Wow u guys! You make me all fuzzy inside with ur reviews!! i lurve all of u!! anyways at the moment, i am running off of about 2 hours of sleep so im like deliriously hyper! bwahaha. i have also discovered that Renji from Bleach is made of awesome! I'm also becoming obsessed with Ouran High School Host Club. Its so cute!! Anyways enjoy chapter 12!
Song to listen to: My Sitar- Dr. Bombay (basically its demyx's theme lol)
Chapter 12: Bulba and Mansex
I barreled through the hallways, trying to get my hands on the demon gopher. I gotta tell you, he was a fast little bugger! I raced through the hallways shouting obscenities and also random gibberish as I tracked down the rodent. The rodent ran down some dark, mysterious hallway. I could barely see 5 feet in front of my face it was so dark. I stopped to catch my breath and try to find it.
"Where are you? It's just you and me now. I wont hurt you." I said aloud as I smiled evilly and tried to evolve into a higher species to see in the dark. If I open my eyes super wide, maybe suddenly I will be able to see figures! I heard skittering in the corner. I slowly crept towards it.
"You wont escape me now. I've got you." I said as I was finally able to pick it out in the dark. Suddenly, a door on my immediate left opened up and the hall was filled with light. Both me and the gopher looked at the person.
"Uhh…hey Xemnas!" I said nervously.
"Princess? What are you doing on the floor?" he asked, focusing his orange eyes on me.
'What do you want freak?' I asked him in my mind.
"I was just about to catch this gopher." I said pointing to it.
"What gopher?" he asked as he inspected the spot where I pointed.
"The one right-! What?!" I said as I had just noticed that the gopher was gone! Suddenly I saw it skittering into the room that Xemnas was currently occupying.
"THERE HE GOES!" I yelled as I shimmied in past Xemnas and chased the critter until it was under the bed.
"Princess…" Xemnas warned. Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed? I'd like to think so!
"In a second! Let me catch this thing first!" I yelled now lifting up the bed sham and peeking under.
"The hunter finds her unsuspecting prey. The hunter approaches all quiet like. Closer. Closer. Closer." I said as I slowly reached my hand out to grab it.
"SCRRREEEEE!" it cried. I quickly grabbed at it. My efforts have failed again! It ran out and began to scurry around in the openness of Xemnas's room. All the while, Xemnas was massaging his temples.
The gopher was attacking my feet now. I tried stomping on it frequently. It looked like I was doing some retarded form of DDR without the mat. I couldn't believe that I was getting pwned by a devil gopher! How can it do this well with only one eye? After it was finished dizzying me to death, it ran out the door again. I quickly shoved past Xemnas and ran after it.
"Thanks for putting up with me!" I yelled back at him as I ran after it. How much longer could this chase go on? I mean come on its taken up unnecessary amount of pages. But anyway, it was beginning to end up like the classic Scooby Doo chase.
Anyways, I think the gopher of doom was loosing steam. That or I think I was getting faster. 10 bucks says that it wasn't the latter. Any takers?
'All right! This ends NOW!' I thought as I lunged at it. Why hello floor! I remember you. Well at least my butt does.
"SCCREEEEEEE!" it said as it was being crushed under my weight.
"Victory is mine!" I yelled as I reached under my stomach to grab it. It thrashed around in my hand as I stared at.
"SCREEEEEE!" it screeched at me in anger.
"RAAAAAAAAHHHH!" I roared back at it. We glared daggers at each other.
"Now, what should we do with you?" I thought evilly. "Shall I kill you now? Or shall I return you to Axel so he can finish his Gopher Flambé?" I asked it evilly. I stood up as it glared at me with its evil eye. I racked my mind for ideas. I could string it up by his pathetic tail out in the yard or whatever and wait for lighting to hit him. Or I could accidentally flush him down the toilet. Wait! I got it!
"I know what to do with you. By the time he's done with you, you're going to wish that you were dead." I said laughing like Bart Simpson when he's about to do something evil. I ran all the way down to his room, effectively mowing down Saix in the process. He was not a happy panda after that and looked like he was about to rip my eyes out. But he didn't. Because Saix is just cool like that where he is calm and controlled…until he goes berserk.
I knocked on his door. There was about 5 minutes of nothingness. I knocked again. This time it was opened almost immediately. Vexen stood there, looking rather pissed. Later on I found out that it was because one of his experiments failed. Well this should brighten up his day.
"Here." I said holding it in front of his face.
"What is it and why do I want it?"
