Thanks to everyone who has liked/read/followed this story so far. This chapter is a little short, however I can promise the next will be longer.
Enjoy!
It was Lily's handwriting. Severus stared down at the letter in his hands. Lily had written him a letter, but why? She'd made it pretty clear she wanted nothing to do with him. It had been her choice to ignore him, her choice to abandon him like everyone else had. And now after all this time she had written him a letter. A letter he hadn't even opened, how could he? And what about the timing? First the marauders and now her, was he supposed to believe it was some kind of coincidence? Did they really think he was that fucking stupid?
"You've gotta be fucking kidding me. What the hell are those dicks playing at?"
Severus startled as Evan snatched the letter out of his hand, his arm curling possessively around his waist. "Do you mind? It's not from them, it's from Lily". Severus averted his gaze.
"Lily? Wait, isn't she that friend of yours who left you for that Potter prick?"
"He dumped her, remember?". Perhaps that wasn't the best thing he could have said, reminding Evan that both were available and clearly interested in him. Well Potter apparently was, he wasn't sure about Lily. He still couldn't bring himself to look at the letter.
"Is this your way of trying to make me jealous?" Evan asked, moving behind him to rest his chin on his shoulder.
"Is it working?" Severus asked curiously. It wasn't his intention obviously, but he kind of liked when Evan let his jealous tendencies show. It was nice to have someone who cared enough to be jealous for him. But still, he knew he'd have to be very careful, true jealousy only ever seemed to cause harm. He'd had more than enough experience with that.
"A little" Evan admitted. "But can you blame me? The thought of them seeing you like this, of seeing you when we're in bed together, I don't like it. Not after what they did to you. They don't deserve you like we do; they never did".
Severus could actually feel Evan grinning against his neck. Torn between wanting to thump him and kiss him for being a complete sap, he failed to notice the mischievous grin Evan sported, until it was too late. What started as a few soft caresses soon became more heated. And like most teenagers, when things got started they didn't seem much need to stop. So it was some time before either of them felt ready to broach the subject of Lily's letter once more. Although to be honest, Severus had been hoping Evan would forget about it. No such luck.
"So was it good for you?" Evan smirked lazily, tracing patterns on his skin.
Severus snorted, it was just about the only thing he had the energy to do. Not that Evan could take full credit for that. His earlier exam that morning had most certainly had its effect on him. But, not that he wanted to inflate Evan's head any more than it already was, he could admit Evan had definitely been the one to finish him off. In more ways than one.
"So about that letter-" Severus groaned, Evan ignored him, "-you know you need to open it. I mean I'd do it if you wanted me to, but you're gonna have to read it at some point. I know you, you're gonna go mad if you never read it. It'll just sit there, taunting you".
Severus hated it when he was right and he was so very right. Hell, he'd already begun to picture it. He couldn't stand not knowing things like that, especially when it came from Lily. As much as he hated to admit it, she was still his Lily. Even if he wasn't her Severus anymore. Apparently that would never change.
"Tell you what, we open it up together right now and since we have tomorrow off, we spend the whole day in bed fixing whatever that stupid piece of parchment ends up doing to you. Whatever she's written, it won't matter because I'm here to keep you from getting hurt again. Alright?"
A kiss was Severus' answer, one Evan was more than happy to return. "Thanks". Nothing more needed to be said.
"You gonna open it, or should I?"
Severus handed it over wordlessly. Why? He wasn't sure. The whole thing with Lily, well it was just too exhausting to think about. He'd already given so much in terms of time and energy, that at this point he didn't think he had anything left to give. Their earlier antics hadn't exactly helped matters either.
"Right, here we go". Evan opened the letter and began to read.
Dear Severus,
You were right. Potter was an absolute arse, just like you always said. I'm sure you'll be glad to know we're no longer together. You know he dumped me? I'm still not even sure why, but I can't help feeling like there was someone else. But then he hasn't looked at anyone else here at Hogwarts, so maybe it's a girl he met over the summer. But that's beside the point.
How are you? I can't tell you how much I hope you're safe. No one seems to know where you went, it's as though you just disappeared. I hope you know just how much you scared me by doing that. I know, I know, I sound awful right now. But I can't help it, since you've left it's like I can't talk to anyone. You were the one person who really understood me. And I know I didn't treat you the way friends should. But then, neither did you if I'm being honest. I mean I told you time and time again about those Slytherin boys, but you just kept pushing me away and ignoring my concerns. And then you called me that word, so I did what I thought was best.
