Changing from Within
Chapter Twelve
Death Wish
Ow, my head. Deciding moving will cause the thumping to get worse, I stay exactly how I am. It's a good thing I do, apparently I am being spoken about.
"I don't understand, Albus," the voice is one I haven't heard before, a soft woman's voice, I take a rough guess that it belongs to Madame Pomfrey, the school matron as we both await the Headmasters reply.
"A delayed reaction?" The elderly voice of the headmaster answers, coming from my right, I keep still.
What am I doing in the infirmary?
"There is no such thing as a delayed magical exhaustion, Albus, you know that. She must have done something more recently, and casting repeatedly in class put her over the edge."
Magical exhaustion? What? When? Last I remember, I was in Herbology, I had just made up with Katherine. Did we perform any magic in the greenhouses?
"Couldn't the magic expelled during Saturday's game have depleted her, enough for Transfiguration to push her over the edge?" When did I go to Transfiguration? In my confusion, I forget I am staying still and open my eyes.
Big mistake. They immediately clasp shut again as the bright white of the room I am currently in attack my sensitive eyes.
"White." I groan, rubbing my eyes, "why are hospitals always white?"
"To stop people getting into situations where white hurts." Madame Pomfrey answers, I glare as I hear a smirk in her voice. "Now, that your awake, you can take this."
I reopen my eyes, a lot more cautiously than before, to see her handing a bright yellow potion out to me.
"What is it?" I ask, narrowing my eyes at it suspiciously.
"A magic replenishing potion. Now drink up and then you can tell me why you were brought in here earlier with a severe case of magical exhaustion." Reluctantly, I take the clear cup from her, hold my breath, and drink it down.
"Yuck! Couldn't you have put a mint or something in it?"
"Not exactly the most pleasant of flavors, is it?" I pass the Headmaster a glare for his amused comment.
"Understatement of the century." I snarl back, shuddering as the taste comes back up, almost bringing the liquid with it. Madame Pomfrey coughs impatiently.
"I don't know," I inform her honestly. "I don't remember transfiguration." Pomfrey frowns and points her wand at me, mumbling something I can't quite hear. A blue mist forms around me.
"What is the last thing you remember?" She asks, watching the most intently.
"Herbology. We had to name all the plants."
"And lunch?"
"I-" I close my eyes, thinking back. We must have left Herbology. What did we do? "I think I remember sitting next to Millicent, and Daphne was telling me off for not keeping my image, or something like that." I say slowly as the images make their way out of the painful fog in my head.
"You do not remember Charms or Transfiguration?" Pomfrey asks me, I close my eyes, trying to remember what I did after lunch. "A strong concussion along with the exhaustion," She then diagnoses.
"How?" I ask, "I don't remember feeling at all tired through the day, and I thought magical exhaustion was just like muscle fatigue?"
"It appears," Dumbledore answers for me, "that your body is not yet ready to use your magic to that extent. Did you cast any spells earlier today?"
"Nothing!" I exclaim, getting thoroughly annoyed with my lack of memories. "The last I remember was the jinx I did on my bed last night."
"What jinx was that?" Dumbledore questions, sparkling eyes frowning, trying to work something out, I quickly avert my gaze.
"The Intruder Jinx on my bed." I mumble, keeping my head down, not knowing if they know the rules for Slytherin dorms or not.
"Was it successful?" Dumbledore asks me, his tone slightly higher than before, in anger or surprise, I am uncertain.
"I think so, at least I got the see through haze that vanished after a couple of seconds." I inform him.
"But you're a first year!" Madame Pomfrey objects.
"Did you feel anything afterwards?" Dumbledore asks me, ignoring his medical staff.
"Well I felt a little tired, but that's to be expected, isn't it?" I answer truthfully.
"Madame Pomfrey, could you please do a magic level scan on Miss Nelson?" Dumbledore asks, turning to look at the witch.
"All right..." She says slowly before lifting her wand and pointing it at me. A light blue aura appears around my body, mingled in with greens and purples.
"But- but that's impossible!" Pomfrey gasps as soon as the aura fades.
"What?" I ask, they know I was a muggle, dear Merlin did it have to get out so easily?
"You have the magical core of an eighteen year old." Dumbledore explains for me as Madame Pomfrey is currently gaping open mouthed.
