As always, big thanks to my editors Drucilla and BlueShifted! They take time from their already busy schedules to edit my silly hobby, so thank them. THANK THEM. GIVE THEM ALL YOUR THANKS.

Behold, Gyro! Growing up, I was surprised to learn that he existed in the comics before the Ducktales toon. But in either one he's the same lovable genius, and I hope you'll like him here too.

Not much else to say here, just more building blocks to the plot, with a few DUN DUN DUUUUUNs.


Gyro De Gearloose's arrival into Goofy's village was actually two days later than promised. It made Goofy's worry and anxiety worse, and when he tried to chisel in order to distract himself, Minnie's peach somehow turned into a bunch of bananas. But when Gyro finally arrived, not only did Goofy know about it instantly, so did everyone else in the village.

The noise from Gyro's cart was coming from the tallest hill, and as he got closer and closer to the normally sleepy town, he made more and more noise. It wasn't the creaky wheels that did it, nor the hooves of the brighthly colored horse, nor Gyro's pleased humming. All the clanking and crashing was coming from the cart itself, which was stocked and stacked with bizarre machinery and gadgetry. Gears, tools, pipes, books, vials of foul smelling liquid, it all clattered together like the world's worst symphony. Gyro smiled at those he passed, offering a friendly wave before looking back at the letter that lay on his lap. His cousin had given exact, detailed directions to Goofy's home, but it never hurt to reread things in duplicate, triplicate, and so on.

Goofy and Agalma came outside to see what the fuss was all about, and Goofy's stomach twisted as he guessed that this odd visitor was for him. He hated to disappoint such a cheerful young man, but there was no way Goofy could compete in a chariot race, much less win one. There were days he tripped over his own sandals! As he lamented his woes, Agalma began to jump up and down and wave her arms so she could grab Gyro's attention. "Hellooo!" she shouted at the top of her lungs. "Hellooo, over here!" It was a miracle she could be heard over all of Gyro's junk, but the horse and rider headed in her direction.

"Whoa, Little Helper!" Gyro commanded as he gently pulled the reins, urging his horse to come to a stop. "Very good! Your descent came in much quicker this time, you've knocked a whole 1.3 seconds off your usual record." The horse snorted in pride, and after Gyro stroked its yellow mane, he hopped off his seat, rolling up the letter in his hands. "I hope I'm not wrong, but I take it you are Pygmalion?"

Goofy nodded once before he extended a hand. "You can just call me Goofy, most folks do."

"Well then, Goofy, you can call me Gyro, because that is my name!" Gyro was about as tall as Goofy, perhaps an inch or two shorter, which was hard to tell since he had a short crop of fuzzy orange hair sticking straight up. He was thin as a stick, with small glasses sitting atop his beak that seemed to slide down with every other word he spoke. His sleek robes were perhaps once magenta, but were now bleached so much they looked bright pink, his sleeves rolled up to his shoulders but slipping back down as he shook Goofy's hand. "I can't tell you how much I appreciate your help with the race! I know together, we can take first prize!"

At that, Goofy began to pull his hand away, rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably. "Uh, yeah. About that...Gee, I ain't sure how to put this-"

"Goofy doesn't think he can do it," Agalma finished, and when Goofy turned to her, she shrugged. "What? You said you weren't sure how to put it."

"Really?" Gyro asked, cupping his beak. "My cousin kept going on and on about how you were up and raring to go...but then, he does tend to exaggerate." He didn't sound offended or even disappointed – merely curious. "Have you ever been in a chariot race before?"

"No, sir. Ain't even seen one before."

"Me neither," said Agalma as she headed for the cart, wanting to find out what he'd brought and why.

"So it's first time jitters!" Gyro slammed a fist onto his palm, as if the matter wasn't that big at all. "That's perfectly reasonable! Everyone's nervous when they're trying something the first time. I've got just the thing for it! You see, I prepared for such circumstances, and many more. Never go anywhere unprepared, I always say." His horse brayed, as if to say Gyro had never said any such thing. Gyro ignored the criticism and climbed onto his cart, beginning to push and dig through his pile. "Now then, where did I put it?"

"What is all this?"Agalma asked, picking up a large wheel from the cart – it was wooden on the outside, and metal inside.

"My experiments!" Gyro answered proudly, chucking a few screws over his shoulder. "I'm an inventor, as was my father, as was his father, as was his mother, all's equal in the inventing game...my whole family has been creating things to better humanity! And I bet my descendants a hundred years from now will be doing the same thing, with people lining up to try their inventions! But while thinking up ways to help people is free, actually doing that costs money, which is why I need your help to win the – A-ha! Found it!" Gyro yanked up what appeared to be a massive pair of glasses wrapped in paper and wiring. "I call it Sees All, Feels All! When you put these on, all your worries will melt away!"

