DISCLAIMER: We interrupt your regularly scheduled program with this service announcement~ it ain't ours people!
A/N: Wow…it's April already? Hope ya'll were safe from pranks yesterday! Let's see how our boys are handling "the morning after."
JPOV
I was cold.
Why the hell was I cold?
"Oh!"
Ow.
I was hugging the toilet, literally.
And I had the hangover from hell.
I'm being deadly serious, I felt as if I made one false move, my head would either explode or just roll off my neck and across the floor.
Slow and steady wins the race I thought as I very carefully, and extremely slowly, lifted my body up into a crawling position and moved away from the toilet, keeping my head down the whole time.
This is when I should have reminded my body that I wasn't a teenager at college anymore.
Or maybe I should have reminded it last night before all that wine.
Last night.
"Oh shit," I mumbled with a low groan at the end as I thought about dinner.
Looking at the floor tiles in the bathroom, I noted that I was at my parent's house.
"I wood like... to prop...pose a toast... to my prostate, iss always bean dere for meee, given me los of fun times and I woold like to invite him onna night out!"
"So not good," I whispered, screwing my eyes shut. "Dammit!" I hissed as my head connected to the bathroom door.
On the plus side, at least my parents didn't hate me enough to throw me out last night.
"Son, what are you doing?" Dad squeaked as I reached the top of the stairs.
"I'm debating if it's safe enough for me to try and stand up or whether I should just risk going down on my front and hope for the best. Either way it's going to be painful," I moaned.
"How about you just stay there and I'll go get you something for the headache?" he asked softly and I really wasn't expecting it. I had made a show of both myself and my family last night, in front of my fiancee and her family.
"Thanks," I whimpered as he patted me hard on the back.
God knows how long later, dad shoved a glass of water under my nose and held his hand out with a couple of pills in his palm.
"Thanks," I said quietly as I took them and gulped them down.
"Son, do you remember much of last night?" he asked in a hushed tone as he sat next to me on the top step.
"Shockingly, everything, I think," I winced.
"Why didn't you tell us? We wouldn't have had a problem with it."
"Well, you know mom, obviously, you married her and all, I just didn't think she of all people would understand," I muttered with a pathetic shrug.
"We just want you to be happy, I have no problem with gay people and I find anal penetration quite enjoyable sometimes," he mused with a wistful smile, suddenly reminding me of Walter from that Dunham guy's act, and I felt the contents of my stomach churn and move towards my throat.
An hour after dad's strange and quite nauseating revelation, I was slumped into a chair at the kitchen table while mom was cooking breakfast for us. Well, you could hardly call it breakfast as it was after one in the afternoon, but hey ho.
"What has annoyed me the most is that you couldn't trust us to know, Jasper Marion Whitlock," she huffed as she placed a large plate in front of me.
I felt shame wash over me.
For two reasons.
I had upset her, obviously.
And two, she called me out on my full name and I hated the fucking name.
Marion?
Really?
Why couldn't they have given me something cool, like Monroe?
A woman with bottle bleached hair sprang to mind and I shuddered.
Maybe not Monroe.
Maxwell? That was a strong name. A man's name.
But Marion?
I felt like I should have worn pigtails as a kid and skipped around the yard hosting fucking tea parties or have long wavy hair and be dressed in pink as I fluttered my eyelashes. Hmmm, on second thought, considering how I turned out, maybe Marion isn't so bad.
That thought took me to another one, and some more recollections came crashing down on me. Somewhere between declaring my sexuality and waking up with the toilet, I'd told Maggie I'd thrown her shit out and she'd informed me that she'd fucked Eric...and we were through.
Halle-fucking-lujah.
Suddenly I felt ten times better and inhaled my food, ready to hug mom and bolt. I had something I couldn't wait any longer to do.
EPOV
"Right, Eddie boy, time to haul ass. I don't know what the hell you're up to, but you're not hiding out here anymore." Emmett's voice boomed through the shop as I woke up on the desk. "And get that post-it note off the side of your face," he chuckled as his body filled my office doorway.
"Em-, Emmett, just leave me be," I croaked out.
Damn, my voice sounded like Barry White and my mouth felt like it was the bottom of a bird cage.
