and start over again. Even though winter was coming, the weather still remained fairly warm.

It was around noon when the knock on his door finally came and Sasuke trudged to it with a nervous feeling in the pit of his stomach. What was it going to be like to see his old sensei? Out of the entire village, Kakashi was probably one of the ones who felt the most betrayed by his treachery. Sasuke took a quick breath and opened the door, looking up and expecting to see that disdainful look in that one visible dark eye.

Instead his onyx gaze had to look down and saw a shock of pink and emerald. "Sakura?"

"It seems no one wants to stick to their duties and pass them on to the least fortunate..." she grumbled, a slight pout on her pink, chapped lips. Sasuke smirked and opened the door wide enough for her to pass him. She allowed herself in and immediately saw the crumbled paper on the kitchen floor. Before Sasuke could stop her, she went to it, picked it up and unrolled it, careful not to rip it.

Her brows furrowed together as she viewed the details of the scene. She noticed the Shishi-Odoshi near the back standing proudly over a rock pond, the bloodied ground, the bodies, and the ominous closed door. The sense of fear she got from this drawing almost made her rip the paper but she looked back at Sasuke who was leaning against the closed door, his head turned away from her.

"When did you draw this?" she asked gently.

"Almost a week ago."

"Have you drawn anything since?"

"...Yes..."

"May I see?"

Sasuke shrugged and went to the kitchen table that was littered with used papers. Sakura had to gasp slightly at the amount of writing and drawing that beset the table. Sakura picked some up tentatively, almost afraid, and examined the pictures.

There was an array of drawings. Some were sketches of the apartment, some were of the village he could see out his window and some were even of people. They were a bit off seeing as he was going by memory of 5 years ago but Sakura could see the progress he made each time he drew. But then there were some that were variations of that one gory scene. Blood, bodies and always that door. Some were a close up of the door, some were far away, but in each of the drawings, that door never opened. She never got to see what was behind it.

"Sasuke, have you had trouble sleeping since you started drawing?" she asked quietly. She looked with sad emerald eyes at Sasuke who shrugged silently again. But she could tell from the bags under his eyes that he hadn't slept at all. His hair was messier than normal and he looked hunched over, tired and heavy.

"Would it be alright if I read everything?"

"Go ahead," he grunted, moving to sit on his couch again. Sakura sat at his table and organized all the writings by date. Sasuke had been nice enough to at least date the time and day that he wrote his thoughts and Sakura thought that was huge progress. He was at least placing his thoughts and feelings on paper instead of bottling it up. And he gave her the privilege to read them. Fantastic progress if you asked her.

So she set about reading. The first one was dated back to when Sakura had first given him paper and everything to keep him entertained. It was short and clipped; nothing interesting. The next few were just describing what he did around the house day to day. Really not exciting but Sakura read through them anyways, learning how he thought and felt.

There was one that actually described his feelings during the day. It was a sunny Wednesday.

August 26th at 5:30 AM

Sunny and barely a cloud in the sky. The birds chirp their morning song as they start their daily rituals, uncomprehending of the problems of the rest of the world. The people start moving around town, setting up for the day. Market stall are set up with precision by long practised hands. Children run about stealing and getting into mischief.

It's the same Konohagakure I remember. Nothing has changed in those years. I feel remorse and sadness as I watch the children. It really makes me wonder where my childhood went. It almost feels like I never was a child. I was always training. Forever trying to impress.

It wasn't long before I spotted a familiar mess of bright blonde hair making its way to the training fields. Naruto is relentless.

He disappeared down the street and more people bustle by. It's like no one cares I'm here. No one cares that I'm watching them. I'm filled with longing most days but today just feels... off. I do wonder some days if I should request for time in the practise fields as well. It's almost painful to be locked up here. I think Tsunade planned this. She made it so I would be able to see people moving about freely so that it would taunt me.

I was never meant to be locked up. I'm getting out of character. Without contact with people, I'm starting to change and I'm not sure how I feel about that yet. It's gotten to the point where I almost crave the feeling of someone with me. The random Jounin that shows up isn't enough. No one converses with me. No one even smiles. They treat me like I could rip them to shreds at any moment.

