Authors Note: Sorry it took so long to update. But the chapter is ready now, so enjoy! To YenGirl, thanks a heap for your help in beta-read this chapter, helping me fix the story here and there and also help me with the verse :) –warm hug−

Disclaimer: just keep reminding whoever read this fic that Vampire Knight is not mine! But I do hope I can just have Zero though −snicker−

I guess I've always known

That you were waiting for me

To give my heart to you

I know you would truly cherish it

Only I realize now I can't

Not when it's no longer free

And no longer even mine

For me to give away

Chapter 12. Heart of a Fool

Kain turned the gleaming chrome faucet on the marble wall to stop the flow of warm water from the shower head pelting down onto his skin. He slowly stepped out of the cubicle and walked over to the bathroom mirror, wiping off the clouding thin sheet of accumulating vapor from its surface to examine his reflection. A frown almost instantly formed between his brows as he gave his reflection a full observation.

Damn… he really didn't look okay. It was strange, but even almost an hour after his fight with Ryuji, his wounds strangely hadn't begun their healing process. All of them were still bleeding, sluggishly and a little at a time, almost as if he'd been hit by hunter weapons instead of ordinary steel blades. The only exception was his broken nose, which had now mended perfectly and as expected.

Hmm, that was weird… Kain eyed his wounds more closely. Actually, other than the bothersome fact that they refused to heal, he was lucky that he hadn't suffered any serious injury. Because the exact moment the blades escaped the protection of his firewall and came in contact with his skin, he was already facing right, preparing to dive into the pool to save Ruka for the second time. Hence, the cuts inflicted by them were mostly shallow ones since they only managed to graze his skin and not directly pierced it.

Kain couldn't imagine though, how severe his injuries would be if all the escaping blades had managed to dig themselves deep into his flesh. Because even now, the small cuts were still bleeding.

Well, there was no doubt that Ryuji really gave it his all in trying to bring him down this time…

Kain shook his head with a woeful sigh, determined not to think any further about Ruka's overprotective brother as he reached for the heap of small, folded white towels lying on a chrome rack high up on one of the tiled walls. He drew the topmost one from the pile, folding it further into a neat rectangle before pressing its soft surface to the three inch long cut at the base of his neck. His expression changed into one of dry amusement as he imagined how Aidou would laugh his ass off if he ever found out that his older cousin had resorted to implementing a human's first aid technique on himself.

Strange… the corner of Kain's lips twitched as he felt a burning sensation arising from the wound, worsening as he put more pressure via the towel to stop the bleeding. It was uncanny, all his cuts were hurting, but not in the usual way. Instead he felt them heating up, almost burning his skin from the inside out.

Yes, that's right… Kain's scowl intensified as he used the back of his left hand to touch his forehead. Heck, now that he seriously paid attention, his whole body was indeed hotter than usual, and he was sure that wasn't just because he'd taken a warm bath. The fact that his body's temperature had risen at all told him that there was something seriously off this time. Kain usually had a very high tolerance for even scorching temperature, it seemed to be something that he possessed, partly due to his own natural ability to manipulate fire.

As a noble born vampire, he had never had a fever before – he'd only heard and read about it. But observing his condition now, he dared to swear that he was having one. The sensation was twice as bad as compared to standing in broad daylight and directly under the sun. Needless to say, Kain was feeling very uncomfortable now.

Staring blankly at the still slightly fogged up mirror, he heaved a sigh. Not that he had a right to protest, though. This was what he'd evoked upon himself, so he would just have to accept its consequences and endure it as best he could. Fortifying himself with this thought, Kain pressed the towel more firmly to the cut, ignoring the screaming pain arising from the increased pressure.

He had just started to grow accustomed to the biting pain and the increasing fire in his body when a knock on the bathroom door startled him.

"Akatsuki, are you done?"

Ruka? She came back? She was in his room?! When… when did this happen?

"A minute," Kain answered as he promptly removed the towel and threw his reflection another scrutiny. He sniffed impatiently as he found the cut still oozing blood relentlessly. So much for using pressure to stem the bleeding – it seemed that human tricks were just useless on vampires.

