Addison felt his presence. It seemed to expand with every second gone by. Finally, Addison couldn't pretend any longer. She cut the silence.
"Mark, I know you're here."
"I know you know I'm here." He sat down next to her, looking expectantly her way. Softness rimmed his eyes. Her vision, although a bit blurred, pointed this out to her and she realized Mark was hurt by this. By her … brain tumor.
"I'm … fine. Stop worrying."
"You're fine, huh? Sure."
"Well, my head's hell and I'm in a different room and my intern's a bitch, but I'm fine."
"Okay."
Mark didn't come up with any snide remarks; instead, his hand laced into hers. A surge of distinct passion ran through his fingertips and shivered along her spine.
"Addison, I'm sorry I-"
"Don't apologize. I know you can't get here so fast. Calm down. Stop breathing so heavy." Addison blinked at him, seeing his slightly bewildered expression.
"I've been worrying about you. I've been worrying and worrying and – I didn't sleep with anybody. I lied. I lied because I saw you with Alex."
It was Addison's turn to blink now, shock turning her heart into a swaying thunderstorm of beats and emotions. She cleared her throat awkwardly, letting this revive her liveliness. It was time to lie.
"I kind of figured."
"Don't lie."
"I'm sorry, Mark."
"I haven't slept with anybody since you left for L.A."
"Impressive."
It really was.
"I've been feeling things. I've never felt these 'things,' Addison, so it's gonna sound a little weird coming from Seattle Grace's resident man whore."
Addison just waited.
"I think I'm in love with you."
- - -
Izzie's constant babying of the dog kept everybody in the house both annoyed to the point of beheading Izzie and straggled to the point of loving the dog also, just for the heck of it. Or at least that was what was happening in Alex's mind. In Meredith's, it was a completely different story.
"I made muffins!" cried Izzie, the words shooting through the house's atmosphere.
"Oh god," sighed Alex to himself, rolling out of bed. His feet lazily slipped into his slippers as he scratched his five o'clock shadow, grumbling with annoyance testing his voice.
"Izzie Stevens! I don't ever want to be fucking waken up by your muffins ever again," he pleaded.
Izzie ignored this and held out a banana muffin.
"It's your favorite, right?"
"Sure. Let's go with that." Alex plopped down on a chair, watching Izzie with an accusing eye.
"What's wrong now?"
"Nothing. Nothing's actually wrong this time," smiled Izzie, pride encrusting her words shyly.
"Fine. 'Nothing's wrong'," mimicked Alex in a mocking voice. Izzie ignored this and let her grin grow wider, spreading across from her perfect-sized ear to perfect-sized ear. Meredith groggily stumbled in, eyelids half-closed and sleep still hinting in her slump and words.
"Izzie, stop with the muffins. I've had enough muffins to feed an army – I'm done with muffins. I've gained, like, six pounds."
"Stop exaggerating! Here, have a blueberry one."
Meredith took it only with the mildest reluctance. She put her head in her hands, taking a slow bite of muffin. As she grinded the food between her morning-breathed teeth, followed with loud swallowing, she thought of Love, who was sniffling around her feet. She was too tired to kick Love.
"Get Love away," demanded Meredith. Nobody obliged and she didn't command much else; she just finished her muffin and then poured herself two cups of coffee. Nobody criticized her, all of the people in the room at the time were involved in their own worlds.
As Love neared Izzie's feet, beginning to drool on her aqua socks, Izzie finally looked up.
"Love!" she giggled manically, cleaning the drool off of the floor and cuddling Love in her hands. "What a cutie-pie, right?"
"Uh…right," Alex said sarcastically.
"Oh, shut up!"
- - -
"They just opened up my skull," announced Addison, watching Callie enter the room, rings of tiredness wearing out her eye's beauty.
"She had a craniotomy," nodded the doctor. His face was split into a wide grin, showing Callie all of his brilliantly white and shiny teeth. Callie, currently blinded from his teeth, didn't think for a moment. Then what he said registered. She felt her heart rate speed up surprisingly. She half-suspected to have a stroke right then and there; her face was shining with a mixed emotion: happiness, amazement, suspicion, and just plain shock.
