A/N: Please don't hate me, lol.

Tears stream down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down on your face
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Fix You - Coldplay

"Are you sure you don't want to come"

His answer garners a mere shake of the head and he sighs, "You're not going into work" he says not a question but a statement because he knows her, maybe better than he knows himself.

Round three is done and he can already see the ravages, the soft curves she's developed over the years looking leaner, her cheeks holding a uncharacteristic gauntness, her cappuccino colored eyes weary, the dark circles more pronounced, "No, she answers, "Cap says security is to turn me away if I show up" she finishes teasingly.

Chuckling he shakes his head and looks at her, wishing she would agree to joining he and the family for Thanksgiving, "Eli's going to be disappointed"

Her eyes narrow, "Unfair tactics Stabler" she chides.

Smirking he shrugs and then she lets out that sigh that cracks his ribs, "Honestly, I'm just not feeling up to it"

This is when she averts her eyes and stares at her clasped hands and it's eating him up inside to watch her think there is shame in being sick. Gently his hand reaches for hers, a tentative new comfort level having developed between them, "Hey" he starts, "Listen, you need to rest, that's not something to be ashamed of"

Their eyes meet and she pulls away gently, "El"

Shaking his head he keeps their gazes locked, "Remember when I got shot and you were lecturing me" he tells her in a mock stern voice, "Quid pro quo"

"Ass"

OoO

She hates leaning on him but these days it's as natural as breathing. Being cooped up makes her feel cagey but with his company, it's a tad more bearable, "Come on, I know you're hungry, cause I'm starving" he tells her pushing off the couch.

"El"

He's already rummaging through the kitchen, "Yeah I know, you can fend for yourself, humor me Benson"

Rolling her eyes she lets her head fall back against the cushion and she does something that she has only been able to do with him…relax.

When his hand is on her shoulder she's unsure of the amount of time that has elapsed but he's smiling with a TV tray, "Grilled cheese and soup" she murmurs, "You're a real classy guy"

Its memories like the one that simple phrase conjures that remind him of all the places they have been and all the ones they still were meant to see, together.

"This couch beats the sedan, besides the game is on"

Her answer to that is a wadded up napkin to the head and he can't help but to think that in those months of exile, torturing and separating his sadness strand by strand, he missed this.

OoO

The smell of the turkey is making his stomach turn and he goes outside, the air brisk, the leaves turned to the colors of autumn and he wants to call her, to see if she's okay but he doesn't want to do that to her, make her feel more helpless then she does. So, instead he broods and tries to focus on the family inside.

He can hear the screen door open and when he turns Maureen is walking towards him, a knowing gaze in her blue eyes, "How's Liv?

No small talk, straight to the point…that's his girl. He blows a warm breath into his hands and he shakes his head, "The chemo is really hard on her body but she's a fighter, I tried to get her to come but…"

Her hand comes to his shoulder, "How are you?"

"I'm fi-"

"No, how are you really?"

Turning to her, he shakes his head, fighting back the moisture, gritting his teeth. He doesn't do this, he's not going to break down in front of his kid again, "Scared" he admits thrusting his hands in his pockets.

"Foods, done, get in here so we can eat, I'm starving" Dickie yells from the porch and he nods, looking away, almost thankful for the momentary reprieve.

"We should go in" he tells her.

"Okay"

OoO

The first wave of nausea hits like a freight train and she tries to choke down one of the pills to help but she can't keep anything from coming back up. Somehow she manages to crawl into bed and she hates herself because her first thought is, I wish he was here.

She scolds herself…she's a strong, independent woman, she can handle this and she sure as hell isn't going to call him on Thanksgiving to come hold her hand while she pukes. Sleep comes fitfully and when she wakes up, it's on shaky legs but she climbs into the shower hoping for it to restore her.

When she gets out she grabs the hair drier and that's when she notices it. For days it had been a hearty number of strands, she had noticed in the shower, realized she was cleaning out her brush more often than usual but she kept telling herself that it was nothing.

The clump that came out as she ran the round brush through her hair couldn't be ignored, nor the clump that came after. Almost with twisted fascination she stood in front of the mirror and pulled, her hand full of mocha and caramel strands.

Shaking, she closed her eyes and felt the first warm tear on her cheek, this was more than her hair, it was a vivid reminder of the truth…the chemo might be killing the cancer but everything else was dying too.

OoO

"I wrapped up a plate…take it"

His eyes meet Kathy's, "Huh?"

"El, you've been preoccupied all night, I know you're worried. Drive over there and make sure she's okay"

He hates himself for it. For her kind, understanding eyes…because she's right and he's been feeling like crawling out of his skin all night with this lingering feeling that something wasn't quite right. Nodding he offers a tight lipped smile, "Thanks"

She just gives a sad resigned shrug before walking out of the kitchen, "Eli, come on, time for bed" he hears her call out.

Grabbing the plate, he gets his keys, says bye to the rest of the kids, knowing he doesn't have to explain where he was going and drives across town. Her apartment is dark, and that's the first thing that makes his gut clench, the second is that she doesn't answer the door by the third knock, forcing him to use his key.

It's when he finds her that breaks his heart. She's sitting on the bathroom floor, illuminated by the mirrored light, her hand fisted, tear tracks down her cheeks, "Liv" he whispers crouching down slowly, like he's afraid to touch her…to hurt her further.

She turns to him, puddles still in her eyes and she holds out her hand, "My hair"

A sob dies in his chest and he wants to rage, he wants to punch walls and bust glass, he wants to hurt himself in some way to try and quell the throb of pain that radiates in his bones, "Liv"

His arms wrap around her and she pushes at him, "Stop" she says struggling as he holds her tighter, "Don't tell me it's going to be okay, it's not going to be okay" she sobs, the tears beginning to fall again, mixing with the ones he's unable to hold back, staining and cleansing each other.

When she stops struggling he holds her, she doesn't wrap her arms around him back but his chin rests atop her head and she lets him because she's tired of feeling empty, alone and she needs him. She hates herself a little for it…but she needs him.

OoO

He pulls away and she looks up at him, his eyes rimmed in red, tears still wetting his face and she swallows hard, "I need you to do something for me" she whispers unsure of her words.

"Anything"

"Shave my head for me"

"Liv" he says shaking his head, "I…"

Tugging her lip between her teeth she looks down at the strands of hair still clasped in her hand, "You can do it for me, or I can go to the barbershop down the street, you pick"

It's the enormity of what she's asking that takes his breath away…it's probably the most intimate moment they've shared, two broken people on the bathroom floor, their tears on each other's skin, their hearts in their hands.

"I'd give you a kidney"

That elicits a small forlorn smile from her, "Not if I gave you mine first"

Nodding he licks his lips, "You know I'd do anything for you" he whispers haggardly.

Her hand reaches out to him this time, resting on his scarred knuckles, "We're partners, for better or worse" she tells him forcing a smile, trying to be strong again for him and it's what always has taken his breath away…the ability to put everyone else back together when she's shattering inside.

In his mind he finishes it, "In sickness and in health…til death do us part"