Her Dreams Give Her Wings
Chapter 12 – I Hate Everything About You
"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." – Albert Einstein
Renesmee's POV
Hands, cold and scarred, held me down.
My voice, stuck in my throat, no breathing.
No way of calling for help; he won't let his guard down.
He pulled his hands away.
I sucked in a breath and screamed as loud as I could, hoping to be heard.
He pushed down on me again, harder, angrier.
Tears sprang at my eyes with the effort I was forcing out.
I looked into his eyes. They were cold, hard, distant.
"Daddy, please," I choked.
That was all that I could do now.
I struggled to bring air into my lungs and push it back out.
With one final desperate gasp for air, I lay still.
No more pain. No more breathing. No more anything.
Edward's POV
It felt like I had just fallen asleep when I heard Nessie coughing.
Bella and I were up late watching movies and doing other extracurricular activities.
I groaned and rolled out of bed to get the cold medicine. Nessie had gotten a cold after our little dancing in the rain escapade.
I got to the bottom of the stairs and stopped dead in my tracks when an ear piercing scream broke the quiet night.
I sprinted up the stairs, taking them two at a time, and straight into Nessie's room.
Her hands were clawing at her neck, tears running down her face, gasping for air. She croaked out, "Daddy, please," shuddered with another breath and then lay still.
"Nessie? Nessie!" I screamed, shaking her.
Her breathing was faint, her eyes half open.
"Come on angel, wake up," I pleaded.
She gasped, and jolted upright. She looked at me with the tears still streaming and I put my arms out for her.
She resisted them, pushed them away from her before she leaned into me, over me, and vomited, her whole body curling into each heave. I held her closely and rubbed her back, kissing her softly on her temple, trying to calm her.
She finally looked at me. Her breathing was heavy and labored, something in her eyes wasn't right. She looked scared, but for no reason I could tell. She sat in my arms, gasping and shaking, clutching onto my shirt like she would never see me again.
"I'm sorry," she whispered.
I kissed her softly on the forehead. "Oh, honey, its okay. But what's wrong?"
She shook her head and buried her face into my chest.
"Hey, you can tell me," I said softly, pulling her face up to look at me.
"I just had a bad dream," she murmured.
"Well what happened in the dream?"
"Someone was choking me, and then I…I died," she said, looking at me with scared eyes.
I pulled her closer to me, whispered in her ear that it would never happen, feeling guilty that I couldn't really promise that and angry for the same reason. It made me rethink not taking her on the business trip with Bella and me.
I had a conference in Manhattan and it just so happened that Bella had gotten a call from Random House Publishing to come out and meet with the editor for a job offering. We had to leave for the weekend and were leaving her with Emmett and Rosalie. They weren't our first choice, but Emmett had been really persistent lately about letting Nessie come over. And there really wasn't any way it would work if she came with us; we'd be out all weekend.
I pushed the thought out of my mind, kissed her tears away, and sent her to get ready.
She looked at me guiltily, feeling bad that I was going to clean up, but I just made her go. She left unhappily, making her way to the bathroom.
I cleaned up the mess on the floor and then went back to my room to wake Bella.
She was laying on her side, back to me, head under her pillow. I smiled and tiptoed to the bed, trying not to shake it as I climbed on. She shifted in her sleep, rolled her head in my direction, sighed and continued sleeping.
I blew gently across her face, making her rub her face. I blew harder and she pushed her hand in my direction, covering my mouth. I smiled under her hand and she opened one eye.
"Good morning, love," I whispered.
She pulled her head out from under the pillow and stretched, yawning.
"Good morning," she replied with a little peck on the lips.
I narrowed my eyes at her and she sighed.
"At least wait until I brush my teeth before I give you a proper good morning," she demanded.
I smirked and nodded my head. She got out of bed and walked to our bathroom. She did an about face when she got to the door.
"Where's Ness?"
"She's in the shower," I said, feeling bad about editing out what happened earlier. But I could only imagine the plan Bella would conjure up to have Ness come with us if I told her.
"Oh," was all she said before going into the bathroom.
She left the door open a crack and I heard the shower turn on. I furrowed my brows in confusion. I heard the light whoosh of fabric as her clothes slid off of her and dropped onto the floor. She poked her head into the room, the rest of her covered behind the door.
"Are you joining me? It saves water and I'm awful cold in here by myself," she said, batting her lashes.
The girl really had no idea how sexy she was; she didn't even need that trick. But to let her think she won, I jumped off of the bed and ran to the door, closing and locking it behind me as my own clothes fell to the floor.
Renesmee's POV
I showered longer than necessary, trying to calm my stomach as it threatened to bring back yesterday's dinner. I wasn't completely successful and wound up puking one more time before it finally calmed down.
