Disclaimer: Twilight isn't mine! Bleh!
A/N: Thank you for the reviews and here is a quick update! The upcoming updates will go slower as I have other things on my mind right now but if you review a lot I'll make the next update quick! Anyway, thank you for the support for the past chapter glad you liked it all! So here is it! What will happen? Enjoy:
You Feel Like Breathing
My mouth felt dry and I was suddenly aware of the close proximity between us. I felt him whisper my name and it was the only encouraging I needed. I dropped my books and they hit the ground with a loud thud. I ignored Seth, Jared and Jacob and pulled Paul by his shirt, his lips were now a few inches away from mine and I involuntarily smiled. Loving the peeved look on his face. I curled my hands in his shirt and tugged him even closer to my lips. The butterflies in my stomach were fluttering like maniacs and I was surprised that hadn't busted through my stomach yet. My heartbeat felt like it was going a hundred miles per hour. I loved it. I loved every single feeling and before I knew it had wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips against him. My eyes fluttered close.
The butterflies exploded. It felt like they were now out in the open and they were fluttering like crazy surrounding us while they shone their different colours. His lips were soft and even though the kiss was so innocent it felt like it was the most passionate thing ever. Oh yes, this was something I could get used to. It felt so natural, and I realized this was what I wanted. Paul was what I needed. I parted my lips and breathed into the kiss. I felt him shudder, surprised at his reaction and before I knew it his lips started moving with mine.
It was so perfect, I could taste him, feel him. This was how it was meant to be. How it was supposed to be. I took a step closer and as his warm hands traced my waist and settled at my hips and pulled me even closer. I felt his tongue trace my lower lip and before I knew it I had granted him permission. The way he explored my mouth made me tremble like crazy and I felt my knees grow weak. If he wouldn't have a hold on me I'm sure I would've melted down. The heat he was radiating was excruciatingly pleasant.
He felt like breathing.
As he slowly pulled away and rested his forehead to mine I felt like there was something filling me from the inside. Comforting me, reassuring me. I didn't want that feeling to go away and I immediately made a mental note never to let that feeling go. I would hold on to it. Covet it, if necessary. After all, it was my feeling to treasure. To cherish. My eyes fluttered open and I saw that his eyes were still closed. I pressed my lips against his again, and again, and again.
Before I knew it I started to laugh. Paul opened his eyes and his eyes shone with happiness. Suddenly I realized that Seth, Jared and Jacob had just witnessed my intimate moment with Paul and I pulled back immediately and turned my eyes to the three boys. Jared looked confused though appreciation shone in his eyes. Jacob was making gagging noises though he was certainly amused. Seth on the other hand looked happy though I knew that he had his own issues to worry about.
I smiled sheepishly and looked at Paul. He was running his hand through his hair to tame the wild look. There was a smile on his face and I knew I had done the right thing. Never realized I could be so impulsive yet I liked the thought of it.
"That was…something." Jared muttered.
"Tell me about it." Jacob responded. "Didn't know you had it in you Paul." Jacob punched Paul's shoulder but he didn't really react. His eyes were focused on mine instead and I didn't mind at all.
"I think that's our cue to bolt." Seth said amused. "So let's go." The three boys got into Jared's truck and started the engine. They slowly drove out of the parking lot leaving me alone with Paul. I didn't mind one bit.
"So." Great way to start a conversation Paul!
"I like you." I blurted out. A smile appeared on Paul's face and before I knew it he had pulled me close to him again and pressed his lips on mine. God I couldn't get enough of his lips. They were so addictive; I was lost to them the second we kissed.
He pulled away far too soon and I grasped his shirt holding myself upright. "I think we've established that Jules." Paul murmured in my ear and I let out a shudder when I felt his breath in my ear. I pulled him closer and tugged his face closer to mine.
"Do you like me too?" I asked. I already knew the answer but it felt good to hear them from his mouth. It confirmed things, it reassured me. And like I said before, I'd do anything to get that kind of confirmation.
