Kura: HOORAY FOR TABLEWARE VIOLENCE!! (You'll understand in good time)

Hana: Are you sure you're my sister?

Kura: I was bought on Ebay, remember?!

Hana: laughing Baka. Oh yeah, we own nothing except Alyx, Liza, their parents...and Phil...OH AND JEEVES (Phil's brother...he should be in this chapter)!!


7. Sibling Warfare and Death by Tableware

"WHEN DID YOU TAKE PICTURES OF HARUHI NUDE?!"

Tamaki was yelling at the Hitachiin brothers, and pointing at the laptop he held. Poor Haruhi stood off to the side, not believing what she was witnessing. Of course, while this scene was playing out, our somewhat dimwitted heroines happened upon it.

"Liza..."

"What"

"I think we've finally entered that alternate universe!" Alyx seemed incredibly excited by that prospect.

"You mean, like ff dot net?" Liza asked curiously.

"Yeah! That is so FREAKING AWESOME!!"

"Uh-huh," Liza plopped down onto the floor to think, "But if we're in a fanfiction, people would write weird things...like evil sporks killing people..."

"Or like you marrying Kaoru," Alyx suggested with a smirk.

"Or you and Hikaru...or Kyouya...OR TAMAKI!" Revenge was oh-so-sweet sometimes. Alyx's expression at the thought of marrying any of those three was priceless.

"WE ARE SO OUT OF HERE!!"

Alyx dashed for the door, followed close behind by her sister. They almost made it, only to be stopped by the very-much-hated-at-the-moment Drama Queen of the HC.

"Lemme go Tamaki," Alyx screeched. To the club's dismay, Alyx was a fast healer and regained full use of her vocal cords rather quickly.

"Where do you think you're going?" he asked, clearly thinking he'd get an answer.

"Rawr," Alyx responded, and clawed at his hand.

Tamaki yelped and let go. Why? Because Alyx is soooo scary, that's why! Actually, it was because, when she's not doing any shoots, our little heroine does absolutely nothing with her nails. The combination of lack of care and lots of milk resulted in long and sharp claws of doom. Lady Drama Queen went and cried to Kyouya. Meanwhile, the twins had congregated and were whispering amongst themselves.

"That's brilliant!" Kaoru exclaimed, attracting a lot of attention, as the club was in session.

"Shut up, Kaoru," Alyx ordered, "So do we all remember our lines?"

"Hai," the other three answered.

"Alright! Operation annoy the kings...COMMENCE!"

Up until now, they'd been whispering again. Alyx had purposely yelled 'commence' to scare everyone. The group split up and Hikaru and Kaoru back to their fangirls and Haruhi. Liza and Alyx slunk over to the sulking Tamaki.

"Hey Sempai-I mean...Daddy?" Alyx asked sweetly, so as to confuse the gullible blonde, "Can Alie ask you a question?"

Anyone else would have been immediately suspicious, but not Tamaki. His jaw dropped clear to the floor. A few seconds later, Tamaki had fully recovered and was hugging Alyx, gushing unintelligibly at her. Liza had to point out that the poor girl couldn't breathe and looked like a blueberry before the boy released his death grip.

After gulping large amounts of air into her deprived lungs, Alyx said, "About that question..."

"Ask away my daughter!" Tamaki chirped.

"Do you like cartoons?" Liza asked.

"Huh?" Tamaki asked, "I gue-"

"And paint?" Alyx interrupted.

"I-" he started.

"Cartoons and paint?" the girls asked together, "You should."

Alyx then noticed Hikaru and Kaoru chasing some poor guy in a cloak around with a flashlight. Being as easily distracted as she was, she went over to do something about it.

"Oi! Knock it off!" she scolded, taking it away form them, "Sorry about those two."

The cloaked boy nodded, but said nothing.

"I'm Alyx!" the girl was undeterred, "What's your name?"

"Umehito Nekozawa," he said softly.

"Nice ta meet'cha," Alyx cried happily, "Huh? What's that?"

"The cursed doll, Beelzenef," he answered.

"Kawaii! Ne, why are you wearing a cloak?"

"I have to be in the darkness."

"Odd, but okay."

"Would you like to join the black magic club?"

"No thanks, Neko-chan. That's against my religion."

"You have a religion?!" Hikaru asked, shocked.