As fascinating and confusing as this all was, Goofy still felt they skipped over something major. "Uh, Mister Gyro?"

"Just Gyro, please!" He rolled the paper back and slid off the cart, giving it a quick look over to make sure it was ready.

"Well, uh, Gyro, I do thank ya kindly for all this here effort, but I don't think I'm the kind of guy who can win races! I'm real clumsy, I ain't got a muscle to my name, and I'm not that bright. Just because I punched a guy in the nose don't make me a better fella than anyone else." His eyes landed on Agalma, thinking that Millicent would somewhat agree, kindly ask Gyro to leave, and assure Goofy that he wouldn't have go through any trouble.

"Yes it does," Agalma said, again shattering Goofy's conceptions and memories. She was moving the wheel around in her hand, imagining what it would look like if it was attached to anything. "Nobody else punched Bouncer before. No one even tried to stop them."

"See, now that is what I call conviction!" Gyro laughed. "Listen, maybe you won't race after all, but you've got to at least give it a try! And speaking of tries, you can help me see if my Sees All, Feels All works!"

"You mean you ain't ever-" 'used it?', Goofy was going to ask, but Gyro had slammed the glasses onto his head and flipped a switch. The paper all around the glasses began to move rapidly, picking up speed with every second.

"What does it do?" Agalma asked.

"An excellent question..." Gyro paused. "Are you the young lady that my cousin says Goofy puts his hands all over?"

"Not anymore," she replied. "I'm Agalma."

"All right, Agalma! It was still an excellent question! You see, the paper here is lined with drawings and pictures meant to relax the mind, like a setting sun and a babbling brook! And I've found a way to make those images move by drawing them over and over, with small differences each time, creating an illusion when you move the paper! It's as if you actually see the sun setting before your very eyes."

Agalma glanced at Goofy, then back to the inventor. "Is it supposed to make you nauseous?"

Gyro blinked rapidly. "What? Of course not."

"Then I don't think it's working like you wanted it to." Agalma pointed at Goofy, who was dizzily bent over, hands on his belly, moaning quietly. "Maybe you accidentally made a Sees All In Your Stomach."

"Oh!" Gyro quickly snatched the device off of Goofy's head, wincing as he looked at Goofy's swimming eyes. "I'm terribly sorry! I guess that one's a bust...but at least you're not worried anymore, right? Hard to be worried when you're ill." He tried to crack a smile, but all Goofy could get out was a gurgled "Ugh."

Agalma tossed the wheel back on the heap and took Goofy by the elbow. "Why don't you go lay down a while?" Goofy nodded numbly, following her back into the house, but Gyro, after throwing his device back into the wagon, decided to join them.

"I truly am sorry, I – My goodness!" Gyro interrupted himself as he saw the multitude of near perfect statues. He took off his spectacles, rubbed them, put them back on, and they were still amazing. "I've never seen anything like these! This is absolutely marvelous!"

"You've been getting a lot of people complimenting them lately," Agalma pointed out to Goofy, continuing to lead him to the bedroom. Goofy avoided eye contact.

"I can see why! The details, the expressions – what on earth do you need me for?" Gyro asked as he stepped into the bedroom, scratching his head. "You could make a fortune with any of them! I'm even tempted to take one or two myself, might spruce up the old home, and I'd pay you whatever you asked."

Once Goofy laid down on his pitiful excuse for a bed, he finally began to talk, one arm over his eyes. "Aw, nobody wants somethin' made by a clumsy, dumb fella like me. Once folks forget all about me clobberin' Bouncer, it'll all go back to normal."

Gyro frowned, crossing his arms. "And...people calling you clumsy and dumb is normal? No, forget I asked such a thing. Goofy, are you dumb?"

Goofy lifted his arm, wondering if Gyro had heard him at all. "I just said, everyone calls me-"

"I didn't ask if everyone called you dumb. I asked if you were dumb. There's a world of difference."

The sculptor didn't answer, trying to see if this was a trick question. Agalma stood in the middle of the room – the same place where she was as a statue – and raised a hand. "Being dumb means you don't know anything, right?"

"That is what most people assume the definition is, but it is in fact an oxymoron!"

Goofy narrowed his eyes. "How's me bein' a moron different from me bein' dumb?"