Leaving the dirty towel by the sink, Kain picked up a clean dark colored shirt and a white undershirt offered by the wooden cabinet below the vanity counter. He moved efficiently, wearing the undershirt first, then the dark one on top, making sure he sent all the buttons home this time, leaving only the one at the shirt collar unbuttoned. Kain knew he would soil both shirts with his blood, but at this moment, he didn't care. Ruka would probably be able to smell it as well but that couldn't be helped. The last thing Kain needed now was for her to actually see his unhealed injuries and worry about them.

Well, although he knew that it was not entirely worry that had resided in her eyes as she hurriedly left his room earlier…

Kain eyed his image in the mirror for the last time, partially satisfied that his undershirt was doing its job in keeping the outer shirt clean. It wouldn't last long, but it was definitely better than nothing. He hid his bleeding left hand inside his trouser pocket before reaching for the doorknob.

Ruka was standing right in front him when Kain stepped out. She looked and smelled as fresh as newly bloomed spring flowers. Her eyes were rapidly drawn to his fully buttoned shirt in a suspicious stare before she stepped back and pointed at his bed. "Take off your shirt, please," she commanded crisply.

Kain froze instantly. What was that just now? Was life suddenly having a real good, if misplaced, sense of humor today? Ruka was indicating his bed and requesting him to take off his clothing at the same time? Kain bit down on his lip hard – he didn't know if he should curse this bittersweet, wonderfully ironic situation, or laugh at it. He knew that Ruka only meant to check his wounds, but it still didn't made her words sound any less alluring. Kain gave the brown haired beauty a long, level look. You know what, Ruka? Given the right circumstances, I would undoubtedly be very glad to do that just for you.

"Ruka, are you thinking what I'm thinking here…?" Kain glanced at the bed suggestively, then back at her again. He didn't have many options, so he decided to tease her and see if he could bail himself out of this situation, because he was very much reluctant to comply with her request now.

As he'd predicted, Ruka cheeks colored like a ripe peach left under the sun and she fumbled for words. "That's − that's not what I meant! I mean… I − just want to…" she swallowed and reached for her jeans back pocket, retrieving a small, slim metallic bottle which she shoved under Kain's nose. "This!"

Curious, Kain took the bottle from her hand, still carefully keeping his left hand hidden from view "What's this?"

"Treatment gel."

"Treatment gel? Who... needs treatment?"

Ruka shot him an are-you-that-dumb kind of look. "You, of course! For your wounds. You need to apply this, or you'll be feeling like crap for the next few days!"

Kain gave both Ruka and the bottle in his palm an incessant, speculative look. "And you're going to help me." His sentence come out as a combination of statement and question enriched with the barest hint of restrained interest. He just couldn't completely strip the enthusiasm out of his voice even though he tried. The idea of Ruka using her own hand to treat his wounds was just… so tempting.

So damn tempting.

A priceless offer, really…

That… he just couldn't take.

"No, thanks. I'll put it on myself." Kain muttered wanly. He just didn't have enough faith in himself. By all means, he had nearly gone past his limits twice even with Ruka not doing anything to him. He didn't dare imagine what would happen if she actually did do something to him, intentionally or otherwise.

Ruka put her right hand on her hip, obviously annoyed by his rejection. "But you also have cuts on your back, don't you?"

"What if I do?" Kain replied indifferently, his mind resolutely against giving Ruka any legal reasons to reiterate her dangerously enticing offer. "Those are just minor cuts. I believe without this… medication, I'll recover just fine."

Ruka pulled out a big sigh, shaking her head slowly. "Let me tell you this, Akatsuki. When I was five years old, I threw myself into one of Ryuji-nii-san and Takehiko-nii-san's more… physical fights. And one of Ryuji-nii-san's created weapons nicked me on the shoulder. It was just a small cut, but I didn't dare tell anyone. If Mother or Father knew that he and Takehiko-nii-san were fighting using their powers and had injured me instead, they would have been punished severely for that. And I love both my brothers, so I hid the fact that I'd been hurt, and as a result, I suffered a high fever for three days straight."

