A/N- sorry it took me so long to update! I hada bunch of family stuff and a soccer tournyyy. Hope you enjoy this chapterrrr good parts are coming uppp soon and i'm anxious to write em. please, help me get better-- point out the things that I need to work on! Now i'll stop blabbering. Here's Understand
BPOV
"Bella? Bella! Wake up! Bella it's just a dream!"
I inhaled sharply, the vivid images of my dream instantly blurring away. I could make out faint pictures of the nightmare that had been haunting my sleep all night. A nightclub dance floor, a large bottle of whiskey, a smiling devil, clothes on the floor– all things that I pushed away immediately. I didn't need to think about this, about anything concerning it. I honestly felt a strong longing to go up and punch Edward Cullen square in the face for resurrecting this torturous retention.
"Bella?" Hot hands shook my shoulders again, luring me further into awareness as the husky voice called my name again. "Bella, Charlie called."
I groaned at the name of my father. Wait, was I not home? I rolled off of my side and onto my back, my arm covering my eyes by reflex. I blinked in the safe darkness my arm provided, adjusting my eyes before I removed it and looked my savior in the face.
"Jacob?" My voice was groggy.
Jacob's large face loomed over mine in a blurry disarray as my eyes slowly focused. His face resembled one of a concerned mother. I groaned again. Not now Jacob.
"Charlie called," He repeated, pulling his face away from mine. The bed moaned in protest as he shifted his weight fully onto its side. "He and Billy are going fishing. He said that you've been screaming and crying in your sleep all night. He couldn't even get you to wake up. Are you feeling okay, Bells?"
My eye shifted from his and scanned the room. A light gray light was residing from the window giving my room an eerie morning glow. I sighed. "No." I answered honestly.
Jacob surveyed me expectantly. I stayed silent in my bed, moving my arm under the blanket. He still didn't speak, nor did he look away. I sighed and pulled my old quilt up to my chin, refusing to meet his gaze. The silence dragged on.
"Tell me what's wrong, Bella." He insisted at last. I huffed inaudibly to myself. "It'll help."
"Help!" I scoffed in a hushed tone. Yes, I'm positive it would help if I were to relive the worst event that had ever occurred in my life. To experience the dreadful emotions that I had felt unwillingly that night. It would most definitely help for him to have a reason to look at me different everyday. I was just dying to have someone here look at me the way that they had back in Phoenix after my life had been ruined. Yes Jacob, it'd be so beneficial. "You don't know the meaning of that word."
Jacob ducked his head at my frosty words. "I know it's what friends do."
I hung my head in shame, averting my eyes to the foot of the bed. All he was trying to do was be a good friend. Well, now. How do I know he wouldn't just turn on me tomorrow? I had trusted Lola with my life, Renee with my life, and they both let me lose it. I shook my head feebly, unable to say another cold word to him.
"Bella," he said warily, the bed groaning in relief now as he pushed himself from it. "I'm here and I'm not going to hurt you. Just do whatever's right, 'kay? I know they did you wrong in Phoenix, but no matter what happened back there it won't change who you are to me."
I froze, incapable to so much as move now. It was as if he could somehow read my mind. I had never really considered we were this good of friends. I nodded slowly again. "I will, Jake," I assured him, glancing up at him shyly from below my eyelashes. "But that means I have to consult with someone else before I can tell you what's wrong with me. Thanks Jake."
He eyed me wryly and let it drop. He dropped his gaze to the ground and shuffled his feet around, nodding slightly. "You wanna do something then?"
I sighed. "Why not?"
His face lit up and his eyes returned to my face. Reaching forward, he pulled me from the warmth of my bed to the chilly air of Charlie's unheated house. I shivered, curling in towards Jacob's overheated hands. "We haven't hung out with Quil and Embry in awhile."
A small smile found its way across my lips. "Right . . ."
.
"Awh, I'm sorry Jake. Don't blame me, though– I wasn't the one who made the plans!"
Jacob huffed, crossing his arms. He glared past me from where he sat in his parked Rabbit on the curb outside of Charlie's house. I'd spent the past couple of hours in La Push doing absolutely nothing with a bunch of foolish, immature teenage boys. It had been reckless and distracting– exactly what I had needed. Charlie had called only twenty minutes ago, summoning me home with the reminder that we had dinner at the Cullens' house. I wasn't particularly excited to have to endure another evening with Edward Cullen– no doubt I'd be experiencing the same torturous nightmare that had visited me so kindly last night. I was going to talk to him, straighten this out. Tell him that I didn't want to be around him for unexplainable reason. I'd probably end up pleading. I was beyond desperate for all reminders to just disappear.
He sighed in defeat, his arms descending to his sides. "Yeah, whatever you say Bells." he mumbled in mock annoyance. He leaned across me and pushed the door aside. "Get out of my car, traitor."
