"What? Why?" I gaped at him. Then it dawned on me. "What's wrong with you? What did they say at the hospital? Edgar?" I closed the gap between us and gripped his shoulders.
"You can't do this," Sam said in a small voice.
"I have to, Sam." Edgar stepped closer and leaned against me. "I have a brain tumour. Where it is, they can't operate. Well, they could, but I'd likely end up a vegetable. I don't want that. I want this. My life with you, or at least as much as I can have. It's just gonna have to be different."
"You want to be a vampire?"
"Of course I don't want to be, but I don't have a choice. I might live a year or two at most otherwise, and it'll get worse. The headaches, seizures. My moods will change. I don't want that. So, will you?"
"I—" Of course I would, if that's what he wanted. The shock of what he'd told me, that he would die otherwise, rendered me speechless, and he mistook it for hesitation about what he'd asked of me.
He pulled away. "Paul, if you won't do it, I'll ask David. You know he won't say no."
"I didn't say no. I'm just—I'm—" I sat down on the couch. "How long have you known what's wrong?"
"A few days. I've been reading about it. That's why I put off going to see the doctor. I knew what they were going to tell me."
"Fuck, Edgar." I sunk my head into my hands. Of course I wanted him to be like me. It would mean we could be together, always, without him aging, without him getting sick or hurt. But he'd always hated vampires until he fell for me, and I knew he'd prefer to do anything rather than be one—besides die.
"I know what I want." He sat beside me and draped his arm around my shoulders. "At least I'll always stay like this. Twenty-one, young and hot, right?"
"God, I can't listen to this. Sorry, Edgar. I'll call you tomorrow." Sam shot out of the door and left the apartment.
"Don't joke, Edgar," I said. "Are you sure? Have you thought this through?"
"A million times. I even thought about it before I got sick. When I had my last birthday, I started thinking what would happen when I get to thirty, or forty, and you don't age with me. Eventually, we'd lose each other. I don't want that. Do you?"
I shook my head.
"Don't you want me to be like you?"
"More than anything," I admitted. "Sometimes it's hard to resist. Sometimes I have to leave so I don't bite you like that."
"I know. This is the only way. It'll go, right? When I change? The tumour, I mean?"
"Yeah. When I said you stay the same as when you're changed, I meant age and physical appearance. If you're sick or injured, it heals."
"Then do it. Tonight. Before I get any worse. I don't want to wake up another day with that headache. You know what that's like? It's like someone's hammering a stake into my forehead. Like my brain's gonna explode."
"Okay." I nodded. "But you have to understand something. You'll have to change fully and that means—"
"I have to kill." He squeezed his eyes shut.
"Yes. If it helps, when Dwayne changed, David took him hunting for bad people—rapists, thieves, gang members, people like that. People who'd hurt somebody."
Edgar opened his eyes again and nodded. "I suppose that might help. I have to do it anyway. It's all or nothing. I don't want to be half. I remember how Michael suffered."
"Okay. We'll do it, but I want David to be here. It's not nice, what happens after. David took care of me when I changed, and Marko and Dwayne. I want him around in case I need some help. And we need to figure out where to find someone suitable for… well, you know."
Edgar sighed. "Fine. I don't care. Nothing can be as bad as what I'll go through if this thing gets any worse. If David has to be here, that's fine."
"Right. Well, no time like the present, I guess. Stay here." I left him, raced downstairs and into the store. Dwayne was looking after things, accompanied by the dogs, but David was nowhere to be seen.
"Paul?"
"Where is he?" I demanded.
"Hunting. What's wrong? Is Edgar okay?"
"No, he's not, but he will be. I need David. I'm gonna change Edgar."
"Fuck! Why? What's wrong with him?" Dwayne's eyes widened.
"Brain tumour." I choked on the words and my eyes stung. "He asked me to change him. It'll fix him, won't it?"
"Yes." Dwayne put his hand on my shoulder. "He'll be fine when it's done. It'll be gone, he won't be sick anymore. I thought you knew that."
"Yeah, I just wanted confirmation."
"Confirmation of what?" David appeared, one eyebrow lifted.
I brushed a hand across my eyes, annoyed with myself. This was no time to cry like a pussy. "Edgar's sick. He'll die if I don't change him."
"I distinctly remember him saying something along the lines of preferring to be dead than undead."
"That was years ago, you asshole! He was a kid!" I snarled.
"Whoa, what did I say?" David backed up, hands raised.
"David, Edgar has a tumour. He asked Paul to change him," Dwayne said.
"Shit, Paul, I'm sorry," David groaned. "Do you want the bottle?"
"No. I'm going to do it myself, but I want you to be there."
"You know how to do it?"
"Yeah, Dwayne told me ages ago."
David nodded. "When?"
"Now. He wants it to be tonight. And he wants to fully change, so we need to find someone for him to feed from."
"I'll stay here for now," Dwayne said. "The store's busy. Unless you want me?"
I shook my head. "Edgar will appreciate you looking after the store. Keep the dogs with you."
"I'll come up in a while. I'll bring someone with me."
"Thanks, Dwayne."
David and I went up to the apartment and found Edgar pacing again. He clenched and unclenched his fists, his heart racing. He stopped still when we entered the room, his gaze darting from me to David and back again. He licked his lips nervously and gulped.
"Are you sure this is what you want?" I asked him.
"Yes. So long as you do it." He glanced warily at David
David took a step back. "I won't lay a finger on you. Or a fang. I'm here to help if I'm needed, that's all. You know what happens after you get bit?"
"I have to feed to complete the change."
"Yes, but after that."
"Sort of. I die, right?"
"Yeah, and what happens when a person dies?"
"David." I frowned warningly. "It's not nice, Edgar. It hurts, and you'll puke and shit out everything in your system. It takes an hour or two."