I deserve it though. Considering what I've done.

Though, the thing that worries me most is one person. With my growing madness, I find myself thinking about things I don't like to think about. I almost crave, almost yearn for that persons presence. It's as if, no matter how much I deny it, the feeling stays and grows. I'm not satisfied till I see them. I even find myself smiling more and more. Teasing. Joking. To me, that's wrong. But it just comes out...

The entry stops there. Almost as if Sasuke got confused or lost track of what he was writing. Just got fed up and frustrated maybe? Sakura smiled and moved on. A few days later there was an entry on August 29th. The day Sakura had begged and pleaded and slapped him into helping her with the poison on Izumo.

Sakura's eyes started watering at the memory so she skinned through the entry quickly. He talked of his happiness to be outside. His shock to find she wasn't afraid of him. Then 6 days later, there was an entry about Izumo's death. It was short and mournful but the only thing that caught her eye was the very first line in the entry.

September 3rd

It's my fault. I truly feel remorse for Izumo-San. If I had just...

Sakura couldn't read any more.

She re-organized the papers and held them delicately under her arm. Then she went to the living room and sat beside the uncaring Uchiha.

"I forgive you..."

Sasuke was a bit nervous today. Nervous but excited. It had only been a few days since Sakura came for a visit and read his journals. Four days in fact. Today was Wednesday, October 7th.

Sasuke watched out his window for the guest he knew would be coming today.

Finally, he saw the man he wanted to see and calmly walked to the door and unlocked it. He would finally get to see Naruto for the first time...

"Hey, Uchiha," Naruto said cautiously, standing in the hallway outside of Sasuke's apartment. Sasuke leaned against his door frame and kept his face emotionless. This was a bit awkward. How was he supposed to treat Naruto after all this time? How was Naruto going to treat him?

Would it result in an aggressive fight? A calm but reserved chat? Become old buddies or just sit and glare at each other? There was no possible way of nothing and that's what made Sasuke nervous.

"Uzumaki."

Naruto's hand lifted and scratched the back of his head and his bright blue gaze shifted off to the side. He looked sheepish and just as nervous as, if not more than, Sasuke. "I'm assuming Sakura gave you my note?"

"Yes."

"Right. So uhm... can I just... ask you a few things?" Naruto lifted his gaze back up to lock with Sasuke's. The Uchiha raised his slender eyebrow but nodded and stepped aside, letting the man into the apartment.

Naruto smiled thinly and walked in, taking off his shoes in respect. Sasuke closed the door and led them into the living room where he took his normal place on the couch. Naruto, however, remained standing.

"How have you been?" the blonde boy asked awkwardly. "I mean, I know it's been a while since you've been here..."

"Fine."

"Oh, ok. Well, uhm, what did you think about my note?"

"I understand your position and I respect your opinion."

"But?"

"It won't happen."

"Ah... alright. Uhm, sorry to bother you then, Uchiha." Naruto turned and made for the door. He was about to close it behind him with a heavy heart when Sasuke stopped him.

"Happy Early Birthday, Naruto."

Naruto smiled and closed the door, walking down the hallway and out the door of the building. "Thanks Sasuke."

Yay! A new chapter! Sorry for the long wait! I know it's a short chapter but at the moment I'm a bit stuck with writers block so I'm using what I can to haul ass and put out chapters.

For those who don't know or don't feel like looking it up, a Shishi-Odoshi is a deer chaser. It was the fountain in the back yard of Sasuke's house that would fill with water and clack down on a rock, empty itself, then move back up to catch more water. It would scare away the deer and other animals than intruded on gardens and such. The Shishi-Odoshi or deer chaser was originally developed by Japanese farmers to scare off deer and boar from crops. Deer chasers were later used in Japanese gardens as its fountain movement provided an element of change. As the water flows from the bamboo fountain spout, the knocking portion fills and spills the water creating a rhythmic knocking sound as it hits a rock.

I hope this chapter was alright for you guys!

Please REVIEW! I still don't get many reviews for this one so if you read, please, even just putting, good chapter, i liked this part because blah blah blah, update soon!

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Love you all!

TLC