Warnings: AoKise. Mentions of eating disorder
Graduation comes so fast it leaves Kise breathless. Now all six of them are going to go their separate ways; they've already found out which schools they're going to and only Aomine and Momoi are going to the same one. That's just fine though; in the privacy of his mind, Kise is actually quite happy to get away from Akashi and it's not like he's ever been especially close to Midorima or Murasakibara either.
But the other two (or rather three, since Momoi's kind of a package deal with Aomine)… well, it's hard. The last few months have brought them closer than ever and even though it will take Kuroko a while to fall back into the casual friendship they used to have, Kise firmly believes things will be okay.
Momoi, well, she's such a sweetheart; Kise feels really privileged to be her friend. And Aomine is an entirely different case. Their relationship is much too fresh, much too delicate for them to go to different schools, especially since they're in different prefectures.
So it's natural for him to feel nervous.
"You should talk to Dai-chan about this, not me." Momoi sucks on her straw pensively, trying to get the last drops of her banana milkshake.
"But Aominecchi doesn't want to talk about stuff like that," Kise whines, slumping onto the table. He's already finished his milkshake and once again feels a little baffled about how he was able to keep himself from eating those for such a long time – milkshakes are good.
Momoi sighs a little. Really, Kise and Aomine are such silly boys. "Well then make him. I don't know how things are going to work out for you but I do know that lack of communication will kill the relationship for sure. And that's not what you want, right?"
"I don't," Kise replies after a beat of silence. "But what if Aominecchi does? I mean… I'm a guy and it's still gonna take a while before I get back to normal and Aominecchi might not have the patience to wait that long."
"Oh come on, Ki-chan, give yourself some credit. Dai-chan wouldn't have asked you out at all in the first place if it'd be too weird for him to date you." Momoi reaches over the table to give Kise's hand a reassuring squeeze. "Just make an effort to keep up proper communication and you can do it. And if sometimes it feels necessary to kick him on the butt, well, he probably deserves it."
Kise lifts his head and catches Momoi winking at him mischievously. It makes him smile despite himself; at least Momoi's got her back so that if things fall apart with Aomine, he knows he won't be alone.
He reaches over the table too, holding Momoi's hand longer than she did his but she just smiles, indulging him; she's probably figured out all of his insecurities a long time ago and knows he really just wants (needs) to be accepted. It makes Kise feel both embarrassed and loved at the same time.
Luckily enough, Kise gets his chance to talk to Aomine about the future the weekend before they start high school. Aomine's having dinner at Kise's place – Kise's family's gone for the night, leaving them to their own devices – and maybe there are other things two hormonal teenage boys who happen to be dating would want to do but Kise really needs to talk, needs to get it off his chest.
The conversation doesn't go at all like he would have wanted it to, though.
"You… eat, right?"
Kise raises his head and frowns in confusion. His bowl is still half-full with rice and vegetables and he has no plans of leaving it that way; he's actually kind of hungry. "Uhh… yes? I mean I'm eating right now?"
Aomine shrugs, looking a bit uncomfortable. "I meant, like in general. You eat even when there's no one around to make sure you do, right?"
Kise's lips turn downwards. As cute as Aomine worrying about his health is, it's also annoying and even somewhat insulting. Eating still isn't easy for Kise, sometimes it takes him hours to finish one serving, but he's doing his best and getting there slowly and that's all anyone has the right to expect from him, isn't it? He can't push himself any more than that.
"I do, thank you very much," he replies, voice heavy with sarcasm. Aomine flinches visibly, seeming to realise he hit a sore spot. Kise doesn't feel much sympathy for his discomfort though.
"No, I meant… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that," Aomine says quietly, bringing a hand to the side of his neck in embarrassment. Kise focuses on his food again, although he doesn't have much of an appetite anymore. Damn Aomine, he should've just kept his mouth shut; Kise can't eat if he's self-conscious about the fact that he's eating, and now his previously tasty dinner only looks unappealing.
"But it's just… you still look so skinny."
Seriously? Aomine still didn't get the hint to just let it be? Fuck this guy.
"Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realise I have to meet some kind of standards to be able to enjoy your company." Kise keeps his voice as even as possible but it's hard because he feels anger bubbling inside, replacing the warm happiness being with Aomine usually makes him feel.
"Wh- that's not what I was saying-" Aomine starts but Kise doesn't let him finish, not when he's feeling this… disappointed. He really expected more from Aomine but maybe that was stupid of him.
"It's gonna take a while for me to get there, okay? But I'm trying really hard, I really am, I swear I eat as much as I can so I don't need this kind of talk!" Kise doesn't even notice the volume of his voice rising but at the end of the sentence he's practically shouting, slamming his hands against the table for good measure. "It isn't easy for me to eat but I keep doing it because I know I have to… and because I want to get better too but really, if you can't understand even the fact that I'm not gonna heal overnight and go back to looking the way I used to then you can, fuck, I don't know, just leave because I really don't need criticism about that right now!"