"She … it's gone?"
"No," sighed the doctor. Callie's face returned to its tired state. "It didn't work."
"Oh."
"I'm dying every second!" smiled Addison.
"Drugs?"
"Oh yes," nodded the doctor.
With that, the doctor left the room, leaving drugged Addison and weary Callie alone.
"What's up with the babe inside your stomach?" Addison hit Callie's stomach forcefully.
"Um, it moves."
"Awesome!"
Callie felt tears stinging her ears. She didn't allow them come out and, frowning, found a steady beat drumming in her ears.
"Is it a girl or a boy?"
"We don't know."
"O-oh! Hey, did you know that I might die?"
"Addison, don't say that. You don't know."
"How's George? Is he sleeping around?"
"No, Addison. He's just with me. He's just … we're just … awkward. It's a little off since I learned of his little Izzie night, so we're just awkward. But when I have the kid, I think it'll be a lot different."
"I agree." Addison nodded understandingly. "Well, I'm going to bed!" Addison flopped back and let her eyes close together.
"So am I," sighed Callie, flopping into the hospital bed next to Addison.
- - -
Meredith's face down-hearted what Derek was about to say. He didn't know if this beautiful petite woman across from him could handle the shock that this would bring.
"Meredith?"
"Derek?"
Meredith cuddled closer to him, intertwining her fingers along his, smiling all the while.
"I … I might have to …"
"LOVE'S HERE!" came Izzie's interruption; just at the right moment. Love burst in, fresh out of her first day in obedience school, and immediately began to lick Derek's socks. Derek scrunched his eyes and laughed, pretending that he wasn't about to tell anybody huge news. Instead, he leaned down and scratched Love's ears.
"See? Derek bonded!" pointed out Izzie.
"Shut up. I don't like dogs."
"Whatever."
Meredith looked down at Derek who was recuperating from his present stalling. Slowly, his face lifted back to hers, crestfallen.
"Meredith, can we go to your room?"
Meredith, slightly surprised, obliged.
As soon as they were cuddled tight and close on her bed, Derek gave a sharp intake of breath and then tensed his muscles. He was ready for the attack.
"I might get switched."
"…What?"
"Hospitals. I might have – I might … I might have to go to another hospital."
Meredith's features fell, falling down, cascading into the black pit of hell. So she lay there, muscles tense, shell-shocked and down-falling sadness playing along her features.
"I'm sorry, Meredith … what Dr. Torres-O'Malley says goes and …"
"I've got to go." Meredith stood up, in a frenzy of worry and wanting to get out. "I've got to go and … well, I've just got to go!"
Derek, picking up but not ready to let her go, stood up and grasped her arm with passion.
"I'll come with you."
"No, Derek! I've … got to go!" She ran out, tears softly flowing down her cheeks, small choking noises uttering from her mouth. Izzie didn't question as she watched Meredith stumble by, clumsy through the blinding tears. All Izzie did was begin to make another fresh ripe of muffins that would be prepared for Meredith when she came home, whining.
- - -
Meredith let her feet sink over the bench at the park. The crisp moist air of the morning was settling around her, the sunset just beginning to peek its way over Seattle's Water. She'd been there for the whole night, thinking and waiting for Derek to come. He never did. He was leaving her.
Just when she'd gotten Derek back, just when he'd become her "McMeredith" he had to go. The Chief - Callie! – was making Derek leave. Purposely? Who knew. She was sacrificing Derek – an amazing surgeon. Phenomenal and on the top of his game, the Chief didn't know what she would miss out on. But what she said went. Meredith wished, momentarily, that she had stayed long enough to know where Derek would go to. It would probably be in some dinky, random place and a small, unknown hospital. Derek wouldn't save lives alongside people he knew anymore.