I finished in the shower and stood with the towel wrapped around me, not wanting to move and trying to think.
The nightmares were definitely getting worse, to the point now that what I did in the dream, I did in my sleep. That was not a good thing. I had to get them under control, and do it now, especially since I was going to spend the weekend at someone else's house.
It's all his fault. If he had never been in my life, I would never have to hide the fact that he scared me silly in my dreams.
"I hate him," I said under my breath. My eyes popped open wide and my hand flew to my mouth. I may have thought it before I knew exactly how strong of a word it was, but I had never said it out loud about anyone, let alone my father, the man who (sort-of) raised me. And though it was wrong, it felt good. So good, that I said it again. And again. Over and over until my whole body knew it and shook with rage towards him. I wanted to scream it, but knew I couldn't, not now anyway. I'd have to wait, then.
I dried off and pulled on my clothes for the day; a light blue tee-shirt with a purple sparkly peace sign and a little denim skirt that went halfway to my knees. The bruises that normally dominated my skin were mostly gone and now I could wear the things that I wanted to and not have to worry about who might see.
I brushed my hair and teeth and then made my way downstairs. Edward and Bella were in the kitchen, Edward drinking coffee at the kitchen table, watching Bella clean up the mess from making breakfast.
Edward spotted me and winked. I didn't really understand why, until Bella saw me. She didn't act like she knew what happened this morning, so the wink must've meant not to tell her. Well, that worked just fine for me.
"Good morning Nessie," Edward said with a smile.
"Good morning daddy," I said, smiling back.
"Good morning baby girl. Breakfast is on the table if you're hungry," Bella said, kissing me on the forehead.
"Good morning mommy. I'm not really that hungry." The look that the two of them gave me let me know that it wasn't a suggestion, it was a command. I sat down at the table and picked up a muffin from a pile on a big plate in the center of the table.
I ate it slowly; afraid that eating it too fast would make my tender stomach reject it. It tasted good, like banana, and made my stomach ache a little less. I finished with one and started on another, not wanting to push it, but not wanting to have an empty stomach either.
"Are you all ready to go?" Bella wondered.
I nodded. "Yeah, I put all of my clothes in a bag. Is Jasmine coming with me?" I wondered as Jasmine trotted into the room.
"She can if you want her to, Uncle Emmett won't care," Bella said, reaching down to pull Jasmine into her arms. She licked Bella's face and wagged her tail.
We finished breakfast in silence and then I went back upstairs to grab my bag and brush my teeth again. Edward followed me up.
As I walked into my room he picked me up from behind and sat me down on my bed. He put the back of his hand on my forehead and looked deeply into my eyes.
"What are you doing?" I asked, confused.
"Do you feel okay?" he countered.
"I feel fine. Why?"
"I wanted to make sure you weren't still sick," he said, dropping his hand.
I looked down. "Oh, I'm fine."
He stood quietly for a minute. He knew I was hiding something from him about this morning, but he also knew that I wouldn't tell him what. Not now, anyway.
He gave up for now, throwing my bag over his shoulder, and taking my hand as we walked back downstairs. We met Bella at the bottom of the stairs with Jasmine, now wearing her purple leash that matched her collar. Bella handed her to me and we all headed out the front door and into her Jeep.
Aunt Rosalie and Uncle Emmett lived fifteen minutes away, closer to the playground and my old house. The ride there was quiet, only the sound of dog tags clanging together, with Jasmine pacing the backseat anxiously. Edward hummed along to whatever song it was on the radio, his hand joined with Bella's on the center counsel.
We pulled into their driveway and Emmett came running out of the house, tearing me out of the car before it was in park. He hugged me tightly, spinning me around, and Jasmine started to bark at him. He set me down and chuckled.
"Hey squirt!" he bellowed, rumpling my hair.
I couldn't do anything but smile hugely at him. "Hi Uncle Emmett."
I pulled Jasmine out of the car and let her sniff around the new house. Aunt Rosalie was nowhere in sight. I walked back to the adults to find out where she was.
"…and don't forget that she has gymnastics tonight at six and dance practice tomorrow at two. Don't let her stay up too late either, Emmett. We're trusting you with this," Edward said sternly.
Emmett scoffed. "Have some faith little brother. Right Nessie?" he added, looking down at me and then lifting me and Jasmine into his massive arms.
"Right," I agreed.
He smiled proudly. "If the kid can trust me, so can you."
Edward rolled his eyes. "I trust you Em. I just don't want you to screw this up."
"Uncle Emmett, where's Aunt Rosalie?" I wondered.
"She had to go the store real fast before you got here, but she didn't make it back in time," he explained.
"Wait, she's not here?" Bella demanded.
Now Emmett rolled his eyes. "No, but she'll be back any minute."
"Well, we'll stay until she gets back."