"Yes, got a problem with it?" she sounded dangerous.

"Hey, you should avoid that Nekozawa guy. He's a creep," the brunette said after Neko-chan had left. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders protectively, and whispered in her ear, "I wouldn't want my toy to get hurt."

Alyx's eye twitched, even though he was obviously just being a tease, "TOY?!"

After elbowing the boy in the ribs to make him get off her, Alyx stormed off and ranted to Liza for a minute.

"We should shun them," Liza suggested.

"We should!" Alyx agreed.

That being said, they skipped off to find their favorite hosts arguing with each other. Apparently, Haruhi had said something about Hikaru being meaner, and Hikaru got defensive. Kaoru's laughing didn't help with the matter much. Their shunning was forgotten.

"Don't just say whatever you want," Kaoru retorted, "I'm the one that has to deal with your selfishness all the time."

Alyx blinked, surprised that he would retaliate that harshly, but even more surprised by the lack of exclamation points. She tuned Hikaru back in just in time to hear him say, "Are you stupid or something?"

To make a long argument short, Kaoru told Hikaru that he was dumber and said something about making passes at Haruhi.

"Hikaru," he said, "you like Haruhi, don't you?"

Hikaru blushed and went slack-jawed. Alyx was wide-eyed. Whatever was said after that point went unheard to her. Shockingly enough, Renge snapped her back to reality. The creepy otaku was ranting about a big four-sided relationship revolving around Haruhi.

"What?!" Alyx screeched, "There is no relationship!"

"And Kaoru doesn't like Haruhi like that!" Liza added, though she didn't actually know for sure.

The twins in question blushed a bit and looked away. However, they quickly recovered and told her to get lost.

"Go back to France, Otaku," the Hayashis yelled at the crying girl.

"You're so mean!" she sobbed.

Alyx and Liza ignored her and tried to focus on separating the quarreling brothers. As their "conversation" turned more graphic and twincesty, their goal became more difficult to reach.

"Hikaru, that's disgusting!" Alyx yelped, smacking him, "You have your own room, idiot!"

"Who're you calling an idiot?!" he snarled.

"You, of course," Kaoru informed him.

"Kaoru, you're not helping!" Liza scolded.

Insults flew, despite their effort, and the boys declared that they were no longer speaking.

"How immature," Alyx muttered.

"Like you've never done that before," Liza said sarcastically (and hypocritically).

Alyx rolled her eyes and left, as the club was pretty much over. The next day, she was in for a painful surprise. When they reached their homeroom, the twins greeted Haruhi, as usual.

"G'mornin'," Alyx yawned.

"You look exhausted!" Haruhi exclaimed, "Did you even sleep last night?"

"Hardly," Liza muttered, "Hikaru and Kaoru dragged us into their fight. I was kidnapped by Kaoru and dragged to their house, and Hikaru stayed at ours."

"And your parents just let it happen?" Haruhi gasped. If it were her father, the twins would be dead.

"They stopped caring," Alyx sounded drunk, her voice was heavy and slurred from weariness, "Our parents and theirs, know we're at one house or the other, and that's that."

A light snore came from Liza's desk. The poor girl was completely out. Alyx was about to fall asleep as well, when her own personal nightmare stepped into the room.

"Haruhi! Alyx! Ohayo!" Hikaru greeted.

The not-yet-asleep Hayashi groaned, "Hikaru, I knew you were going to do something stupid, but really? Did you have to dye your hair pink?"

"Yes," he defended good-naturedly, "it looks good on me."

"You're insane," Alyx hissed.

"What? You don't like it?" Hikaru asked, feigning heartache.

"I want to rip your hair out and burn it." And she wasn't kidding.

"Well aren't we feeling malicious?" a voice asked from behind.

Alyx spun around to see a blue-haired Kaoru. The next thing the poor boy knew, he had a girl clinging to him and burying her face in his hair.

"Bllluuue," came the demented remark that everyone waited for. Sleep deprivation made Alyx weirder. Yes, it's possible.

"Ha. See? Even Alyx likes me better!" Kaoru gloated.

"No," Alyx's muffled voice said, "I'm just infatuated with the color blue."

"But you think I'm the cute one!" he defended.