"No, no, Goofy, oxymoron! It's not an insult." He cleared his throat, as if he was a professor dictating to a class. "An oxymoron is a rhetorical device that uses an ostensible self-contradiction to illustrate a rhetorical point or to reveal a paradox." Blank looks from both canines. "Er...let me put it this way. A civil war is hardly ever civil! Acting natural means you're not natural! And a person who doesn't know anything doesn't exist."

Agalma took this into consideration, shifting from one foot to the other. "But I'm constantly learning things that everyone else already knows. Doesn't that make me dumb?"

"Not at all!" Gyro declared, pointing a finger up. "We all learn things from someone else, and everyone learns at their own rate. But even babies know things – they know to trust their mothers, what tastes good and what doesn't, and how to tell people they're in distress...by crying! So being called dumb is a ridiculous insult, for there is not a single, solitary person or creature on this planet that knows nothing! You, Goofy, know many things, don't you?"

Goofy stared up at the ceiling, having never thought of it that way before. "Gee...I guess I do. I know how to count, and how to eat, and how to make statues..."

"And I bet there's a dozen other things you know, you just don't know it!" Gyro paused, realizing that also sounded like an oxymoron. "The point is, you shouldn't sell yourself so short. You're a great man, and if the people of this village can't see that, then it's high time you found people who can."

Goofy slowly managed to sit up, hands on his lap, looking straight at Gyro. "You've just met me, and you already think I'm great?"

"I'm rarely wrong!" After the dogs gave him an indignant look, he speedily corrected himself. "About people. Let's give each other a chance, Goofy! I'm going to stay with my cousin, and come over every day to help you practice for the race! I much prefer making chariots over riding them. I'm going to invent the best chariot the world's ever seen!"

"Going to?" Agalma asked, an eyebrow raised. "You mean you haven't made it already? Even though you came here to get a racer?"

Gyro's confidence wilted like a dying flower in the intense sun. "Not...exactly...Ah. Well. I'm having a bit of a mental roadblock. Nothing I come up with is good enough, I can't even get past the blue print stage!"

"Have you tried red print?" Agalma asked.

Gyro went on. "It's like my creative well has dried up, and that's part of the reason why I'm here." He sighed sadly, rubbing his arms. "I was hoping that by coming here and working with you, I could get those mental juices flowing again. Nothing else has worked – you're my last hope, Goofy. If I can't think of a new invention, it's the end for me! How can I call myself an inventor if I'm not helping those around me? It makes me wish there was...some kind of inventing god I could pray to!"

Goofy inhaled and exhaled deeply as he listened to Gyro's lamenting. As much as he wanted to tell the bird "no" and move on with his life, the good heart in him couldn't ignore Gyro's pleas. He still didn't believe his efforts would amount to anything – but he couldn't kick Gyro out and tell him to hit the road. "I ain't makin' no promises," he said after lifting his head. "But... if'fn you really wanna give this a try, then I'll do whatever I can to help you out."

"Perfect!" Gyro seized Goofy's hand and began shaking it vigorously all over again, which didn't exactly help with Goofy's stomach. "You won't be disappointed, friend!"

Goofy would have genuinely asked if Gyro really meant they were friends – except now he was so sick that he flopped back on his back, nearly passed out.

Before seeing himself out, Gyro pondered out loud, "Maybe I should make an anti-nausea device?"

"Please don't," said Agalma.


Goofy wasn't the only one feeling sick that day. Ma Beagle and her sons had once lived in a large farmhouse after bullying and threatening the original owners, but since Goofy's act of defiance, they got soundly booted out. They made do by staying in Aphrodite's temple, but they knew they couldn't stay there forever. Ma didn't believe in the power of the gods, but even the most cynical part of her heart got the creeps by staying in such a sacred place. It was making her sick, along with everything else that had happened recently.

"Look at us," she huffed, gesturing to the wide space around them. "Look at what we've become!" Burger was looking at the altar with burnt offerings, highly tempted to lick the ashes. Bouncer was in the middle of a nap but was woken up by the sound of his mother ranting. "We used to own this town! People would run at the mere sight of our shadows! And now we can't even get a bunch of old farm hands to cower! It's all because of that big goof!"

Bouncer rubbed his bandaged nose, which still hurt like the dickens. "I would've ducked if I knew it was coming."

Ma began to pace, hands clutched together behind her back, her brows furrowed. "What if this spreads out to all of Greece? No Beagle will ever be able to steal again! What are we going to do?"

Burger rubbed some ashes between his fingers and gave them a whiff. "Get jobs, work hard, and becoming honest, functioning members of society?"

"This is no time for jokes!" Ma snapped, before resuming her frantic walk. "We need to find a way to demean what Goofy did to us. We need to get revenge! And once the town sees that their big hero isn't so big, they'll bend over backwards to make sure they never offend us again. But it's going to take more than a punch to the nose."

