Her Eyes Opened: Chapter 12
The almost traditional picnic had been planned by Colonel Brandon and Marianne together. She had been a little apprehensive first, remembering her appalling behaviour that time the Colonel had invited her family to Delaford. She had later understood that it wasn't really something he did, but he had just wanted to open up to people a little bit and spend time with Marianne. Not that that picnic had come to much in terms having it at Delaford then: the Colonel had received a message and had left the whole picnic party standing. The Dashwoods had returned to Barton Cottage with Mr Willoughby.
This year Brandon wanted to make up for the unfortunate events and persuaded Marianne to, as much as it was really possible, host his picnic with him. The invitations naturally came from Brandon, but Marianne spent time with the Colonel's cook to plan the meal and Brandon took Marianne and Margaret out on a ride around his estate to look for a nice spot.
And a nice spot it was, too. It was an opening by a picturesque pond on a warm and soft field with some trees around for shade. It could not have been more perfect. Brandon decided not to mention that this is where he would have brought the party that time, too, as he wanted Marianne to make the decision. He wanted her to really explore Delaford and start to feel like she had a part in it. His estate, his family home, had missed the presence of someone like Marianne for such a long time!
The party had made its way to the perfect spot in carriages and Margaret had been allowed to ride. Brandon had given her one of the more reliable and not-so-eager older horses just to be on the safe side, but that did not dampen Margaret's joy at being so independent at all. The girl had taken to riding like a duck to water and seeing her joy in interacting with the beautiful beast warmed Brandon's heart no end. Marianne was almost as much a natural as Margaret, but Brandon suspected that just those short years the two girls had between them already made a difference at the speed of picking up these new skills.
The greatest surprise of all, ever since that gathering at Sir John's, was not to do with either of the Dashwood girls, but Mrs Jennings: the lady everyone knew to enjoy teasing the young about the matters of the heart was discreetness personified. Sir John suspected this to be not only because of the frivolity that had been there when Willoughby had been courting Marianne, but simply because Colonel Brandon was simply such a formidable man. It was one thing to tease defenceless and easily blushing youngsters, but the Colonel was a man of the world and would never engage in open mockery even with the best of intentions and that awarded him with the same courtesy. It didn't stop the party from enjoying seeing Marianne and Brandon together, privately making guesses as to when the man would finally propose.
The way Marianne seemed to naturally take over as a hostess, organizing the foods and seating and all, the way the Colonel would ask Marianne about where to place the cushions they'd brought for sitting upon, the way they sat side by side – and rather close at that – when everyone enjoyed the picnic: it all warmed the hearts of both Mrs Jennings and Mrs Dashwood. Elinor managed to exchange a private but very communicative smile that was bordering on a smirk with Marianne, giving her sister encouragement and letting her know how happy Elinor was for her right now.
Garden games made the grown-ups laugh and frolic like children, and the one child in the party was allowed to feel very mature and grown up when she was asked to showcase her newly-acquired skills at horsemanship. Margaret showed various riding school tricks the Colonel and his stable hands had taught her: turning both ways on the spot, reversing, changing from trot to light gallop and such. She was so proud of herself, and Brandon was quite proud of her too. He was the first to cheer and started the applause when Margaret finished. Brandon helped the girl down from the horse, and in her excitement Margaret then ran straight to Marianne.
"Oh Marianne, did you see? I got the reversing right!" Margaret was rejoicing.
"Please let me still come to Delaford to ride even when you and Brandon are married!" the girl requested with flushed cheeks, forgetting that there was more company there than just her and her sisters. The others chuckled warmly at the slight indiscretion, but as usual, Margaret really was only saying what was on everyone's mind anyways.
Brandon felt heat creeping up from under his collar. He had been thinking of the very thing for some time now, and had decided he should perhaps wait another couple of months. Then again, they had been spending quite a lot of time together in the past few months and for his part he knew that any prospect of the future that did not include this magical woman in his life was a prospect that would finish him. She seemed to like spending time with him, and the small opportunities they had had to talk had allowed them to continue with the open discourse they had started: she was as drawn to him as he was to her. Perhaps he could have a little walk with her today and have a little talk.
"Margaret, shush!" Marianne reprimanded her sister. Margaret realized what she'd said and covered her mouth with her hand. Marianne looked at Brandon, rolling her eyes a little in a silent apology. Brandon surprised everyone with a broad smile.
"Never mind Margaret. That may be the topic everyone is discreetly avoiding talking about, but I promise you, should that be the eventuality in the future you are always welcome at Delaford. Or rather, I would like to think you would keep visiting what ever the future holds," he said to Margaret in a kind quiet voice.
Marianne smiled at him. Not sure how it was possible, but she felt she was falling in deeper and deeper with the Colonel by the day. She felt at complete ease with him and she had realized quite some time ago that her place was with him. Not only was it the ease of company and the conversations, the way they were able to talk to each other, but the presence. Increasingly she had started to feel butterflies in her belly in Brandon's company. It had by now become customary for them to try and sit next to each other when possible, for him to offer his hand if they were walking anywhere and at times even twine their fingers together discreetly under a table given half a chance. That day Brandon had helped her off her horse had been one of many. Nothing untoward ever really took place, but the pull she had to touch him and to feel his touch, his warmth, any way she could was getting stronger and stronger. It had reached a point where being away from him, physically, was torment.