"It just survived being burned by Axel and being crushed by me. I don't think that it's normal." I explained, dangling it about. He stared at me. And stared some more.
"Come on you know you want to! Its an evil gopher!" I said. I had always sucked at persuasion. All I got was a door slam in my face!
'I can't believe he just did that! He should have jumped at the chance to experiment on what probably was once a cuddly animal!' I thought as I stared at the gopher.
"Scre Scree Scre Scree!" it almost chuckled. It was mocking me! I will not allow a demon gopher to mock me! All right that's it! This thing is going out for a trip! I quickly ran to the nearest window, which took some time to find, and struggled to open it. Finally, after much struggling, resulting in actually kicking the window out, I had it opened. I gave the evil rodent one last look of doom.
"Burn in hell!" I yelled as I threw it out the window. I watched as it plunged to its death, screeching all the way. I pointed and laughed with a crazed look in my eye at the demon as it fell. Anyways, it was then I realized that I just kicked the glass out the window. I looked below at its shattered fragments.
'Uh oh.' I thought.
'You know what? Lets just…leave it.' My mind said. I agreed and quickly walked away.
Hmmmm…it appears that the author has writers block at the moment. Let us await for her return….oh good. She's back.
I needed more things to fill out my day. There was nothing to do. I couldn't go on the internet, I couldn't talk to any of my friends back home, and I had no idea what I was going to be used for. What a terrible way to die…bored to death. That would look very attractive on my tombstone. Bored bored bored.
I was back in my room now. I lied there, stretched out across the carpet, playing with pieces of lint. Lint is actually very fun to play with. Guess I will go take a walk around the castle. Nothing better to do anyways. I stepped out my door and didn't care where my feet took me. As long as I wasn't stuck in one place. I ended up in a part of the castle that I hadn't seen before. I was faced with 2 long hallways, both semi dark and mostly scary looking. I decided to take the one on the left. There was only one door in this hallway. It was all the way at the end of it. I slowly walked towards it. I reached out and clutched the handle. It seemed to open on its own. I peeked in the room.
It looked like a fricken jungle! There were plants everywhere! Accompanied my trillions of sun lamps. I suppose those would be required since there weren't any windows in this room and the sun never shined in this place.
"I knew it! I knew they were growing marijuana!" I exclaimed quietly. I walked down the stone path through the plants, observing them all.
"This must be nature boy's greenhouse." I said referring to Marluxia as I touched a petal of a flower that I had never seen before. The flower shuddered and then quickly sucked all of its petals into a ball around itself.
"What the?" I asked as I withdrew my finger. I diverted my attention to going back down the pathway that was over run with plants and weeds. Looks like someone needed to weed. The path ended at the pot of an enormous flower. It almost looked like those piranha plants on the Mario Brothers games. Except this one was pink (surprise surprise) and had yellow speckles all over the flower part of it. It had to be at least 7 feet tall. I bet Vexen created a super secret plant growth formula to make it get that big. Suddenly the thing twitched. I jumped back. If something that is not supposed to move twitches, I have learned that is generally best to run away. But that would make the story boring if I did that now. The plant twitched again and then seemingly woke up. Of course I didn't know if it woke up, it didn't actually have eyes but it stretched up to it's full height, which now had to be about 9ft.
I gawked at it as it began to "sniff" the air around it. Was it looking for food? Water? It stopped moving it's giant head around until it was seemingly looking right at me. Was I supposed to do something? I was terrible with plants! My mom's side of the family all had green thumbs. I was left out of the legacy. Everything I tried to grow died. I couldn't even keep a gold fish alive for more than 4 weeks. But I guess if all this thing wanted was water, I could handle that. I spotted a watering can a few feet away and grabbed it. I then spotted a sink on the other side of the greenhouse and ran over to fill the can up. Once it was full, I came back and slowly approached the plant. It was still as I approached and began to pour water in the pot. I finished and backed up to inspect my work. The plant shook for a second. Suddenly, a vine shot out from somewhere with in its leafy forage and went straight for me!
'I think it's hungry…' my mind said calmly.
'BRILLIANT DEDUCTION WATSON!' I screamed back at it as the vine wrapped around my ankle and pulled so I ended up crashing to the ground. The vine then proceeded to drag me to the large man eating plant. I scrambled around for anything to grab a hold of. I found the leg of a table and quickly clasped onto it, hugging it for dear life.
'This is just like Jumanji when that one plant ate that cop car!' my mind mused. That makes me feel so much better.