Emmett sighed, deep and dramatic. "Fine."
He stomped up the stairs and into the house and I had to laugh at how much of a kid he was.
Edward carried in my bag and Emmett showed me the room I got to sleep in. It was nearly the size of mine, with a Queen Size bed that dominated the back wall, draped with a deep gold comforter and more pillows than I needed, and walls a rich brown color.
"And across the hall here, is where all the magic happens," Emmett said, indicating what I assumed to be his and Rosalie's room.
Edward groaned. "Really Emmett? Not now."
"It's just a figure of speech. Cool your jets, bro. See, that was another one I just used."
"I get it Em, just move on in the tour."
He showed me all around the house, even the basement that held every game system and game known to man, a pool table, foosball, and air hockey. He saved the kitchen for last, saying, "I always save the best for last". The house was nearly as big as Edward and Bella's and was beautifully decorated just like there's.
"Hi, sorry I'm so late," Aunt Rosalie said coming in the front door with her arms full of grocery bags.
"That's okay, babe, I was just showing Ness around the house. You want some help?" He left his place by my side and went to grab the bags from her hand.
Aunt Rosalie made her way around the room, hugging and kissing each of us before heading back outside to get more from her car. Edward and Bella came over to me and Edward lifted me into his arms.
"I really wish you could come with us, Nessie, but unfortunately you can't this time. We'll only be gone for the weekend and we'll come back to get you Sunday night. If you need us, you can call at any time. I know I don't really have to tell you this, but be good for them," Bella said, kissing me on the forehead, and then going out the front door to help.
"Alright, I want you to rest up. Don't be afraid to ask them for anything. We'll be back as soon as we can, so don't worry. And if you get sick again, call me, even if it is just because you had a bad dream. I love you Nessie," Edward said, bringing me in for a close hug.
"I love you too daddy," I murmured, tightening my arms around his neck.
"Edward, we have to go," Bella called from outside.
He let me go and I found Bella outside by her Jeep. She opened her arms when she saw me and I ran into them. She crouched down and kissed me on the top of the head.
"I love you baby girl," she whispered kissing me again on the cheek.
"I love you too mommy," I reminded her, burying my face in the hair resting on her shoulder, breathing in the scent to make it stay with me for the weekend.
"Alright, you two have to go, give me the kid," Emmett said, pulling me away from Bella and into his arms. It hurt, like he was tearing us apart, right down the middle. I hid any of the hurt from my face though, not wanting to make Bella feel bad for leaving me with them.
I watched them drive out of sight, Edward waving and Bella blowing me a kiss. I waved back and smiled half-heartedly.
"Alright, what's first?" Emmett asked excitedly.
I sighed. "Well, I'm kind of tired. I was just going to lay down for a little bit if that's okay."
"But, we were gonna play video games and wrestle and-"
"Emmett, if she's tired, she won't be much of a person to play with. Let her rest," Aunt Rosalie said gently.
"Sorry Uncle Emmett, but I'll play later," I promised.
"Fine," he sighed, setting me down.
I walked back into the house slowly, trying to make it look like I really was tired. I picked Jasmine up on the way and closed the door behind me when I entered my room. I lay down on my stomach, burying my face in the pillows as the tears welled up and spilled over. Jasmine licked at my face and made little yipping sounds. I turned my head to look at her, eyes open wide, head cocked to the side, and ears alert; I couldn't help but smile. She pawed at my hand that was half buried under the pillow and licked my face.
"I'm okay," I whispered, whether I was trying to convince her or myself, I wasn't sure.
I flipped over onto my back and sat Jasmine on my chest, not letting myself close my eyes. The images that lurked behind them in the dark were far too scary for me to even dream of closing them.
!#$#!
And I didn't close them all weekend. At night after Emmett and Rosalie went to bed, I would sneak into the kitchen and eat anything I could find with sugar. At dance, I stood in the back so the teacher couldn't tell that I was nearly falling over with every step. And at gymnastics, I told them I knew how to do what they were doing, so they didn't push me to do it. I dragged all weekend and was constantly on edge when someone spoke to me. I had to excuse myself to my room a few times to scream into the pillows instead of at them. I knew that I was going to crash, and I hoped that when I did it was hard so I wouldn't dream. That was my only wish now.
Dance had just ended, with free dance which I chose to sit out of. Julia sat by me, out of breath, and handed me a piece of candy. I took it greedily and shoved it into my mouth, wishing the sugar rush was instantaneous.
"What's wrong, Nessie?" she wondered.
"Tired," I mumbled.
"Then you should take a nap. That's what I do when I'm tired," she said simply.
"I can't," I grumbled.
"Why not?"
"Because I just can't okay!" I snapped turning my head in her direction.