"I wonder, Miss Marianne, and Margaret, if you'd like to take a turn by the pond?" Brandon suggested. It had become an unspoken code with Mrs Dashwood by now to include Margaret as the chaperone. If Mrs Dashwood had no objection for Brandon and Marianne to talk more discreetly with one another, she would trust them with Margaret.
"Anyone else feel in need of stretching their legs?" Marianne asked, sending a meaningful look at Elinor. Elinor's eyebrows quickly acknowledged her understanding what Marianne wanted and Elinor got up from her cushion.
"Yes, please, great idea!"
As Marianne had hoped, Elinor took on the job of keeping Margaret a little preoccupied and once out of sight behind a tuft of trees by the water Elinor made sure their chaperoning was less than vigilant. Until an engagement was announced Brandon and Marianne hade very few chances of talking privately.
The Colonel tried to hide his budding smile at the fluent and absolutely sneaky way those sisters worked things out. And right now he saw that Elinor and Margaret had stopped to throw pebbles into the pond, trying to hit a piece of wood drifting in the middle. He guided Marianne a few steps into the trees where they were not seen or heard by anyone: what luxury! Almost immediately the pair turned to face each other and Brandon took Marianne's hands to his lips.
"I hope you've enjoyed today," he said, looking into her eyes to try and read her emotions. Marianne smiled at him, blushing again. What was it that happened to her when close to him like this?
"Yes, it's been so lovely. Particularly so right now." The last part came out almost a whisper. Brandon thought he might choke in his own heart: it had swelled up in his chest and was beating like a hammer, thudding in his ears.
"Yes, it's been lovely. Right now, Marianne, I cannot hide it from you, I wish I was free to openly express all that I feel for you. In plain view…" he half muttered again wanting to say so much more than what his thick tongue seemed capable of.
Marianne tightened her hold on his hands and in turn pulled them to her face. Gingerly, she turned the backs of his hands up so that she could place the lightest of kisses on his hands. Brandon had to take a deep breath.
"Marianne, I've known for some time, in as much certainty a man ever can, I think, that my heart is no longer mine. It took a leap out of my chest the very first time I ever saw you at Barton, but over time that instant… attraction… has become much larger than I've ever even been able to imagine. Am I right to hope that you might, still, feel warm enough towards me to carry on with me?"
Her look was somewhat puzzled: carry on with him? Gods she wanted to spend the rest of life with him. She wanted to be his before all her family and friends, before God. She wanted him. Is that what he was asking?
"Christopher," his name, rarely spoken by her except on those few occasions they were truly alone, came out a whisper. Moisture built up in her eyes, but she fought the tears so that she would be able to say what she needed to say with conviction.
"Christopher. I'm not sure what you mean by carry on. If it means more time I can spend with you I am filled with joy. The way I have come to feel about you is so great it's awe inspiring: with you I feel complete and fully me. With you I am at ease with God's earth, and with you all I can think of is having a chance to slip away from everything else so that it can be just the two of us. Like right now. What you stir in me, Christopher Brandon, is nothing short of overwhelming, and I never want to stop feeling that way. I love you."
Now it was Brandon's turn to try and bat away the tears that were trying to surface. He had no words for how he was feeling, but he had to reciprocate somehow.
"Forgive me if I'm being too forward…" he mumbled, then could no longer hold himself back but let go of her hands so that he could cup her cheek with one hand and gently sink the fingers of the other in her hair around the neck. As he did this, his mouth sought hers and the bliss of feeling her lips on his made him let out a muffled moan. She was surprised, but not taken back. It was a dream come true: a true first kiss.
Marianne had wondered what one did when kissed, but now that it was happening she found nature seemed to know the answers: to respond to his lips felt like the most natural action in the world. Pressing back against him a little, reciprocating his small movements, taking his bottom lip between her lips and tasting him – she couldn't possibly repress the little whimper of joy that came out.
But moments like these were too precious to last long. The sound of Margaret's laughter registered in their ears and they pulled apart, both breathing heavily, not wanting to break eye contact.
"I love you, too." Brandon managed to whisper before they stepped back and made sure they were respectable and no one needed to suspect anything inappropriate if they should now be seen.
"Why don't you go on ahead – I… I think I need to compose myself a little…" he suggested. Marianne gave him a smile. She, too, was in an overwhelmed state and if she took his arm again she would not be able to calm down.
"I'll be right behind you," he assured her.
As he watched her gracious form retreat from him with one more conspiratorial look thrown his way, one more private smile exchanged between them, he knew he would have to propose soon. He needed her by his side like he needed air and water. If she was that certain of her feelings, he would have to let go of his insecurities and trust that after all this time she was not under any transient girlish crush or infatuation but she was a smart, grown-up young woman who knew her heart. Should she accept his proposal like he now had true hope to believe she would, she would never be short of love and affection in her life.