"Woe is me!" I almost sobbed as the plant tried to rip my leg off. "I don't taste that good! I'm too salty!" The plant pulled harder. Why did Marluxia have this thing in here?! Speaking of which…HE BETTER GET IN HERE AND HELP ME! The iron bar was beginning to cut into my skin.
"Ok this kind of hurts." I grunted as I tried to hang on longer. Suddenly the table leg busted and I was yanked towards the demon plant. Everything that was on the table crashed to the floor. It dragged me on the ground, hefted me up in the air, and let me dangle precariously over its gaping mouth.
'I am not going to have us dieing by being eaten by a psycho plant!' my mind shouted as it began to make my body struggle. I can see the headlines in Twilight Town now: Girl Murdered By Plant. They will only find my cloths and pieces of me scattered across the floor. What a foul way for me to die! But I mustn't give up! Never! Though some help would be most appreciated. I did some quick thinking. The vine let go but I was ready for action! As I fell onto it's open mouth, I latched onto its upper lip…ew that sounds gross… and stuck my legs out so that they caught on the lower lip. So basically, I was holding it's mouth open with my hands and feet. You know how it is. So anyways, at the present moment, I was looking at the plant's disgusting tongue and staring down its throat. That's really gross.
The plant began to shake its head violently to try to get me off.
'Don't let go! For God's sake whatever you don't let go!' my mind screamed.
'I'm trying as hard as I can!' I yelled back as one of my hands began to slip a little.
'Well try harder!'
'Hey I wanna see you do this! It's not as easy as it looks!'
'I don't have any hands.'
'Well then hold it open with your mouth! Yours is big enough!'
'Eww that would be like french kissing the plant!'
'I laugh at your misery! HA!' I finished.
"Having fun?" A calm, amused voice asked. I craned my neck around to see Marluxia, smirking at me with his arms crossed.
"Oh yeah this is tons of fun! As far as near death experiences go." I yelled as I was violently jerked around. He simply stood there as the plant gave me whiplash.
"Don't just stand there! Help me!" I yelled. His smirk grew broader as he turned and left the room!
"GAH! GET BACK HERE! I CANT BELIEVE HE DID THAT!" I yelled. What a friggen jerk! If everyone was like this, there was no way in hell that I was going to survive in this castle. Oh well, I always wanted to be a ghost. I could haunt them for the rest of their lives. I returned my attention to the matter at hand. There had to be a way out of this. It is only a plant after all. A vicious, man eating, psycho plant that was probably hopped up on all that crack that Marluxia was growing.
"This is whimsically unfortunate!" I said as I struggled. That was like my catch phrase. I said it all the time. It was like Axel's got it memorized line.
"God dammit put me down! Don't eat me! I'll…I'll…I'll give you a cookie!" I yelled as I struggle some more. Suddenly, it stopped.
"Yes! I will give you a cookie! I'm sure that I saw some in the kitchen! Cookie! Sugar! Nummy!" I pleaded. A vine gently wrapped around my waist and pulled me away from its mouth. It then gently set me on the floor and "stared" at me.
"You really want a cookie?" I asked, clearly confused. Since when did plants eat cookies? But cookies were universal peace bringers. Filled with sugary goodness. I like sugar. Which is why it is usually kept away from me. It used its vine to gently push me towards the door. So it really did want a cookie. This place gets weirder and weirder every day. Lets recap the weirdness of it all. Ok first: no one touches Xigbar's Cocopuffs. Second: The guys could probably burn cereal with their awesome cooking skills. Third: Demon rodents from hell! Fourth: Cookie slash man-eating plants. Could it get any weirder? You know what? I'm not even gonna answer that.
Soon, I was running through the hallways and back to the kitchen.
'You're taking lunch orders for a plant.' My mind sighed irritably.
'I just saved our necks so shut the hell up!' I yelled back as I burst into the kitchen. I raced to the pantry and began to throw out random things that may hinder my view of cookies. Pretty soon, I found a bag of Chips Ahoy and began to run back towards the strange plant. I burst through the door and ran up to the plant. Still maintaining a reasonable distance from it should it feel like trying to eat me again. It began to sniff the air again.
"I got the cookies. I hope you're happy." I said as I opened the bag. The plant began to drool. Gross.
"Ok. Open wide. I don't trust you so I'm gonna throw them in your mouth." I said grabbing the first cookie. It opened up its mouth and I gently tossed it in. It snapped shut and munched on the cookie for a minute. It opened its mouth for another one. I tossed another one. And another. And then another. And another. Pretty soon the whole bag was gone. It opened its mouth again, waiting for more.