Kain arched his brow, totally unimpressed and stared down at Ruka with a suspicious expression, as if he had just caught her telling a lie. "You're telling me that you got high fever from a cut?"

Ruka's lips livened up in a wry smile at Kain's skeptical gaze. "If you think that my brother is just a metal user, you're wrong. Think again." Ruka tipped her head to the side and cast Kain a taxing look. "I assume you're aware of your wounds being unable to heal naturally? Almost like the result of a hunter weapon?"

Oh well… he needn't to have bothered covering up his wounds then since she appeared to be fully aware of the state they were still in... "Well, um, yeah" Kain didn't have a choice but to admit that fact. Ruka was staring at his shirt collar again and he somehow knew that dark colored shirt or not, she must have spotted another darned bloodstain seeping through from one of his wounds.

Not that she actually needed visual evidence to know that he was still bleeding…

Ruka continued. "He is actually a half trickster. Yes, he is able to manipulate metal objects, but he manipulates them while adding a little of his own blood to change its chemical structure, turning the metal into something… poisonous. It's difficult to see it though, since Ryuji does it very quickly. But thanks to it, not only do the wounds take longer to heal, you'll also have a fever within twenty four hours without proper treatment." Ruka ended her explanation and fixed Kain with a very stern look. "Now, let me know if I need to start conjuring up a sensible reason to explain your high fever to my parents or you'll open up your shirt and let me try to help you."

Try to help? Yeah, of course… Kain clenched his jaw tightly. He was facing a major situation here, it seemed. If he chose the first option, it would certainly lead to a different type of trouble. But if he chose the second option, he was already in trouble.

Ruka watched Kain's grim expression, feeling mildly confused. Why was it so hard to just sit down and let someone treat your wounds? Kain acted as if it was a matter of life and death. Really, sometimes Ruka just didn't understand his way of thinking.

"Oh, come on, Akatsuki… seriously, I don't know what you're frightened of!" Ruka's eyes suddenly turned animated, filled with mischief and impish humor. "Or are you afraid I would bite you?"

Kain's breath caught in his throat and he shot Ruka a tart look. That was so not funny. What was Ruka actually tried to pull over him? First, the shirt issue. And now the provocative joke about her biting him. Was she really serious about forgiving his earlier mistake?

"What?" Ruka welcomed his venomous glare with her huge, innocent chocolate eyes.

Damn Ruka and her unfitting joke! Thanks to it, Kain was now helplessly trying to chase away the very, very much alive and sultry mental image of Ruka latching herself onto him… her luscious curves pressed deliciously against his body as she fitted her face into the crook of his neck… and sank her fangs deep into his eager flesh…

At that moment, Kain had to give all that he had to suppress the low growl trying to escape his lips. Obviously, she didn't have any idea, did she? No… of course she didn't. She never realized how easy it was for her to drive him crazy with only a few innocuous lines. Well, that was if crazy was still a decent word to define all his random, instant and overly creative imaginations that always involved some scene of him pinning Ruka down against the…

See? He was losing his mind. That would be the only logical explanation available. Because there was no way someone mentally healthy would think that way about a friend.

"Never mind." Kain sighed in a defeated tone as he dropped himself onto the mattress, and started to undo his shirt.

"Give me that. I'll help you," Ruka stretched out her hand as she sat on her knees on the bed in front of Kain, indicating the bottle in his hand. His left finger stopped at his third button and he gave Ruka a disbelieving look. Now she was going to help him do his front too? Didn't she mention just his back a moment ago?

"Akatsuki?" Ruka tilted her brow and kept her palm up. Kain closed his eyes briefly before opening them again. He dropped the bottle onto Ruka's hand. Whatever. He was neck deep in trouble anyway, so he might as well let Ruka have all the fun, right?

