"We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy" - Walter Anderson

Bee's POV edited 1-26-10

I hadn't thought further then getting away from him. So now I was stuck in the front yard, forced to wait for someone to get me. There was no way I could get out the gates. I sat at the bottom of the steps, digging into my bag to find the marshmallows that I thankfully had packed. I should have just told him but… I had told no one. I found really early on that no one saw what I saw. I had never even tried to tell my dad about it, he would never believe me and it would break both our hearts. Well I had told Desi and I still wasn't sure if she believed me, sometimes it felt like she did and other times she seemed to block it out. The swirling pit of anger that had formed in my stomach was settling now and the need for sugar taking over. I was on my second handful of mini marshmallow when the door opened and James came out. I got up when he nudged me with his foot.

"You still want to go?" he asked. I nodded seeing no other option. He opened the garage door and steps inside "Here" He tossed me the keys.

"You ok to drive?" he asked. I nodded again. "Good, because people tend to freak when they see a car driving itself," he said

"so that thing on your arm makes you invisible right?" he nodded "so why can I see you?" I asked he surged

"isn't that what we are trying to find out?" he asked me back.

I make my way over to the driver's side. As I pulled out he directed me out of the neighborhood. I hadn't paid addiction last night but now I discovered that we were by volunteer part and not too far from I-5 giving us a short drive to dad's office in downtown Seattle. After the exchange of directions things went quiet. I turned all my attention to driving as James stared off into the distance. It wasn't a very comfortable silence; there were things hanging in the air that we both wanted to know as we pulled off I-5 into downtown. I drummed my fingers agenst the steering weal making a nervous beat as I figured out if I wanted to ask the question or not.

I finally asked "Does he hate me?"

James who had been starting out the window with a far off look turned towards me. "He's mad it's different." I bit my lip. "I think it would be impossible for him to hate you," he said with a small smile. "You've made too much of an impression."

"Yeah well," I said as I killed the engine in one of the back parking spots of the police building which housed the city morgue in the basement. "me freaking out at him didn't help." I finished

"I mean, he's trying to help. What's so important that you would hide it?"

I gave him a sarcastic glance. "I have only known you people less than 24 hours, why should I trust you at all?" I asked

"Is that how you feel or is your head telling you? Besides you never know until you trust," he said as we got out and moved across to the big metal door.

"Isn't it you never know until you try?" I said as I pulled it open to reveal the ramp leading to the waiting room.

He gave a shrug. "Does it really matter?" he asked. "And remember they can't see me so..." he said as we entered. I glanced back a him as I walked down the ramp he had the whole hansom beach boy thing going for him with the blond hair and an skin, you could tell by his walk that he knew it too, but he seemed genuinely nice.

I think a lot of people think that a morgue is going to be dark and scary but in reality it's like any other medical office. The walls are a mint green and the seats are padded but not horribly comfortable. There's a water cooler and a coffee pot on a side table next to the secretary. The only tipoff of something weird is the big hospital doors leading to the hall on the other side of the room. Lesia sat at the secretary desk. She was nice and so far our longest running one at 4 months.

"Hello Bee," she said.

I tossed her a smile and asked, "Would you happen to know where my dad was?"

She glanced at the clock hanging on the wall. "Well we had a decomp come through about 20 minutes ago so he might be in autopsy three," she said.

"Thanks Lesia," I said as I pushed open the doors, entering the bare hallway with the autopsy rooms on one side along with the large freeze and the viewing room. On the other side of the hall were the offices including my dad's. James was following me closely and slipped through the door right after me. Lesia hadn't even glanced in his direction. He gave me a smile, the blue mark still glowing on his arm. I walked to the end of the hallway giving James a sideways glance before looking in the window. Dad had his nose plugs in: not a good sign. I raised my hand and tapped on the glass. His head rose from the thing on the table to look at me. I made a come hither motion and then stepped back so he could open the door. Dad was in his full autopsy gear: the eye mask, the nose plugs and the blue disposal jumpsuit and the rubber gloves that came up to his elbows. He pushed open the door with his elbows and stuck his head out. Even thought he tried to open the door as little as possible, the smell still got out: it was bad. I wrinkled my nose at the putrid smell. Out of the corner of my eyes I saw James actually take a step back.

"Yes?" asked dad, his voice coming out all nastily from the nose plugs

"Um after you're done can you come see me?" I could hear some jazzy song come from inside the room. Dad likes to lesson to music while he works, it's not like the dead guy is going to hear it. James was looking really pale. I told them this was a bad idea.

"My office in about 10 minutes?" he asked. I nodded; trying to keep my eyes on James he was not looking so good. Dad started to close the door then popped his head back out saying, "By the way, Ted's around somewhere. You should find him and say Hi." Then he really shut the door. I turned towards James who had his lips pressed together.

"Breathe through your mouth," I said. Dad's office was the first door on the right wall. As James worked on getting over the smell. I steered him in and sat him on the little used chair in the corner and opened the high up window thinking fresh air might help him.

"Just calm down, breathe deeply. Sorry I forgot to warn you about the smell. I forgot."

"How could you forget?" I looked around the office it was messy but I saw it as a second room to our house. There was my chair with a few good books on the floor next to it. The old couch up against one wall with a blanket and pillow still on it. Dad's big messy desk and the ancient computer with the old leather swivel chair that I hated and he loved. I just shrugged.