"Albus, how is that possible?" Pomfrey gasps out, wide eyes fixed on me.
"More to the point-" I cut in, "if I have a magical core that size, how come I passed out?"
"Your body is not yet able to cope with that amount of power." Madame Pomfrey says.
"So I'm not able to do magic until I'm actually eighteen?" I ask, disappointment beginning to flow in me. How come the others don't have this problem? Why just me?
"No no, you can do magic, but you have to train your body first." Dumbledore tells me, my eyes widen, images of the dreaded bleep test at school running threw me, my legs begin to ache in memory.
"How?" I ask suspiciously
"You need to strengthen your body in order to allow it to harness all the power you hold." Madame Pomfrey answers me.
"So I need to run a lap every morning?" I ask hesitantly.
"No," Pomfrey answers, I look up to see her smiling in mirth, "You will need to slowly build up the power of the spells you are using."
"How?"
"I will compose a list of spells you can use at various levels of power, after dinner each night, you will come here and perform them under supervision.
"Whoopee!" I say in false excitement. I despise running. I turn to Dumbledore questioningly, looking him in the eyes, thinking of my friends.
"If you could please excuse us, I would like to talk to Miss Nelson alone," Dumbledore states, keeping his sparkling blue eyes on me.
"But-" Madame Pomfrey immediately tries to complain, but a stare from the headmaster causes her to sigh and walk back to her office. With a slam, the door closes and I am left, all alone, with the headmaster.
"Why has no one else had this?" I ask him immediately, he moves around the bed and sits on one of the two hard backed wooden chairs.
"How old were you all before you came back?" He asks me, staring intently into my eyes. I have a vague feeling he's probably using occlumency but I ignore it.
"I was eighteen, Megan, Steph, Katherine and Adam seventeen, Hannah and Gregor were sixteen." I answer immediately.
"I believe, the reason you are the only one experiencing this is because you are of age in both the wizarding and the muggle world. In this case, you have the full power you would have had, fully mature. Yet your friends, especially the four who were seventeen will also have a high amount of power, but not as much." He tells me.
"I'll just pretend that made sense." I reply, raising an eyebrow.
"Think of it this way, a fruit becomes ripe when it is deemed juicy enough by the puckers, yes?" Dumbledore asks. I frown, not exactly understanding where his idea is going, but I nod anyways. "So, in wizarding terms, this fruit has reached maturity, at seventeen years. It has all the power needed to survive on its own. But, if you take that apple and leave it a little longer, its seeds will begin to grow, creating more power, understand so far?"
In all honestly, I am completely lost. But I don't want him to go over it again, so instead I nod, keeping my expression blank.
"When the seeds are hatched, the apple grows in power. The power inside the apple doubles. To us, when we reach muggle age of maturity, our power grows more, it festers and develops as we grow, preparing to double in order to give life."
I frown again. What he's saying, is that although wizards reach maturity at seventeen and can legally cast magic everywhere, the magic within them is still growing, getting stronger.
"In your case, your soul was brought back and shaped into the image we see, your eleven year old self. The magic that entered you is the magic which would be held in your eighteen year old body, the magic a soul of eighteen years can easily hold and maintain. Yet you are in an eleven year old body witch will struggle to hold and use the vast amount of energy and magic in it." I start to nod, now understanding.
"But, does that mean that they're power will grow to that of an eighteen year olds on their birthdays?" I ask him.
"I honestly don't know," he tells me, shaking his head, "possibly their powers will remain as they are until they reach their normal ages, or it will grow. We won't know."
"You'll find out soon, Finlay's birthday is on the 21st," I tell him with a smile.
"Either way," Dumbledore finishes, standing up and nodding towards the infirmary doors, "I believe you have a detention to be attending?"
I groan, does being in hospital not mean I can get out of going to detention? By the grin the headmaster is giving me, I decide that, no, being in Hospital does not excuse you from your detention.
Getting out of the Hospital wing, I look around me, having no idea where I am, I can't remember the books ever saying what floor the Hospital Wing was on either, so, deciding I am at least up a couple floors, I decide to hunt for a staircase and just head down until I see something familiar. Finding my way eventually back down to the dungeons, I nock on the classroom door, panting at having ran half the way.