Ruka accepted the bottle while she watched Kain continue to work at the shirt buttons with his lean fingers. Actually, she didn't mean to stare at him. Besides, staring at a stripping male - vampire or not − was an indecent act, especially for a noble born lady like her. But as Kain's shirt parted and he shrugged it off, Ruka found that she just couldn't tear her eyes away from his undershirt – the pristine white cotton was now speckled with dark red spots.

"Oh...!" The word slid out of her lips as a half whisper and half gasp, color draining from her face.

Damn! Kain cursed under his breath, aware of Ruka's pallid expression. "I knew this was a bad idea." He grabbed his shirt, snatched the gel from Ruka's hand and swung down from the bed.

Ruka's hand raced to grab Kain's left hand. "No, wait!"

A sharp intake of breath was followed by a light involuntary jerk of his hand as Kain felt Ruka's nail accidentally but painfully scraping the open wound on his palm. His reaction inevitably drew Ruka's attention and he saw her eyes coast down to their joined hands. The girl carved a deep frown between her brows and took a step closer, flipping his hand palm up.

Another soft gasp sounded from Ruka. She was clearly taken by surprise at the sight of two horizontal, deep and unhealed cuts on Kain's left palm, sustained when he captured Ryuji's sword in his hand earlier. Ruka might have been forgotten about it or hadn't expected to find the injury this bad but she volunteered no comments as she observed his wound now. Kain was only aware that with each passing second, there was growing expression of guilt and pain etched on her beautiful feature.

"You're making that kind of face again," Kain muttered in a mildly disgruntled note. He hated it when Ruka looked like that, and he hated it even more knowing he had caused it. There was a long moment of silence as Ruka ignored Kain's remark. She just stood there unmoving, cupping his wounded hand in her palms with the utmost care and staring at it in despair as if holding a prized possession that she had suddenly found broken beyond repair.

Finally, Kain couldn't wait for her response anymore. He dropped his shirt and the treatment gel onto the bed and placed his now free hand to cover hers, trying to convince her. "Ruka, it's okay. I'm okay, really..."

Ruka lifted her head to scowl at him, looking irritated at his remark. Wordlessly, she pulled him to sit back on the bed. She released Kain's hand to reach for the gel and uncapped the container. "You know," she started slowly as she once again took his injured hand and started to very, very gently apply some of the gel onto the cuts. Kain tensed up involuntarily, expecting some pain from the contact. But he soon found out that it didn't come. Instead of pain, there was only a cool and soothing sensation from the gel as Ruka's gentle fingers lightly stroked over the cuts. He could also see that the gel was working wonders on his wounds, instantly stopping the blood from oozing out and lessening the fiery sensation on the spot.

"Actually, I wanted to tell you…" Ruka continued to speak, in a deliberately unhurried tone as she applied more gel on Kain's index finger. "Back in my room, when you darned cut me off even before I finished − No, please don't cut me off again," she raised her palm in front of Kain when she saw him about to say something, making him swallow his own words. "That is, when you mentioned to me that you're no saint... um, I think…" Ruka stopped her movements and peered up to Kain, meeting his uptight gaze. "I think that's quite… okay and… I don't really mind that," she breathed out in a soft tone.

Kain's eyes went wide. "What…?"

Ruka shrugged offhandedly as she suddenly felt nervous under Kain's half shocked, half disconcerted gaze. She shifted her gaze back to his hand, picking up where she'd left off previously. "You heard me. I really don't mind it. In truth, I–" she half rose on her knees now, having finished with his hand. "Um… remove your shirt please."

Kain was too dumbfounded to actually respond to Ruka's request. His brain was busy registering what she'd just told him while question after question raced through his mind at the same time. Ruka… honestly didn't mind him overstepping? But why? He thought that she wasn't comfortable whenever he was physically too close to her. No, he was sure that she didn't like him being too close to her - Kain still recalled the time when she had cringed and looked like a trapped fawn by a mere hand holding act. Even until two hours ago, she still acted in a rather awkward way the moment he inched closer to take a peek at her homework.

"Akatsuki, did you hear me? Remove yo−"

"Why?"

"Why?" Ruka echoed, frowning. "I thought we agreed that I would apply this gel on you? How can I do it if you don't take your shirt off?"