"I don't have anymore. You ate them all. Damn Marluxia don't you ever feed this thing?" I said as I crumpled the bag and threw it in the trash. This was like The Little Shop Of Horrors movie. Except this plant didn't need to suck blood out of my finger to survive. No instead it required the whole person. But apparently, cookies made a fine substitute.
"Your not going to eat me are you?" I asked it. It shook its head.
"Ok good." I said. "I think that I will name you. I shall call you…Bulba." I said. Any name that came out of my mouth was usually a stupid, never before heard name. A fitting name for a never before seen plant. I slowly approached it and tentatively stuck out my hand. Can you pet a flower? Is that weird? It sniffed my hand and then…nuzzled it? Then it started to…purr? Is this like a cat in disguise? Anyways, I slowly started to pet it.
"Hmm…this is most interesting." I said.
"I see that it has taken a liking to you." Another voice said. Well hello again gender bender! Thanks for all of your help earlier! It was most appreciated! I'm glad you had enough decency to help me!
"Yes…a bit too much. It almost ate me no thanks whatsoever to you." I pouted as I dusted off my jeans.
"You had things under control." He said as he picked up a watering can and filled it up.
"Oh yes, I was lulling the plant into a false sense of security and when the time was right, I would suddenly bust out and victory would be mine." I said. I jumped a little as Bulba nudged my shoulder with its head. Probably seeking out more cookies. I only spared it a quick glance and returned my attention to Mr. Gardner.
"When was the last time you fed that thing?"
"It's been awhile since it was able to eat someone. It is after all, a man eater." He said as he watered various plants.
"Not surprising. Well just so you know, Bulba also likes cookies." I said. Bulba nudged me again. Stop it Bulba!
"Bulba?" he asked not looking at me.
"Yes. That's his name now. Bulba likes cookies. Don't you Bulba?" I asked as I patted its head. I know it doesn't have a head but it sounds better than flower. Bulba responded by sticking his tongue out and licking me from elbow to the tip of my head.
"Ok…that's extremely gross! Thank you Bulba." I said, my entire left side sopping with plant slobber. I tried to wipe some of it off but I only ended up making a bigger mess. I had spit in my hair. Bulba returned and began to nuzzle against me. I guess in Bulba's book, people who brought him cookies were on the top of the do-not-eat list and were his best friends for life. Yippee for me I guess.
"Well anyways, I'm gonna go get this stuff off me now. Cya" I said walking to the door.
"Cya." Marluxia said not bothering to look at me.
"Cya Bulba." I said, turning to look at the plant. The plant wilted dramatically in sorrow. Oh sad!
"I'll visit you again don't worry Bulba!" I said as I walked out the door.
That slobber was not easy to get off! It involved lots of scrubbing and soap. Crazy plant. I was now lounging in my room wondering what to do. I decided that I would draw something in order to put more life on the walls. I whipped out one of my millions of sketchbooks and a pencil and began to sketch out the drawing that I had planned on doing for a long time. I thought it was a very cute idea. I was going to draw the entire Organization, well at least the ones who were here at the present time, as kitty cats. Music was playing quietly in the background. Should be a tranquil setting right? Wrong! Right now I was working on Xemnas and his hair was giving me problems.
"God dammit!" I swore quietly. I heard a knock on the door.
'Ignore it.' My mind said. I agreed. I always got weird when I was drawing. I hated it when people disturbed me and I especially hated it when people tried to look at it before it was finished. Without warning, the door opened and in walked Axel.
"Yo." He said as he walked in and immediately plopped down on my bed. I glared at him. He saw it.
"Whoa what's with you?" he asked, not concerned in the least bit.
"What do you want?" I grumbled returning to my drawing.
"Just came to see what you were doing. So what are you doing?" he asked picking up my cell phone that was sitting on the nightstand and looking at it.
"Drawing."
"Cool. Can I see?"
"No."
"Why not?"
"It's not ready yet." I said glaring at him again.
"Ok ok! Don't bite my head off." He said holding his hands up in surrender. I sighed.
"Sorry I just get weird when I'm drawing." I said, as I erased Xemnas' hair for what had to be the 15th time.
"What do you mean weird?" Axel asked as he leaned back so he was leaning against the headboard and closed his eyes.
"Uhh…I tend to snap at people and… I donno its hard to explain." I said. There were a few minutes of silence.
"So what did you do today?" Axel asked starting a conversation.
