Chapter 11

There's green.

It swims and swirls in different shades, but it's green. I feel it pulling on my arms, on my skin and my eyelids and my head swims.

It makes me want to vomit.

"Wake up..."

Her voice is quiet, whispered in my ear. I can't wake up, though. I can't face what I've done. I don't know how long it's been, but I remember the flashes.

I remember Reno backing away from me, afraid. I remember Sephiroth's head severed from his neck cleanly. I remember swinging my blade to do that.

And I remember the mako. I remember it burning through my skin, pure and raw...a feeling I haven't felt in a long, long time.

"I have to tell you something," I say softly, my eyes still closed, swirling in the green.

I feel her hands in my hair, stroking my forehead. "Tell me," she says gently.

"I believed you..." I whisper, and swallow. "When you told me about your visions."

"I know..."

"But I didn't tell you why...why I believed you."

"Tell me now."

"My father..."I lick my lips, trying to figure out where to start. The green guides me, and that frightens me. "My father was a SOLDIER, and he signed up for an experimental program. I knew Hojo...long before I knew what a SOLDIER was."

I don't know when the experimentation started. I don't even remember when it ended, if it ever ended; who knows if the mako injections I got for SOLDIER were the same as everyone else's. They easily could've been different and it seems foolish to me now that I choose to become a SOLDIER even after knowing what Hojo was capable of. Becoming a SOLDIER, though, felt like a path that had already been predetermined for myself, and to stray off of it was terrifying. Hojo was also terrifying, especially as a child, but it was the only childhood I knew, one a of the few connections I had to my father. And my mother...

"I told you my mother passed when I was young, and I was in foster homes," I continue.

"Was that true?"

"Half true," I state simply. "I was raised in some kind of home. My mother did pass when I was young..." I swallow again, trying to find the words that are stuck in my throat. "She...she..."

The green pounds into my eyelids, throbbing, and I wince. I can't say it, not yet. Saying it makes it true again, turns me back into a scared child with a father that disappeared, and a mother that thought she had turned her child into a...a monster. Or allowed her child to be turned into a monster.

A mother...a mother that decided that instead of facing that reality would choose a way out.

The final way out.

"Is he awake yet?"

"No. You have to tell me what's going on," Aeris says sharply.

A grunt, low and soft, but I recognize it. Sephiroth.

"You said she sent you a letter. You said she was trapped."

"She did. She is," he replies gently.

Aeris huffs loudly. "I'll believe that she sent you a letter. She left one for Cloud, but I can't believe she's trapped. I burned her body, I made sure that ShinRa wouldn't get their hands on her blood, on her DNA."

There's a pause. "You made sure her body was burned."

"Yes," Aeris sounds exasperated. "That's what I just said!" She shouts, but she lowers her voice quickly. "How would they use her to figure out-

"Genesis' sword was left behind," Sephiroth states. "There was blood on the sword. It was enough."

"No," Aeris whispers. "No-no...we burned her body, blood on the sword, how much blood could that have been? It couldn't have been enough-

"It was enough, between the blood on the sword, in the truck she crashed, and in the church," he cuts her off. I think of the pool of blood Tifa was lying in, the white and yellow flowers drenched and heavy laden with warm, dripping blood. "With the other research he had. The mako, the alien cells, Tifa's cells...Cloud's cells...your mother's cells. He finally bridged the gap," Sephiroth sounds exhausted, weighed down.

"My mother's cells...I was hoping they had all be destroyed by Jenova, that none were still pure," Aeris says, her voice thick. "He must of still had specimens...but Cloud's cells? What does Cloud have to do with it?"

"He never told you? Or Zack never told you?"

"Told me what?" I hear the fear in her voice.

"NO!" I bolt up, my chest heaving.

The room is dark, a sliver of light from a cracked doorway spread across my feet. The door bursts open. Aeris stands there, pale and hard to make out, back lit from the hallway lights behind her. A shadow looms in her wake.

Sweat is coating my skin, and my hair sticks to my forehead. I try to push it back, and swing my legs off the bed.

"Cloud-Cloud no. You have to stay in bed."

"I can't," I mumble. My muscles feel like they're buzzing with suppressed energy. I wonder how long I've been out for. I wonder how much mako is still in my system. Back when I was still getting regular injections for SOLDIER I was used to the strange sensations of having mako in my blood, but it's been months, and those injections weren't pure mako. Still, for a day after an injection I would lie in the hospital bed, a saline drip in my arm, just trying not to move. To move was pain because my body hadn't adjusted yet to my hypersensitive reaction time, of the overwhelming information my heightened senses gathered; all the noises, the breathing of SOLDIERs and doctors around me sounded like an ocean in my ears. The different smells of disinfectant, the taste of it in the air that would make me gag; my eyes refusing to focus when they were open, because they couldn't decide whether or not to focus on the tiny hairs on my knuckles, or the hundreds of dimples in the ceiling tiles, or the individual threads of my blanket. I got motion sickness from just trying to grab a cup of water from a tray one time. Most SOLDIERs learned to just lay back with their eyes closed for as long as possible until the swimming feeling subsided, but sometimes it was easy to forget. I remember one time Zack tried to scratch his nose and ended up punching himself in the face. When I laughed at him I threw up.

"What happened?" I ask, swallowing. "Is there water?"