Evan paused, eyes wide in disbelief. "Wait, did she hook up with that Potter guy to get back at you?"
"Not right away" Severus admitted. "She's not that kind of girl".
But that wasn't the reason I decided to write to you. I just…well I miss you. More than you could possibly know. I know on the train, the last time I saw you, you said you were leaving. And to be honest, I didn't really believe you. But at the same time, I actually felt kind of relieved. I mean despite what many people say about you, you really are talented. I was actually a little jealous of you. You always seemed to know just what to do or say, while I always just seemed to follow your lead.
"What?" Severus frowned, since when had she ever followed his lead? Except perhaps during first year. Hell, he'd always been the one following her around, not the other way around.
Evan continued.
I just, if you could write me back and tell me you're okay, it would really make me feel better. I can't stand not knowing where you are, if you're safe or not. I really hope you are safe, but with no news in all the time since you left, well I can't help but worry.
Your friend,
Lily
"Un-fucking-believable" Evan spat.
Severus merely sighed, couldn't he at least wait until they'd read through the whole thing? All these interruptions were really getting on his nerves. "What is it now?"
"How attached are you to this girl? I mean I get that she was your friend, but she's practically made this entire letter to you about herself. Is that usually what happens?"
He had a point.
"No it's, I mean she…" Severus trailed off.
Of course it wasn't, Lily wasn't that kind of girl. She was just worried about him, friends were supposed to tell each other how they felt, right? Granted that his own experience with friends was somewhat limited to when he left Hogwarts. But still, he'd known Lily for years, she'd hardly ever changed in all that time. She'd just always been that way, always telling him how much she worried about him over the summer. She knew what went on in his house, or rather she knew the watered-down version. So what if she was a little heavy-handed with making him feel bad for worrying her? She couldn't help it; she was just that caring. Or at least she was before everything went tits up.
'Yes'. The thought echoed throughout his mind, just that one word managed to stop him in his tracks.
It was true. He could make as many excuses for her as he liked, but it would still be true. Friend or not, Lily had always managed to make him feel bad for worrying her. He was sure she didn't mean to, she wasn't spiteful like that, but she still managed it all the same. And living the life he had, he'd grown all too used to feeling like shit. But now that things were different, well maybe it was time for a change.
"Are you going to write her back?" Evan asked. He tightened his grip around him, almost by instinct.
"I…I don't know". He really didn't.
This was Lily, his Lily. Only his Lily and this Lily seemed to be two separate people, despite being one and the same. His Lily had been there for him, had made him smile and feel good just by being around him. This Lily…didn't. After what had happened between them and the months they spent apart, he'd come to realise he no longer knew her as he once had. In his own way he'd mourned the loss. But then he'd left, moved to Japan and ended up happier than he'd ever been. He'd even begun to forget her, just a little more each day.
"Let's not talk about it now. If I remember correctly, I promised you we'd spend the day in bed together. So, you wanna shag?" Evan smiled gently before leering at his boyfriend.
Severus snorted. Distraught as he was over Lily's letter, he could always count on his boyfriend to snap him out of it. And let's face it, like he was going to say no to sex.
"Do me a favour? Don't ever say shag again, you sound ridiculous".
Evan grinned. "Maybe, but when you say it it's pretty fucking hot. Makes me think of the things we do when we're alone, our naked bodies thrusting against each other-" Evan licked his lips, only for Severus to interrupt.
"What have I told you about those bloody books of yours? This isn't some god awful harlequin romance novel you know". Severus tried to keep scowling out of sheer stubbornness, but it was difficult to do so when Evan began touching him just the way he liked it.
"You know I'd bet you'd love them if you tried them. Sometimes I just imagine that it's our story on the page. That I'm the devastatingly handsome young stable-hand and you're the delicate little flower in need of saving from the dastardly villain".
Severus gave him a flat look. "Delicate little flower?" He obviously wasn't very pleased.
Evan winced. Perhaps that wasn't the best line he could have come up with. But it was true, sorta. Severus was pretty delicate, just like a flower. He certainly wasn't muscular, not like himself, not that it made any difference. What he lacked in strength he made up in intelligence, wit and sheer wrath. Truthfully, he was scary as fucking hell when he wanted to be.