"Like I said, it can't be worse than the pain in my head when I wake up. Or worse than what will happen to me if you don't do it. What do I do?"
"Take your clothes off," David said. "Keep your underwear on for now if you want. You'll be spending quite a while in the bathroom."
Edgar nodded, then began to strip off his clothes, apparently unconcerned about David standing there. He stopped when he got to his plain black boxers. He picked up an elastic band from the coffee table, gathered up his hair and tied it into a ponytail. "Okay, I'm ready. Let's do this."
"Come and sit down." I sat on the couch and pulled Edgar down beside me. His heart hammered in his chest and his whole body trembled. I drew him onto my lap and wrapped both arms around him. "It'll be okay," I whispered. "I love you."
"Love you too," he grunted. His voice shook and tears rolled down his cheeks. "Fuck. Sorry."
To his credit, David didn't say anything. He stared at the floor, head turned away. I stroked my hand up and down Edgar's back, trying to calm him, but he wept and shivered, scared and unhappy. When his tears stopped, he slumped in my arms, eyes closed. "Do it now," he murmured.
It was the hardest thing I'd ever had to do. I'd never loved anyone before Edgar, and he was everything to me. I felt as if I wouldn't function without him, and that I might as well throw myself into a fire or walk out in the sun if anything happened to him. I was about to kill him in a way, and I hesitated, terrified, almost wishing David would take over. I looked up and he met my eyes.
"You can do it," he whispered, too quietly for Edgar to hear. "Remember that you're saving him from suffering."
I took a needless breath, found the spot beneath Edgar's ear that he liked me to nibble on, and plunged my fangs in. I bit hard and I imagined my venom leaving the small sacs behind the fangs, travelling to the tips, and entering his blood stream. The coppery tang of his blood filled my mouth and I withdrew my fangs, keeping my lips over the small wounds to stem the flow. Edgar whimpered and squirmed in my arms but didn't try to pull away. I lifted my head, then repeatedly licked the bite marks until they stopped bleeding.
"Is that it?" Edgar opened his eyes.
"How does it feel? The bite?" David asked him.
"Hot. Tingly. Weird. My heart's racing like it's going to explode."
David nodded. "That's it."
I heaved a sigh of relief that I hadn't fucked it up. I held Edgar close, listening to his heartbeat as it raced and stuttered, then gradually slowed. He stayed relaxed for a few minutes and none of us spoke. Then Edgar looked up and met my eyes. His usual deep brown irises were yellow, and I knew if he opened his mouth, his new fangs would be visible. He pulled away from me and got to his feet. "What now?"
"Hungry?" David grinned.
"Don't." I shook my head.
"Yeah," Edgar said. He licked his lips, then carefully touched the tips of his fangs with the tip of his tongue. "Fuck." He laughed nervously, then froze at the sounds going on downstairs.
"Where the hell are you taking me?" a strange voice demanded.
"To see the boss. You steal his stock, you pay," Dwayne barked.
"Let me go!"
There was a thump, then Dwayne's feet stamped up the stairs. He opened the door and came in carrying a body over his shoulder. He lowered it to the floor in front of Edgar and we all stared at the scruffy young guy. "He was stealing your comics," Dwayne said. "Add to that, he tried to get in the till when I was serving someone else."
"Is he dead?" Edgar's eyes widened.
"No, I knocked him out. Figured it would be easier."
"Shit." Edgar glanced at me.
"Take your time," I said softly.
Edgar shook his head. "If I think, I won't do it." He dropped to his knees, pulled the young man up by the collar of his shirt, and plunged his new fangs into his throat.
"Fuck," David muttered as blood spurted in all directions. "A little finesse, please."
"Shut up," Dwayne said under his breath.
We all watched as Edgar fed. The young man's heartbeat slowed and eventually stopped. Edgar got to his feet, his chest, arms, and thighs spattered with blood and rivulets of it running from the corners of his mouth.
"Jesus, get in the shower." David wrinkled his nose.
"Will you stop?" I scowled at him, and led Edgar into the bathroom.
"Did I fuck up?" Edgar stripped off his underwear and got in the shower.
"You made a little mess. Don't worry about it. It'll clean up."
"I feel sick. I can't believe I did that. But I had to just go for it, or I wouldn't have at all. I kept telling myself, it's him or me. If I don't do it, I'll die."
"Don't question yourself. You did great. It's hard at first, I know, but it gets easier."
"I never thought I'd be like this. You remember when I first met you guys? When me and Alan met you and wanted to kill you?"
"I know. Edgar, don't think about it now. You still have to get through the physical change."
"Yeah, like I really can't wait for that." Grimacing, he turned on the water and scrubbed the blood off himself. "Are the others all staying?"
A door slammed downstairs and I shook my head. "I told you I want David here, but I think Dwayne just left. He's probably getting rid of the body."
Edgar shuddered. "What now? How long does it take?"
"It'll happen some time in the next few hours. You'll sleep for a while."
He dried off, put on fresh underwear, and opened the door. I gaped at the sight of David mopping the wood floor to get rid of the blood.
"What?" He glared. "You expect me to lick it up?"
I snorted. "I wouldn't put it past you."
"You fucking do it then."
"I'm sorry, David," Edgar said. "I just wanted to get it done."
"Forget it. It's sorted." He took the mop into the kitchen. "Dwayne's gone to get rid of the kid. Then he's going to stay in the RV. He left the dogs in there."
I sat down on the couch again and Edgar snuggled against me, yawning. David found something to watch on the TV and sat in a chair. Edgar slept and we all waited. Some time very soon, the love of my life would be like me and then I'd never have to worry about losing him—not to sickness or age, anyway.