"You're late." The oily tones of the professor inform me needlessly, I glare at the door but open it and step in, carefully keeping my expression blank.
"I told you, we need maps." I answer as I close the door behind me.
"You will be cleaning the cauldrons in the store room." He informs me. I roll my eyes and head to the door opposite his desk. Stepping through, I groan.
There are a LOT of cauldrons. With a sigh, I take a cloth and begin scraping the multi-colored gook from within. All the while, cursing the greasy haired teacher.
By about half an hour, I have stopped cursing Snape, instead concentrating on whether we should be doing something about Pettigrew or not. Sirius is innocent and should get out of Azkaban. But, on the other hand, if we get Pettigrew in prison, what will happen with Voldemort? Will another follower escape and bring him back? Or will it just not happen and he remains a wraith until Harry dies naturally? Plus, is it fair to leave Sirius in prison for another two years just because I want to have an idea on what will happen later on? And it is unfair for Harry, who has to go back to the Dursley's in order to keep the wards up. Sirius could put much stronger wards than some stupid Blood protection up.
These thoughts successfully occupy me from the ache beginning to grow in my arm from scrubbing so hard, as well as the added ache in my back and neck from the way I am sitting.
"That'll do for now." The soft, silky tones of Snivellus rings through the room. With a sigh of relief, I drop my thirteenth cauldron and leave the back room. "I hope this will teach you not to back mouth a professor." He smirks. I bite my tongue, refusing to rise to the bait.
"Goodbye sir." I say stiffly turning to walk out the room. Then I get an idea.
"Three years, he will be back in three years." Then I close the door behind me, smirking as I run out the hall. Just as I leave the final corridor, Snape's door crashes open.
Laughing, I enter the common room. This is gonna be a fun set of detentions.
Then I remember.
I am a Slytherin. Snape is the head of Slytherin house. Ah Shit! The wall to the common room barges open as I wince, half way towards the female's dorms. Staying stock still, staring ahead at the dorms and wishing I could teleport or something, I can only listen as I hear Snape come closer to me.
The rest of the Common room is silent, barely even breathing as I can imagine the stormy look Snape is sending towards my frozen form.
"Miss Nelson," I wince again at the soft, silky anger in his voice as he stops directly behind me, my heart is thudding in my chest, so loud, I am surprised he can't hear it. Maybe he can, and he is enjoying this. "Come with me." There is no room for argument as he turns back around, his cloak hitting the back of mine as he turns away. I silently turn and walk after him, head kept down as I hear the whispers begin.
And I haven't even had a chance to look through the occlumency book, I am screwed.
But wait, I never gave anything away, why didn't he just leave it and wait until tomorrow to say something? I t doesn't make sense, why would he call me back after just saying he will be back in three years?
As we reach a door, I take a guess it is his office, I realize I just wasted that time. Closing my eyes, I picture a large wall surrounding my thoughts, barbed wire atop the wall.
Holding the image strongly, I follow after the enraged potions master. With a gulp, I walk in, and look at the tall, slim spy, standing a meter in front of me, arms behind his back, and dark, hollow eyes boring into my own.
The wall, Louise. Concentrate on the wall! I scream at myself.
"Professor." I say coolly.
"Miss Nelson." He answers, lips thinning, "I want a word. Sit." He turns, cloak swishing and walks back to his desk, gesturing to the seat in front of it. I stiffly walk towards the seat and sit down.
"No cauldrons?" I ask, looking back at him but refusing eye contact.
"Clearly." He replies shortly. "I want some answers."
"I want doesn't get." I say without thinking. His eyes widen fractionally. Then narrow into slits.
"When you're the teacher, you get everything you want." He snarls.
"So my life goal is supposed to be to become a teacher then?" I ask.
"Don't push it." I close my mouth with a snap, playing with my hands under my desk.
"Who will be back?" He asks.
"Huh?"
"Do not play games with me Miss Nelson." He warns.
"I'm not!" I implore, widening my eyes but still not catching his, staring at his forehead, "I don't know what you're talking about!"
"If you won't do it the easy way," he picks up a clear vial from his desk, "we will do it the hard way. Do you have any idea what this is, Miss Nelson?" Why does he have a vial of veritaserum on his desk!?
