The bon fire went smoothly. Jake let me go and change and everyone had fun. I was happy that everyone didn't mind me being with Jake even though I was leaving. It was like they were already accepting me as a part of their family.
"What are you thinking about?" Jake murmured into my ear as he came to sit behind me.
"You." I said smiling up at him.
"Oh really?" he said interested. I laughed a bit at his curiosity.
"Yes you."
"And what could I do to possibly do to be in the wonderful Bella Swan's thoughts?"
I rolled my eyes and teased him. "Oh, you will never know."
He sulked a bit but hugged me nonetheless. We watched the fire for a while before I got a phone call.
Quickly I pulled the phone out of my pocket and realized it was my mom.
"Hey mom," I said getting up from Jake's lap. He looked up at me with puppy dog eyes and I kissed his check quickly before leaving.
"Bella," Renee sighed," Why didn't you tell me?"
"Tell you what?" I asked confused.
"I mean, I get that I'm pregnant and I told you that Phil was taking this seriously, but Bella, you didn't need to hide that from me. I could have found a way to deal with it."
"Deal with what?" I asked totally lost.
"Your father and Phil getting into a fight."
"They got into a fight?" I asked shocked.
"About you staying to take care of your father."
"Why would I need to take care of him? He's a grown man mom."
"Bella, just cut the shit okay? I'm tired, pregnant, and overly emotional."
"Mom, what the hell are you talking about?" I asked. "Why were Phil and dad fighting?"
"You don't know do you?" she said softly.
"Know what?" I asked.
"Bella," she sighed again, "you need to talk to your father."
"Mom-"
"Bella, I mean it."
I huffed and nodded. "Fine whatever."
"Then I think we need to talk."
I felt angry. Why was she acting all motherly all the sudden?
"Mom, how about we just get this over with now? What is there to tell me? Am I off the hook or something?"
"Off the hook?" she asked.
I bit my lip and winced.
"What is that supposed to mean? Off the hook for what?"
"Nothing," I sighed.
"You didn't want to come back did you?" she said after a few seconds of silence.
"That's why Charlie finally…and you-"
"Mom-" I said softly. I didn't want to hurt her, that wasn't my intentions.
"No," she said, clearly crying, "its fine, I need to go and you need to talk with Charlie."
"Look I will call you-"
"No." she cut in.
"I don't think we should talk for a while."
"What?" I asked a bit hurt.
"Its for the best." She said and then hung up.
I stared at the phone for a second before shutting it and walking back to the group.
What the hell was going on?
"Hey," I said to Jake, "I need to get home okay? I will see you later."
"Everything okay?" he asked getting up.
"I don't know," I said softly as he wrapped his arms around me.
"Did you need a ride home?"
I shook my head and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll be okay."
He looked at me one last time before letting me go on my way.
I ended up walking home, peering into the lit up house.
"Hey dad, I'm home."
He muttered a hello from the living room and I immediately went over to talk with him.
Sitting down on the couch, I watched the game.
"I got a call from Renee today. She told me to cut the shit."
"Excuse me?" Charlie asked, turning his full attention to me.
"There was something about a fight? Anything I should know?" I asked him, turning to look at him.
He sighed and set his beer on the table.
"Look, I was going to tell you,"
"Oh really? And when was that? When I left?"
"Bells, I was just trying to help."
"By getting yourself in a fight?" I asked incredulous.
"I just wanted to talk it out with Phil. He was the one who got a little pushy on the topic."
"And what are we? Five?"
He gave me a look. "Look, all I did was tell them what you couldn't. And it was the right thing to do. I would do it again if I had to."
"Dad," I sighed.
He shook his head, "Bella, I could see it in your eyes. I know you didn't want to leave- whether it was for me, Jake, or anyone else, I don't really care, but you deserve your own happiness. You need to stop trying to please others so much and focus on yourself."
"Dad, if everyone in the world said that, we would have nothing left.- we would be nothing."
"Well Bells, not everyone is saying that, and we have everything we need right here in Forks. So please, just let me do this for you."