Kain made an impatient noise at Ruka's words and tugged the undershirt over his head in one irritated movement. "Not that, Ruka!" he scoffed at her, flinging the stained cotton shirt onto the floor so that the blood wouldn't stain the bed covers. He didn't really care anymore about the whole medication business. He only wanted for Ruka to stop whining and give him a proper explanation for her statement. "I mean, why don't you mind me being…" he trailed off uncertainly.

Ruka fell silent. How could she make him understand this? She knew that what she'd said to him more or less sounded odd. She was sure he would perceive it as odd, of course, because despite her sincere words, they both knew that she still wasn't used to him being too near her, especially when there was physical contact involved. But despite that, she wanted to tell him that she didn't mind. Because that was the simple truth. Aside from her own discomfort, Ruka simply didn't mind for Kain to have his own way this time.

However, if Kain asked her why, she couldn't exactly explain the main reason. There were too many… like maybe how she couldn't stand to see him blaming himself for her negative reactions all this while, maybe because she knew that Kain had already done so much for her, given her so much. Or maybe because he'd always provided her with his protection, his support, his understanding and now, even taking up extra responsibilities that weren't even his in the first place. Maybe because she knew Kain had always bent over backwards for her... oh wait, that was it.

It was because he always had so many considerations for her. Big and small considerations that more often than not, overrode his own needs. Even the injuries he was suffering now… they were due to the simple fact that he was aware of how she would feel if he fought Ryuji back with all that he had and seriously injured the older vampire. She didn't need to ask him to confirm this fact. She could see that he was evidently straining himself against her brother. Put simply, Kain was hesitant because of her.

That made Ruka realize that it was one thing she didn't need from Kain. She didn't need him to give her feelings that much regard, even to the extent of... of... sacrificing... himself. No, he shouldn't do that. He shouldn't feel responsible for her every emotion, for heaven's sake. As much as she appreciated him doing that, it would be better if he didn't.

That was why she was now resolved in telling him this. It was the best thing she could offer to the bronze haired aristocrat, as a tribute for the many things that he'd sincerely done for her. Ruka decided that she would tell him what was in her mind now and free him from being overly liable about her, for his own good.

She took a deep breath and met him in the eye. "Because… that's a fact," she said softly. "I honestly don't mind, Akatsuki." Ruka sighed when Kain continued to stare at her in total bewilderment. "Look, I – I've been thinking," she broke off as she weighed Kain's reaction.

He shot her a nervous look. "About... what?" he asked her cautiously.

"About you, and how you always follow what I want and what I wish for, even when I haven't voiced it out yet," Ruka continued with the same soft tone, her eyes searching his. "Like when you said that you should feel sorry for your actions, because you thought that they had bothered me. Now that I reflect on it, I think it's not right for you to always pay so much attention to my every wish."

Kain paid her a puzzled look, a fine line formed between his brows. "I don't understand you. So what do you want from me?"

Ruka gave a small smile at Kain's question - he still hadn't caught the point of their conversation. "Akatsuki, it's not what I want from you. But rather, it's what you want for yourself." She sighed again and directed her eyes over to the crisscrossed cut wounds on his chest with a grim expression. "I mean… look at all these wounds you got from too much of consideration for me."

Kain opened his mouth instantly, but Ruka's hands rose to prevent him speaking out his almost predictable denial. "No, don't try to say that you're not. I just started to know your way of thinking, okay? If you didn't care about how I would feel, you would've skinned Ryuji-nii-san easily. But you didn't do it. You hesitated because of me," Ruka slim fingers unconsciously tightened around the gel bottle in her palm while her eyes went back to his, locking their gaze steadily.

"You should stop that, Akatsuki." Ruka shook her head dolefully. "I don't need you to keep asking, or guessing, about what I want and what I don't want. That's why I said that I don't mind for you to have your own way, to do whatever you like. You should have your own free will and stop worrying about how I might feel over your actions. You don't need to hold yourself back so much from me. It's only fair for you this way because I'm the one who dragged you into this fiasco and I've caused you too much trouble already."