Bouncer yawned, still a little drowsy from his nap. "Uh...ain't he some kinda sculptor, Ma? Maybe we can break all of his statues. I really like breaking things!"

"Yeah, why don't we do that?" Burger chimed in, after discovering that ash tastes horrible no matter what it used to be. "We can do it when he's off in that chariot race, so by the time he comes back, we'll be done and-"

"Chariot race?" Ma interrupted, stopping where she was and glancing behind her to watch her grown-up children. "What's this about a race?"

Bouncer scratched his head as he tried to remember the details. "Well, uh, word is, he and this big bird guy are gunna enter a big fancy race in the next town over...Think it's named Ippos?"

"Ippos?!" Ma exclaimed, running over to Bouncer and grabbing him by the tunic, shaking him over and over. "Are you sure it's Ippos? Boys, we've hit the motherload!"

"Aw, Ma, don't say that about yourself, you're not that big!" Bouncer replied.

After smacking her elder son on the head, Ma let him go. Burger just blinked slowly, confused. "Gee, Ma, what's the big deal? It's just some race in some town."

"That's where you're wrong, Burger!" Ma proudly put her hands on her hips. "It's the race in the town! Ippos is famous for horse races, and the winner rakes in more money than you'll ever see in a lifetime! Every business there exists for the chariot races! And we've got a cousin there, Bombshell Beagle! He's the filthiest, dirtiest, most low-brow cheater that ever crawled the earth!" She sniffed, wiping away a single tear. "The pride and joy of the family."

"What's that got to do with us, Ma?" Bouncer asked, readying himself in case he was due for another smack.

"If Goofy's entering that race, then so will we!" Ma clapped her hands together, rubbing them greedily. "We won't just make him lose...we'll make him a laughingstock! With my brains, Bombshell's cheats, Bouncer's brawn, and Burger's..." She needed a minute. "...Ability to be a meat shield-"

"Always glad to help, Ma!"

"-We'll not only grab first place, but we'll make Goofy wish he'd never been born! I want you boys to pack your things and head straight to Ippos."

"We don't have a pack," Bouncer said, getting to his feet. "Or things."

"What about you, Ma?" Burger asked, already growing nervous about this plan. "Ain't you comin' with us?"

"In due time boys." Ma approached them both and patted them both on the head, though Bouncer had to stoop over to make this possible. "I need to stay here for a while and keep an eye on the goof! Cheating isn't all about breaking their wheels or poisoning their horses. It's also about brains! Seems like when I gave birth to you, I kept yours." She tapped a finger on her head, and the boys weren't insulted since they didn't understand it was an insult. "I'm going to psych Goofy out! Play some head games! Get him so rattled up that he'll have nightmares about this race! And maybe give that pretty girlfriend of his some trouble too..." Her face soured and she pulled away as she remembered what Bouncer had told her. "She might be the real cause of all this."

"How you figure, Ma?" Burger asked, his stomach beginning to growl.

"Think about it, boys! Before she came along, that dog mouthed off to us, but he couldn't do any real damage." Ma cracked her knuckles, recalling the day Goofy had struggled to stop their thievery in this very same temple, but had only succeeded in tripping all over himself. "Then she comes out of nowhere, and suddenly he's got the courage to sock you in the nose! If I can get rid of her somehow, it'll make Goofy a pathetic weakling again! You just leave her to me." She didn't have an exact plan yet, but it wouldn't take long. Coming up with nefarious schemes was one of her favorite pastimes. All she needed was a spark of inspiration.

"I sure hope this works out like you say it will," Bouncer said, starting to head for the exit with his little brother in tow. "At this rate, we'd be better off as slaves."

"Think they serve horse meat in Ippos?" Burger questioned as he trailed along.

Ma froze in her tracks, and then ran after her children, grabbing them by the arms and spinning them around. "Don't take another step! What did you just say?"

"...Think they serve horse meat in Ippos?"

"Not that, you moron, the other thing!"

"...We'd be better off as slaves?"

"Yes!" There came the spark, and Ma's grin looked like the glistening fangs of a snake ready to strike its next victim. "That's it! It's perfect! It's brilliant!"

Bouncer paled, and he clasped his hands together to beg. "Aw, Ma, please don't sell us as slaves! We'll do better this time!"

Burger gave it some thought. "Slaves are supposed to be fed regularly, right?"

Ma grabbed them both by the ears and knocked their heads together, the sounds of their skulls bonking sounding much like two hollow coconuts colliding. "The girl, you fools! It's about the girl! I'm going to make her into a slave! That will bite Goofy's pride something fierce, and that woman will never dare to stand up to anyone again, much less us!"

