Chapter Twelve: Forgot the Magic Word

The laundry woman in me still controls the woman I am now and I get up long before dawn. I still do laundry for the people who've come back to Twelve and have no other way of cleaning their clothes but I don't do it with the urgency I did before. After all, Haymitch is using the victor's money he still gets to make sure my children don't want for anything.

To my surprise, Gale and Johanna are already in the kitchen when I get there and it's obvious I've walked into the middle of an argument.

"Tell him I can drink coffee," Johanna says the moment she sees me.

I wish I hadn't walked into the kitchen. "Why do you say she can't drink coffee?" I ask him, trying desperately not to choose one side or the other two quickly.

"Isn't bad for pregnant women?"

Having never had the means by which to purchase much coffee, especially while I was pregnant, I do not know the answer to that question. So I offer something else. "It might be worse to stress her out by not letting her have any."

Johanna smacks her hands on the table and leans forward to reach for a mug. "Sounds good to me."

"Are you sure?" Gale asks me warily. He's only been home a few days and he's still very nervous about everything relating to Johanna, most everything relating to me and his siblings, and the primary thing related to Katniss - that he hasn't seen her yet.

I bite the inside of my lip and nod. "How about the two of you compromise? Gale, you don't protest Johanna drinking coffee if Johanna, you promise to drink it in moderation. Could you both agree to that?"

"Done and done," she says before he can think about it. "I never drink more than one cup a day anyway. But I need the one and I haven't had any since before..."

I watch Gale as her voice trails off and I hear him finish the sentence with the words "before I pushed you off a balcony."

"Yeah, that," Johanna says as if it means nothing. "Nonetheless, I need a cup of coffee but if you really, really don't want me to drink it, I won't."

He shakes his head and turns to make the coffee. "How much should I make, Mom?"

"One for Johanna, two for me, one for Haymitch, and whatever you want for yourself. Please," I add when he mimics the look I always gave him when he forgot the magic word. I take a step backward out of the kitchen. "I'll give you two some privacy."

They shout "no" in almost perfect unison and then look sheepish together before Gale speaks up. "Actually, we were talking before we got up that we needed to talk to you. Wanted to talk to you. When you're not busy."

I pull out a chair across the table from Johanna and sit down. "I came here for coffee so I'm not busy. Let's talk now." I hope I don't sound as nervous about their seriousness as I think I do.

They seem to have a silent disagreement while Gale finishes making the coffee and all I can do is watch and wait to see who wins out in the end.

In a turn that's not as surprising as it probably should be, it's Johanna who speaks first. "I'm just going to be blunt because that's the way I am and Dr. Aurelius said it's good for me." When I nod my agreement to that, she lays it out. "I don't know a damn thing about having a baby or raising a kid. Considering I can't get wet without losing my mind, it's going to take practice before I can even give my baby a bath. So I got worried, and I bet you'll tell me it was for nothing, that you might not want me to stay here very long now that Gale's here. That's what I wanted to talk to you about."

I blink slowly, letting her words sink in and trying to make sense of them. "You're worried I'd ask you to leave because Gale's here?" It seems important to be absolutely clear about everything. "That I don't have room for the woman my son loves?"

She drops her eyes to the empty mug clutched in her thin hands and nods.

I lean across the table and put my hands on hers. "You were right. I am telling you that you worried for nothing. As long as you want to be here, to be a part of my family, I want you to be here. I will keep helping you with water, if you'll let me. I will tell you everything I know about babies, if you want me to. And I will welcome you as a part of my family as long as you'll have me."

Her eyes are still on the mug and she sniffs wetly, shooting a glance at Gale. "I don't know why you're afraid to talk to her," she said, knowing full well I could hear every word. "That's one of the sweetest things anyone has ever said to me."

I can't help but smile, and I cover it with my hands before either of them can see it. Once I've got that under control I turn to Gale. "What is it that you're afraid to talk to me about?"

He sits down beside me and folds his arms on the table, burying his face in them. "Just that you might not want me to be here," he says, his voice very muffled. "After what I did in the war, maybe I'm not someone who should be around Rory and Vick and Posy."

I put my hand on his cheek and force him to look at me. "The very fact that you're worried about it means you are the best influence the boys especially could ever hope to have. Stop being so hard on yourself, Gale. We are your family and we love you. There is very little you could ever do to change that. Tell me you understand that."

He screws up his face just like he used to when he was a little boy, and nods just like he used to. "Am I allowed to say I'm sorry?"

"Once, and then those two words are banned. Live differently than the man you're afraid you've become. That's how you can show you're sorry if that's how you need to be."

He nods in agreement and leans to kiss my cheek, whispering his one permitted apology in my ear.

"I forgive you," I whisper back before raising my voice to a normal level. "Now, how about you get your mother and the mother of your child some coffee?"

He gets back up with a ghost of a smile on his face.

"You people are weird," Johanna says, dumping two spoons of sugar into her mug and holding it out so Gale can fill it.

"Yes, Johanna," I say, a genuine smile on my face, "families are weird. Is it a bad thing?"

She shakes her head and smiles. "No, definitely not. Just weird. Luckily, I like weird."

Gale coughs to cover a laugh and looks through the cupboards about the sink. "Alright, Miss I Like Weird, what do you want for breakfast?"

She leans toward me and drops her voice to a whisper. "Can he cook?"

I lean forward because I know it'll tease him. "He hasn't cooked for you yet? Gale, how can you not have cooked for her yet?" When he sticks his tongue out at me, I answer her question. "Yes, my son is a very good cook. He can take the most ordinary, bland things we used to eat in the Seam and make them delicious. Posy and Vick's biggest complaint when he finished school and started working in the mines was that they had to eat more of my cooking."

That seems to make her happy enough, and he looks more relaxed for it, and she requests pancakes for breakfast. They're one of his specialties and she agrees with me when she's tasted them, adding only that some syrup from District Seven would make them even better.

I have no doubt he will get her syrup from District Seven.