"Yup!" with that, Alyx skipped over to her sister and woke her up by screaming, "LIZA, KAORU'S HEAD IS GETTING EATEN BY A BLUE HEDGEHOG!"

"WHAT?!" Liza screeched and jolted up.

"WOOT! That actually worked!" Alyx exclaimed.

Meanwhile, the boys had gotten into yet another fight. They were throwing random objects and yelling "poi", which was the sound effect for throwing things. Some of those thins consisted of Tamaki's Kuma-chan and Hunny's Usa-chan. When Hunny went to save his poor, stuffed friend, he got thrown too.

At lunch, the madness didn't end. They tried ordering food, only to ask for the same things. The sibling warfare continued.

"I've given up on them," Alyx whispered to her sister.

"They'll get over it eventually," Liza added.

Alyx sighed and flipped open her art folder. She had part of a black-and-white photo of another student in the Advanced Drawing class. Basically, the assignment was to copy your picture-part and add in the rest of the scene around it. It could be whatever you wanted.

"I wonder who I even have," she thought, "Oh well, with these two nincompoops around, I'm not going to get any work done anyway."

"Aww it's cute that Hunny's trying to stop them," Liza cooed, "but it's safer for him to stay away." Apparently Mori thought so too.

Alyx nodded in agreement and went back to studying her picture fragment. She grew increasingly irritated as Tamaki spouted off nonsense about bento boxes.

"Tamaki," she growled, "your imagination is retarded and incoherent. Kindly SHUT UP!!"

When he continued talking nonstop about Haruhi eating good food she was about to slit his throat with a sharpened spoon. Lack of sleep, quiet, chocolate, and manga was wearing Alyx's patience into a negative zone. Liza was close behind. Kaoru was about to feed Haruhi something when Hikaru butted in.

With his mouth full, he said, "Excuse me, but go away."

Kaoru threw a bowl at his brother, but Tamaki "intercepted" it with his face. And, thus, the poi fight resumed. Once even Mori had been brought into it, the girls had had enough. Alyx grabbed Tamaki the second time he was thrown, and Liza slammed the twins' heads together.

"WOULD YOU IDIOTS KNOCK IT OFF?!" they screamed, "WE'RE SICK AND TIRED OF THIS RETARDED AND POINTLESS FIGHT! YOU KEPT US UP ALL NIGHT COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR BROTHER! SO NOW WE'RE RUNNING ON NO SLEEP, WE HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THE CLUB, AND ON TOP OF THAT, YOU TWO ARE BEHAVING LIKE THREE-YEAR-OLDS!!"

The cafeteria was dead silent. They'd never seen Alyx lose her temper that badly at school before. To see Liza huffing and puffing after the rant shocked even the Hitachiins into a frightened standstill. After school, the Hayashi sisters collapsed on different couches and were completely out.

"Should we do something?" Hunny asked innocently.

"Let them sleep," Kyouya said, "they've had to put up with them enough, and deserve a break."

Them could have only meant Hikaru and Kaoru. Later, when the club, minus the twins, sat down to discuss their little problem, Haruhi suggested that they ask the Hayashis.

"They're twins, and seem to know Hikaru and Kaoru well," she rationalized.

"You're waking them up," Kyouya said, "I can't imagine they'll be too fond of you for it."

Haruhi nodded and went over to Liza's couch. Shaking her gently, she tried to rouse the girl. Seconds later, she wished she hadn't. If looks could kill, Liza would've just sporked Haruhi to death. The poor girl backed away and bumped into Alyx.

"Nyah? Haru-chan? Whazzup?" Alyx asked cutely.

"Do you two switch personalities or something when you wake up?" Haruhi asked, thoroughly weirded out.

"Basically. Did ya need somethin'?"

"What should we do about the fighting?"

"I have an idea. OI, LIZA, GET UP OR I'LL GET JEEVES!"

Liza yelped and flew off the couch.

"You're evil," she spat.

"Get over it. Oi, Pinky, Sonic!" Alyx called to the Hitachiins, "Get over here!" The short nap had done wonders for her mood.

"What is it?" they asked simultaneously.

Before they could start fighting over the copy-cat issue, Alyx cut in and said, "Hey! Focus! Ok, remember that thing I mentioned yesterday?"

"The Red Button thing?" Liza asked, questioning the relevance and why she had to get up for this.