"Fair…" Kain murmured incredulously, trying to digest everything that Ruka had just said. But a second later his gaze turned stormy as the actual meaning of her words sank in. "Fair?" he repeated the word in an audibly angry voice. "I can't believe you're saying this. Why do you think I'm helping you, Ruka? So I can get some advantage over you for myself? I don't need that kind of recoup!."

Ruka was at a loss for words as Kain unleashed his heated outburst – she never expected that he would react in this manner. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times, but no words came out and she finally dropped her gaze dispiritedly.

Kain raked his fingers exasperatedly through his damp bronze curls as he took in Ruka's shocked, then dejected expression. Oh hell… he was just scaring her. But he was so incensed to hear all her babbling about it being fair or not. Didn't she know that he was sincere in helping her? He didn't want Ruka to think that she owed him anything... But then again, she already did. And she would keep thinking that way − that she owed him − if he rejected her request now.

Kain had never rejected any of Ruka's requests before, however absurd they may have been. But this time he was in two minds. Ruka was going to release him of his… moral liability. This signified that he could do anything he wanted to do and walk away without having to provide any sort of explanation for his behavior. He gave an involuntary shudder at the idea. It sounded too terrifying − in fact, it sounded like something only Kaname should have.

Kain took a deep steadying breath, recognizing the beginnings of another inner battle. What should he do now?

"Ruka, do you truthfully believe that it's better for me to act selfishly?" he asked her disbelievingly.

Ruka's head shot up. "I didn't use the word selfish."

"But your description sounded selfish to me!"

"No, it's different!"

"Oh, whatever!"

They both fell silent for half a minute.

Finally, Ruka spoke hesitantly, "Does this mean that... you won't...?"

Yes, Kain wanted to say that he wouldn't do it. Ever. But looking at her now, he recalled her expression was an exact image of how she had looked before, when she had been afraid that he wouldn't help her with her little game…

And his pitiful determination wavered. Kain sighed and shook his head slowly. Pathetic. He just couldn't say no to Ruka, no, not even once. "I'm not saying that I won't. I'll think about it first, okay?" Kain cast her a stern gaze.

Ruka scowled heavily at his answer. It never crossed her mind that Kain would think twice or even had a qualm over the subject she presented. Perhaps she was just so used to having Kain eagerly complying to her every wish, that she found a reluctant version of him quite difficult to swallow. "Uh… if you say so… fine then," she finally said, not quite able to mask the hint of disappointment in her voice.

Worried that Kain would once again put another bout of protests on her, she quickly coerced a change of topic before he could produce any reply. "Now, let's take care of your wounds before the poison spreads any further." she said, trying sound a matter of fact as she adjusted her position and reached up to bring a tiny drop of antidote gel to the stretched wound on Kain's neck.

Ruka's index finger was only a couple of inches away from Kain when she saw him tensed up visibly, and she halted. Peering up at him, she was a little startled to find a streak of fear mirrored in his eyes. "Hey, it's okay… I promise I'll try not to make it hurt too much." And here she was thinking how brave he was in receiving that tattoo on Aidou's behalf… Ruka resisted the urge to roll her eyes.

Despite his edgy state, Kain felt an abrupt urge to smirk at Ruka's line. She thought he was afraid that his wounds would hurt more. Oh, if she only knew what he truly feared…

"Okay" he murmured. With a great effort, Kain compelled his body to relax as Ruka's gentle fingers began to nurse him.

But it was still no use – he was still affected by her touch, and stronger than before. He could feel Ruka's fingertip caressing his heated skin as she covered the cut with the cool gel. Kain could tell she was holding onto her earlier promise in trying not to cause more hurt, and that made it even worse because her touch now was feather light, and it… almost felt… like… she was ... teasing… him. This was bad. Very bad. Kain's heartbeat skyrocketed in nothing flat and his breathing grew heavy and agitated.

