Lol.. I thought I had posted this chapter a few days ago and I was like, "why isn't anyone commenting?" I'm awesome like that. Sorry for the delay.. but after tomorrow, I should all in the good. Now I got some shopping and cleaning to catch up on. :D
How Reliable is Imprinting?
Kim
"Why do you like me?" I asked Jared as we walked out of the movie theater. I seemed to have caught him off guard so I explained myself. "It's just, I don't really understand what could make you change your taste so quickly." He pulled me aside against the wall so we wouldn't get in the way of the people walking in and out of the theaters.
"Honestly, I don't know. I don't really know why I like you." Okay, that wasn't the answer I was looking for. "I just do. It's kind of a wolf thing."
"Wolf thing? How is this a wolf thing?" I asked, a little confused.
"We call it 'imprinting'. It's when one of us finds the one we were meant to be with."
"Like love at first sight?" He shook his head.
"No. Not like love at first sight. Love at first sight is when you fall in love with the idea of someone based solely on what they look like. Imprinting has nothing to do with what you look like; it's you, everything about you that I've fallen for. Like science. Just before, I was too into myself to realize it." I smiled, forgetting what it was that I had asked him in the first place. "So to answer your question, I love you because I was always meant to love you and there is nothing in the world that can make me change that."
A few days later, Jared picked me up. I was meeting his 'pack' today, and I was so nervous. My sister made some mini tacos for me to take over. I wore a pair of jeans with boots and a white angora sweater since the weather was getting angry. I put a thin headband in my hair and carried a faux leather bag.
"Kim, it's nice to finally meet you," a stunning woman greeted me as she opened the door. I just smiled, and prayed she didn't notice me staring at the scars on her face. "I'm Emily." She invited Jared and me in and I gave her the tacos which she set in the middle of the small round table. I knew I wasn't containing myself when I stared at them. They were ALL huge. I mean, Paul and Jared were big, but Emily's boyfriend was even bigger, and there was even a guy bigger than him. I recognized him as Jacob; he hung out with Embry a lot at school. They were a year younger than me.
"So you're Jared's girl?" Sam greeted me. I nodded. I had a feeling he was telling himself that he lucked out to snagging the most beautiful woman available on the reservation while Jared got stuck with the chubby girl next door. "I'm Sam."
"Hi, I'm Kim. Jared's told me a lot about you."
"Likewise." He winked and I heard Paul giggle from the table, earning a punch in the arm from Jared. I had a feeling I was missing something.
"So, Jared imprinted on you, did he?" Embry asked me after taking an insanely large bite into a piece of cake. It was weird since this was the first time he was talking to me even though I had had a few classes with him in the past. "What's that like?" I shrugged.
"It's kinda cool," I admitted shyly.
"Imprints have it made," Paul said taking a drink of orange juice straight from the jug. "You get tall dark handsome that will never cheat on you." Emily smacked him on the head.
"That jug is yours," she said. "Kim, you want to help me with the pasta and salad?" I walked over to her and tossed the salad. "Sam tells me your sister is trying to get a job in Seattle," she said quietly, though I was certain that Jared and the others heard her.
"She has an interview next week at a restaurant that she's really excited for," I replied, trying to sound positive. "It'd be really good for her to go."
"Are you going to move up there with her?" I nodded.
"I really want to support her. She's given up a lot for me." She looked up and smiled her beautiful smile at me. She reminded me of Jasmine, almost motherly and wise.
"You're a good sister, Kim."
Dear Diary,
I am so in love with Jared that it hurts, physically hurts. I still can't believe that he likes me. Even the fact that he's apparently a werewolf makes him seem so unattainable. He just looks so good. Though, I have to admit, sometimes he looks so good, I think he's going to wake up and realize it himself. I mean, he used to date like super hot chicks, tall leggy blonds with lots of makeup and skanky clothes. I don't even have that much makeup and I doubt I'd be doing myself any favors by stuffing my fat in hoochy outfits. It just doesn't make sense that he'd even pay attention to me. I'm not sure how his imprinting is supposed to work, but really, how reliable can that be for me? I mean, if he's under some spell to love me in the first place, can't he just... stop? Is that what I really want? *sigh... I just don't know what I'd do if that happened. Maybe.. maybe I should make some kind of gesture to show him that I am, or could be, the kind of girl?
Okay, I have thought all night about this. I love Jared, more than anything in the world, and have since forever. I think I really want him to be my first. I mean, my first should be with the one I love, right? And I just know he'd never hurt me. I think I need to show him how much I love him in a different way.. a physical way. My sister is going away to Seattle in a few days. I think that's a good idea. Yes. Yes I do. Yes.
Yours truly in love,
Jared's
Jared
"You called, my lady?" I asked from her window. Sure, I could've used the front door, but I thought Kim would get a kick if I surprised her from the window. Plus I've always wanted to do that. I climbed in her window and stayed seated at the windowsill, noticing the candles lit around her room.
"I just missed you, that's all," she said shyly. I cocked my head to the side, a little confused of what was going on.