"Yep!" Alyx answered, "This has officially become a challenge to see which one can quote the most. The loser has to apologize first and the winner forgives first. Kapeesh?"

The Hitachiins grinned at rushed off. Kaoru went straight for Tamaki and Hikaru went to Kyouya.

"Oi, Dono," Kaoru greeted, "pick a color."

"Um, blue?" Tamaki answered.

"Green, perfect!"

"But I said-!" Tamaki protested as Kaoru grabbed a green dress from a rack that appeared out of nowhere.

"Here Haruhi, try this on!" he said with a grin.

"No," she said bluntly.

Meanwhile, Hikaru came up behind Kyouya and pulled out a sticker. Without warning, he slapped it onto the Shadow King's laptop.

"Ha! I've replaced it with a penguin! What'cha gonna do now?" he proclaimed triumphantly and walked away as though nothing had happened.

Just as he left, Alyx approached the raven-haired boy. The penguin sticker had mysteriously disappeared. Alyx shuddered to think about what its fate had been. Kyouya started typing again.

"Do NoT PrEsS," she said in a retarded voice. She was completely ignored, "You seem to be immune to my mind control..."

Kyouya blinked once, but that was the only indication that he'd listened. Unless he just needed to blink because he hadn't in a while. Alyx liked the first idea better.

"Hey, Kyouya," Liza greeted him, as Tamaki was busy with Haruhi.

"What idiot thing are you going to say or do?" he asked, but didn't sound like he cared.

"Hey that rhymed!" Liza exclaimed, "I just wanted to know your favorite letter."

"..."

"Mine's the squiggly!" she hit the key with the squiggly and pranced off.

"Hey, Alyx!" Hikaru called.

"Ja?" she asked, going over to him.

"Um...can we tag team?" Hikaru inquired.

"I suppose. The rules I made aren't against it...or were you asking me to team up with you?" Alyx answered.

"Both," the older twin told her.

"Well sure!" the brunette beamed at him, "Remember the exploding Hell/Heaven part?" He nodded. "Let's get Tamaki with it!"

Hikaru chuckled and followed his new partner in crime.

"One...two...three...four," Alyx counted eerily.

"Five...six...seven...eight...nine," Hikaru continued.

"BOOM! You've exploded Hell!" they yelled at the same time, scaring the crap outta Tamaki, "I hope you're happy."

"Heaven's gone too. That's how smooth you are," Hikaru added.

"Now you're dead, and there's no Heaven or Hell," Alyx just loved Tamaki's confused, scared, shocked, and guilty expressions. He was better at multitasking that she'd originally given him credit for.

"How does it feel?" Hikaru jibed, "You've just condemned the world to Limbo."

"NOOO! I'M SO SORRY!!"

"Hello, Ritchan-san. How are you today?" Alyx muttered sarcastically.

"What and idiot," the tricksters thought, both unconsciously on the same wavelength.

"I once shot a man for being in Limbo...or was he doing the Limbo?" Alyx mused, "Meh, tomato tomahto."

"Shall we leave him to stew about this for a while?" Hikaru asked, offering Alyx an arm playfully. Any enmity between Alyx and Hikaru (and Hikaru's hair) was forgotten, and they were back to being great friends.

"Why not?" she accepted him arm and they walked away, grinning from ear to ear.

"I can't believe that actually worked," Haruhi told Alyx, and got a shrug in return.

"BOOM! You're dead!" Liza shouted at Tamaki, who was the more amusing victim.

"NOOO!" the blonde cried.

"That wasn't very smart now was it?" Karou teased.

"I-I," Tamaki stuttered.

"Everyone is dead, even you," Liza continued terrorizing the idiot.

"I'm not, 'cause I'm just cool like that."

"But you're dead. Ha! Dead-face!" they finished together, leaving Tamaki in tears and an even deeper pool of guilt.

A little while later, the twin sisters teamed up against Kyouya, since Tamaki was still in his little mood. They'd already painted his emo corner bright pink on impulse. Now, they had nothing else to do. Thus, they went to the Shadow King. Kyouya accidentally gave them an opening when he said, "is there a point to all this?"

"Yup! And there's a bonus too!" exclaimed Alyx.

He raised an eyebrow.

"But it's a secret. So we can't tell you," Liza informed him.