"Do you even have to ask?" He asked surprised. I nodded and waited for his answer. His lips brushed against the corner of my mouth briefly and even though it wasn't even a real kiss it made my knees shake nonetheless.
"Do you?" I breathed out, my eyes had fluttered close again and it was like Paul and I were in our own little world where nothing else mattered but us.
"Yes."
Who'd ever thought that one word was enough to settle things like that? I smiled and I knew things were perfect. More than perfect actually.
^*^
"What are we going to tell the others?" I asked quietly. I was currently sitting in Paul's car. He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other one was holding my hand. I loved his warm skin on mine. I felt giddy. Things happened so quickly but it felt so right. I've known Paul all my life. He was that guy who fought a lot. But I've only really known him for a few months. And boy did those months pay off.
"What do you want to tell the others?" Paul replied and he lifted my hand and pressed his lips to them. I smiled and clutched his hand even more. The safety he provided always left me dazzled.
"Paul, don't be like that. Just tell me what you want me to say." I argued. We weren't even together, at least I don't we are, not officially at least, and we were already bickering. I suppose it'll always be like this with us.
"I don't care what you say." He answered truthfully. "Just say what feels right."
"But…" I trailed off. What should I say?
"Are we together Paul?" I asked. I was sort of scared of his answer but I knew that we had to get this settled or else we'd never get anywhere.
"Do you want to be?" He asked. I saw a faint grin tug at the corner of his mouth and I gasped at his cruelty. He wanted me to say it.
"Fine, if you're so immature than I suppose we can let it go, right?" I teased and smiled when I saw the appalled look on his face.
"Yeah we're together." He answered gruffly. I smiled at his quick response and let a little giggle. He amazed me. Suddenly I was seeing him in a different light and I realized that we still hadn't talked things through.
Silence engulfed and I saw that the evening was coming upon us. Clouds were hanging low and darkening slightly. Which meant one thing. There would be a killer storm tonight. I sighed. I hated storms, just like I hated the night. I turned to Paul and saw that he was driving comfortably while my hand was in his. It felt so strange to feel so comfortable in a split second but when I looked into Paul's eyes I couldn't help but feel like we knew each other from before. It was familiar and that familiarity was something I was so desperately searching for.
He drove into La Push and as the bumpy road was enough to make me hit my head a few times, which caused Paul amusement, I knew that our little trip was about to be cut short. A loud rumble was heard from a distance and a flash of bright light filled the whole sky. I shuddered and Paul stopped the car. I looked out of the window and saw that the lights were still out in my house. Which meant that my parents weren't home yet, or they weren't coming home. I sighed and assembled my school stuff before I got out of the car. Paul followed me and I let him follow me.
"Wanna come in?" I asked and almost laughed at how cheesy it sounded. Paul smiled and I pulled him in. I closed the door behind me and switched on the lights to bring in some clarity in the darkened room.
"I can't stay all too long though." Paul said as I motioned him to sit on the couch. "I have some errands to run."
"In this weather? Can't it wait?" I asked as I moved to the kitchen while I turned the heating on. I than saw the note on the table and I knew what it said before I even read it.
Julie,
Dad and I are working the nightshift
We won't be home until tomorrow morning.
I made some lasagne, it's in the oven.
Make sure to make your homework and get some sleep.
Love mom.
"Figured." I murmured and turned my attention back to Paul who had followed me.
"So you're staying all alone tonight?" Paul asked as his eyes shifted to the note my mum had left me. I nodded.
"Obviously." He frowned and I wondered what bothered him. I was used to staying home alone. Sometimes it even felt like I lived on my own already. I mostly took care for myself.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing, I just don't like the idea of you staying on your own." He muttered and I rolled my eyes though the concern touched me. It was sweet he cared. Very sweet indeed.
"Don't worry Paul, I'm used it. I'm a big girl now." I reminded him. He rolled his eyes and wrapped his arms around my shoulder. I blushed at his actions. It was still new so I still had to get used to it. But that didn't mean I didn't like it. Not at all.