Her eyes filled with hurt and she looked down at her lap. "Sorry."
I sat back against the wall with a huff and crossed my arms. I wasn't going to apologize or accept her apology, not yet anyway. We finished waiting in silence, and I felt bad, but couldn't make myself say sorry.
Emmett and Rosalie showed up a few minutes after that and told me that we were going out to dinner, and that I should invite Julia. I did and though I wasn't nice to her earlier, she agreed happily. We both changed out of our dance clothes and as the sugar started to kick in, I apologized.
We took Aunt Rosalie's car, the Volkswagen Eos, riding with the top down and the music up. It was a chick moment, but Uncle Emmett didn't seem to mind, he sang along with us.
We pulled up to a restaurant, one that I had been too many times before, one that had a bar I was all too familiar with. When my dad was upset with me and didn't want to leave me at home, he would drag me to the Fox & Hound with him, and I would sit in a booth in the back with my old ratty teddy bear, thinking about the night ahead.
"Do we have to go here?" I mumbled under my breath, hoping no one could hear me.
"What?" Aunt Rosalie wondered.
I shook my head. "Nothing."
We all walked in together, Julia and I in front and Emmett and Rosalie bringing up the rear.
"Four, please, two children," Aunt Rosalie informed the host.
"Right this way," he said in a deep voice, gesturing to a booth around the partition.
"Can we go play?" Julia whispered in my ear.
"Aunt Rosalie, can we go play?"
"Go ahead babe, I'll order for you two. Don't forget where we're sitting."
"Okay." We walked in to the back room where they kept all of the games and decided to play air hockey. A few more kids joined us in the room, older and doing things that no kids should, so we decided to head back to the table. The place was getting more and more crowded and we had to dodge people on the way.
The food was ready when we got back. Chicken fingers, and French fries, with the little kiddy cup of pop. I sucked it down and waited for the sugar to kick in.
"Did you have fun this weekend, Squirt?" Uncle Emmett asked over dessert.
I nodded quickly, bouncing in my seat. "I had a lot of fun!"
My eyes wandered around the room, jerking from each TV screen to the next, to each table.
"Nessie," Aunt Rosalie said.
My eyes snapped back to her. "What?"
"I asked what your favorite part was."
"Umm…," I trailed off as my brain wandered again.
"Nessie, do you have ADD?" Aunt Rosalie wondered.
I shook my head. "Nope!" I said, popping the 'p'.
"Then would you please pay attention?" It sounded like she asked.
I didn't hear her because at that moment, as my eyes made their way around the room, to the front door, someone walked in and it made my heart stop. A face that had starred in my nightmares one too many times. His mouth moved in a way that I didn't understand. He smiled genuinely, not evilly, around his words, making him look like a normal, okay guy. A girl clung to his side, and if she had a little less make-up and a little more clothes on, she might even be pretty. She said something back and he threw his head back in laughter.
"Renesmee!" my aunt yelled.
I whipped my head back to her so fast I thought I would get whiplash.
"Baby, are you okay?" Uncle Emmett asked, starting to get up. He kneeled in front of me and for the second time in one weekend, someone took my temperature.
I nodded weakly. "I'm okay."
"You don't look so good. You're all pale, and sweating," he said concernedly.
"I'm fine," I said, pushing his hand away.
"Rose, let's go," he said. She nodded and called the waiter over for the check.
"Are you gonna puke?" Julia wondered.
"No, I'll be fine."
"Good, 'cause that would be so gross."
Aunt Rosalie paid and we started to leave. I wanted to take the way out that didn't have to pass the bar, where he was currently sitting, but I didn't have a choice. I walked past him, my head held high, determined not to look in his direction. He was laughing, a sound that was only in the early parts of my life, and I couldn't help but look at him.
He turned his head to look at me, that devilish grin on his face, his eyes flashing like they used to. My heart picked up speed, but my feet felt glued to the floor. He made a kissy face and threw a wink in my direction and mouthed 'I'll see you soon'. I struggled to bring the air into my lungs, so much like my nightmare; he was strangling me again, only with words that he would make into promises this time.
Julia grabbed my hand and pulled me outside into the crisp September air, helping me to keep the rising nausea down.
There was no way that I would sleep peacefully tonight, crash or no crash, knowing that my father's words would be made into promises. Soon.
A/N:
dun, Dun, DUN! Well, her dad would scare me,
how about you? The next chapter will be skipping ahead to…High
School! It's a little bit of a leap, but you do want Jacob to be in
this story, don't you? I know I do! You know how I do, please
review. And tell me if you think I should continue Riding In Cars
With Boys, my new story. I stayed up past my bed time for you, so
enjoy hehe xD. Ta-ta for now my lovelies.
Thank you and please
review.
Loves you,
XOXO
Kelly