Pangs of sadness, for Derek and her relationship that would almost definitely fall apart, encased her and she felt depression. It crept up, black and bottomless, and weighed her soul until it dropped. It weighed her heart until she could take it no longer. Meredith stood up, stretched, and watched the water lulling-ly pass over each other, crashing and banging. Seagulls made their cawing ways up above, dew-encrusted grass swayed. Meredith felt serene. She could face Derek at work today.
With this, she began to – slow and steady – make her way back to her house, hoping Derek wasn't there, so she could change and get to work.
- - -
She was at the hospital. Meredith watched all the lives being saved around her, reminded herself she was an up-and-mighty resident, and made a path through the people. Triumphantly, she immediately caught sight of Derek, standing with Dr. Burke and confirming about some surgery that they would be doing later that day. Derek looked worrisome, his eyebrows knitted and unshaved.
"Derek!" Meredith waved her hand. He smiled at her as a feeble greeting, and then came up to her.
"Why did you leave, Meredith?"
"I'm an avoider. I'm an avoider so I left."
"We need to talk."
The closet was the only place without observation, so there they went.
"Where are you going, Derek? Why are you leaving?"
"Because there's more worthy – more less-known places … where my help's needed. I love you, Meredith. I'm your McMeredith, your knight in shining armor – but I have to go. I have to go because I'm needed to save lives."
"What about my life, Derek? You just came back in and you have to go! I love you! You're my knight, my Mc, my … love. You're the love of my life and I'm being punished. I'm being punished because I've been mean to you. I'm being punished because I'm whining Meredith Grey. But just … I love you."
"I love you. I want to be all those things. But I can't. I have to save people with brain tumors and cancer and just the simplest hiccups that turn into … something more. I need to detect these things and other hospitals don't have the kind of doctors that can do that. So I have to go."
"Where? What place are you needed more than here?"
"In Maryland. George Washington Hospital."
"Derek …"
Meredith didn't have the strength anymore, she let the conversation continue between stairs and laced hands – coming in, coming out.
As if Cristina knew, she burst in, announcing she was having a surgery and offering in.
Meredith immediately took the offer, standing up and running off with Cristina. Running away from her fears.
"How did you know?"
"I saw you two go in. Duh."
"Oh. So you've heard?"
"Yup. The McMeredith's going to McMaryland."
"Not funny."
"Sorry. But this gives you a chance to … you know … be with other guys … pick up inappropriate men – I know how you love that."
"Shut up, Cristina! I don't want to pick up any 'inappropriate guys,' I want Derek to be my 'inappropriate guy'. I want my…"
"Mc. You want your Mc."
"I want my Mc."
- - -
Hours had passed since the defining, highlighted point had made a shockingly bright mark in her brain. Now Addison felt herself intertwined with Mark.
"We're back together now?" she guessed, panting mildly, getting over from the shock.
"Welllll … I'd guess so."
"What if I die?"
"You won't -"
"I might though, Mark, and all of you people have to stop pretending that there's no chance! I might die. What if I die?"
"I won't get over you."
"Seriously, Mark."
"I'll be sad. I'll be sad and I'll miss you and do that hokey-pokey trying to sleep with other women to get over you thing, it won't work, and I'll try to get you back from the dead. When you don't, I'll live in black for the rest of my life."
Addison nudged him, but her feline-like smile embraced her lips.
With a groan-coaxing footstep, Mark shot up. Noticing his shirt was only half-buttoned, he blushed as the doctor came in.
"Were you-"
"None of your business," replied Addison surely. The doctor shook his head and went over to the medicines, inspecting whether the intern had given her the medicine. She had. It had been a very awkward experience; the intern had come in and found them having sex. She had thrown the medicine in Mark's direction, missed the spot, hit the lamp, and ran out, eyes squeezed shut. So Mark had given Addison the medicine and entered her once more. No big deal if you didn't count the intern being horrified for the rest of her life.
Well, it wasn't like she'd never had sex.
As Mark crept out, slightly embarrassed, all he could think about Addison – and about how he was getting involved with her at the very, very wrong time.