"A very beautiful flower" Evan amended. "One I'm very lucky to have and who I love with all my heart and-" Evan made a break for the door. Luck however wasn't on his side.
"How did you do that?" Evan demanded, the mood shifting from playful to serious in an instant. Not that the whole flower nonsense hadn't soured Severus' mood a little.
"Do what?" Of course he knew what Evan was going on about, but past experience had taught him that doing wandless magic usually ended up badly for him in the aftermath. Do magic with a stick and all is fine, throw the stick away and suddenly everyone thinks you've gone mad.
"You closed this door without saying a spell. Hell you didn't even use your wand. You're telling me after all this time, I only now find out you can do wandless magic?"
Severus shifted nervously. This was it, the moment everything good in his life fell apart. All because he'd acted without thinking, yet again. He really had to do something about that.
"Fucking hell, you're just full of surprises, aren't you?" Evan surged forward and kissed him.
Severus stared at him. Alright maybe he kissed back a little, or a lot, to be honest it had become something of a conditioned response at this point. But mostly he just stared. Where was the yelling? Where was the disgust? Where was the anger? The jealousy? When you found out someone could wield wandless magic, beyond the usual level of accidental magic most witches and wizards experience, your first reaction usually wasn't to snog them senseless. At least he didn't think so. Well it's not like he had much experience in this area. His dad knew shit all about magic and his mum, well she'd come to fear even mentioning the word lest his dad overhear. Not that it mattered much now, his mum was long dead.
"What are you-?" Evan kissed him again. At the risk of sounding like a complete girl, he found himself quite literally breathless. "Have you gone mad?"
"Fancy that shag now?" Evan ignored his question, smirking down at him and doing things that left him gasping from both pleasure and embarrassment.
"But I thought-". Evan reached down, preventing Severus from finishing whatever thought he'd had. Instead he panted as Evan's fingertips brushed against his entrance. It wasn't so much the action that left him squirming and needy, but the way his mind brought forth so many memories. Memories of Evan spread out and whining, craving his touch. Memories of himself in Evan's place, the way his heart raced at the feeling of another's hand on him and another's cock inside him.
"Are you sure?" Evan asked, letting his fingers still as Severus fought the urge not to grab his hand and keep it where it had been.
Was he sure? Was he seriously asking at a time like this? When he'd had his fingers there and they were…doing stuff. It was rather funny how the thought of sex seemed to affect him more than the act itself. How his every emotion seemed intensified by the mere thought of it.
"Just get on with it". He had hoped to sound a little less desperate. Fortunately Evan didn't seem to mind.
What followed next was their usual routine. A whispered spell, the rather odd feeling of being emptied and then filled with something that certainly wasn't natural, followed by the insertion of something that was most assuredly natural. By the end of this process, with both bodies stilled and muscles taught, both boys would lie panting, looking into each other's eyes with what they were sure was love. And then of course one would inevitably shift, the other would move and good times would be had by all. Leaving them both sticky, sated and in that somewhat blissful state where nothing seemed to matter but each other.
"Wow" Evan breathed. He chuckled breathlessly, Severus soon following. "So about that letter…" Evan yelped as Severus pushed him off the bed. "You didn't even hear what was I was about to say!"
"Unless your next words were 'I'm going to forget the stupid thing ever existed', then I suggest you put your mouth to better use". It was only after he'd finished speaking that he realised just how that sounded.
"Oh?" Apparently Evan had too. At least judging by the smirk he now sported. "So what'll it be? Eat you out or suck you off?"
Severus had never been so embarrassed and that was saying a lot.
"Or do you want both?" Evan asked, cocking his head to the side as he climbed back on the bed. He watched Severus closely; the way his breath hitched, his dick swelled, all the little (or in some case big) things that clued him into just how much his boyfriend seemed to like that idea. Not that he expected him to just come out and say it. Severus never had been one for words. He communicated just fine without them.
In the end, both boys were left feeling extremely satisfied. Enough so that the letter that had started this whole mess lay forgotten on the floor. Of course it would hardly be the end of it all. Severus still wasn't sure if he'd even reply. With the Marauders it had been easy. But this was Lily, Lily had never been easy. She'd been his everything for the longest time and even now he found it difficult to just discard her like that. Yes they had their differences, but perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to just let her know he was safe. Safe and loved, the way he'd always imagined himself with her. Talk about irony.
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KB
