Apologies for the delay, had to take some time off to decide which outline I was going to follow. I think I've decided (the two options diverge in a couple of chapters time) so I think I'm ready to start posting again. Thanks to Pyrofanity who gave me a little nudge not to forget this, I hate it when people don't finish stories but I never knew how challenging it was to get them how you chuffing want them!
Remember it's M rated so bad language and sexual references ahead.
Chapter Eleven: Home Visit
Pam got to her tiny apartment and willed herself to get into the shower, even if it was for just five minutes; she needed to wash off some of the day. She planned to get changed and head to the hospital to see Jim. She'd wanted to see him on her lunch break but the presence of Captain Brass stopped her from drawing attention to herself. She hadn't been home since yesterday morning but no one noticed she was wearing the same clothes. At least no one said it out loud. Everyone was too preoccupied with Jim.
The hot water stung her cold skin until she warmed up and could take in the day. Everyone had been questioned but Roy had been the only person who had his vehicle inspected. The gossip mill ran riot after that. Pam had joined everyone in the conference room to watch the spectacle of the no nonsense Captain walking around the car. She wished she could have run down there to stand by Roy's side but instead the froze again and watched from up high while everyone whispered about Roy's temper and how he'd been jealous of Jim and Pam. They spoke like she wasn't even there. She was basically a heart breaking harlot who caused this whole chain of events that led to Jim getting his ass kicked. By now word had gotten round town that Jim was found in a dumpster but most of the details were still unknown. Pam had confided in Roy and Dwight all she'd heard from Larissa and they'd not told anyone.
It was Dwight who'd comforted her after her interview in the conference room. He'd taken her into the back stairwell a sat her down until she could catch her breath and speak again. He'd just sat there quietly and soothed her until the dots cleared from her eyes. She'd told him what Larissa had said last night but he didn't react until she told him about the dumpster and that it wasn't just a wild rumour. He had dismissed it as idle gossip. He gripped her arm so tight that she thought it might bruise. A quick look assured her it hadn't but Dwight had been incensed and vowed revenge. It was the sweetest thing in the strangest way.
She'd spent the last day going from one shoulder to another to cry on. Well, between Dwight and Roy mostly. How strange that those two were the ones she turned to.
She didn't bother to wash her hair as she didn't want to waste any more time, she could wash it in the morning. She dried herself off and put on a few layers of clothing along with a hat, scarf and coat as it was bitterly cold outside. She grabbed a bottle of water and a frusli bar from her kitchen cupboards and head for the front door when her door bell rang. She threw it open hoping to give the person short shrift so she could be on her way. Roy was stood on the other side.
"Hey, I'm just heading out."
"Were you fucking him?"
"What?" Pam's blood ran cold.
"Were. You. Fucking. Halpert?" His voice was ice cold and full of hate. Pam felt a little frightened. Her heart was pounding in her chest; she'd never seen him like this before. Captain Brass must have told him. She thought it was in confidence.
"No." She squeaked out. She backed up as he walked forward and into the small, dim lit entrance hall.
"You kissed him? How many times you cheat on me Pam? How many times did you make a fool of me?"
"I-I-I" Her throat felt like it was closing up.
"SPIT IT OUT, PAM! God! I thought maybe he'd been after you, maybe he forced himself on you, but you wanted it too, didn't you?" He backed her into a wall. His face was so close to hers Pam could feel his spit hit her face as she spoke. She looked sideways, fearful of what she'd see if she looked him in the eye and longing for her own personal space.
"You need to leave, calm down Roy. I-I don't feel comfortable."
"Comfortable? How comfortable do you think I felt when I was accused of trying to murder Halpert, huh?"
"I told him you had nothing to do with it." Pam finally said something to defend herself but still pressed herself into the wall of the tiny hallway, trying to make some space but getting
none.
"But you told him you kissed Halpert! Your fucking opinion doesn't matter; you gave me a fucking motive!"
"He already knew! Karen told him! I didn't tell him anything at the hospital and then he treats me like I've got something to hide so fuck you Roy! Fuck you!" Pam hated to curse but that
felt good.
"Fuck me? You're the slut who's been sticking your tongue down Halpert's throat!" He slammed the wall next to her head. She let out a little squeak of fear. "Halpert like whores?" He growled into her ear.
"Don't call me that." She said weakly.
"Why not? That's what you are."
"Don't you think I know about you! I know about your little indiscretion at that strip club. Everyone knew you paid for 'extras' and I just ignored it. Like you're a saint, Roy." Roy eased back slightly giving Pam a little more space but not much. "Probably wasn't the only time either." She muttered.