I sighed loudly but sat back in the couch nonetheless.
"Thank you." I said after a bit of evaluation.
"It feels good to think that I can stay."
He looked over at me and gave me a slight smile. "Good, I'm glad."
"Dad?" I asked before he could become to focused on the game.
"Yea?"
"What did mom mean when she said I would stay to take care of you?"
He stayed silent. I could tell the wheels were turning in his head.
"I don't know Bells," he said with his eyes guarded.
"Don't lie." I stated bluntly.
He took a quick peek at me and then put a hand over his face.
"Bells, we should really talk about this tomorrow."
"Dad, please. Just tell me."
"Bells, when Phil and I were arguing, it was about you staying, but it was also because of me."
"You?" I asked.
He nodded and continued. "I told Phil that you needed to stay here was because it would be your last time with me here."
"My last wait- what?" I asked snapping my head over to where he was sitting. He now had his beer bottle in hand, staring into it.
"Bells,"
"Why?" I asked interrupting him.
"I have cancer."
I sat there staring with blankness in my mind. He has what?
"But how? I mean you look fine, you are getting around fine-"
"its progressing, fast."
"But-" my head was spinning. How was this happening?
"who knows?" I asked looking to him with tears in my eyes.
He gave me a look of sympathy. Getting up, he came and sat next to me on the sofa, just holding me close as I let the tears fall.
"Sue, Harry, Sam, Billy-"
"Did Jake know?"
He shook his head and kissed my head. "No Bells, he didn't know. I didn't want Billy to tell him incase he would tell you."
"Were you ever going to tell me about this?" I asked trying to wipe the tears?
"or were you just going to let me pack up and leave?"
My sobs were taking over and he held me closer.
"No Bells, I wasn't going to tell you- no good would come of it if you were to leave. There would be no point."
"But you let Renee take me-"
"No," he said strongly. "You know Renée. You can never get a word out and she thinks everyone agrees with her. I didn't give my permission, but I never said no to it."
He kissed my forehead again and rubbed my hair.
"If you felt like going back, I wanted to give you that opportunity to do so. But it was all your choice, and when I saw you miserable, I knew that you didn't want to go. I wasn't going to stand around and do nothing Bells. I will never do that."
I cried more, hugging him as he hugged me. Losing him was something I feared the most. It was like a pit in my stomach that I knew was eventually going to grow into something I thought would eat me whole.
"I don't want to lose you." I mumbled into his shirt.
"You wont bells, you wont."
I took comfort in the fact he didn't say something like 'you will never, I'm always in your heart' or some cheesy line like that. It made me realize we weren't going to hide this and it was going to be known and accepted that he has cancer.
"I love you." I whispered.
He bent his head down and whispered in my ear, "I love you too."
I woke up a few hours later to Charlie shaking me. "Bells, you should head upstairs and get some sleep. The couch isn't the comfiest.
I stared at him and felt tears coming on. It wasn't a dream. I was going to lose him; it was just a matter of time.
"Come on Bells," he said getting off the couch. "Bedtime."
We both walked upstairs and for the first time in a long time, he sat on my bed, waiting for me to finish my nightly routine, and tucked me in.
"I don't want this to change anything Bella. I don't want you to look at me and see a dying man. I can't let you be sad forever. It isn't fair to anyone, especially you."
He stared at my face. "I know you need more time to get your head around this, and I will give you that, but be fair to yourself Bella. Don't let this bump in the road change your life here."
He kissed my forehead and got up off the bed.
"You think you are a bump in the road?" I asked incredulously.
"I think this illness is. And while I still have it, I might as well be too."
I looked at him strangely, almost hurt.
"I mean it Bella, don't beat yourself up about this. If anything, I want you to keep living your own life. I like seeing you happy and in love. It's a good thing to see."
Nodding slightly, he looked at me one last time before shutting the door behind him.
After that, I couldn't really sleep. My mind kept thinking how one day, I would wake up and he would no longer be around. It freaked me out. And made me feel lonely. Empty.
Hours past, and I finally seemed to succumb to sleep as my eyes fluttered closed.