"Cloud," Aeris starts gently, moving to sit on the bed beside me. "You were fighting, and there was a mako tube- we should've known better than to let you fight around that much mako but-

"How long?" I cut her off.

"What?" she asks, blinking slowly.

"Three days," the shadow rumbles.

Aeris glances over her shoulder at the shadow, and back at me warily. "We kept you sedated. We wanted time for the mako to work its way out of your system."

I nod my head and it pounds, "Makes sense. Where are we now?"

"We're in the woodlands, on Cid's airship," she states gently. She reaches across me to a small table beside the bed and picks up a cup of water. She hands it to me and smiles softly. "The mission was a success. Both the Gold Saucer and Gongaga are in a power outage. We're going to head out again soon, to Mideel. Sources say that's where they'll send reinforcements from," she says but I see the glance over her shoulder towards the shadow.

"When do we leave? What about Fort Condor?"

"Tomorrow," the shadow says. "And I've arranged for Fort Condor's satellite system to have...technical difficulties."

"Sephiroth," I start, and pause, gathering my thoughts. "I know...I killed you."

"You killed one of Hojo's creations," he states simply.

My eyes snap to his, or where his should be, but I can't see them in the dim lighting. "He figured it out, then."

Sephiroth nods his head once. "I delayed him as long as I could, which wasn't long I admit. Rufus was particularly enthusiastic about the project. Hojo was unstoppable, he's been working day and night since Genesis' death. It was the first success he's had in years, although, success is a word I use loosely."

"Loosely? He made the clones, how is that not a success?" Aeris asks, looking towards him.

"They're unstable. The first few didn't make it out of their containment tubes for more than an hour. The ones that do make it last anywhere between an hour to two days, well at least mine have."

"What's the longest one has lasted? What kind of functions do they have? Can they think for themselves? Did that clone of you in the reactor have your memories?" Aeris questions him. I can tell she's holding back somewhat; I know she has a hundred more questions.

"It depends. Hojo has only had clone that has lasted a long period of time, and by a long time I mean more than a week; that one only seems to take orders. It doesn't seem to be able to think for itself, nor does it seem to have memories."

"How did you know we would be at Gongaga?" I ask.

"I was...informed," he says carefully. "That I would meet with you there."

"How did Hojo know to send a clone there?"

"He sent them to all the reactors after the Gold Saucer attack. He didn't want to, but Rufus made him. He had to restart another batch."

"Have you seen where he makes them?" Aeris asks uneasily.

Sephiroth shakes his head, "No. I know the lab, but I didn't investigate it. I didn't want to draw suspicion."

"Well aren't you by not being with the company right now?" Aeris twists her hands together nervously.

Sephiroth tilts his head, "Someone is covering for me. I have my own agenda, and even Rufus knows I don't bend my knee to him, or to his father."

"But now he has copies of you to do that for you," I say, and stand slowly. Aeris rises beside of me, catching my elbow.

"Cloud, I think you should lie back down."

I shake her hand from my elbow. "I have to speak with the others."

"I think we should bring Barret and Cid in here first, and then we can meet with the others," she says gently. "Cloud...you scared them. We know it was the mako, that you couldn't help it...but they're going to need time."

"If we're attacking Mideel tomorrow they need my help," I state firmly. "Especially if there's another one of him there," I gesture to Sephiroth. "Even if it is a poor imitation."

Sephiroth chuckles lowly, "They aren't even letting me help."

"Well, in their defense you still are a source on the inside and we don't want to give that up already," Aeris points out.

"I'm not staying on the ship," I insist. "I'm going to fight."

"Cloud, I don't know if that's such a good idea. I think we need to speak with Barret and Cid first. They deserve to have an opinion about this."

"Fine," I concede. "Let's speak with them." I see my boots by the end of the bed and force my feet inside of them. My body aches, my muscles feel exhausted. Maybe it would be a good idea to sit tomorrow's fight out but I don't care. I'm fighting these battles. All of them.

"Wait, I can call them here-

I push past her and Sephiroth and move out into the hall, heading towards the bridge. I hear Sephiroth fall in behind me, following quietly. Aeris huffs as she jogs to catch up.

I have no idea what time it is, but my stomach is growling, and I feel queasy still; I don't know if it's from the lack of food or from the mako. When I blink, flashes of green race across my vision. I glance down at my arms swinging as I walk. I don't see any mako glowing through the veins in my arms, but when I twist my hand up I see a faint trace of green in the thin veins of my wrist. I quickly drop my hand, and pin my arms to my sides.

"Cloud," Sephiroth says softly behind me, so soft I know Aeris can't hear him.

I glance over my shoulder at him, letting him know I heard him.

"I know these people, some of them you consider friends...but they're frightened of you now."

I swallow, thinking again of Hojo, of my mother... they wouldn't be the first of my friends to be scared of me.

"They don't trust you, and even though Aeris will fight for your trust, it won't be the same as if Tifa were doing it."

"What are you saying?" I say under my breath.

"It's still in you," he replies cautiously. "It's not much, but I can feel it. And it's potent. Cloud, if you want these people to trust you again, you have to stay calm."

He's right. I can feel the mako lurking in my blood, in my eyes, waiting for another chance to take over. It's been years since I was lost in a mako rage. Even when I fought Genesis, even after Tifa died, I suppressed that feeling, but now...

I squeeze my hands into fists and say nothing.