"It only happened once and it was just a hand job." He said quietly.
"Doesn't matter now. Can you leave now?"
"I need to know Pam, did you sleep with him?"
"No. Never."
"Then what the fuck were you doing kissing him? I mean, fucking Halpert! Jim Halpert! You always told me there was nothing going on but it was a goddamn lie!"
"It just happened. Do you really think we'd be happily married? Look at us! I'm scared of you right now." She gestured towards his large, white knuckled fists.
Roy backed off completely and slumped against the wall. "I love you Pam. I would never hurt you."
Pam realised she felt out of breath and her heart was pounding like she'd been for a run. She lifted her head to look at Roy. He'd turned into a different person again, this time fragile and
sad. She wasn't feeling particularly sympathetic though and didn't know if she believed him right now.
"I need you to leave now."
"You think that maybe Jim got what he had coming to him?"
Pam looked at him with distain and disgust. "Get out or I'm calling the police."
"You call off our wedding for him?"
"No."
"You slept in my bed last night and you're wished Halpert was there, didn't you? In my fucking bed, Pam." Roy's voice broke as he spoke making his words hit Pam a little harder than she would have liked. She hadn't thought through the implications of where she'd chosen to stay, she just needed that familiarity, to feel anchored again, so much had changed in the last year and Roy had always been there her whole adult life.
"No, please, Roy, please leave. I don't want you here anymore." She dug around in her purse for her cell but Roy made a move towards the door before she found it.
"Fine. Go cry by his bedside; just don't come to me when you want comfort, someone to talk to and a bed. You can't fuck with my head anymore. You're on your own."
"Fine. I'm sorry you feel that way." Pam made a swift move and opened her apartment door before he could. "Don't come here again."
"Wasn't planning on it."
He gave her one last filthy look and jerked the door out of her hand before slamming it as he left. Pam's legs turned to jelly as she slid to the floor and cried. She'd cried so much the last couple of days; she didn't know how she had anything left to give. She was shaking again and willed her body to calm down enough to leave but she was scared Roy would be waiting for her outside. She reached up and put the safety chain across the door, it took a couple of attempts but she finally slid the chain across and curled back up on the floor.
She'd only just sat back when her cell started to ring. She grabbed it out of her purse with every intention of throwing it as hard as she could when she saw the name on the display. She answered immediately.
"Larissa?"
"Jim's in trouble, they've taken him into surgery, his-his heart stopped. Oh shit! You gotta come."
"I'm on my way, ok, everything's going to be fine." She said as a matter of reflex. "What happened?" Pam wasn't sure who she was trying to convince, Larissa or herself. She got off the floor and head out the door, she didn't care if Roy was there, he wouldn't dare approach her right now, even if she had hurt his feelings.
"They said he was bleeding out, something about his liver or something, shit, shit shit."
"Where are you right now? I'm just getting in my car; I'll be there in fifteen." Please don't die, please don't die repeated in her head while she tried to think clearly enough to unlatch the door.
"We're waiting outside surgery. Mom said I should call you. We're on the same floor; just follow the signs for the operating theatre."
"He'll be fine Larissa; they've probably just got to stitch something up. That happens sometimes. He'll be fine. He'll be fine." She'd be more convincing if her voice wasn't wavering.
"Just get here. I gotta go."
She hung up before Pam could even say goodbye. Still shaking like she was never going to stop Pam got her car key in the ignition and sped her way to the hospital just hoping it wasn't
already too late.
So Pam's still not understood the gravity of how badly she'd messed with Roy's heart. Considering she spent a good few years using Jim as her surrogate boyfriend during work hours and kept Roy around even though it was clear she wasn't happy goes to show how Pam deals with men in her life. I wouldn't want to call her a user because it's not something conscious she's doing, she's not actively manipulating, but she does use them both to satisfy her needs. What she couldn't get from Roy, she got from Jim. I figured this is why Jim couldn't get tactile with Pam, Roy already fulfilled that need. When she was in distress, it came naturally to her to seek one of the two men she depended on to feel right again. Just like how she'd turn to Jim whenever Roy messed up.
I hope that makes sense. Pam's completely unaware of how she behaves and that she's been screwing with both of their heads for a long, long time. Things have reached a head with Roy and maybe Pam will start to get her head around her actions and feel a little less entitled.
We'll be with Brass next chapter as he goes to see another suspect about the attack or possible murder depending on how Jim's surgery goes.