There was a pregnant pause before Alyx said, "Got you going didn't we?"

"No, and you're really not that funny," an annoyed Kyouya said coldly.

"Our fans will disagree with that statement," Liza said confidently.

"You have fans?" Kyouya didn't seem to believe her. It was almost as thought he thought she was stupid. But why would anyone have reason to think of them like that? Kyouya could think of a few...in fact, most of the club probably could.

"Has anyone ever slapped you?" the older of the two snapped, "'Cause I will." Another eyebrow was raised, but it seemed to be more of a challenge, this time. "Really, I will!"

He wasn't convinced.

Liza stepped in, "It won't hurt thought. 'Cause you're dead. D-E-D."

"You spelled 'dead' wrong," Kyouya pointed out.

"Sikko!" Alyx accused, "What would your mother say? That's right, feel bad!"

Everything was going smoothly until that point. Without strict supervision from the Hayashis, the Hitachiins had gotten into yet another throwing match. Tamaki decided that it would probably be best if the club shut down early. As it was the third time this type of fight had occurred, even Tamaki was getting angry with the twins. Alyx and Liza were on the verge of throwing every knife in the kitchen at their best friends.

When the twins ran out of breath and throwing material, they took a break and settled for a glaring match. There was a small, blonde boy in top of the large pile of stuff.

"How is it that Hunny always ends up in these fights?" Liza asked.

"HUNNY!" Alyx ran up the mini-mountain and glomped him, "HOW COULD YOU DO THAT TO HIM?!" She pointed an accusatory finger at Hikaru.

"Don't blame me!" Hikaru yelled, then jabbed a finger at Kaoru, "He started it!"

"Even after this much fighting, you guys still aren't satisfied?" Tamaki was twitching a bit.

"Yeah, what's the deal?" Liza asked, looking at the boys. She was wide awake now and looked at each boy in turn, "How long has it been?"

"Troublesome siblings," Haruhi muttered, a bit too loudly.

"TROUBLESOME?!" Hikaru yelled as Alyx and Liza shouted indignantly, "Who you talkin' 'bout?"

Haruhi gave them a look that screamed 'you're an idiot', and went back to listening to the boys. Liza and her sister exchanged looks and shrugged. The Hitachiin twins kept complaining about each other until Kaoru pulled out one of Nekozawa's curse dolls. Alyx and Liza straightened up, and Tamaki flinched.

"I'll write on the back of this doll," he announced, capturing Hikaru's undivided attention, "From now on, you'll be hit with lots of misfortune and tragedies!"

The girls, knowing that it had gone too far a while ago, though this was way over the top. Alyx ran up to Hikaru and Liza to Kaoru. They smacked them upside the head, really hard.

"YOU GUYS ARE PATHETIC!" they shouted as the boys slowly got up. The female twins crossed their arms, as though they'd be more formidable-looking that way. Haruhi ranted at them about how wrong it was for them to bring something like that into a petty fight.

"IF YOU DON'T MAKE UP RIGHT NOW, I'LL NEVER LET YOU VISIT MY HOME!!" she yelled.

This made the twins look at each other and smile mischievously. Alyx glared at them like she knew where this was going.

"YOU MEAN THIS ALL STARTED BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO GO TO HER HOUSE?!" she shrieked. Hikaru grinned, earning him another smack, "YOU DON'T EVEN BOTHER ASKING IF YOU CAN COME TO MINE!! DO YOU KNOW HOW ANNOYING THAT IS?!"

Hikaru and Kaoru just laughed it off and did a theatrical apology, complete with twincest implications. That should have earned them both a beating, but Alyx was too livid to bother raising her fist and Liza didn't like hitting people in the first place.

"We were bored," they explained in a fitting tone.

Liza stomped off, ranting about losing a while night's sleep over a fake fight and a made up rant. Alyx muttered about their annoying act, and whacked her pink-haired friend again.

"What was that for?" he complained.

"For dying your hair pink. If it were Kaoru I wouldn't have cared, but it had to be you. How could you do that to me?" she said the last sentence rather quickly and stalked off to rant about the offending color.

When they finished blowing off steam, the Hayashi twins raced to the conveniently placed car. They grabbed the handles and flung the doors open.

"Evenful day at school, girls?" Phil asked.