For a moment Aomine just sits there, his mouth hanging open, and it makes him look so stupid. And Kise wants to kick him out, tell him to go and never come back but he can't, he won't, he needs Aomine, he needs support right now.
(But what if Aomine can't support him?)
"Why are you so mad?"
"Why? Really? Why? I'm so sorry if me being sick makes you uncomfortable!" Kise stands up, desperately trying to hold back the angry tears but already knowing he's fighting a losing battle. Damn it all, he wants to leave the room or, better yet, the house, just to get away from this situation.
"It doesn't, I just wanna know you're gonna be okay!" Aomine gets up too, raising his voice to match Kise's. "I mean, someday! Akashi told me it'll be slow but I… we're not gonna be seeing each other every day in high school and I just need to know you'll be okay because I care about you, there's nothing wrong with that!"
"Well if you really care then stop talking about this right now! I don't like it, I'm doing well enough, can you please just shut up?!" Whatever has been holding Kise's tears back finally breaks and he feels like a human waterfall. There's some clattering that sounds like a chair being scooted back and Aomine getting up but Kise doesn't look his way. He just stands there, clenching his hands into fists and then relaxing them, over and over and over again.
One, two, three. Breathe. You just need to breathe.
"Then what do you want to talk about?" Aomine's next to him now, touching his arm hesitantly, his voice gentle and soothing.
"…are we going to be okay?" No, that's not a good question. They are going to be okay, Momoi said that all they need is to make an effort and – and Kise will make every effort. "Um, you'll call me, right? And we'll hang out. I'll come to Tokyo and you can come to Kanagawa and we'll be fine. We will."
"…did you think I wouldn't call you?" Suddenly Aomine's voice gains an edge of steel and it cuts deep within Kise. He keeps his head held high though, refusing to show how much this all hurts him.
"I don't know, did you plan to?"
"Of course! Why wouldn't I?!" Now Aomine's getting angry too and oh, why is this so hard? Kise just wanted to calmly talk about his insecurities, listen to Aomine lay down his own and then they'd both laugh at how stupid they are and kiss or something like that. The way it always goes in movies and on tv, that's what Kise wanted.
Or, well, actually anything but this would've been just fine.
Feeling helpless and alone, Kise shakes his head, then nods, then shrugs – he doesn't trust his voice at all and anyway Aomine seems to get the message loud and clear despite Kise never putting it into words.
"Well thank you for trusting me so much!" It's probably supposed to sound sarcastic but it comes out all strangled and frustrated; Aomine turns away from Kise and quietly paces back and forth for a while. Then he looks at Kise again, this time with a stern expression.
"Do you really think we're gonna work out if you think I won't even keep in touch with you when we go to different schools?" Aomine crowds right into Kise's space, grasping his collar and breathing into his face, and Kise instinctively steps back, almost falling when Aomine doesn't let go.
"You have to trust me, Kise." Aomine shakes him a little, a hint of desperation creeping into his voice.
"I know that." Kise's voice cracks, only the slightest bit, but he hates himself for it.
"So… can you trust me?"
Yes, Kise wants to say, even opens his mouth already. He does trust Aomine, trusts that his feelings are real that they're going to be fine.
But…
Kise shakes his head, regretting it already as he does, but he needs to be honest. If he gives an honest answer now, they can start working on their issues, right? He can't lie, even if the truth hurts.
So he shakes his head again, unable to look at Aomine. For a while the hold Aomine has on his collar tightens and it's hard to breathe before he's released. Kise stumbles back a bit.
"What's the point then? Of us dating, I mean." Aomine makes a frustrated noise at the back of his throat. "You can't trust me and I apparently fucked up somehow so… let's just break up."
Kise's heart jumps to his throat and stops. "…what?"
"We're breaking up, that's what you want, right?!"
"No, I… what?"
"You've already decided that I don't care so it doesn't matter what I say, you're not gonna believe me." Aomine sounds so tired and defeated and this isn't what Kise wanted, not even close, and now Aomine's leaving and did they just break up –
He's crying so much he can't even see clearly, just a colourful blur and vague shapes, and suddenly Aomine isn't there anymore either.
It's just Kise and his crumbling world.
"A-Aominecchi, don't go," Kise starts, voice uneven and fragile – but he's too late; the front door slams shut and Aomine's footsteps are getting farther and farther, it sounds like he's running.
Suddenly the silence in the kitchen is deafening and it coils around Kise's chest, constricting uncomfortably until he can't even breathe normally anymore.
(He doesn't finish his dinner that night.)
A/N: Wow look who's back after almost a year with nothing but angst : ))
…ahem. Yeah idk. I'm gonna start rewriting this story soon-ish because there's some stuff I don't like and some grammar/vocabulary stuff to fix… but anyway, here we are at last, hopefully this was at least somewhat enjoyable ;w;