"I don't want to know exactly what you've been up to, but if you miss Sunday dinner today, mom is gonna come down on you like a ton of bricks and kick your ass to God knows where," my delinquent brother boomed from the doorway.
"Go away," I moaned lightly. If I said it any louder, my brain would have packed its bags and left my head.
Hangover from hell.
"When was the last time you shaved, or showered for that matter?" he asked as he came over to me and hauled my body out of the chair.
"Easy, easy!" I pleaded, digging my heels in as I gripped at the air for balance.
"Nope, gotta get you out of this funk. Don't make me recruit Alice into this as well," he threatened and I immediately quit fighting him at the mention of our four foot spawn of hell sister. "Damn bro, you stink," he said honestly as he walked my body towards the door.
"Shower, food and some clean clothes can do wonders you know. What is it, sex problems, money?" he asked as he propped me up against the wall outside, set the alarm and locked the door.
"Sex, well, not sex, a man," I mumbled quietly as I thought of Jasper.
Where the fuck was he?
Did he stay with her?
Would he forget me?
And why the hell was I bothered by all of this?
I needed a drink….
"Wake up, Edward, can't go to sleep up against a wall!" Em laughed as he tugged on my arm and led me to his car.
How the fuck he ever managed to get inside a Porsche, I'd never know, but he wanted a sexy car, so that meant he shoe-horned himself into one.
"So explain to me the great miracle of a man turning your world upside down," he said as he buckled me in like a fucking child and started to drive off.
I filled him in on all the details about me and Jasper and he stayed silent until we reached the highway, listening. Having hit the open road, he floored the gas pedal as a song came on the radio and before I could register what was going on, he turned it up full blast and started singing at the top of his lungs.
My stomach was actually left on the last intersection and my brain went into hibernation at this point.
… Except a scene or two
Erased by sweet red wine
And I see a truck stop sign ahead
So I change lanes
I need a cup of coffee
And a couple dollars change
Callin' Baton Rouge
Operator won't you put me on through
I gotta' send my love down to Baton Rouge
Hurry up won't you put her on the line
I gotta' talk to the girl just one more time
Hello Samantha dear, I hope you're feelin' fine
And it won't be long until I'm with you all the time
But until then I'll spend my money up right down to my last dime
Callin' Baton Rouge
"Emmett! Will you shut the fuck up! And why the hell are you singing this piece of shit?"
"Ah hell, Edward," he whined as I turned down the radio. "I was trying to take your mind off of him, you know, singing about a woman and shit," he pouted as he took the turn into mom and dad's drive.
"Em, I don't need you distracting me, I don't need to listen to you singing and I sure as hell don't need to listen to Garth Brooks on a Sunday morning," I grouched as he pulled the car to a stop.
"Just go and have a shower and be at the table before mom hits the roof with the pair of us," he replied stiffly.
"Why would she hit the roof with you?" I asked as I managed to expel myself from his death trap without too much pain.
"Because Rosie still isn't pregnant. You know she was actually on about signing me up to classes to learn the art of making love? She thinks I can't perform properly and that's why Rosie isn't up the duff," he huffed loudly as he stomped towards the house and I was left dazed.
"Surely she doesn't think that," I muttered as I caught up with him.
"Oh come on, Edward, with one son gay and the other one not producing grandkids, our momma is not in the best place right now." He slapped me on the back as we crept through the back yard and stood outside the back door.
"You first," I whispered.
"Nah-ah," he replied childishly and I rolled my eyes.
A second later found me climbing, with a hangover still in place, up the trellis and into our old bedroom window.
I made it in through the window peacefully, but all my hopes of getting unnoticed by mom went back out the window as Emmett came crashing to the floor on top of me.
"Boys! Get your backsides down here this instant!" mom hollered from somewhere in the house.
"We weren't even that loud!" I hissed as I pushed him off of me.
"Whatever, go shower, I'll go deal with her," he moaned.
I carried on moaning as I shuffled my feet all the way to the bathroom.
Why hadn't he called me back?
A/n: More of a transitional chapter this time around…but hey, they are nursing hangovers and moving kind of slow…
Pics on the blog as always.
See ya next Monday!