"SHUT UP, PHIL!" they shouted, and Phil was silent all the way home.

Liza had fallen asleep against the window, despite the past claims that it was impossible for her to do. Alyx glared out the window, plotting revenge against the boys.

Back at the club, a sleek, black phone started to ring. The picture of a silver wolf howling at a blue, crescent moon on the back told them that it was Alyx's.

Pop...six...squish...uh-uh...Cicero...Lipshitz...

Tamaki picked it up timidly, and said, "Hello?"

"Bonj - who are you?" a sweet, innocent girl asked. Her ring tone didn't seem to fit.

"Tamaki," he answered a bit more confidently, as the scary, biker chick in his head was replaced by a female version of Hunny.

"Well, Tamaki, WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU HAVE ALYX'S PHONE?!" the girl had a great lung capacity. She continued screaming through the phone until Kyouya hung it up for the scared King.

The next day, Hikaru and Kaoru announced that they were friends again. Liza, who was sitting on top of the counter, rolled her eyes. Alyx mumbled senseless nothings under her breath as she handed her sister a tray of sweets.

"Do we have to give those two treats?" Liza complained. Alyx nodded reluctantly, and put a dirty tray in the sink.

"Liza, look," she said, pointing at the leftover residue in it. Liza smiled and rushed out to the brothers. The girls were finally going to get some revenge. Even if their way of doing so was a bit childish, what did it matter?

Tamaki took her smile as a good sign, and returned Alyx's phone. Quickly explaining and begging for forgiveness, the blonde cowered. Alyx looked at her recent calls and laughed.

She patted Tamaki's head and said, "You poor boy. I'm surprised Kati didn't deafen you."

Then she followed Liza over to ruin the "Which one is Hikaru-kun game."

"The pink-haired one is Hikaru," one of the regulars said.

"BINGO!" the twins shouted, but the other set butted in, shouting "WRONGO!".

Hikaru and Kaoru spun around, surprised that they hadn't noticed the girls sneak up behind them. Then, they were even more shocked at the fact that their existence had been acknowledged. The previous night, they called Alyx and Liza, and eventually went over to their house. Every time either boy asked, a maid told them that the girls were gone. Even if one or both had just walked past.

"How d'you figure?" Hikaru asked in his monotone voice, so that no one could use that to tell who he was.

"Kaoru is the pink-haired one," Liza said, pointing to Kaoru.

"And Hikaru is Sonic!" Alyx triumphantly said.

"How d'you figure?" Kaoru was the one to ask now.

"Did you really think that we'd miss the dye in the sink?" they asked together and left the snacks on the table for them. Alyx and Liza pranced off, feeling particularly accomplished.

Hikaru noticed a slip of paper on the tray addressed to him.

"Have you noticed, Hikaru? Up until now, our life has consisted of our world and everyone else," Kaoru said softly, "This is the first time a real intruder has come into it."

"HEY, WHO'RE YOU CALLING AN INTRUDER?!" the Hayashis joked from across the room.

Hikaru chuckled and unfolded the note in his hand. He recognised Alyx's handwriting at once. Since virtually all of the letters were connected to each other, it was a bit difficult to read. It was worth it, though, once he'd deciphered it. The note read:

Yayz! Thankyouthankyouthankyou! Your hair's blue! WOOT!

Below the writing was a quick doodle of a chibi Alyx glomping a chibi Hikaru. The boy laughed and shook his head.

"It's good to see them getting along again," Tamaki said blissfully.

Of course, Haruhi rained on his parade and said, "Let's see how long it lasts."


Kura: Wow, that was longer than I thought it'd be. It almost should've been two separate chapters! I, however, was feeling too lazy to split it up, and I feel bad for scaring you by saying I wouldn't be able to update for a while. We got chapter eight written really fast! So, I hope you enjoyed this wonderful little (or not so much) chapter! Hopefully, we will get chapter nine done quickly as well. Th-th-th-th-that's all folks! Ah, I miss Looney Toons.

P.S. I'M A BETA READER! I'm pretty sure it's official by now. If anyone reading this has something they'd like Beta'd they can send it to me and I'd be glad to help out!

Bonus Preview for Chapter 8

"Hikaru, you're alive!"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I hit you with a truck!"

"WHAT?!"