Slavery wasn't found everywhere in Greece, and the more reputable lands banned it altogether. But there were still plenty of places that enforced it, and of course there were several Beagles who were more than happy to take part in such a despicable trade. Because of this, Ma knew a thing or two about how slavery worked, including a few tricks in order make the system work for you. Slavery wasn't used in this sleepy town, but it wasn't illegal there, nor was it so in Ippos. It still came with its own set of rules and regulations, and Ma knew just how to bend them to her will. It wouldn't be easy, and it could take some time, but for the desired results it would be worth the wait.

"Oh, I can just see it now," Ma cackled, fire and brimstone burning in her eyes. "That woman crying and begging as she's taken away and branded, and the goof can't do anything but watch! It'll eat him up forever! Or even better, he'll just stop eating, and die off!"

As Ma cackled with horrific glee, Bouncer and Burger exchanged a silent, worried look. Being bad was a hereditary trait at this point, but Ma's ecstatic joy at dooming a young woman to slavery and wishing death upon a clumsy bystander was starting to cross a line that made them as nauseous as Goofy currently was. They wouldn't dare tell her how much she was scaring them, or defy her in any way. Ultimately it was no skin off their nose, but they'd be looking forward to when it was all over. If Ma was this upset over one man giving them trouble, what would happen to the entire village if she desired vengeance? Had she always been this blood-thirsty and only just now showing it?

The real answer was a mix of yes and no. While Ma didn't believe in the gods, the gods believed in her. Specifically, Pete believed that any mortal was capable of destruction and suffering, and in his unending quest to make a war, he'd left Mount Olympus yet again in order to push people over the edge. All it took was simple poke to the back to the head to ignite their anger, and the Beagles were often the easiest sources to create a ruckus. In his boredom, he was poking anyone in sight, trying to create something, anything, to make his life more entertaining. Igniting Ma's rage was merely him passing by. He'd barely been listening to anything that had been said.

Pete had gotten the gist of what happened with Aphrodite, and it confused him to no end. He still would have been angry if she'd chosen any of the other gods that lived on Mount Olympus, but at least he would have understood it. But marrying Hephaestus? A reject god? Where was the logic in that? His wars were dying off, and the woman that was perfect for him had turned out to be imperfect. Had the entire world gone topsy-turvy? He was a god, his life was supposed to go exactly the way he wanted. If it didn't, that made him no better than a mortal – which to him meant being no better than cattle.

The only sensible conclusion he'd been able to reach was that because Minnie was the goddess of love, she loved everyone, which included scrawny ugly losers that lived on the mortal plane with the rest of the trash. She must have chosen him because if she'd chosen anyone on the Mountain, there'd be even more fighting over than usual. That had to be the reason, nothing else made sense. It didn't mean he had to like it. It also didn't mean he'd completely given up on her either.

All Pete had to do was prove his superiority to her, above all other gods. She hadn't yet officially married Hephaestus, so there was time to fix things. But as it stood now, he had no accomplishments to his name, nothing that made him stand out. He was – dare say it – ordinary! Common! Just like everyone else! What a horrible thing to be, when you knew you were better than everyone else. He needed to find some way to impress her, some way to include her, something that would prove he deserved to have her. But Pete wasn't creative, and he knew nothing about women, save for how well they could fight.

He stopped for a moment when he realized he was by Goofy's house. He still remembered the vow he made, mostly to himself, that the future chariot race would be full of blood and broken bones. But he also knew that all races ended eventually, and so his entertainment wouldn't last long. Pete scowled at the house and at those who lived in it – and he also remembered that extremely strange girl with no memories to grasp. He'd easily forgotten about her until just then. She was a mystery, and mysteries were difficult to solve when you typically solved everything with violence.

Pete rubbed his stubbly chin. Maybe if he solved the question of the mystery mortal, Minnie might come to respect him, love him, and marry him, all in one fell swoop. Oh, but that'd mean he'd have to think, and work, and ugh, all that effort! He'd have to clear his schedule of sitting on his big butt and watching the world in hopes of finding a war. She'd better appreciate the sacrifice!

He didn't know where to start, but maybe he could get some help from the other gods – no, correction, he would make them help. Who was going to stop him? Zeus? That was a laugh! No, soon Pete and Minnie would be the real power couple of Mount Olympus.

Pete began to plot, as Ma began to plot, and Gyro began to plot in that small town, and elsewhere Minnie was plotting and Mickey was plotting, and no doubt across the world many people were coming up with many ideas. As usual, no one had any idea of any potential danger at their door.