Oh please, do something, stupid! Kain silently lashed at himself as he once again tried to calm himself. He desperately threw his gaze all around his room, trying to search for something that he could use to occupy his attention so that he couldn't focus his seriously depraved mind solely on Ruka's gentle touch and the feel of her shy fingers now lightly traveling down his bare chest. But of course, as predicted, he couldn't find anything worthy of a distraction. Finally Kain gave up, hoping fervently that Ruka, who was now leisurely taking her time working at the wound on his stomach, would quickly finish her ministrations.

Someone, help me please…! This was such sweet torture... Kain unconsciously grabbed a fistful of the bed covers in his right hand as he flicked a goaded glance at Ruka. She certainly could be so oblivious and so at ease sometimes…

Or not…

Kain arched his eyebrows as he focused his attention on Ruka. Most people would probably only perceive a vampire beauty concentrating on taking care of someone else's injury. But Kain knew better − he'd known Ruka for years − and regardless of her placid front, she wasn't all that calm and collected on the inside. He could actually see some proof that she was currently trying to stay calm.

One of the evidence was her eye color. It didn't turn entirely red, but there was definitely a little change in its hue as she intently locked her gaze on one of his cuts. And Kain was also aware of her breathing being deeper and slower than usual. She looked exactly like when he'd impeded her from leaving his room earlier. Yes, he had no doubt as to what was affecting her now - his tantalizing blood scent. Kain's lips twisted upwards, glad to know that they actually had a double-edged situation going on here.

"Hey, Ruka..."

Ruka jerked a little but kept her face impassive as she continued her task. "…Yeah…?"

"You can... do it if you want to, you know."

Ruka's head shot up, giving him a surprised look – she understood perfectly what Kain was talking about and her cheeks flamed instantly as she snatched her fingers off his skin. If anything, what he had just said was the last thing she thought she would ever hear. She never expected herself to be caught off-guard, clipped right in the middle of her half dazed entrapment over the sight and scent of Kain's blood, just when she was certain that she'd made no obvious signs of what was currently flipping through her mind.

This was so unfair… how could Kain read her like an open book? Or… had her body betrayed her? Ruka pressed her lips tightly together and briefly ran her tongue over her upper teeth. No, her fangs hadn't even started to lengthen. But wait, maybe her eyes had changed color? Was it still possible even though she had taken enough blood tablets before she left her room earlier?

Oh, this was so embarrassing!

Straightening herself, Ruka managed a strained chuckle. "Geez, Akatsuki. You know that I was just kidding when−"

"But I'm not."

Ruka stared at him open-mouthed for a few seconds in complete bafflement before her expression rapidly changed into a mix of mortification and displeasure. "What!?" She shot Kain an indignant look. "No, don't say anything again. Just − just drop it!"

"Ruka…"

"Akatsuki, I mean it! I. Mean. It. Okay? You don't have to suddenly feel obliged to offer just because you think that you have made me −"

"Who's feeling obliged?" Kain gave a small, wry snort, making Ruka falter in her mid-sentence. "So much for saying that I could do whatever I feel like…"

Ruka's eyes widened. "You − you really want me to… take your blood?" she asked in a barely whispered voice. It was actually a redundant question. Because even though Kain only gazed down at her silently upon hearing her inquiry, Ruka could already see his answer written in his velvety brown eyes.

God, he was serious

Her throat suddenly felt very dry. "But it's too… too…"

"Intimate?" Kain finished for her quietly, reading her thoughts.

Ruka gave a weak nod. "Y−Yeah. And besides," she paused, her expression suddenly turned solemn, almost sad. "I don't want you to – to be like me. To go what I've been through. It wouldn't be fair for you. You might not know this, but I do." Her voice trembled ever so slightly and she let her gaze drop to her entwined hands now resting on her lap. "Once it's done, it wouldn't simply stop there. You will always long for a chance to have your blood taken again by that same person and when it doesn't happen you'll just... just −" she stopped. She had to stop − it was just too painful to continue.