"Veritaserum?" I raise an eyebrow, looking at the clear liquid.
"Correct. Do you know what it does?"
"In any other class I would have gotten points for that, first years aren't supposed to know what veritaserum is." I reply cheekily.
"I repeat, do you know what it does?" I roll my eyes.
"It forces the drinker to tell the truth. But it's flawed." I answer. He pauses, and I know I caught him off guard.
"And how so?" He asks.
"Because it forces the teller to tell the truth. But the teller could theoretically convince themselves that the lie is the truth and so by telling the lie they believe they are telling the truth and so does the potion and so the person can get away with telling the lie."
Snape looks at me, stunned.
"Does that deserve at least one house point sir?" I ask, smirking. Professor Severus Snape does not answer. He looks at me, wordlessly. "Sir?" I ask, getting concerned. We stare at each other, blue eyes against fathomless black.
Oh my hippogriff! Did I break Snape!?
"I still want my answer." He snarls eventually, taking a quill and parchment out.
"Huh? What answer?" I ask, blinking at his sudden change.
"Who is coming back?"
"So no house points then?" I sigh sadly, "you wouldn't believe me if I told you sir."
"Try me."
"Voldemort."
"The Dark lord is dead."
"You know sir, if you don't follow him, why do you call him that?"
"Stick to the point." He says, this time with a little less venom. "How do you know he's coming back?"
"I'm afraid I can't tell you that."
"And why not?"
"Because." I say with a smirk.
"Miss Nelson if you do not answer me right now..."
"You will break the law and force veritaserum down my throat?" I ask pleasantly.
"Twenty points from Slytherin."
"That's not fair! This is your own house you're taking them from!"
"Another ten, and I can quickly bring them back up. Now answer the question." I narrow my eyes, glaring at the man I used to, when watching the movies and reading the books, pity. But now hatred is seething through me. He's just a selfish jerk who doesn't know how to teach to save his life.
"Compromise?" I ask, quirking an eyebrow, still glaring at him.
Mr. Selfish says nothing.
"Question for a question?" Barely visibly, he nods. I grin in triumph.
"I'm from the future." I answer, he raises an eyebrow, looking much more awesome than me when I'm doing it. "Told you, you wouldn't believe me. Now my turn. Do you teach Hufflepuff's and Ravenclaw's differently than us?"
"They tend to be more competent at potion making." Mr. semi-agreeable answers. "Prove you're from the future."
"How?"
"Let me in."
"What!? You pervert!" I screech, backing away from him.
Snape looks completely confused for a second until realization dawns and his sickly white pallor turns a deep shade of crimson. "Do you know of Occlumency?" He asks.
"Yes. And you're awful at teaching it."
"Let me in your mind to see your telling the truth."
"Um wasn't my reaction proof enough? What eleven year old would have turned 'let me in' into a sick pervert reaction?"
"Depends on how you were brought up." He answers, I feel my mouth slacken. He seriously believes an eleven year old could react like that? In the nineteen hundreds?
"On a condition." I answer. "You teach us the same you do the other two houses."
"Legilemens!"
All of a sudden, I am in my foster carer's home, playing catch with my sister.
*
I'm in a waiting room as my biological mum steps out, she smiles widely and runs towards me.
*
I'm chasing my friends around the playground, laughing.
Sitting in the heads office, told I have the chicken pox.
I'm crying in the car home, my biological dad just been sentenced to jail.
I'm sitting in my bunk bed, reading a book to my sister and the other foster kids.
I'm in another car, driving away from my mother for the last time. Looking back to see her trying not to cry, face scrunched up in pain.
Sitting in the living room, nervously awaiting the first time I get to see my new parents, my sister next to me, wearing matching outfits.
I'm arriving at my new parent's house, playing with the dogs.
My sister and I are sitting in a car, driving away from our foster home, ready to move in with our new parents.
It's my sisters 5th birthday, I get a little book as they just missed my seventh birthday.
First day at our new school, I can hear my sister crying in the other classroom.
I'm excited as we sit in the car, getting the day off school, the adoption is officially going through.
Mum just finished getting a tattoo, Winnie the Pooh and friends with Louise and Lisa written over the top in cursive Writing, 04/04/2004 in a line at the characters' feet. Finally I'm loved, a family who loves me.