I smacked his arm as it recoiled from the doorknob. He chuckled.
"Yeah, whatever Jacob." I retorted, sliding unsteadily from the passengers seat to the stable ground beside the curb. Jacob snorted. I snickered. "See you later Jake."
He rolled his eyes as I slammed the door shut. The sound of the window rolling down caused me to turn my head faintly.
"Call me tomorrow," Jacob requested, his low, musky voice muffled in the car. "If you get to talk to whoever it is you need to, that is."
I waved a hand carelessly over my shoulder, focusing strongly on ignoring that way my chest tightened at his words. I couldn't let him see how much the thought of it hurt. Tomorrow, perhaps, would be the first time I'd ever opened up to anyone about what had happened over a year ago. I shook away my thoughts and chose to pay attention to the ground and not tripping instead.
"Bells, that you?" Charlie called from in the living room as I pushed the front door aside. I sighed, shrugging off my raincoat.
"Yeah Dad!" I yelled back.
He grunted from where he was and left it at that. I hung my coat on a hook beside the door and stomped noisily towards the living room in a mad attempt to shake off the lingering water my coat hadn't managed to protected me from. I shivered. Charlie really needed to turn the heat up in here.
"Your late." Charlie grumbled from where he sat on the couch, eyes glued to the tv. I rolled my eyes.
"Then you should get your butt off the couch and get ready to go." I rebutted playfully. I glanced at the clock above the tv and did a double take. I didn't think it was that late. I laughed in disbelief. "Seriously, Dad. We only have half an hour and you're bound to get lost getting there."
Charlie groaned, waving a hand urgently in hopes I would fall silent. "Just, just five more minutes," He pleaded, and, without looking away from the screen added, "Go freshen up or something."
"Yes sir, Chief Swan." I snickered, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. We were definitely going to be late. . .
I rushed up the stairs, taking them two at a time, praying I wouldn't trip. One look in the mirror told me that Charlie hadn't been far off the mark when he suggested that I should freshen up. It was definitely noticeable that I had spent the whole day done in a cramped garage with a multitude of rowdy boys. I laughed. Honestly, I liked it that way. Still, I contradicted myself with a sigh, I should make myself more presentable.
Dressed in silky black pants and a dark blue blouse, I bounded down the stairs only minutes later. "Ch- Dad!" I called as I reached the bottom step and rounded the small stretch of wall to the living room.
"Your past your limit." I teased, coming to a stop. I rolled my eyes as I found him sitting in exactly the same place I'd left him. He ignored me, keeping his concentrated stare on the tv. I huffed impatiently and stepped over, pulling him by his arm in the direction of the door. He wouldn't budge. I gave up and my hands slid down to my hips.
"If you hurry, dad, you could probably catch the rest of the game at the Cullen's." I suggested, my impatience and distaste towards being late slowly getting the better of me. He waved me off like before. I groaned. "Charlie Swan, you don't want to make Carlisle mad at you, do you?"
Charlie reluctantly looked away from the tv. "No." He grunted, turning his gaze back to the tv as he unwillingly reached for the remote and hovered his thumb above the power button. The tv broke in commercial. "Okay, hurry!"
I snorted. "Yes Sir."
Charlie looked as clumsy as me as he stumbled towards the door, pulling on his shoes and coat at such a speed that he easily became uncoordinated. I chuckled under my breath as I steadied him and pulled on my own shoes and rain coat. Quickly becoming impatient, Charlie snatched my arm and towed me out the door and to the cruiser through the rain before my had managed to secure my coat on both of my arms. I huffed out my annoyance as I slid into the car and shook my wet hair onto his seat before he got in. The car was on and out of the driveway in a matter of seconds. The whole departure had taken no more then two minutes.
I kept my eyes out the window as we drove across town. The houses slowly became larger, more spaced out. We crossed a bridge and, not too long after, the houses disappeared all together. The speed Charlie had taken on was beginning to turn the large, overly green trees into a thick green wall. I was tempted to say something to him about it, but I knew he was anxious to get to the house and catch the rest of the game.
"Now the driveway's here . . . somewhere." Charlie mumbled urgently. I scanned the sides of the road. Nothing but trees.
"You sure its not up a little further, Charlie?" I asked when my eyes came up short.
He shook his head. "There it is," He announced, pointing at a very secluded driveway that was nearly engulfed in large trees. "I think."
I shrugged. "Go for it."
He pulled the cruiser into the driveway and began down it. I leaned forward in my seat, trying to catch sight of the house. We drove– at a slow pace now– for about two or three more miles before the trees on either side of us thinned and became larger. A white mansion peeked through the large trees and finally into view as we reached a small meadow where the trees were lessened. It was beautiful.
Charlie let out a low whistle. "They've got quite a nice house."
"Big." I whispered. "With steps." I gulped. Steps. A house that big is bound to have stairs too. Every klutz's nightmare.
