Fix a Smile, But You Burn It Hot

Author: LexysCPD
Words: 1,112
Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD, the song lyrics (Titles), and the plot.
Author's Notes: Here goes the next chapter. The 59 reviews, 121 follows, and 47 favorites make me happy. It's my birthday, so reviews would be nice. I'm finally at the big two-oh. Enjoy though.

The chapter title is from the song, Hotblack by Oceanship

Uploaded: November 1, 2014


Erin walked into work the next day. Her friends watched her, waiting. The men were doing all they can to find Cassie, but they hit dead ends. They knew that it was destroying Erin, and they weren't expecting to see her, not while her daughter was missing.

Dawson saw Erin walk to the coffee room, and decided to follow her. He wanted to talk to her, to see where she was.

"Hey," Dawson whispered, a little wary.

Erin looked at him and gave him a small smile. "Hi."

"How are you doing?"

Erin stared at him, not sure what to tell him. She just looked at the coffee pot she was making. "I'm fine."

"Really?" Dawson asked, shock in his voice.

Erin nodded. "Yeah. We're going to find her. Everything is going to be okay."

Dawson frowned. He didn't believe a single word coming out of her mouth. He had been where she was. His son had been kidnapped, and not once did he act like he could deal with it. Not once did he act like he was fine.

"Erin, I know how you feel. The anger, the guilt, everything," Dawson whispered, as he moved closer to her.

"If you think I'm going to snap at you like you did to me, think again. I'm not going to. I can deal just fine," Erin told him, as she walked away from him.

But Dawson knew, he knew that she wasn't fine. She was just faking it, hoping to believe it herself.

He watched as Erin went to her desk and sat down, ready for work. He frowned, wanting to help her, but not knowing how if she wasn't going to let him. He went back to his desk, more determined to find Cassie.

Chicago PD

Jay sat in the car with Erin. Neither had said a word. Jay didn't want Erin to get mad, so he kept his mouth shut. He just watched as Erin drove to their destination. Voight had told him that there was lead. Someone had seen Chad, and the two young detectives were sent to question him.

Erin looked over at Jay quickly. She kept her eyes on the road in front of her.

"I'm sorry," Jay whispered.

It was quiet for one second. Jay thought Erin was going to ignore him, but she responded after a second. "I know."

Jay looked over at her and saw that she was still staring at the street in front of her.

"I didn't mean to lose Cassie. I kept an eye on her, but then Chad appeared, and it got out of control."

Erin nodded. "Yeah, he does that."

"I'm really sorry Erin."

"It's okay," Erin responded, not looking at Jay.

Jay frowned. It sounded like she forgave him, but he didn't know for sure. He knew that Erin was hurting, but no one saw that hurt. All they saw were small smiles here and there. No one knew what she was feeling.

"Erin, we're going to find her," Jay told her, as he reached over and grabbed her hand.

Erin looked down and slowly pulled her hand away. "I know."

Jay heard her voice, and it didn't sound confident, which hurt him. He knew he had to make it right. He had to find Cassie.

Chicago PD

The lead was a bust. They got no answer. Voight told Erin he wanted to talk to her when she arrived to the station. She sat down and started at her father figure, waiting for him to start talking.

"How are you kid?" he questioned, as he pulled a chair to sit in front of her.

"I'm okay," she responded, as she looked at her hands.

Voight had noticed that. Every time someone asked Erin if she was okay, she would look away. She would be lying.

"It's okay to show emotion," Voight whispered.

"I'm fine."

"Erin, don't shut us out. We're trying to help you. We want to find her too."

"I know. And I'm telling you, I'm okay," Erin responded. She clenched her teeth, feeling angry.

Voight sighed, as he stared at her daughter. "I helped raise her too. She's my granddaughter."

Erin didn't respond. She just looked up at him.

Chicago PD

Jay and Antonio sat in front of each other. "She's not okay. No matter how many times she tells us."

"I know," Antonio responded. He started at the younger detective. "How are you?"

"I'm not fine. It's my fault Cassidy is gone. It's my fault Erin is like this."

"It's not though. It's not you fault. Chad wants you to blame yourself. It's the type of person he is. He wants you to blame yourself, and push Erin away. He doesn't want her to be happy," Antonio told him.

Jay looked at him. "It's working. Erin won't look at me. She blames me, even if she says she doesn't, she does."

Antonio nodded. "Losing a child does a lot to a parent. I remember getting angry with Erin after she got hit in the head with a steel pipe. I knew she was trying hard, but I still didn't have Diego back. You can't take it personally. Erin cares about you a lot, but Cassie is her whole world. And now, Erin's world is crumpling down."

Jay stared at his friend. He nodded slowly, understanding what he was saying. Everything Antonio was telling him made sense. And he hoped that it was true.

Both men looked at Voight's office when they heard the door open. They both watched Erin hugged Voight, grab her things and leave.

Voight looked over at them and gave them a nod. "She's taking the day off. She needs it."

Jay and Antonio nodded, knowing that she did need it.

"She's going to be okay, eventually. All we have to worry about is getting Cassidy back."

Jay nodded, as he stood up, ready to go back to work.

Chicago PD

Erin walked up the stairs, towards her apartment. Her hands shook as she tried to get the key into the hole. She rubbed her eyes. Slowly she opened the door and walked inside. Once the door was closed, she leaned against the door it. She stared at the hall, expecting to see her daughter, but there was nothing. Tears appeared in her eyes, as she slid down the door.

She sat on the ground, as she started to sob. The façade she had set up, that didn't fool anyone had taken a tow, and everything was released. She cried, as she wished for her daughter. All she wanted was to have her daughter in her arms again. That was all she wanted.


Next Chapter:
But I'll Get a New One and Come Back For the Hope That You've Stolen