"Uh well, I chased that rodent around until I caught him. I tried to give it to Vexen but he didn't want it so I threw it out the window. Then I got attacked by one of Marluxia's plants. It was all very exciting." I said with a small chuckle.
"Hey guys! Mind if I join you?" a new, bubbly voice asked. I turned from my position on the floor to see Demyx in the doorway.
"Oh god what are you doing here?" Axel groaned. Demyx pouted a little bit.
"Come on in and join the party!" I said motioning for him to come in. Demyx smiled widely before running in and jumping on the bed. Landing on Axel's shins.
"Ow! Get off me!" Axel yelled shoving Demyx off him.
"My bad." Demyx said, as he got comfortable on the bed. Why was it that whenever people were in my room, I was the one on the floor? There was a perfectly useful desk in the corner of the room. Maybe it was because I was such a friggen messy person and needed to use the floor to hold all of my crap. Anyways, back to whatever I was doing. Which was trying to block out Demyx's incessant babbling. He talked about anything and everything…which is actually what I do a lot. Axel was trying to make him shut up. Needless to say, it wasn't working. I commented on a few of the things that Demyx was talking about such as lobster bisque, origami, 80's rock bands, and sock monkeys. Gotta love those sock monkeys. Though I myself found them rather creepy. So mostly ignoring the other two, I resumed drawing.
"God dammit Mansex!" I cursed as I erased his hair yet again for the umpteenth time. The guys stopped talking immediately.
"What did you say?" Demyx asked. Ooooh…maybe I shouldn't have said that aloud.
"Nothing!" I said laughing a little. It was so funny though! Everyone who played KH2 knew that joke. Accept the children who were under 10. They have not had their minds corrupted yet. Never fear! The day will come!
"No what did you say?" Axel demanded.
"Well.." I began but started to laugh harder.
"Come on spit it out." Axel encouraged.
"Ok…if you rearrange.." by now I could barely breath I was laughing so hard. I was gigglesnorting! Axel and Demyx looked at each other.
"Do you want me to beat it out of you?" Axel asked. I shook my head as I laughed.
"Ok…if you rearrange the letters in Xenmas' name, you end up with Mansex!" I finally said as the sentence was broken up with a few giggles. After I got it out, I was basically rolling on the floor with laughter. The guys were silent for a moment as they tested this theory out themselves.
"Oh my god! That's awesome!" Demyx said as he began to laugh as well. Axel also began to laugh. It's a laughing party!
"Why did you blurt out Mansex?" Axel asked after the laughing had died down a little.
"I'm having trouble with his hair." I said, still letting a few giggles slur my speech.
"Are you drawing him? Why?! Please tell me you're not drawing him naked!" Axel asked incredulously.
"Oh god that's gross! The images are too disturbing for the human psyche. Especially mine. No it's part of my new set of drawings. I'm going to draw all of the Organization as kitties." I said sketching Xemnas' hair lightly. Crap! It still doesn't look right!
"Why are you drawing us as cats?" Demyx asked, thoroughly perplexed.
"Cause it's cute!"
"Have you drawn me yet?" Demyx asked.
"Not yet. I just started a couple minutes before Axel came in. Then you came in shortly after. Don't worry I'll get to you guys eventually. I've got to do the ones before you." I explained. The ones that I wasn't going to draw were Laxeaus and Larxene. I heard that Larxene had left the Organization and that Laxeaus was killed. I bet that gym that I found belonged to him. Well its mine now buff daddy! Not that I really cared about those two. So basically anyone who was in this castle as of right now was going to be drawn. I was also going to draw Roxas and Riku. I just wanted to draw Riku cuz I wanted to draw his blindfold. It looked fun.
Eventually I shooed the guys out because I had to go to sleep at one point or another. I can't stay up the whole night. I can only usually do that at lock-ins. And even there, I'm usually curled up in a ball, sleeping in the corner. Before getting ready for bed, I planned out the next day. First, I would just kind of bop around. Then I would quest for the internet! There has to be internet somewhere around the castle! I am determined to find it! Then perhaps later I will work on my kitty drawings! Yup sounds like a plan. I slowly climbed into bed, after dusting off the comforter. The guys were on it with their shoes after all, which I cannot stand! I put on my headphones and drifted into a much needed slumber.
hmm...i thought this was kinda a weird chapter. I'm gonna go annoy my room mate by singing Avenue Q (i just bought the soundtrack lol) at the top of my lungs lol. Yosh!
Preview: Megan digs up some dirt that the Organization was hiding from her. Also...more cooking adventures! R&R s'il vous plait (french for please)
thats right! i just went french on u lol