"Why don't you ask Summer or Kim to stay with you? They won't mind?" He said and my smile slowly evaporated until there was nothing left.
"Well, they wouldn't if were at speaking terms." I responded gruffly. It reminded me of something that had to be done. I looked at Paul and pushed him into a seat. When he sat down I could look into his eyes completely. The height was now compensated.
"Right, forgot." He muttered and he looked at the ground.
"Paul, why didn't you tell me what you did?" I asked sadly. I couldn't refrain the sorrow from seeping into my voice. He avoided my eyes and shrugged. He held my hands in his and pulled me closer to him until I was standing in between his legs.
"Because I knew you'd be angry." Paul answered truthfully. Well he was right about that.
"But why did you do it? You knew I was trying to put it behind me."
"Putting it behind you is a bit hard considering you managed to get on the bad side of Williamson." Paul responded. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms yet kept standing in between his legs. It felt comforting and somehow I managed to keep my cool even though the situation wasn't meant to be like that.
"That's not the point." I argued weakly. "I'm not used to someone fighting my battles. Not even Seth does that Paul. Don't you see?" I mumbled. I felt Paul's hands encircle mine and give it a little squeeze.
"Don't I see what?"
"I don't want someone to fight my battles, I can handle my own." I answered him truthfully.
"Jules, if it wouldn't be Williamson I would've let you fight your own fights, trust me. But he's up to no good, and you know that. Out of all people you're the one who would know how he is."
"Of course I know." I responded harshly. "Do you think I'd forgotten what happened to Lily? She was my friend Paul. So you have to understand why I needed to stand up for her."
"Will it make any difference?" Paul suddenly questioned. My eyes snapped to his. All the time I wasn't making eye contact but when he asked the forbidden question I had to. An automatic response that demanded every single amount of anger.
"Of course it'll make a difference." I spat. He was already shaking his head.
"No Jules, you don't understand. Lily has moved to Seattle. Started a whole new life, she has moved on, why can't you?"
My breaths came out in short gasps and I felt tears ooze out of the corner of my eyes. I wanted them to stop. I yanked my hands away from his and turned my back to Paul. I wanted him to understand, but it seemed like he was dead set on not understanding where I came from. I felt his hand on my shoulder but I shrugged it off quickly. I didn't want him near me right now. I was far too hurt, angry to give him any time of the day.
"Well?" His voice was merely a whisper. I turned around again and looked him in the eye.
"Because it's hard to move on when you're confronted with it on a daily basis." I responded.
"That's not true Julie; you only think you're confronted with it daily. But if you choose to let it go you're able to move on." Paul told me. He pulled me close to him and I toyed with the front of his shirt as I kept my eyes solemnly on my hands.
I knew Paul was making a point but somehow it didn't really help me get over the fact why I'm holding on to it. I was holding on to it so vividly because I thought I deserved it all. I had to remember it, torture myself with the whole guilt that I could've put an end to it. If only I had been brave enough to go against my parents wishes. Kids to it all the time, than why couldn't I?
"Maybe I don't want to move on." I confessed. My voice sounded small and I couldn't believe that I felt like opening up to Paul. But I knew I could open up, after all, he knew it all now. I felt his eyes on me, they practically burned a hole.
"What do you mean?" He sounded genuinely confused.
"Maybe because I need a constant reminder so I won't forget." I offered. I felt his hands gently lift my chin so I would face him.
"I don't think you could forget, even if you would want to. But you need to stop letting it control your life. It's not your fault." And with that he told me just the one thing I needed to hear. To ease the guilt that threatened to rip me apart.
"Julie, are you listening? It's not your fault!"
"I'm listening." I told him. "Thank you."
"Anytime." I wrapped my arms around him and he pulled me close to him.
I could get used to this.
A/N: This had to be the most difficult chapter to write. And it took me days to write this. Hope you like it all! Review and let me know!