"I don't know I guess that you just get used to it after a bit." He gave a snort. I pulled the door open and stepped out. "You stay here, I will be right back." He nodded and rested his head on the wall behind him. He didn't seem in a position to argue.

I slipped out the door peeking in all the rooms looking for Ted. I found him in the viewing room. The room was dark; only the door light was on, illuming the empty table in the centre of the room. Ted was behind the glass panel that we use to keep people identifying the body from actually getting to the body. He was sitting in one of the plastic chairs, his feet up on another chair that he had pulled across from him. I pushed his feet off the chair and sat down. He was 23 or 24, tall with brown hair forming a mop on his head and skin that suggested native American background. Our dads had been best friends since college. Ted's dad had died years ago when I was still little. I barely remember him. He had gone off to live with his aunt and uncle with his two older brothers from a different wife but dad had kept tabs on him so we had grown up as assumed family.

"You know this place is weird," he said.

"It's just a morgue," I said.

"That is weird. Don't you think it's weird?"

"I don't know, I guess but it doesn't strike me as really weird but I grew up with weird so…its normal" he nodded. "Well dad told me to stop by and say hi." He nodded again. I had no Idea where I was going with this conversation. He raised his eyebrows at me. "So I will see you around," I finished lamely. I got up and headed for the door.

"See you later Bee," he said. Behind dad and Desi, Ted is the person I am closest to, he is the only other person who treated me like a normal person when I was younger. And he was still the only person who ever hugged me. I gave him a last little smile as I waved good by to him as I left through the door. His glow a nice gray one flickered as he raised a hand in farewell.

"Can you please just not say anything about that?" James asked when I re-entered the office.

"Sure if that's what you want," I said as I started to fold the blanket. I opened the bottom drawer and put it in followed by the pillow. "Tell me something, is Sib like your leader or something? You all seem to do as he says," I said as I curled up in my chair, a big soft one with a round back on the opposite side of the office from the door and James.

"Pick up a book; when he comes in it will look like you have been reading," he said to me.

I did and then said, "You didn't answer my question."

He shook his head as if to shake off the troublesome question. "We are a team" he said.

"Sure, and teams have leaders," I said back.

"Look he's the oldest. Someday it will all be up to him and right now he is the one who has to answer to our parents, so he gets the final word but he would never call himself the leader."

"Hmm," I said.

He continued, "He's good at it, he really tries. I would trust him with anything and you should give him the same trust." He had crossed his arms and I could tell was trying to keep his face neutral.

I decided to bring the conversation in a different direction. "You seem to know him really well" I said.

He gave a small smile. "He's my prabatai. I trust him with my life, we trained together as kids. We are brothers in all but blood."

I gave a smile at this slightly dramatic answer. "Brothers in war" I said.

He was looking a bit embarrassed now. "Kind of yeah," he said with a shrug.

We sat around and waited. I flipped open my book, scanning the words on the page but not even sure what book I was holding, much less absorbing the words on the page. James twirled his fingers and stared around the office. Finally my dad pushed open the door. He was back in his jeans, his hair wet and bringing the strong sent of lemon shampoo with him.

He stared to dig through the paper on his desk saying, "That took longer than I thought. He had some horrible internal organs. Sorry for the delay. What did you want to talk to me about?" he asked, turning his head to look at me.

"It's not a big deal dad, it's just that Desi's parents are going out of town and she's hoping I can stay up there with her for a few days" I said.

"Sure the only thing is I was going to have Ted come over for dinner sometime this week but we can always reschedule for later. Where are they going?" He had gone back to hunting through the papers on the desk.

"If you are looking for the autopsy forms then they are in the top drawer and I think their dogs got into some kind of show in California," I said.

He nodded pulling open the drawer and making a surprised sound at finding the forms where I said they would be. He pulled one out and sat down, clearing a space so he could write. I got up, getting ready to go.

"Ok then I will see you in a few days I have my cell so..." I trailed off.

"Ok be careful," he said not looking up.

I opened the door to the office and let James go thought first and all of the sudden I had the feeling that I would never be quite the same and that someday I would miss this old feeling between me and my dad, that this moment was worth saving. I stepped back inside and gave him as best a hug as I could with him sitting down. He was a bit startled but returned the hug.

"I love you daddy, I will see you later ok," I said into his ear and then broke the hug and sunk out the door getting a glance of him thought the office window. He was looking at me, his wire rim glasses just a bit low on his nose. He was smiling just a bit, his glow just visible in the light I turned and led James out of the office past Lesia and back out to the car where James handed me the keys and I slid into the drivers seat again.

"Listen Bee," James said as we turned the corner into there neighborhood. "I probably know Sib better than anyone, he always tries to help and sometimes he tries too hard but at least his aim is to help not hurt and I don't know what he and you have going but I would give him the benefit of the doubt if I were you." He shifted in his seat.

"I don't know if you care or if that even matters but," he paused for a second. "I feel tons better having said that."

I gave a smile at his words. "Well I'm glad you feel better," I said but even though I tried to make light of what he said, I did think about it. How would it feel to tell someone the thing I had told no one before? Maybe I didn't have to keep it all to myself, besides I felt like I owed it to all of them to give them the truth but more than that I wanted to trust him. I had already trusted him.

As we pulled into the house I said, "I think I need to talk to Sabin"