"Well, let's get in there!" Charlie ordered, his voice instantly becoming urgent again. I silently obeyed and slipped out of the car. We jogged– I stumbled as fast as I could– to the steps. I stayed at the bottom as Charlie made his way up and pounded on the door.
It took all of five minutes for the door to open. I felt my jaw pop and I struggled to compose myself as I took in the man standing in front of us.
He was obviously Carlisle, the one Cullen I'd yet to meet. He was pale, like the rest of them, and too young looking to be a parent of the teenage kids. He had neat blonde hair and features more like a male actor or runway model, not a doctor at a small town hospital. I smiled nervously, afraid of what he would think of my reaction.
"You must be Chief Swan," Carlisle greeted my father heartedly, offering his hand. "Come in!" He motioned for Charlie to walk in and turned back to me. "You're his daughter then. Isabella Swan."
"Bella." I corrected mechanically.
He smiled apologetically. "Well, come in Bella."
I followed after his request, entering towards where he waved his hand. The interior of the house didn't particularly surprise me after my experiences with Alice and the fact that Carlisle was a doctor. It was wide open, white. All the furniture looked like it was pure designer material, except much more comfy. A big screen tv was perched on the wall to my right in front of two large white couches.
I saw Charlie making his way towards it as he realized that Emmett and Jasper were watching to same game he'd been before we left. Rosalie was settled snugly into Emmett's lap, eying me strangely, I looked away. Alice was sitting beside Jasper, their hands intertwined, looking at me with a delighted smile. I hesitantly returned mine halfheartedly. She sighed and pushed up off the couch, releasing Jasper's hand.
"Hi Bella!" She chirped as she skipped towards me.
"Hey."
She narrowed her eyes at me, coming to a stop only a foot away from me. She tilted her head. "You okay today, Bells?"
I shrugged, not exactly sure of what would be an accurate response to that. "I had a bad night's sleep." I offered. I looked away from her worried gaze and surveyed the bright room again. Carlisle was standing behind the couch speaking to Charlie with a lady with light brown hair and a heart shaped face beside him– must be Esme. Jasper was leaning against the side of the couch watching the tv with no interest in his eyes. Rosalie sat with her arms crossed as Emmett bounced up and down from excitement provoked by the game. Someone was missing. . . "Where's Edward?"
Alice bit her lip and glanced toward the stairs. "In his room," she said softly. "Would you go check on him for me? Bring him down? He's not listening to me or Emmett and Carlisle and Esme refuse to bother him."
I swallowed my curiosity as to why this might be. I wanted to talk to him . . . or yell at him. I wasn't quite sure. "Okay."
Alice smiled warmly and flitted back to the couches, waving at me as she glided down to sit in front of Jasper and lean against his legs. I smiled back, more willingly this time, and headed up the stairs. It wasn't until I reached the top that I realized I didn't know where his room was. I bit my lip and started down the hall. A sniffle broke the eerie silence.
I followed the noise, which grew louder and came more and more often. It sounded like someone was crying. I quickened my pace. Were they hurt? I came to a halt in front of a black door that was open a crack. Cautiously pushing it open more, I peeked my head through.
I didn't have time to look around the large CD filled room in amazement before my eyes landed on where Edward sat on a big king sized bed. He was bent over, his elbows resting on his knees, his head cradled in his hands. He swayed unsteadily in harmony with the door as it swung dangerously close to hitting the wall. I could barely make out a picture frame on his lap. All my past intentions abandoned me.
His head snapped up. His angelic face was stained with tears, his emerald orbs red, puffy and framed with dark circles. His expression portrayed a weak look of surprise as I spoke.
"Oh, Edward, I . . ." What was I here for again?
His head slumped back down and more tears fell down onto the glass frame on his lap. I felt my heart snap. I knew I was supposed to ignore him. I was supposed to stay away from him and tell him to do the same. But I knew what it felt like to be in pain and have no one else willing to help you. I scurried over to his bedside and took his pained face between my hands. He whipped it up to look me in the eyes, his face more shocked than before.
"What's wrong Edward?" I asked. His eyes raged with conflict as the tears slowly began to cease. We stared into each others eyes for an endless amount of time. He parted his lips, on the verge of breaking the silence, when a single tear rolled out of his eye and down his cheek. I didn't have to ask to know that this tear was the one that carried the largest portion of his anguish. I rose out of my squat beside his bed and lowered myself onto his bed. He watched me warily.
I released his face and ran my fingers down his arm to where his hand rested on the center of the picture frame. Gently, I removed his hand so I could see what it was covering. A small, brown haired, green eyed girl smiled back at us. I feared asking what was the significance of her. Instead, I remained silent and pulled Edward into my arms.
"I'm so sorry Edward." I whispered. I didn't know what it was, or why I would even consider it, but something inside of me was whispering he might understand.