Meeting two kids down the road from us, Hannah and her little sister.
I'm auditioning for a play, its primary seven. I get the part.
First time visiting high school, feeling overwhelmed by the amount of people.
First day of high school, not leaving my friends side.
My friend hanging with others, leaving me behind.
*
Learning my dog is seriously ill
*
Being told my dog is being put down
*
Sitting in music listening to a song, Death Dances, crying in the dark because Sabre was just put down.
Drawing into myself, becoming lonely, retreating to the library.
Reading nonstop, always seen with a book.
*
Arriving home and told to sit down, told our other dog, Tyson died during the day.
*
On a school walk, at the back, book in hand, another girl in my year, short, a bit on the tubby side, walks next to me, I put the book aside.
Sitting laughing with my new friend, Megan.
Inviting Megan over to a sleepover for the first time.
Meeting Megan's other friend, another Megan.
Starting third year of High School, 2011.
Megan W brings a new girl, distinctly Ginger with her to our corner, I smile at her.
Inviting my three friends to my birthday party.
*
Getting two new dogs, Samson and Tj
*
Kissing Adam for the first time, going out on a date.
Mutually splitting up with Adam via text.
Getting back together a year later, now sixth year.
Getting another dog, Milo. A birthday present for mum.
I'm celebrating the New Year in a hotel, babysitting, writing on Facebook, welcome to 2014 everyone!
*
Going up to my room to play on my computer, hearing a thud downstairs, my sister shouting up that Tj wacked his head, going down stairs, seeing Tj looking really ill.
Tj going to and from the vets for the next week.
Being told there is liquid around Tj's heart, he is going to get it fixed, and will be back in a couple days.
Getting diagnosed with continuous anxiety.
Getting a phone call that night. Mum trying not to cry. She goes upstairs to talk to dad. Dad comes back downstairs, crying. They have decided to put Tj down, there was a tear in his heart and he was losing too much blood.
Getting accepted into College
Breeding Samson, getting pick of the litter, bringing Trojan home.
First day of college, sitting nearest the door, unsure of anyone there.
Slowly getting to know everyone
Starting to become friends with Katherine
*
I'm sitting in college, writing down all our names along with 'Harry potter marathon participants'
I wake up on the train.
*
Next I'm back in Snape's office, a headache starting to form. Snape looks stunned, eyeing me with a slight glare.
"That, sir, was mind rape. I don't think I'll be attending another of your detentions." I turn and storm out the room, not passing another glance to the professor.
Once out of the office, I lean back on the wall, I hadn't thought of my biological family for a long time, the pain on my mother's face when we were being driven away features on the back of my eyelids. Agony races through my heart as a deep aching longing for her arms around me rages through my system.
God, I miss her.
With a deep breathe, I wipe a tear from my cheek and sigh. I want my sister
I snort.
Eighteen years old and missing my little sister, how pathetic!
I instead glare at the dungeon door to Snape's office before turning and walking away, wandering the halls aimlessly as I think about the new predicament I find myself in.
What are they thinking back home? To wake up and find me gone. Well at least I don't have to worry about my assessments, I grin to myself. And whose right is it to put Harry through what's going to happen to him? He's a kid and has a right to be one. Why should he be faced by voldepants? And why should we listen to 'D'? We don't know who he is, he just drags us away and expects us to do as he says...
My hand freezes, about to open a door but a low growl is heard from within.
Oh come on! I just happen to arrive on the third floor corridor?
"Stupid Fluffy, Stupid Snape, stupid Dumbledore, stupid Hagrid." I scowl and turn, face to face with Peeves.
"Look it's an ickle firstie!" He grins, flicking the right way up and eyeing me. I roll my eyes.
"Yes, peeves, well spotted."
"This corridor is forbidden." He tells me, floating backwards, I follow.
"I realized," I deadpan, "can you tell me where to go from here then?" I ask, fingers crossed.
"FIRST YEAR IN THE FORBIDDEN CORRIDOR!" He screeches, whizzing away. I curse, a set of words that really shouldn't have come out of an eleven year old's mouth.
"I don't like you." I politely inform the empty corridor before rushing the other way.
Panting, I eventually make it to the common room and step inside. I ignore the stares and head straight to my dorm, uninterrupted this time.
