I should have seen it coming. Stupid, blind, foolish Cicero! I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! I knew it the moment I saw them in the hall, his hands all over her. I should have put my blade though his heart then, but I was being obedient. 'The fifth tenet! The fifth tenet!' My mind shouted at me. I had to stay my blade.
I should have watched her. I shouldn't have let her go. I was so busy finding flowers for Mother that I forgot about the slinky, lying, false brother. She was so eager to find good flowers for Mother, how could I tell her no? Found one minute, lost the next. Oh, Listener! I am a failure as Keeper. I can't even keep a delicate flower.
I dropped my basket, all the tediously collected flowers spilling on the ground. I turned in a circle, again and again. No Listener. No Flower. My hands found my hair and pulled. Mother would punish me for sure; I had allowed her Listener to be taken. I called out, screamed out into the forest. Maybe they weren't far, but there was only silence. Silence. Always the silence. My eyes filled with tears. My beautiful flower had been taken because I was too foolish to watch her.
I sunk to the ground, lost. I could hear the banging on the Cheydinhal Sanctuary door again. Banging, banging, deep, resonating banging. It was happening again. Siblings were being taken in the light, it was so sad and so funny. An assassin killed like a common farmer. The jester's grin was cracking my face in two and I couldn't stand it. I brought my knees to my chest. I didn't want to be alone again. I didn't want the silence.
That was when I saw it. Through my tears I saw the blood, under the nightshade bush. My fear and panic was overshadowed by anger. Flower wasn't lost. Flower was stolen.
I burst through the Sanctuary door, yelling and sputtering.
"False! Lying! Deceitful brother!" I screamed until the Redguard found me.
"What is it Keeper?" He asked, crossing his arms.
"The false brother has taken the Listener!" I yelled at him, angered by his passiveness.
At those words his face changed. I could see the panic I had felt earlier dance across his face. I explained the events in the hall, the sneakiness of the lying sibling. The nightshade bush, the blood. I told all.
We mounted horses, riding into the darkness of night. We would find our Listener and when we did I would put the fear of Sithis into the False Brother.
Hours, hours of looking. It was cold, so cold my joints felt like the creaky trees around us. Finally, finally the call came out.
"I found her!" The Redguard yelled. I followed. I had to see her, to find her again. I pushed my mount, faster, faster towards the torch.
They were all hunched around her, I wanted to tear through them and wrap my arms around her. I dismounted, but the un-child warned me away.
Bad. It had to be bad. The vampire had blood all over her hands and she wouldn't let poor Cicero see the Listener. No. No. No. I pulled on my face. The jester spun me in a circle. Alone. Alone. Alone. Mother silenced again. All because Cicero was a poor Keeper.
"You're the fastest rider. I want you to take her back to the Sanctuary. In my room there are healing potions, give her one and lay her down. I need you to wrap her face if I don't get there before then." The un-child instructed me.
Hope. I felt hope rise in my chest. Yes. Yes. Yes. "Cicero will be like the wind." The Listener was wrapped in a blanket. She looked so small and frail. My mind flitted back to the bloody, broken puppy I took home. I couldn't fail her.
She whimpered as my horse flew to the Sanctuary. I held her as tight as I could; I pressed her naked skin against my motley, hoping she could feel my body heat beneath the fabric. She was cold. So cold. Her body shivered and I wanted nothing more than to warm her.
These damned doors. They kept us safe, always made Cicero feel safe. Not tonight. Tonight it enraged me. Don't ask your stupid questions! But the door must be answered, or the entry will be barred. That didn't stop me from screaming, flinging words at the door. Stupid door.
Once inside I carried the Listener downstairs, down into the warmth of the Sanctuary. I placed her on the bed and left to get the supplies un-child had told me to get. I looked at the shelf, I was terrible with potions. Always had been. Bandages, those I knew. I grabbed the biggest bundle I could find. Potion, red potion for health. For healing and pain relief. The Listener was injured. I hadn't even taken the time to see how badly.
Returning to her side I calmed my raging mind. I needed the peace and calm for her. I needed to be lucid and aware, not erratic and disjointed. I showed her the potion. "You need to drink this."