Ruka might have lied to everyone about her throwing away every feeling she had for Kaname. But she couldn't lie to herself while she reasoned with Kain, because she automatically recalled the time Kaname had rejected her and she remembered the bitter disappointment and agony she felt then, that until this very second hadn't fully dissipated

Ruka knew she was a fool. She knew that Kaname was only using her to protect Yuuki − there was no need for someone else to confirm this for her. Besides, she had seen Yuuki waiting for him at the old moon dorm that night. Ruka didn't need anyone to complete this puzzle for her. Yes, she had known the reason why, yet it hadn't thwarted her from trying to offer her blood for Kaname the second time. She just couldn't help it.

Oh, how she wished that Kaname had never bitten her at all... then she wouldn't be this hurt, and it wouldn't be so hard trying to forget him. Even now.

Tears were suddenly pricking at the backs of her eyes and Ruka blinked hard, trying to keep them from falling. But it was too late. Feeling the first warm drop on her cheek, she quickly lowered her head and scooted away, sliding off the bed before Kain could see what was happening. "Ah, I'm sorry, I need to use the bath..."

Ruka never finished her words. She didn't even time to think or to react when Kain's left hand seized her right wrist, tugging firmly on it while his other hand curled around the back of her neck in one swift, smooth maneuver, compelling her body towards him. She could only fight for balance and had barely shored her free hand on Kain's right shoulder when something warm, moist and soft met her lips.

Her eyes widened in belated realization and shock.

Kain was kissing her. His lips were sliding against hers in light, slow and unbelievably sweet caresses.

Ruka's world suddenly started revolving in slow motion. Her whole attention seemed to be centered solely on Kain, and she was lost the moment his lips touched hers. Warm tears spilled out of her lidded, hazy eyes, but she couldn't even think why anymore. It was similar to the time he was angry and had gone physical on her inside his room, after her inauspicious announcement, like when he had almost kissed her outside her bedroom door after their first date. All she could see now was Kain. All she could breathe now was his alluring scent. And all she could feel was his gentle lips cherishing her own. Chaste as it was, the kiss still managed to steal all her strength, making her legs weak.

Ruka started to feel the floor below her feet tip threateningly to one side as her heartbeat shot right off the scale. The sensation was literally too much to handle and a swell of irrational panic claimed her. Uttering an audible gasp, Ruka gave a reflexive push at Kain's shoulder, trying to withdraw herself.

Kain sensed Ruka's resistance and promptly broke off the kiss but refused to release her completely. He ignored the biting pain on his wounded left palm as he kept Ruka's wrist firmly trapped in his hand. Kain leaned forward to touch his forehead to hers, letting their warm breath mingle between them.

"Isn't it enough already, Ruka?" he inquired, slightly breathless from the kiss. His voice emerged whisper-like, low but soft with an underlying sad note in it. "For years... I've seen you yearn over him for years. I know he always made you feel sad." Kain placed a silencing finger on Ruka's lips for a moment as he saw her about to speak. Then his thumb rose to catch the remnant of tears from her flushed cheek, feeling a familiar ache tearing him apart as he did so.

"This is not the first time I've seen you cry for him. I know you were also crying that morning when I found you in our dorm's garden. Don't you know, Ruka? It always pains me to see you sad," Kain actually had to pause as the ache inside him turned unbearable. He closed his eyes for a brief moment. "Please, enough… Didn't you say that you had learned to let it go?"

Ruka couldn't speak, her throat was feeling so tight. She could feel Kain's anguished eyes on hers, but she didn't dare to accept his look and pointed her own gaze downwards, feeling his fingers tangle in her hair, threading through the silky, tumbling waves.

"I would do anything to help you forget about him if you'd only ask." Kain spoke again, his voice hard now, mirroring the emotional turmoil churning inside him. "Just tell me and I swear I would do it, Ruka. Please, give my words some thought…"

Ruka opened her mouth to try to reply again, but it seemed that Kain didn't need her answer now. He just slowly pulled her to sit on the edge of the bed before releasing her and picking up both his shirts along with the bottle of gel lying on the bed. Kain walked to the door, turning his back on her as he spoke again. "I'm sorry if I shocked you." His voice was soft again… even apologetic. Placing his hand on the door knob, he pulled the door open and left her.

--o--