"So Cara, how can I help you today?"
Cara sighed, trying to put herself into the 'nurse' mind-set, running a hand through her hair as she looked at her doctor.
"Well," she began, adopting a professional tone, "I was diagnosed several years ago with anxiety and depression. I took medication for a couple of years while I had counselling, and then came off the medication. I have been doing well for a few years, but recently, I've started having intrusive thoughts and panic attacks. It has all come on out of the blue, so I was hoping that I could maybe go back onto my medication for a while so I can put my coping techniques back into action."
"Okay," her doctor replied, "What sort of intrusive thoughts have you been having?"
"Well, it's the sort of thoughts that leave me feeling like I'm not good enough, and people are just putting up with me, and that I'm on my own and people don't care about me. I try to challenge the thoughts but I struggle sometimes."
The doctor nodded. "Okay, and you say you've started having panic attacks. Are these a regular occurrence?"
Cara shook her head. "Not at the moment. I've only had a couple, but I used to have them almost daily, and I don't want to get to that point again."
"I can understand that," the doctor agreed. "Now, I have to ask this of anyone who comes in presenting symptoms of depression and anxiety. Have you been self-harming, or had urges to hurt yourself, or end your life?"
Cara closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and wrapped her arms around herself. "I haven't had any suicidal thoughts, but I've wanted to hurt myself." She paused, trying to compose herself. "When I was first diagnosed, I used to cut my hips, but after counselling I developed healthier coping techniques, and I haven't hurt myself in over four years now."
The doctor nodded, making a note on the pad of paper in front of her. "Okay, and do you have a good support network around you?"
Cara paused. Raf was supporting her, right? She thought that she could rely on him, and he hadn't given her a reason to doubt him yet.
"Yes," Cara eventually replied, "I have a friend who has been staying with me when I have had bad days. He's a doctor, too, so he knows the signs to look out for."
Seemingly satisfied, the doctor opened a new window on her computer and typed out a quick prescription.
"Okay," she said, "I can see that you used to be on Sertraline for depression, and Propranolol for anxiety. I'm going to start you on 50mg of Sertraline daily, and 40mg of Propranolol to take up to three times a day when you need it. And I would like to arrange a phone consultation with you in two weeks' time to discuss whether your dosage of your antidepressant needs to be increased. Is that okay with you?"
Cara nodded as she took the printed prescription. "Thank you," she said, "I'll book the phone call on my way out."
"Oh," the doctor said as she went to leave, almost as an afterthought, "It is up to you, but I would recommend that you tell your friend about your history of self-harm."
Raf looked up as Cara walked back into the waiting area, clutching a piece of paper. When it came to her leaving for her appointment, she had asked him if he could wait for her in the waiting room, which he readily agreed to. He watched as she walked over to the reception desk, apparently making another appointment, and then turned to look for Raf. He could see her hands were shaking slightly, and quickly stood up and walked over to her, throwing an arm around her shoulder and gently kissing the top of her head.
"You okay?" he asked quietly, not at all surprised when she just nodded in reply.
"Just tired," she said softly.
Raf acknowledged her reply, and went to direct her to the car park, but Cara paused, turning instead to the pharmacy attached to the GP surgery.
"I've got a prescription," Cara whispered in explanation.
Raf just nodded, and stepped back to give her privacy while she handed over her prescription, and then received a bag of medication. She silently walked back over to him, wrapped an arm around Raf's waist, and asked if he could take her home. Raf immediately complied, putting an arm around her and walking back to his car.
"Would you like to talk about it?"
Raf broke the silence that had been present since they had got into Raf's car. They were in what was becoming a familiar position – curled up on the sofa, Cara tucked into Raf's side, Raf holding her close.
"I've been put back on my medication so that I can try and put my coping techniques back into action."
Cara played with her fingers, and Raf stayed silent, sensing that there was more to be said. But Cara didn't say anything else, and Raf didn't push.
"Would you like me to stay again tonight?" he asked, running a hand through Cara's hair.
Cara bit her lip, reminding herself that he could be relied on, and nodded her head.
"Hey," Raf said softly, waiting for Cara to look at him. "I'm really proud of you. You did really well today, and I know how hard it was for you. So, yeah, I'm proud of you."
Raf leant forward, and pressed his lips against Cara's in a loving kiss. Cara stretched up, wrapping a hand around Raf's neck, trying to lose herself in the sensations, but Raf pulled away when he felt moisture on his cheeks, and looked at Cara sympathetically when he saw that she was silently crying.
"It's okay," Raf promised, "It's been a big day for you, and it is bound to have taken his toll."
Cara nodded, whispering, "I'm just tired."
"I know," Raf said, "Come on, let's go to bed. Would you like me to sleep with you or stay on the sofa?"
"I don't mind," Cara said, not wanting to admit that she needed him. But Raf obviously knew what she meant, and a few minutes later they were lying in Cara's bed, both lying on their sides, facing each other. Their legs were tangled together, Cara's head tucked into Raf's neck as they both held each other close. They could deal with this properly tomorrow.
AN: Hope you enjoyed it – please review!