She shook her head, her hands covering her face. I looked her over; she seemed fine, just covered in blood. The injuries must be to her face, she was hiding them from me. I reached for her hands that were protecting what was causing her pain. She jerked away. My chest tightened; if she was refusing to let me touch her it must be bad. Maybe it was my gloves. I held out my hands. "My gloves?" I removed them. "There, only Cicero's hands now."
She seemed placated, allowing me to move her hands. When I was able to see what had been hidden my chest felt hollow. He had cut her face up. Butchered it. The cuts that ran from her eyes didn't seem that bad, painful, but able to heal quickly. Her cheeks were a different story; the slits he had ripped into her face were serious. They crawled from the corners of her mouth to where her jaw was connected to her skull. How she must be suffering.
My fingers hovered over her cheeks, I wanted to heal them, but I had never been good at magic. The potion would help with her pain. "You need to drink this." I held up the vial. She nodded. I instructed her to lean her head back; I would try to do most of the work for her. I could see the relief in her eyes as the pain reliever hit her system.
I wrapped her face as best I could and helped her lay down. I watched as blood mingled with other fluids and seeped through her bandages. I held her hand and did my best to soothe her while we waited for the un-child to return. I hummed to her, she seemed to like that.
My back and ass ached. I had only slept once since the night she went missing, and both had been at the table in our room. I would spend most of my time sitting at the table in our room, I wanted to be available for when she needed me, help eating, help changing, someone to talk to her. Mostly she slept. Once I was sure she was deep in sleep I would sneak away to care for Mother. I would ball up before her shrine, begging for forgiveness for allowing her Listener to be taken. I hadn't been punished yet, so I was hopeful that forgiveness would come, in time.
The Redguard brought news of the False Brother. He had been burnt alive in the cave we think Flower had come from. He had found two other bodies in the cave, but they had been dead much longer. He also described several things that normally were kept for Horker poaching, but I had a strong feeling were used for something else.
I had settled down for my second time sleeping at the table when the un-child patted me on the shoulder. "She'll be better soon. Her recovery is coming along very well."
I smiled at the small Breton. She had done such a good job caring for Flower when I couldn't. I would have to remember to thank her for that, and to ask her for medical training for the future. I watched her make her way from our room. Flower was settling into the bed to sleep. I watched her from where I had laid my head on the table. I hummed for her. I tried to always hum for her when she was falling asleep.
I don't know when I fell asleep, but I was pulled from my dream when a hand settled on my shoulder. I jerked up, trying to make out the blurry face above me. "Listener?" Maybe I was still dreaming. She didn't have bandages on, like in my dream. The face came into focus and nodded.
I jumped from my seat. Her face was unbandaged! She looked as lovely as I remembered. The scars above and below her eyes were delicate and although they were swollen the ones on her cheeks reminded me of a jester's make up. I wanted to touch her face, but I didn't want to cause her pain. How long had it been? Too long. She needed to eat something solid. So, instead of touching her face I took her hands. "Cicero will get the Listener a sweetroll!" For what was better than a sweetroll when one was sick? I didn't think anything was.
She stopped at the mirror in the hall. I had never paid it much attention. Mirrors were confusing for me, when I looked in them I didn't see myself anymore. I saw the Jester. She was running her fingertips along the scars; I knew the look in her eyes. It was the same one I would give myself when I was trying to see myself how I was before. I didn't want her to feel lost; she was just as beautiful as before.
"Cicero thinks a smile is perfect on the Listener." I mumbled. I hoped it was the right thing to say, I had always been terrible with women.
It wasn't. I heart ached to see the pain in her eyes. She didn't see herself anymore; she saw what the False Brother wanted her to be. I wanted her to see what I saw, but I stayed quiet.
I wanted to caress her face, to hold her hands, to hold her like a man holds a woman. I wanted to touch her, but I could still see fear in her eyes when I drew near to her. It wasn't fear of me; it was fear of being touched. Fear of being forced. So I refrained. My skin burned when I stood near her, it ached to be pressed against her in anyway. Sometimes I would get little reliefs from my agony. She would touch my shoulder, my elbow; occasionally she would rest her hand on my back. Sitting next to her while we ate was perfection! She would rest her knee against mine the whole time. She would smile at my jokes and her laughter would ring through the hall.