"I just saw you like a few hours ago, Kim, before my patrols." Jacob's "girlfriend" had informed us awhile back the vampire's name was Victoria, who was after her, so we had been chasing the redhead all over the place, but she was a slick one, I'd give her that. Kim nodded and took my hands. I could hear her heart pick up. She was nervous about something. It was 9:30 and she invited me over when she was home alone. Maybe she was scared? "Hey, are you okay?" I stood up and put my hands on her shoulders, which kicked her heartbeat faster. She nodded.
"I just... really wanted to see you." She leaned in to hug me, so I wrapped my arms around her, putting my hand on the back of her head. She pulled back and pulled me to her luscious lips. Who was I to resist her? I bent down to kiss her soft supple lips. I sometimes wondered how I was able to walk away from her with just a kiss. I wanted nothing more than to keep her pure and comfortable, but a part of me ached for her.
I thought my lust was tricking my mind when I felt her hand creep up my shirt, stroking my back and stomach with her fingers. My kiss got hungrier and I felt my breathing get a little heavier. Then I felt her reach for the button and zipper of my pants. I grabbed her hand in shock. I had to admit sometimes I let my desire for her get the better of me, but I knew if she at all gave me a hint she wanted to stop, I would. But if she was going to make moves, there was nothing that was going to stop me. I sure as hell wasn't going to stop myself.
"Kim, Kim, what are you doing?"
"Jared, I.... I love you," she said.
"I love you too, Kim. You don't need to do anything you don't want to. I swear, I'm not going anywhere. I just want you to be happy." It started making sense. The candles were lit. She called me over on a Friday night. Her sister was in Seattle for the interview. And yes, I did want it, but didn't at the same time.
"Being with you tonight would make me happy. Really, Jared. I want to do this."
"Kim, we can wait. There's really no rush, believe me."
"This isn't about then or now. I'm just so happy with you and I'm really ready to give this part of me to you." I sighed. Probably a smarter part of me was telling me that this was wrong. I couldn't take advantage of this girl's vulnerability. At least the girls I had been with knew what I was after. Even used it as the means to be with me; I could see now how awful my actions were before. But Kim wasn't one of those girls. She was delicate and pure, perfect. I was so in love with her I didn't understand it myself. I wanted to show her how much in the only way I knew how. But this time would be different. It wouldn't be just sex.
I leaned down to kiss her again, softly at first, and then let my tongue probe her sweet mouth. I felt her get at my pants and I just stood with my hands pinned to my side, afraid to get too aggressive. She lifted my shirt and ran her cool fingers up my stomach and up, paying special attention to my chest. I broke our kiss and took off my shirt. She pulled me to her bed and I took a seat and pulled her on top of my lap. I kissed her again; she started nibbling at my lips and crept over to my ear. Damn, I loved having her breath on my ear. My hand snaked up her shirt. I was afraid she'd stop me, but she didn't, so I proceeded to take it off of her. She was wearing a black bra. I loved the color black. She leaned me over and I pulled her so that she lay on top of me and helped her wriggled out of her pants. I couldn't believe what we were about to do.
"Are you sure?" I asked one more time. She just smiled and grabbed something from the desk beside her and handed it to me. I smiled at how prepared she really was.
Kim
Jared was naked in my bed and I was pretty close to joining him. I was so scared I was going to mess this up. I wanted this. He deserved this. I can do this, I told myself. He'll keep me safe; he won't do anything to hurt me.
Jared
I knew I was losing control now. My animal drive was taking over, but I still felt my love for her with every touch and sound. She was mine. Kim was mine to love and please.
Kim
His moans and touches were getting more desperate. A part of me was pleased at how much he really wanted me. Things were happening so fast and so slow at the same time. There was fire in my veins as Jared turned me over so that he was on me. I love him. I want to make him happy. This would make us both so happy.
Jared
I tried to be careful not to crush her or go too hard, but I was lost in the moment. My mind swarmed with images of Kim and how we had gotten to this point. I stopped hearing things, seeing things; there was only Kim.
Kim
I started to feel something I was afraid to feel. The tiny voice at the back of my head that tried to convince me I wasn't ready was getting louder and louder. Oh no, I can't do this. I love Jared with everything I have, but I'm not ready for this. This isn't who I am. I have to stop. Please, Jared, stop. I tried to push him, beat his chest to make him stop, but he didn't seem to feel it. I looked up to see his eyes closed, grunting and panting, lost in his rhythm.
Jared
Kim felt so good under me, her body shaped to invite mine. She's my perfect girl. She's everything to me now. How could I have not seen her till now?
Kim
This was a mistake. How could I have been so childish?
Jared
Kim, I love you so much. I wish you could know how much.
Kim
What have I done? What do I do?
*sigh.. poor kim… what a way to lose your virginity. This scene actually inspired me to write this story, so I hope it's as impactful as I meant it to be. Iono if I was able to portray it well, but I wrote this story with the themes of self importance, peer pressure, expectations, and self worth. Much more to come, of course, but I just thought this would be an interesting conflict. What did you think?