When she offered to get me something to eat I hadn't thought anything of it. Then she whispered in my ear and I could feel my blood burning. I would be lying if I said I didn't love the feeling of her breath on my ear, but the jester sprung on the situation while I was spinning from her words.
I knew I should fight him, I should let her be, but I was enjoying the reactions that were coming from her as I stared at her. That was when I realized I didn't see the fear anymore, only her blush and stammering embarrassment were present. She was looking away now, I couldn't have that. I wanted to see her face. I hooked my finger under her chin and pulled it to mine. My heart was pounding in my chest, if only she knew how she made me feel she wouldn't be so self-conscious.
Finally I released her, telling her what I wanted to eat. The flush in her face was exquisite.
My heart stopped. There was someone touching Mother! A child from the look of it, with dirt smeared all over their face. I panicked. I screamed and threw myself between them. Listener would set this right, where was she? Off doing something silly, no doubt, allowing this child to wonder freely about the Sanctuary.
"I am right here." The child looked at me strangely, but in a familiar way.
Lies. I pushed my face into hers. No, no, no. The Listener had silver hair and her face wasn't all painted up.
She pulled her hat off. "I painted my face today." Her voice was the Listeners and with her hair down I could see it. I focused on the paint; it wasn't as broken as I had first thought. It was a smile. For the first time I allowed my fingers to trace where her scars were. It was her. She looked like a jester. She had painted her face to look like what the False Brother had forced on her. For the first time she looked pleased with her face.
"Just paint your face the shadows smile." I sung my favorite line. "It is you." I couldn't help but sweep her up in a hug. I crushed her against my chest, reveling in the feeling of her chest against mine. I didn't want to put her down, but I knew I had to.
"I told you once that a smile looks perfect on the Listener."
She looked wonderfully frightful. Cicero the man loved how pretty she was with her smile back and Cicero the fool loved the beautiful new jester. I was having trouble controlling myself, I knew I needed to hold the Jester back or there would be trouble but I was fighting my own urges as well.
So I turned away from her, back to the flowers I had collected for Mother. She inquired about the line from the song I had mentioned.
"Oh, something Cicero heard a long time ago." I didn't want to tell her why I actually sang that song, only that song. "Something about a crow."
"I am glad you like it." She mused behind me. She was concerned with how I felt about her face paint. This made me almost giddy. A woman had never cared what I thought about her face. I had to turn and look at her; she had plucked the perfect strings in my mind.
"Oh, does Flower think of Cicero when she makes herself pretty?" My breathing was heavy. I wanted to touch her face again. I wanted to run my fingers through her hair. I wanted to hold her.
I had backed her into the bench and was leaning down over her. The Jester was almost throwing a fit in my mind; he wanted her just as bad as I did. "Cicero is pleased to see another jester." Her blush, just barely showing under her paint was pressing me further. I leaned in, gods she smelled wonderful. "Perhaps Flower had painted somewhere else she wishes Cicero to see as well?" I smiled wickedly, and only part of it was the Jester.
I loved watching her squirm. She was adorable. The flush in her cheeks, her grip on the bench, her staggered breathing. I had to pull away. I had been teasing her, but I found she was teasing me just as much.
I watched her from across the table while we all ate dinner together. She was laughing at something the un-child had said, her cheeks full of food. I could watch her smile until I was sent to the Void. It had been so long since she had smiled, really smiled. I didn't realize how much I had missed it.
She looked down to her plate and then lifted her eyes to mine. I couldn't look away, and I felt like she couldn't either. We stared at one another and time seemed to slow. I was pulled from my trance when something bumped my feet. My eyes widened when she gave me a quick wink and a half smile. She was pressing the side of her foot into mine. I couldn't believe it. She was going out of her way to make physical contact with me. I fought the Jester back. He wanted to flip around the room, do somersaults and handstands. He was elated. I reminded him, over and over that if I moved we would break the contact. So I sat, enjoying the feeling of her foot resting against mine.
